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DH has been offered a job in US ~ WWYD

105 replies

ablemable · 20/08/2010 21:04

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, but didn't know where else to put it!

DH is away working this week in US. He got asked to consider working in the US on a permanent basis doing a different job to his current one.

Good pay (substantial amount more than he currently earns) and a decent re-location package.

The thing is he is happy doing the job that he is already doing and its about to take off globally, he will soon start to have more people work for him and gradually over the next 2 yrs he will earn the kind of money that he has been offered for the other job. Plus there is also a strong possibility that he could end up in the US anyway (but not for about 2 yrs!) Also this job has good prospects.

The crunch being -

Does DH take the job in the US now and have the money and life style but not the prospects etc.... And keep his fingers crossed he carries on moving up the ladder.

OR

Does DH wait and see what the job he is currently doing has to offer.

Obviously there are no guarantees that his current job will pan out how he would like/hope to but equally its a huge step/gamble to up sticks and move to the US.

We have 3DC - 16, 12 and 10 ~ they are really excited at the thought of a move etc... so at the moment thats not a problem.

OP posts:
RibenaBerry · 21/08/2010 00:13

I would also think carefully about his terms out there.

As as US employee you have basically no termination rights in most states - i.e no redundancy, no right to claim unfair dismissal, etc. That's quite a lot of financial uncertainty unless you have good termination terms built into your contract. It's called 'employment at will' if you want to google it.

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 21/08/2010 00:59

Yes, and also, forget holidays - most vacation allowances are 1-2 weeks a year.

Grockle · 21/08/2010 01:15

As someone who moved to the US several years ago with my then DH, I would say think about it Very Carefully.

What will you do while DH is at work? What happens if he lost his job? Would the DC go to school there? What are the local schools like (this is VERY important, imho - speaking as a parent and a teacher)? How would you meet people? Would you be able to work? Do you want to work?

Yes, living overseas is a great experience - I'm glad I've done it - but it is harder than you expect it to be. That part of the US is lovely - I lived in that general area for a while before moving to the MidWest where we had 5 - 6 months of snow - often knee-deep followed by another 6 months of sticky humid heat. It's fun for the first year but gets old really quickly.

I hated every minute of it and, after almost 7 years could not move back to the UK quick enough. Sorry!

jabberwocky · 21/08/2010 01:46

I think it sounds like a wonderful adventure for your family with the bonus of added money.

kayah · 21/08/2010 01:59

think about uni for your kids
would they be entitled to it here if you move to US soon?

mathanxiety · 21/08/2010 06:13

LOL at 'top right corner' -- it is really lovely up there though.

Snow gets old really really fast, and also dirty. And with the usual 2 weeks maximum vacation time per year, you won't have much leisure time to enjoy it together.

You will need to research minutely the kind of schools that are available and pick a school first, then find a house in the district if you choose public schools (you will have a child in elementary, middle and high school judging by the ages, so you'll be looking at 3 separate schools, probably 2 separate districts; middle and elementary sometimes fall under the same administrative area).

You would also want to look into US universities and the cost thereof, and what sort of financial aid might be available for your DCs (none if not permanent resident aliens or citizens afaik)or whether you could afford to pay the full tuition whack -- so UK universities may be your only option, for your oldest at least, depending on his citizenship status.

Your oldest might have trouble with the US education system so close to crunch time where university entrance goes. College-bound American students usually do 5 or 6 subjects every year for the 4 years of high school. They need to do four years of maths, English, a foreign language, history/ humanities, and lab sciences, in addition to electives such as music or art, and get superior grades in each subject if they're aiming for a selective university. So a bit different from the UK.

There are excellent public high schools in many affluent suburban areas, and magnet schools in many big cities, where enrollment is very competitive. Public schools are free and completely secular. Private schools tend to be very expensive -- DD1 turned up her nose at one where she got a scholarship and the tuition would still have set us back about $10,000 a year (dodged a bullet there, thank you DD1).

