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Original poster

Should I feel guilty? Really enjoying being a "Working Mum"!

31 replies

pinky27 · 25/07/2011 16:52

Hiya, I went back to work 2 weeks ago and instead of finding it challenging I have really enjoyed being back and being "my old self" again. Obviously I have missed my daughter lots and love coming home to her smile but I now feel guilty that I am enjoying being back. Did anyone else feel like this? Heard on the news the other day that working mums do NOT effect there child's emotional and social development so was very pleased about that! Thanks. :)

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/07/2011 21:22

i returned after 6mth children ft nursery.vhappy with decision.absolutely no guilt, none whatsoever.why should i feel guilty at providing and doing job i enjoy?

plenty precious moments mamas will opine that guilt is default position of working parent.i can assure you it isn't

enjoy.and do what best for you and family

fuzzybunny · 25/07/2011 21:24

After DD I didn't want to go back at all, but I did temporarily (4 months part time) as was then pregnant with DS, and although it was too many hours it was quite nice to be able to think about the new baby and myself a little bit.

I also returned to work for the 2nd time recently and am quite enjoying it. I am only doing 2 days a week which I think is perfect for me. But to be honest it is a break from being DC's Mum and a chance to be myself and earn a bit of money while I'm at it! Do feel guilty that I should need/want any time for myself, but got to be a happy Mummy right!?

AlpinePony · 29/07/2011 18:25

I went back ft at 16 weeks (normal in this country) and loved every minute of it. Went back with fire in my belly knowing that if I could earn lots I could afford him a better life.

Am now pregnant with second and just got a new job! :)

Portofino · 29/07/2011 18:28

Absolutely not. Why should you feel guilty? Presumably you have good childcare in place? I HAD to go back to work when dd was 5 months old, and whilst I missed her, I was determined never to beat myself up about it. She is 7 now, top of the class and happy as Larry.

Portofino · 29/07/2011 18:34

It pisses me off no end that guilt is seen as the default position.

CMOTdibbler · 29/07/2011 18:36

I almost feel like its my dirty secret that I really didn't like being on maternity leave and would have hated to be a SAHM. You don't have to feel guilty

Panzee · 29/07/2011 18:37

I went a little crazy on maternity leave. I was very pleased to go back to my job full time.

AlpinePony · 29/07/2011 18:38

Hated maternity, was bored senseless. Spent 20 years wanting a few months off, be careful what you wish for. ;)

Overtiredmum · 29/07/2011 18:38

I went back fulltime when both of mine were 7 months. I'm lucky though in that my employers offered me an evening role as opposed to going back on days, so I get to spend my days with DD whilst DS is at school, then when my DH comes home from his work, I go to work. I love being a mum, but I love my job too, so I get the best of both worlds.

BikeRunSki · 29/07/2011 18:41

I went back 3 days a week when DS was a year old, and have never felt a pang of guilt. I barely think about him when I am at work. Love my 2 days at home with him, but by Wed morning I am dying to get back to work.

majormetldown · 03/08/2011 20:43

I went back to work quite quickly after both my kids. I do feel guilty, sometimes, although both my kids are happy at nursery. I mainly feel guilty when I drop my DD off as nursery as she always without fail cries, even after two years (she's fine once I've gone). But I simply can't imagine being a SAHM or even working much less than I do now (4 days). And I truly believe that the most important thing for the kids is a loving and stable home, and if you can provide that, you're doing OK. So, I try not to feel guilty for enjoying work, and I hope you can too.

splatt · 04/08/2011 09:24

I went back 3 weeks ago, full time though have been using annual leave to ease myself in with 3 3 days weeks to start with. I've really enjoyed being back and am so busy at work I don't have chance to worry about DD. She is doing nursery 2 days a week, which she is absolutely loving so far as I can tell (she's 9 months old) and spending the other days with daddy daycare. It made much more financial sense for him to go part time. When I explain to people at work what we are doing for child care I get quizzical looks from some. But as I see it DD gets nursery time, daddy solo time, mummy solo time and family time.

What more could she want? Plus we have the finances to do nice things like go on holiday. So I don't feel guilty at all. She gets much more time with both parents than most babys of SAHMs I know, who often don't see dad for days on end.

Ciske · 04/08/2011 09:28

No need to feel guilty, IMO. I had that same feeling of rediscovering some of my old self when going back to work. I still love coming back home to DD and became a lot more patient and easy going around her.

BrandyAlexander · 04/08/2011 10:39

Absolutely no guilt whatsoever. Why on earth "should" I feel guilt, dh doesn't! I am not cut out to be a sahm, I have a great job which I thoroughly enjoy and am well paid for it. It means dh and I can provide the dcs with a great life and I have a lovely balance between work and family - though sometimes its stressful trying to fit it all in.

upahill · 04/08/2011 10:43

My boys are 15 an 11 and I went back to work when they were 18 weeks.
For a number of years there was a lot of juggling and with the help of playschemes, annual leave, pgl holidays and the odd week and grand parents we go through it.

I never once felt guilty.

stabiliser15 · 04/08/2011 12:01

pinky27, I also went back to work 2 weeks ago (after 6 months off) and am very happy too. Dont feel guilty at all.

Splatt, that's exactly what we're doing and I also get quizzical looks when I say I'm full time and DH is part time.

Rhian82 · 04/08/2011 12:03

I'm the same, and I do get annoyed at things that imply working mums are in a constant state of guilt.

splatt · 04/08/2011 12:17

stabiliser15 - I'm glad we're not the only ones!!!!

Ormirian · 04/08/2011 12:22

The guilt thing kicked in once they were in school. Because of the number of times I was late to pick up, couldn't get to plays etc. I know my DD longed for me to help out in class like some of other mums. Apart from that, no guilt whatsoever. Stress, tiredness, needing to be in two places at once, not enough hours in the day, yes, but guilt? No.

AlpinePony · 04/08/2011 12:59

I'm another one whose male partner is the pt worker. Rather than feeling guilty for me working, I think my son is incredibly privileged to have so much daddy time!

Suzihaha · 04/08/2011 23:34

Wow, this is great. I actually prefer being at work now than when I was a SAHM for 2 years.

My DH is PT so our two DSs get the best of both worlds!

BsshBossh · 05/08/2011 15:26

I went back FT when DD was 10 months and it is great. DD settled very well with the CM and thrived here. Still thrives there. She's a very happy child. And for some reason it's not been hard work working and keeping on top of the housework - DH is good at doing it 50/50 and with DD asleep by 7.30 (she's 3) I have evenings to myself catch up with house, do more work and relax.

But DD starts pre-school this September and I have finding her really really good fun. I am reducing my hours a bit to spend more time with her before she starts primary school next 2012. Can't wait.

BsshBossh · 05/08/2011 15:27

Have never felt guilty, no.

smearedinfood · 05/08/2011 20:44

Back at work today and loved it.. I just got so bored at home, but everyone was asking are you back part time? But am not. DS is with DH, might feel different if he was in nursery (???)

timidviper · 05/08/2011 20:49

I think guilt is the norm for all mothers, working or SAHM. There are pros and cons of both decisions, you just have to live with whatever choice you make.

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