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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

They gave me to someone who could not read or write … it would be better if you buried me alive - [article in Guardian, TW abuse]

83 replies

GingerBeverage · 05/08/2026 11:47

Posting the start but it's really worth reading the whole letter.

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2026/aug/05/taliban-afghanistan-shabnam-story-her-stage

On my last day of school it seemed years of effort were now contained in one small piece of paper. Everyone was happy at graduation, holding our certificates, each of us had a different road ahead. Friends wanted to study medicine, civil engineering or economics. For me, I wanted aviation – to be a pilot.
We worked hard, preparing for Kankor – the university entry exam – then came the first delay. Coronavirus reached Afghanistan. Everywhere went into quarantine, our exams were postponed.
Eventually, I got into university. On my first day I told myself, “Shabnam, finally, your efforts were not wasted.” The smile would not leave my face.
I worked hard. At the end of the first year, I was the top student in my class of 120 from all 34 provinces of Afghanistan. My father was so proud of me. But my mother said, “My daughter, do not be so happy, someone may cast an evil eye on your happiness.” I wish I had listened.
My mother used to tell stories about the Taliban and say we were left behind from education. Then, in my second year, the Taliban took Afghanistan again. It was goodbye to the university and to our books. A university that would never open again for us. I wished that they had taken our lives instead.
With a thousand miseries, we returned home. I told my mother, “You were right. I wish I had not been so happy.” I did not know that worse lay ahead.
The Taliban said no girl over the age of 15 should remain unmarried. Girls were being forced into engagement. Either the Taliban would marry the girls themselves or the father had to find someone for his daughter.
They gave me to someone who had no education and could not read or write. Crying became all I did day and night.
I told my mother, “It would be better if you buried me alive.” The groom’s family wanted to take me to their home. If I did not accept, the Taliban would detain my father.

They gave me to someone who could not read or write … it would be better if you buried me alive

I was the top student in my university class but when the Taliban took Afghanistan again I was forced to marry and my dreams of being a pilot ended

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2026/aug/05/taliban-afghanistan-shabnam-story-her-stage

OP posts:
IwantToRetire · 05/08/2026 20:23

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 11:58

Different cultures do different things, simple as that.

Why has FWR suddenly being inundated with posters who are even interested in women's rights, or even think that women should just accept a male dominated world.

Whilst recognising that other countries cant dictate to a country how they organise themselves, is it disgusting that on a feminist forum some are saying we shouldn't even bother.

International campaigns around abortion, child marriage, male violence have to varying degrees been of benefit to women struggling to get their voices heard in their own country.

These anti feminists seem to be popping up every where. On another thread someone is claiming that school boys in the UK drawing up rape lists are caused by single mothers.

Its bad enough that anyone in the 21st century feels like that, but is apparently totally oblivious to thinking that it makes sense of serves any purpose to post anti feminist comments on a feminist forum.

Unless of course it is some patriarchal plot to make FWR meaningless as part of some MRA plot!

Hmm
quixote9 · 05/08/2026 20:44

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

Wow. So slavery is okay. (it was / is part of many cultures.) Cannibalism is okay. (Part of Fijian culture historically.)

Or do you mean only those crimes that destroy women are okay if a "culture" believes that?

Christ. How do you sleep at night?

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 20:47

Schmuliana · 05/08/2026 17:25

This can't be a serious reply. If everyone patriating was happy with the culture and it just happened to offended our western sensibilities then you might have a point but here we have a cry of despair straight from a young woman trapped within the confines of the culture and you shrug it off? Have you no empathy for the women and girls affected?

Of course I do, when Joe Biden pulled out the way he did I almost broke my television. Even the head of the military said he had totally confined the people over there to a life of total and utter misery.

It is a serious reply, if you did some research you can find out that the Taliban are VERY MUCH interested in keeping that kind of thing going. Evil though it is, there really isn't much that can be done if the worlds strongest military force the world has ever seen has even tried to stop it and eventually gave up because you cant stop it from happening, evil is in the Talibans DNA.

Schmuliana · 05/08/2026 20:59

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 20:47

Of course I do, when Joe Biden pulled out the way he did I almost broke my television. Even the head of the military said he had totally confined the people over there to a life of total and utter misery.

It is a serious reply, if you did some research you can find out that the Taliban are VERY MUCH interested in keeping that kind of thing going. Evil though it is, there really isn't much that can be done if the worlds strongest military force the world has ever seen has even tried to stop it and eventually gave up because you cant stop it from happening, evil is in the Talibans DNA.

You should have posted that in the first instance! I agree there is little as individuals people can do but your post did sound like you were suggesting that we shouldn't condemn other cultures for doing things differently. With your reply above I think I get the gist that your first post came also from a place of despair at the situation rather than condoning it.

Ipsevenenabibas · 05/08/2026 21:02

redboxer321 · 05/08/2026 12:15

We can and we should.

Sorry if the answer if obvious but if everybody on mumsnet judged this particular situation, how would it make any tangible difference to this woman's life?

Awkwardisfunny · 05/08/2026 21:14

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 11:58

Different cultures do different things, simple as that.

Ours was exactly the same towards women not that long ago. And not because of a single group getting into power - it was the whole country. I think we need to start with empathy.

redboxer321 · 06/08/2026 08:34

Ipsevenenabibas · 05/08/2026 21:02

Sorry if the answer if obvious but if everybody on mumsnet judged this particular situation, how would it make any tangible difference to this woman's life?

It's unlikely to make any difference whatsoever to that woman's life unfortunately.
But when we close our eyes to injustice, abuse and brutality in other countries we also run the risk of closing our eyes to those things going on closer to home.
That makes us worse people, it allows us to do things that we should not do.
I know someone who uses that exact same argument. There's no point me knowing or learning about the suffering of others because there's nothing I can do about it. She has closed her eyes to the suffering of others.
And so, as a lifelong vegetarian and animal lover, she has bought a dog from a puppy farm. Her desire not to know, not to judge, not to learn will indirectly cause harm to the animals she professes to love.

Crushedcrackles · 06/08/2026 09:35

Interesting that she said rents were too high . This is a global problem.

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