Sampling views on pregnancy issues

[Peteravel]

Imagine you are 27 and been living with your now 30 year old boyfriend for five years. You have talked about starting a family, and sometimes passion trumps prudence.....
On discovering you're pregnant, you announce the happy news when he returns from work. He says "Brilliant - but I have some bad news - I was made redundant today. Never mind - I can stay at home and help you through the pregnancy".
Of the two extreme reactions and scores - "That's lovely, dear" (10), and "No way - get off your and get a new job(1) - what would your reaction score be?

Get off your arse and get a job or we're splitting up.

1!

Help 'through the pregancy' is rarely needed.

1

Whether one of you stays home with the baby after it's born, and for how long they remain a SAHP, is a separate conversation. He's got 6 months or so to work before then.

But more importantly are you willing and able to to raise and finance this child by yourself?

I’d rethink both the pregnancy and the relationship. My DH is a grafter and so am I. How is he helping his partner through the pregnancy? By being at home while she’s at work? No thanks.

It would depend on my plans. Would him being the one who gets a job that works around the kids benefit my career?

One of my friends is something like a nurse and was just getting to senior positions when she got pregnant. Around the same time, her partner lost his job. He started doing Uber through her pregnancy and now, years later, he still does. She's now in a management position at work and probably more importantly, they weren't spending one income on childcare.

She definitely feels she wouldn't have progressed to where she was had she been having to navigate childcare runs and illnesses alongside her job and study. She wouldn't have had the energy.

Somewhere between. Depends on the situation. If you're having a very difficult pregnancy/need bed rest/taking to lots of appointments, and you have enough money, then that's maybe ok. If you have a well-paid job and like the idea of him being a SAHD, then great.
But for most people, financial needs would mean he'd need to get a job. Easier said than done these days for a lot of people, I know.

1 - unless the circumstances are very unusual not much help is needed during pregnancy and certainly not in the very early stages. As Biturong says if he wants to be a stay at home dad that’s a separate discussion.

And did you mean to post this on the Feminism board?

My parents were like this, although obviously not uber as it was the 80s! Unusual at the time but dad was a great SAHD and her career flourished. He had a portfolio of things he did while we were at school for some income, but managed all sickness, ballet/ music lessons, brownies, housekeeping etc. Worked for us.

Um, 1. Helping through pregnancy is not something that I would have needed, possibly with the exception of the last couple of weeks when heavily pregnant in the summer heat with a toddler in tow. But that was all manageable with my DP still working full time.

What's the feminist perspective here that you're looking for?

I'm not. Is there a better place to post it?

1

How is helping a woman through pregnancy a full time job unless you were already a full time carer for her?

Chat, AIBU, Pregnancy, Relationships perhaps? If you're not after a feminist discussion about relationship roles during pregnancy with a particular focus on sex/gender then this seems like an unusual place to post. Of course you can post where you like though.