Can you often tell sex from writing style in relationship threads?

[JadziaD]

whenever the TWAW types are out there, there's always lots of statements about how we (women) can't tell who are TW and who are biological women. And we all say that categorically, we can (or at least, in 99% of cases).

I realised today that it's not even just about how someone looks and moves, it's how they speak too. How often on a thread where the genders are vague or not specified can you tell which ones are a woman and which ones are a man? It's so common. there's just something in the way the posts are written and, particularly when it's about relationships, in the way responsibility is/is not taken or blame is/is not allocated.

And then those same men complain that if they were a woman with the same issue they'd get a very different response. But ther eality is that the response they get is because we can all sense the different. The one I see the most is that when a woman posts, she thinks maybe she IS responsible or to blame, she feels bad about her part on whatever it is that's gone wrong, she twists herself into pretzels to see his side....

... when the post is from a man, they're dogmatic, never accept responsibility (except occassionaly vague things like, "I accept there were faults on both sides... but"), and get SO defensive and SO aggressive SO quickly.

Men are men are men are men.

Yep. Not every time, but usually by about the second paragraph I've worked out whether its a woman or another man posting.

I disagree with this, and I think it is a kind of stereotyping that is as harmful as whatever pink and blue concepts of physical 'gender presentation' are exploited to produce the fiction of 'living as a woman'.

I had a go on some app or other a few years ago that assessed writing style and claimed to be able to assign it as male or female. It got me totally wrong -- calling me male on the basis of a piece of writing I had done that happened to be very analytical and rigorous (because that was what was required by the context of the writing).
Presumably if there had been more fluffy feelz, it would have allowed that I was female.
If you see on MN what you are interpreting as a kind of mansplainy dogmatism from people who come here to 'correct' gender critical thinking, then my guess is that you are seeing the kind of writing style associated with that particular kind of righteous quasi-trolling, rather than with male sex. They may well often be men, since men are so frequently angry with the idea of women getting together and forming opinions they don't like, but I would still be very wary of ascribing sex on the basis of writing style.

Usually yes! Why is that? Often the OP is very long and sort of overwritten? I don't think men spend as much time texting their mates long narratives maybe so they are less practised in the mode?

Yes to very quick aggression, though it's also true they might get less rope.

Oh I don't know about this topic, sorry, I was thinking about MN Relationships.

How do you know whether you are right? There may be a few instances where there is subsequent confirmation of sex, but this won't usually happen.

I agree with @Thrump i think it is often pretty obvious, I’ll start reading and think “this sounds like a bloke”, I’ll go to See Next where it is usually confirmed I’m right. I also agree with the posts being long and over written, and I think it’s the way they frame themselves in the story too. They’re always the victim of whatever they’re posting about.

Not always but yes, there have been times when a post has just screamed bloke.

Tbh, more than sex of the poster i think you can tell when a poster has an agenda or is being manipulative. That comes across clearly ime.

And I think that, when it comes to men starting a thread on mumsnet, there is a higher proportion of them with agendas. Maybe thats part of what comes across?

I've just put this earlier post of mine through two 'gender analysers' and they both had me as male!!

Usually I find it generally comes out within a couple of the OPs posts. Even if the initial one doesn't use pronouns, usually by about post 4 one has popped out that makes it clearer.

I've found it a couple of times the other way round as well. A poster mentions DW in the opening post, people assume the OP is a bloke, and I'm thinking "I'm pretty sure this is a lesbian relationship", and a few posts further down OP clarifies she's a woman.

This is a good point. Perhaps in real life its less obvious but on the sort of relationship threads I am thinking of the type of man posting does have an agenda and it becomes super obvious, super quickly.

Yes, definitely. Me too.

Yes I can tell if it's a bloke within maybe the first paragraph.

Wall of text. Urg. Man.

Ironically considering the first post, @VimesandhisCardboardBootshad me fooled. Possibly the Pratchett link blinded me.

Not always but very much usually. The differences in socialisation come through very quickly.

I do sometimes read threads and think “hmm, this sounds like a man posting” but I don’t think it’s necessarily because men and women write in a different style.

I think Mumsnet has a particular style and unwritten rules around etiquette that long term posters follow.

People who just pop on to (specifically to this board) produce a “gotcha” moment haven't usually been here long enough to sound like a Mumsnetter.

When they start whinging about the lack of sex while their knackered post partum partner manages the house and kids its usually a bit of a giveaway

I don't agree, actually. I certainly don't think TWAW but I wouldn't be able to tell from writing style.

Plenty of women write huge walls of text.

I think it’s the mansplaining - even if subtle seeps through-
or the ‘I need more sex’ vibe

appreciate I have made big sweeping assumptions. - but hopefully you get the gist

Haha, good to know I pass!

I think it's probably because I don't tend to start many threads myself, particularly not on Relationships. I think it's easier to fly under the radar when it's not your own life being picked apart on a thread.

I do my fair share of "Man Here!"-ing though when it's relevant so I haven't been trying to hide it, honest!

I do my fair share of "Man Here!"-ing though when it's relevant so I haven't been trying to hide it, honest!

LOL that was how I worked it out. Not my amazing powers of deduction. 😀

I’ve pretty frequently been accused of being male on anonymous forums (fora?). So, it’s maybe not as clear cut as people think.

I think part of it can be peoples preconceptions about the user base of the forum.

I'm mainly either on here or Reddit - and on reddit the person I see in my head is that every one is a 20 year old bloke, whereas on here my default assumption is woman in her 30s. It takes evidence to the contrary before I see someone different.

I do find that on reddit, subreddits where peoples lives are being dug into, like relationships, or Am I the Arsehole, it's a lot easier to tell straight away. I think it's just easier to tell when the person is describing their own lives, rather than politics, or the new Spiderman film etc.

Yep, on the football forum I'm on, everyone assumed that I was a bloke for years, and I couldn't be arsed to correct them.

Right - it's not a balanced sample. It's a pretty small group of men posting on MNR, and maybe it's more like, of that group, can you often tell, rather than being some generalisable fact about men. And I think so? I think I can often tell, weirdly, now you ask. And it is something to do with post length, even though I agree that women also write walls of text. What is it? It's something.

Agree that awkward themming is more usually a lesbian, and mainly that's derailing until they say oh my DW is a woman and so am I, but sometimes it's a man.

(I mainly assume lesbian with themming because it's part of my default assumption set, though appreciate not everyone's, even nowadays.)