Healthcare -- US companies sometimes use a solid healthcare package as a way to attract top talent, so this is something you may be able to negotiate depending on the company. You will have to have all the Is dotted and the Ts crossed on the health insurance before you leave the UK because you don't want to end up empty handed when you get there because of pre-existing conditions, etc.

Above all, I hope your DH researches the company that has made him an offer and is sure of its prospects. You don't want to be stranded -- US employment law offers very little for terminated employees and you may find your immigration status requires employment or sponsorship by an employer, or you could become illegal literally overnight.

Another important thing to look at is your relationship with your DH, and how much 'togetherness' you think the relationship can absorb without strains appearing. Right now you have a part time job, and you get out and meet people, you have your familiar busyness to occupy you. Moving to the US will circumscribe your world considerably. If the thought of constant cozy domestication sounds good to you, and you think you could use a lot more of your DH's company than you might have now, and far less of the company of your friends and relatives, then it might work out well. When you strike out to another country where you know very few people you are opting for a degree of social isolation, and a very unitary family existence, that can come as a bit of a shock. People in the US tend to stick with their own families and circles of friends while friendly on the surface, and while you may be a popular novelty for a bit, it takes longer to really establish a social network there than you might expect.

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 21/08/2010 06:48

You need to get details of the total package. Any perceived salary increase can be wiped out if you have to pay any relocation expenses.

Will he be on an 'expat' package or local?

How many weeks of vacation will he get per year?

A major concern is your 16yo. If she had grown up in the US, you will have been putting money away for university in various tax-efficient plans. It's unlikely you've been doing this already, and you may have to pay international student rates if she returns to the UK for uni.

I think your children's visas will only take them up to age 21, so if you want to stay long-term, you would need to have green cards before your eldest turns 21. You would need to get the backing of the company to sponsor you for green cards as part of the package, imo. If your eldest turns 21 without a green card, she will have to return to the UK, or stay in the US on a student visa and return to the UK afterwards. She will not be eligible for a visa based on family ties after the age of 21.

sarah293 · 21/08/2010 08:00

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Tortington · 21/08/2010 08:02

id deffo go. anything for a bit of excitement

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 21/08/2010 09:06

Ablemabel,

You mentioned your part-time job. Assuming your DH goes on an L1 visa, you and your children would be L2s. Under that category, the spouse can apply for an Employment Authorization Document (aka work permit), and get a job.

AllarmBells · 21/08/2010 09:41

Do check the holiday, I think many large cos in the US have moved on from the 1-2 weeks, 4 weeks or so is more usual now - a friend of mine just moved over there via a transfer within my employer. You do get far fewer public hols than over here though.

Health insurance is massively important, like mathanxiety says, get all the details absolutely sewn up. Apparently healthcare is the biggest cause of personal bankruptcy in the US. It really is a case of: trip in the street = ambulance = kept in overnight = $100,000 bill. Your DH will probably have it as part of his employment but you need to be 100% sure that it's all sewn up.

I would go!!! I love the US (the non-Stepford bits)

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 21/08/2010 09:48

There are 6 mandatory public holidays in the USA - New Year's Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. However, most companies will give more, such as the day after Thanksgiving, an extra day at Christmas, Martin Luther King, Presidents' Day, and Columbus Day, Good Friday, and a bridge day if 4th July is on a Tuesday or Thursday.

If the company is generous, the public holidays are better than the UK. There are 8 in the UK, and you might get an extra one at Christmas if your employer is generous.

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 21/08/2010 10:03

Regarding isolation, you have to work hard to join in with activities and be extremely outgoing. Your neighbours are already settled and have all the friends they need, so you are the one that has to make the effort, and be persistent.

People can seem superficially friendly, eg baking cookies to welcome you to the neighbourhood. After that, you have take the initiative.

It's not that hard to do, especially if you are in a vibrant area. It's not really any different to moving to a different place in the UK. There may be something like a 'Newcomers' Club' in your town, a recreation center with classes for you and the kids, a summer pool club, rec sports for younger kids which are always looking for people to help with organisation. DH's employer might do something to help you settle too.

