Returning BUT pregnant!!

[Spoo]

I'm going back to work in three weeks (for four days a week). I have just found out today that I am 5 weeks pregnant with Child number 2 (not planned!). DS is 7 months. Has anyone else done this. I think it will be stressful enough going back without being pregnant. I was really sick last time and had trouble concentrating at work. I am really worried about it. At the same time I have a really good career and do not want to give it all up right now. Any advice would be appreciated.

It does sound like it'll be hard work - i think if it was me (and taking on board that you do want to carry on with the job/career) I would go back and do my best but keep a fairly low profile - i.e. try not to take on too much extra work and accept that you can't do everything so you might not be performing your best at work for a while. I'm also thinking it will be pretty rough looking after your seven month old when feeling sick sometimes anyway...Hope you work it out. Is there someone supportive at work you can talk it over with?

I work in engineering a very male environment. My immediate manager is female and we are very good friends but I am not sure I want to tell her yet. She can be a bit 'corporate' - only thinking about what is best for the business etc. Last time she told our director why I was not performing and I was a bit annoyed at her. She said she had no choice as people were saying things. The stupid thing is I went to see the Managing Director last week and he was talking about promoting me to Associate Director in 4 years time. I was thrilled, but now I feel a bit of a fraudster. In our world a lot of the guys think you will just give up when producing babies and I think a few will nod their heads when they hear I am pregnant again. As if I was a naughty school girl. I know I shouldn't care what thye all think I am just not sure anyone will ever take me seriously again.

Congratulations.

If I were in your position (and I'm not) I would go back, keep my head down and 'coast' for a bit if possible, take the 2nd lot of mat leave, then come back after child 2 and go for it, aiming for Ass Director in - say - 5-6yrs. You wouldn't gain much by working very hard for the few months you'll be back, esp as it won't be long before people jsut have to know, but don't give up! (looking after a toddler while pg is about as hard as working while pg).

I work in a male engineering industry, and had a bit over 1 yr back between mat leaves. I did work jolly hard, but haven't really got any credit for it. However, I expect - and will be pushing for - promotion soon after this return.

Unless you want more than 2, you'll have got the child-bearing / maternity leave / being pg stuff out of the way quickly, and be back without having another break looming.

HTH and good luck.

Hi Spoo, I had a relatively similar situation. Went back to work when ds was 6 months, and got pregnant two months later (also an accident). Then I applied for (and got) a new job when I was three months pregnant. I had a great nanny which helped enormously (she stayed on part time with my second maternity leave, which was a godsend). People were a bit funny about it, but the plus part is that I have finished my family and can now be fairly career focused. I did have a few questions about my future prospects and ambition after dd, and my next Director pointed out the family planning clinic from the office (I work in the health sector). I wouldn't tell anyone until you are at least three months pregnant if you can help it, and I also found that it helped to enourage people to realise why they missed you so much when you were away if you can! Also if you manage your time over the next few months like a project , that can help too (I had three months maternity leave with dd, and set everyone tasks for when I was away!).

Good luck with your pregnancy, and sometimes number two is easier than number one. Make sure everyone looks after you!

Thanks for your words of support guys. I think you are right - this is the final one - I only want two. And I can focus (almost) fully on the Associate Director position.

I do worry about the cost of nursery though - I am sure my salary will cover it but there won't be much left over. Does a nanny work out better?

However, once they are both at school we will really notice the additional money in the house and be able to live a little!

Fingers crossed for a lottery win tomorrow!

It is expensive, but if you are reckoning on promotion and a higher pay package in a couple of years then I think it is worth having the best childcare you can afford. The next couple of years will be very hard! Then after that it gets a lot easier, and you will be looking at friends with bigger gaps and reckoning you have a better deal (you may need to hold on to that thought for a while!.

When they are both little a nanny may be cheaper because you pay the same regardless of the number of children. It depends on the going rate in your area for both nannies and nurseries. We had a nanny for the first three years, I think, and then nursery and nanny and then various part time arrangements (now both at school).

We had a daily nanny and she came in the morning and took over (so no getting them up and dressed etc for nursery) and by the time I came home they were ready for bed and the house was tidy. Fantastic. I think that I had about £100 a month left over from my earnings, but it was so stress free, and the result is that I am now a few years down the line in a much more senior job, so the money seems to me to have paid itself off.

THanks Nooka - i might look into the whole nanny thing. Like you said it will probably be more expensive. Do you mind me asking how much you paid? Did your nanny take them to children's groups at all. I am very keen that my kids will be sociable and I think exposure to other children is important.

One was always taking them to groups and children's play things. She had her own slightly older little boy, and a group of friends (mostly nannies) that went to places in a group. Our second nanny was less sociable and tended to visit a smaller group of friends. I think we paid her about £260/£290, but it was a couple of years ago. There is a bit of a childcare glut now though, and prices are very variable depending on area (we are in a poorish bit of SE London).

Spoo, this is only a suggestion, courtesy of my old boss actually, who suggested I get a Romanian in, they're very cheap.....(not very pc at all I know, before you all jump on me) as it was I didn't get an aupair, but you could? I packed the job in instead.....but good luck, go back, do the maternity again, then like all above have said go for it!!! get that top job!

I had thought about an Au pair - we used to have them when I was a kid. To be honest though the thought of a stranger living in our house terrifies me. Apart from that - I am struggling to see how we are going to make room for an extra baby let alone and au pair as well.

The whole pregnancy thing is starting to sink in now and I am starting to look forward to having two. I will go back to work after the second even if I end up earning nothing because in the long run we will be better off. I need to think like that and make sure I get that Associate position, in a few years time. I will still only work four days a week - so I will have the Friday to spend with the littlies.

P.S. No lottery win. So that luxury barn conversion with 5 bedrooms and a study is out of the question fo rthe moment!

I don't think that an Au Pair would suit you anyway. They are only allowed to work for 17 (I think) hours a week - good for school aged children but not for babies. I think for two littlies a nanny would be the best bet if you can find someone you like (and can afford!). If you find that the nursery thing works for you and your ds (and they have a place), then it might be easiest to continue on with that (might also be harder to find a nanny for four days a week).

What about a childminder? (Not that I'm biased ...)

Indeed, a good childminder would also be excellent (but it is nice with little ones not to have to get them up and take them to someone else's house).

I've had plenty of babies delivered to my doorstep in pyjamas! (the babies, not me)

Excuse me Prisoner for being cheeky but why do you think I might be better with a child minder?

Spoo - it's not that I think you would be better to have a childminder, it was just that other posts here have mentioned nannies, nurseries and au pairs, so I thought I'd throw in my suggestion too! I'm a childminder myself, so it's any excuse to plug our profession

As with nannies, childminders have had childcare training, first-aid certificates, etc., and lots of us are already mummies so have experience too. Childminders are usually more flexible than nurseries and often offer long-term care (I've got 10 year olds who started with me as babies), offer childcare in a home environment (so don't trash your house!), go out to child-related groups (music, toddler groups). I don't know how we all compare costwise, I guess it depends on where you live.

I'll let all the nannies, au pairs and nursery people put their own cases forward as to why you should have them!!

Thanks Prisoner. I am rethinking everything at the moment so it is worth the info.