The difference between boys & girls

[wubblybubbly]

I hope this doesn't sound frivolous, but it's something that's been bothering me.

My DS is 3 and everything I read on development at 3 says he should now be able to tell the difference between boys and girls. And I'm thinking - how?

I'm assuming he's not meant to be undertaking some sort of genital examination in making this determination, so what exactly is he meant to go on?

Is this really an important developmental requirement or is it just nonsense?

Am I being over sensitive?

I'm not sure it matters does it?

I have nephews & nieces of 2, 4,5 & 7 and a ds of nearly 2, and none of them seem aware of the difference. The words "he/she" are interchangeable for all but the eldest although we do explain the difference.

As a group, they seem to just see playmates with specific names.

Discovered last week that my DD (aged 3) bases her decision entirely on haircut. Got quite upset when I corrected her about a long haired boy walking home near us. Then started to shout 'but NOOO mummy its GIRL HAIR GIRL HAIR GIRL HAIR' with me trying desperately to fix any trauma in the boy in question with 'its certainly LOVELY hair, but he is DEFINATELY a boy' etc.

I don't think they really care that much so it would be hard to tell if they get it or not. I wouldn't worry about it at all. I think that kind of thing must have been easier in earlier times when they would have been dressed very differently and expected to be doing different things. I can't tell with very young children sometimes!

My DD (2.6) accompanied my nephew (3.6) and me on a trip to the loo. She wasn't watching as such, was just with us. When I had the joy of wiping his bottom, she'd moved slightly and spotted the "difference". "What's that?" she said, in a tone of absolute wonder. I explained that boys had those and girls have what we've got. She seemed quite ok with that but no idea if she actually understood. Hope she doesn't go around checking...

Actually I have always been surprised how well my DD can distinguish between the sexes, and could at a very early age (pre 2). Aren't we built to classify things?

For example I've always found it amazing that kiddies so easily learn to distinguish a 'dog' or a 'cat' etc given the vast range of models (pictures, cartoons, and all manner of real life animals). And how they don't often confuse a dog with any other random four legged furry creature. How DO they do it????

I think being able to tell the difference between boys and girls is a bit misleading, especially if you think of boys/girls the child's own age. If you don't cut a 3yo boy's hair and put him in a pink top then plenty of adults are going to think he's a girl! However I was surprised at how adept DD was at that age in telling men and women apart - even if quite androgynously dressed, or from faces alone. I think after three years of learning that daddy/uncle Bob/grandad/John next door is a man/boy, and the same for women, they get pretty good at reading facial cues for gender.

It really doesn't seem important at all. He often tells me I'm a really good boy, I just let it go, although I'm wondering if I'm making a mistake by not correcting what is really just a vocabularly error.

He does tend to think most children are little boys, probably because he's our only one and therefore he hears boy more often than girl.

I just found it a peculiar thing for developmental milestones to mention. I can see the use of long hair/short hair, pink/blue but girl and boy seems such a pointless distinction to make at 3 and I wondered why it was deemed important. Perhaps it's just a hangover from days gone by?

I found mine went through a period of being really interested in who's a boy/ girl once they started pre-school. The teachers would divide them up in different ways - red group here, boys here, etc - which meant that they had to learn pretty fast!

There are lots of signs we pick up on unconsciously though - I mean there are obvious ones like hairstyle and clothing, but also body shape (for adults/teenagers anyway), mannerisms, voice, facial structure, etc. Children are quite perceptive nd they do pick up on things. Possibly easier to tell adults apart though.

I remember I saw something on TV years ago about how babies can tell the difference between male and female babies even when adults have difficulty. They measured who they looked at longest and used those funny hat things with lots of wires coming out of them. I don't know how accurate the results are though or indeed how they can be sure what a baby thinks. As they get older I suppose they could be confused by cultural differences (long hair on boys etc). Also it might be difficult for them to get the language right even if they know who is a girl and who is a boy.

Lionstar I was thinking that too. DS is 17 months and doesn't talk much but has several signs. We were in the park the other day and he suddenly started signing "dog", I couldn't see a dog anywhere, and then noticed someone walking a tiny little dog which looked more like some kind of rodent - I thought how does he know that is a dog, when all the books he has seen and other dogs I will have pointed out etc will be things like labradors - how does he know that is the same species? So I think that identifying living things as one type (species, or sex in people) is innate and it's just that we need to gain the language skills and learn what that group is called.