It is very easy to get isolated, especially in the winter. You may never see anyone in the winter as they may not walk anywher. You put your kids on the school bus, and not do the 'school gates' thing. But you don't have to be isolated.

It's important to hit the ground running, especially if your stay ends up being temporary. You don't want to look back and have nothing to show for it.

And you need to be prepared for a total rollercoaster of emotions - everyone goes through it: excitement, anticipation, stress, disappointment, bewilderment, frustration, discovery - and it can easily take 2 years to feel settled.

Alouiseg · 21/08/2010 11:13

Lots of people I know who've moved abroad have told me that the first three months is hell and the homesickness is terrible. After that they've all settled
In rather well, especially the people in the US.

I've just visited my cousin who's been living near LA for the past 6 years, she says it's home and is probably going to cut her visits back to England to once every 2 years. 2 of her children were born there, they've moved house twice and they're settled.

The only thing that would unsettle me is that her husband is on a 2 week notice period whereas in the UK that industry is typically a 6 month minimum notice period.

They can claim tax relief back on their mortgage interest payments, school fees, medical insurance and care, car depreciation. Financially they are significantly better off. House prices are realistic and moving is easy and cheap.

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 21/08/2010 11:14

Also, are you religious? Much adult social activity in some parts of the US is based around church.

sarah293 · 21/08/2010 11:25

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Caoimhe · 21/08/2010 11:54

PMSL at Riven and her Jesus reply!!!!

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 21/08/2010 12:10

'Have you found your church family?'

Yep.

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 21/08/2010 13:49

"Tax relief on school fees" - I wish. Sadly, no. Not Federal taxes, anyway.

Grockle · 21/08/2010 14:06

"Moving is easy and cheap£ Really? Where? Because lots of people round here cannot sell and there are properties that have been on the market for 8 years.

jabberwocky · 21/08/2010 14:14

Check out the Living in America thread

clam · 21/08/2010 14:47

Also, I think how well you settle in is very much to do with your personality type. As someone said before, you have to work hard to keep the ball rolling after the initial hospitality wears off.

I know three families who've re-located. One, where the mum was quite reserved and insular (and, dare I say it, a bit snobby) loathed it and came back as soon as she could. Another is 'Mrs Sociability' and is having a blast after 6 years as she is universally loved out there. The third surprised me, as I would have said she would fit right in as is very outgoing and friendly, but she also jacked it in and preferred the UK.

Some excellent advice on here.

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 21/08/2010 14:55

Whether moving is cheap and easy depends on where you live.

Realtors' fees are quite a few %, certainly in line with UK numbers. You have both vendor and purchasor realtors in each transaction which adds to the costs.

In some areas, your property has to be pristine before you can sell it. When my BIL moved house, he had to have it surveyed by the City, and they gave him a list of 30 - 40 things to do to the house before he was allowed to sell it. Things like getting cracked guttering replaced, peeled wallpaper renewed, etc.

In the UK, you pretty much sell your property 'as seen' and let the buyer beware.

Probably easier than England is that there is no gazumping and gazundering and you pretty much exchange contract early on in the negotiations.

You sometimes have to take what other people tell you with a pinch of salt.

Grockle · 21/08/2010 15:11

That's very true - no gazumping or gazundering is a very good thing.

Lots to think about ablemable - the Living in America thread is a very good place to ask people who are there now.

Earlybird · 21/08/2010 15:19

Realtor's fees 'round here are 6% of purchase price, though some realtors will negotiate a bit off due to the economy, and a bit more if they represent both the buyer and seller (that is rare though).

Also, no 'chains' to consider, along with no gazumping or gazundering so as others have said.

Once an offer has been made/accepted, you will hire an inspector to carefully look over the house (roof, foundation, structural, etc). Based on his report, you can either ask seller to 'remedy' the problems found, give you money off purchase price to do so yourself (perhaps a better solution so you don't get the cheapest possible job), or if inspection is really problematic, you can withdraw from the sale within a certain time frame.

IMO, it is much easier and not nearly so stressful to buy in America. Realtors (estate agents) also provide a service and are (generally) more useful/professional than in the UK.