DH has been offered a job in US ~ WWYD

[ablemable]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, but didn't know where else to put it!

DH is away working this week in US. He got asked to consider working in the US on a permanent basis doing a different job to his current one.

Good pay (substantial amount more than he currently earns) and a decent re-location package.

The thing is he is happy doing the job that he is already doing and its about to take off globally, he will soon start to have more people work for him and gradually over the next 2 yrs he will earn the kind of money that he has been offered for the other job. Plus there is also a strong possibility that he could end up in the US anyway (but not for about 2 yrs!) Also this job has good prospects.

The crunch being -

Does DH take the job in the US now and have the money and life style but not the prospects etc.... And keep his fingers crossed he carries on moving up the ladder.

OR

Does DH wait and see what the job he is currently doing has to offer.

Obviously there are no guarantees that his current job will pan out how he would like/hope to but equally its a huge step/gamble to up sticks and move to the US.

We have 3DC - 16, 12 and 10 ~ they are really excited at the thought of a move etc... so at the moment thats not a problem.

I think we are going beyond the OP's immediate needs here.

I think her main issue is her 16yo. This could swing the whole deal either way. To me, this would be the overwhelming consideration.

As for the going for the increased salary vs staying put - that's not really an international problem. It is something faced by anyone who works their way up the greasy pole ladder.

As far as the actual job/relocation is concerned, moving as an intra-company transferree (L1 visa) is very straightforward and relatively quick.

The social problems of moving are easily outweighed by the opportunity of living overseas, especially the USA.

If the principle reason for moving is for more money, that would worry me. More money in the same company isn't going to amount to much. The relocation package has to be very strong to make money the main motivation, preferably a full expat package. For perspective, when we did our expat stint in the US (even as US citizens), the remuneration was 3x actual UK salary, and the UK salary was about 15% higher than the equilent position in the US. We then lived quite modestly (as you do with babies and toddlers), so we were able to save a lot.

Moving for the culture change is a fantastic reason, and keeping this in your sights can smooth any difficulties you face on the way.

Being aware of the pitfalls is helpful - forearmed is forewarned.

Please let us know your views on your 16yo's situation. That is the biggie.

I think you're right there. The 16 yo would be moving at the exact wrong time if you were to move now.

(Costs of sale run to about 8-10% of the sale price of the property, between realtor fees, survey fees, state and local taxes. I never heard of any tax credits for car value depreciation, and private school tuition tax credit is normally capped at a fraction of what the tuition is -- something like maybe $500 on a bill that could come to upwards of $10,000. Federal and state taxes are supplemented by local property taxes that are based on the assessed value of your property; local municipality/county property taxes pay for public schools, parks, libraries, public hospitals and other public facilities and services. Additionally, water, garbage and sewage charges are levied. In some counties/municipalities, your local taxes can far exceed your federal and state personal income taxes combined. Americans are not under-taxed)

Thanks everyone for all your replies, will definitely show Dh when he returns on Monday.

DD who is 16 is a concern, she has no idea what she wants to do etc.... so at the moment she will be staying on for sixth form - honestly I do not think she is university material.

I am getting carried away at the prospect of extra money now and not in 2 yrs time, but saying that I am aware at what we will be giving up to achieve it. Neither of us are very close to our parents, the only people I would miss is my brother,his wife and children.

At least we are not being forced into making any decisions, or being rushed.

We be reading that thread "living in America later when I have more time.

Thanks - some real food for thought

All American kids go to college, so your daughter will be no exception. You need to think about how you will execute this financially, and also her visa situation when she reaches the age of 21 (you have tho think of it at least two years before).

The lowest level of college is 'community college' where they tend to do vocational subjects, but the credits are transferrable to universities after two years (this is a very cost effective way of getting a degree).

In case nobody has mentioned yet... an important thing to check is university fees. If you take the 16 year old out by the time she needs to go to University, I suspect she would still be paying as a foreign student, which usually means more than 4 times what the locals pay. If after 2 years you come back to the UK, you end up with the same problem, as she has not been a resident of the UK in the 3 years previous to college (albeit a British citizen), she needs to pay as an international student, which is again something between 12-16,000 a year depending on her course.

My question, which I am sure people have asked already, is: What's in there for you?

It looks to me as if he would be working long hours while you may end up finding it difficult to cope with it once your family/friends/things you are used to, are no longer around.

So, plan something ahead, things that may help you to create a network of support over there, as otherwise you may find the experience somewhat lonely.

Orangerie, I have been thinking about what I would do etc.. when everyone is out of the house. I am quite good at finding things to do other than housework lol!!!

Thanks food for thought!

Your mind must be working overdrive, every waking hour!

Oh MMe it most definitely is. Can't wait for Dh to get home on Monday to talk about it.

We never take a risk at anything honestly. As I said before DH plans everything out to the last dot even if its just a day trip.

I am really pleased with the information that I have acquired here. Certainly a lot of thought will be had
in Mable's household in the next few weeks!

Cheers x

Oooh.. go for it. You can always come home again. At least you'll have had An Adventure. Check if you can get a visa for yourself to work as part of your DH's relocation package. Worth asking.

Also check if your DH can keep his same UK hols as part of package.

Hope it's in an exciting part of US!

Some really good advice on this thread. Wish they'd been a similar one last year when we were making the same decision! In the end we didn't want to regret not taking up the opportunity BUT I still hope to return to the UK in a few years! Moving overseas with 3 kids is one hardest things I've done...

Agree with comments about people being superficially friendly but rarely follow up. Where I am you really need to be active in the church to fit in (we are not!).

Sounds like you do need to consider how things will work for your 16 yo.

good luck with your decision making!

