anyone gone back to work before a year and changed their minds?

[Jules125]

That's just what I am trying to do. DD is 9 months and have tried to settle her in at nursery but I just can't get my head around leaving her whilst she is so small and dependent - I thought I could (and we could use the money) but it is so hard. Nursery seems just such a busy, chaotic, detached environment (don't mean to criticise anyone who has used a nursery for a young baby - you do what you have to of course and I am sure she could settle in time - but I think I would always feel the guilt that I returned before I really had to).

Anyhow, were work ok with this? Officially I was supposed to return last week (called in sick initially - I really was sick) and now have asked to extend maternity leave ...

Didn't want to leave your post unanswered. It's so hard isn't it? I have a 7 month old and going back reasonably soon. Just thinking about leaving my DS makes me feel ill. good luck btw.

Can you find a local childminder. My DD's went from 12 months and at that age I couldn't have sent them to a nursery (i have no problem with people who do BTW!)

Can you extend this late in time? Mine asked to give 8 weeks notice for any change in maternity leave. I'm getting cold feet but it's something I just have to do.

I totally empathise with how you feel, as I have felt the same many times with my children....with my fourth child I took nearly 2 years off, so effectively she started nursery at 18 months. I couldn't believe that I still felt exactly the same, ie really stressed, worried and upset about leaving her.

She cried for a couple of times and then was absolutely fine, but it was me who still felt as if she was 6 months old!

So what I am trying to say is that delaying it by a month or two is not really going to make such a huge difference to how you feel in my experience. I also think you need to give notice if you want to extend your maternity leave. Good luck anyway and I hope you get what you want.

My boss has kindly waived the notice period so I should be ok on that one - they have been very sympathetic - partly because it saves them money paying my salary as well :-).

True - it might not really get any easier to leave her, but at least I get as much time as possible in the meantime. I suppose I'm kind of hoping I might feel better when she is moving around a bit more, but maybe I won't. I'm probably being a bit precious, but I also want to enjoy her whilst she is little. I also didn't feel totally comfortable with my choice of childcare (nursery) and want to revisit that and consider other options - this gives me a bit more time to do so.

Look into different childcare. The baby room at the nursery I use is very calm at all times. Wouldn't be happy with a busy environment.

deffinatly visit a few childminders my first went to a childminder at 1yr. i was so nervous but noticed a change in him instantly. he became alot more confident and sociable. no regrets

I felt the same when I went to the settling in days at nursery wih DS. it was too chaotic and he wouldn't be cuddled all day, it was a big room. So I found a childminder nearby and now he has great care in a family environment and I'm happy back at work. Obviously if you decide not to go back that's your decision but I would look at other options first if I were you. Good luck :)

I went back in May when DD1 was 6 month old. There were only 2 weeks to settle her in at nursery and it all went wrong - she refused bottles and went on hunger strike, then caught some bug at the nursery and cried all night and only slept in my arms, it was heartbreaking. I was really not prepared for it as I expected at this age babies don't mind so much who takes care of them (as I had been told - it was completely wrong). I lasted 4 days at work. On the fourth day I knew I had to get out immediately. I didn't want to resign so I told the boss I made a mistake and I should have taken the full year, if there was anyway I could go back on leave and take the full year off, and they were great! As they all have kids they completely understood, said they thought 6 months was very early to leave your child anyway and said I could take as long as I wanted and return when I was ready.

DD is 11 months now and I am enjoying my time off so much. She has started crawling, standing and saying her first words in the time that I otherwise would have been at work. Extending my leave was the best decision I ever made, I highly recommend it.

Thanks Sanam. I totally agree - like you I have a sympathetic boss and I've extended my leave to the full year too.