Your DD would really have to go to college if she was in the US, and really, there's some college there for everyone who can pay for it or find a way to pay for it. If she didn't go to college her other option would be to work, which might not be possible depending on the visa, and if she made friends in high school, they would be going to college, some college, any college; it really is the done thing for middle class American high school graduates to go, and very few would not consider it their birthright.

If your DD (sorry, was labouring under the misapprehension it was a DS) can write a coherent paragraph and attempt maths at pre cal level, you can get into an American college. Not Yale, but somewhere.

Lots of American kids don't go to college . 20% don't even graduate from High School!

Typical numbers: 74% of the population consider themselves to be "middle" or "upper class" (no wonder I find the English "class system" to be so bizarre). But only 63% of American youth start College -- and a fair few of those come from poor families.

About half of those drop out never to complete any University degree, I think the % of working adult population with a college degree is only about 33%.

I have relatives and friend's children who finished High School recently but are not going on to further ed. Lack of money and nounce have been factors. Army, work (work, work) ... nephew starts art school tomorrow which is definitely not the same as University.

Before thinking about it, GO on a research jaunt (the company should pay for a ticket for you if they are serious).

There are bits of the US that nobody in their right minds would move to! It can be a deeply odd place. You need to get a feel for the quirks that the town/city has.

eg A friend of mine moved to a religious bit (she isn't religious but of course over here it doesn't matter) and the very fact that sometimes she had a glass of wine (normal here) meant she got ostracised socially, and her letterbox was stuffed with AA literature fairly often. That wouldn't have happened, apparently, in the next town along.

as someone who has looked into it seriously .

I have put my plans on hold till my older dc are done with school but my younger 2 will still be young enough to transfer and will reconsider it then becuase if i go it will be a permant move

Sorry, but there is more to life than just job prospects.

What will add to your overall family enjoyment and well being? What do you want out your life?
I think thats way more imporatnt than how many months it'll take to climb the corporate ladder.

We are on our second overseas adventure. We have all learnt loads & my kids are so globally aware.....way more than I was at their age. I'd say go.....you can always go back to the UK.

Good luck what ever you decide.

You do need to look at University for your 16 year old. An in State one will probably be cheaper.

Have you as a family visited the area you would be going to?

The north east corner is a vast area, some bits are very remote, there are some cities too.

You also need to point out to your kids that American High school is not just like TV and Films makes out. Also some incidents that might seem funny on film would be horrid if it happened to you.

Do also google schools in the area you would move to, the area itself, local Unis, state rules on employment etc. I'd be tempted to let out your house and rent rather than buy, at least initially.

Belonging to a church is also a good idea if you are at all religious, as it will help you get to know real people. Don't just stay part of an expat group, and do prepare the kids for feeling miserable at times. Do look at the things they won't be able to do, as well as the ones they will be able to do.

Good luck.

From what you say you won't miss any friends here, just your brothers family?

Are friends not particularly important in your life, or are you unsettled and lonely in the uk at the moment?

Ragged,

all kids with internationally mobile parents go do college.

If the husband goes on a L1 visa, the family members would get L2 visas. Only the spouse can apply for permission to work. The children would not be able to work, so they would have to stay in education until they had green cards.

Of my friends who have emigrated to the US, some have spouses who are not legally allowed to work, and some have negotiated not only a green card, but also a job for their spouses. Otherwise they wouldn't have gone.
The spouses who were not allowed to work have had the hardest times. One insisted that they go back because she got fed up only being 'allowed' to volunteer x number of hours per week at the red cross (as an example).

Havent read all the details but I went to the US for ds's job many years ago. To this day I still regret it hugely and wish I had never gone. By the time we got back house prices had more than doubled. I was bored out of my mind as his visa didn't allow me to work and I often think it was a fork in the road for us. One I dearly wish we hadn't taken.

OTOH, when we went to the US last time (we have gone back and forth over the years), our finances were very precarious beforehand. With the expat package we had, even though not technically expats, we lived on about 40% of DH's salary, and that didn't include the hardship/transition bonuses at each end of the assignment.

While we were gone, our house quadrupled in value, meaning we could extend the mortgage and do the necessary extension to accommodate our growing family. We were able to buy two cars for cash, from our US savings. We are also able to educate 6 children privately - all because of our US assignment.

We would not have been able to do any of this on a local US salary, or even afford to live in the same type of housing/neighbourhood as colleagues.

The thrill of "moving abroad" is gone after a few months. Moving out of your patch also puts a lot of strain in relationships, I have noticed that most couples I ever met, who moved together as expats, had either split or had to work hard to keep their relationship going.

Relationships are very influenced by their context, once that you remove the context, things are bound to change, either for better or for worse. I'm not saying this lightly, I have been a expat in five countries over the last 20 years. And yes, I'm one of the many who split after a move. Sadly, I split while away of my country and that means that, as long as my ex is still in this country, there is hardly any chance for me to be allowed to go back to my country without leaving my son behind. So, some food for thought... "you can always come back" it is not really an accurate expression.

Regarding fitting in, I remember laughing a lot when one of my friends got a job as expat in the US. She and her husband were sponsored by the company to attend a course that would help them to settle down. According to my friend, the key things to blend in and to get conversations going are: being active part of a church and/or have children. My friends, being atheists and childless they had it hard to get in.

Somebody has suggested a state college or university. Just to clarify, you do not need to be foreign to pay international fees, if you have not lived and paid taxes for a while in the state the university/college is in, you pay international fees, even if you live five minutes away of the university, or even if you can accurately prove that you are a descendant of Pocahontas and someone in the first boat that touched the American shores.