They gave me to someone who could not read or write … it would be better if you buried me alive - [article in Guardian, TW abuse]

[GingerBeverage]

Posting the start but it's really worth reading the whole letter.

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2026/aug/05/taliban-afghanistan-shabnam-story-her-stage

On my last day of school it seemed years of effort were now contained in one small piece of paper. Everyone was happy at graduation, holding our certificates, each of us had a different road ahead. Friends wanted to study medicine, civil engineering or economics. For me, I wanted aviation – to be a pilot.
We worked hard, preparing for Kankor – the university entry exam – then came the first delay. Coronavirus reached Afghanistan. Everywhere went into quarantine, our exams were postponed.
Eventually, I got into university. On my first day I told myself, “Shabnam, finally, your efforts were not wasted.” The smile would not leave my face.
I worked hard. At the end of the first year, I was the top student in my class of 120 from all 34 provinces of Afghanistan. My father was so proud of me. But my mother said, “My daughter, do not be so happy, someone may cast an evil eye on your happiness.” I wish I had listened.
My mother used to tell stories about the Taliban and say we were left behind from education. Then, in my second year, the Taliban took Afghanistan again. It was goodbye to the university and to our books. A university that would never open again for us. I wished that they had taken our lives instead.
With a thousand miseries, we returned home. I told my mother, “You were right. I wish I had not been so happy.” I did not know that worse lay ahead.
The Taliban said no girl over the age of 15 should remain unmarried. Girls were being forced into engagement. Either the Taliban would marry the girls themselves or the father had to find someone for his daughter.
They gave me to someone who had no education and could not read or write. Crying became all I did day and night.
I told my mother, “It would be better if you buried me alive.” The groom’s family wanted to take me to their home. If I did not accept, the Taliban would detain my father.

Oh this is horrific for you and all girls, to be forced to live like this. I detest the Taliban and all excessive regimes and fanatics like then.

There’s a difference between forced marriage and arranged marriage, in that arranged marriage involves consent of both parties to the marriage. A child cannot give informed consent and so child marriage is forced by definition. A marriage that someone cannot refuse is forced marriage. Very different to someone agreeing to a marriage arranged between two willing, informed parties.

Oh I know I've been told all of that many times but I just don't care anymore.
Colonialism was neither all good or all bad, it had both positives and negatives for the colonised countries and their population.
But nobody wants to hear the truth or see facts anymore its all about the narrative and the fact that of all the countries and empires in history the British empire was the 1st to outlaw slavery and then use its might to impose that on the rest of the world is remarkable and should be celebrated not tarred with false claims of us having started the transatlantic slave trade (that was Portugal and Spain expanded it for those who are unaware).

I think we can. The ' culture's in Afghanistan is medieval. We should not be just saying all cultures are equal when some are depraived like this. The problem is that we cannot do anything about it. We should not be allowing male sports teams from Afghanistan to compete in sporting competitions and we should not be granting asylum to any Afghan male, because they are not the most abused people in their country. They have left the most abused behind.

I suspect (or atleast read that post as) that poster was talking about @BornToBeWithThisUsername not you

Like putting a woman in prison because she got into a taxi without a male relative? So shouldn't we criticise that culture then?
Culture just means that some people do it and have done for a while. Not that it merits any kind of respect.

Very wise.

Another board I’m on gets derailed regularly by tedious PR units.

This stuff here really matters though.

I certainly never said it did, but even military force has tried to change this and has failed. It's the stuff of nightmares, but we can't change peoples minds as barbaric as it is.

The simple fact is that when there is a woman anywhere on the planet denied access to education and forced into sexual slavery, none of us is safe. What we let happen to one of us could happen to any of us. This is what we deem to be acceptable as a species.

Excusing what has happened to her on the grounds of culture shows that for some reason, you view her as less than human. She is not worthy of the protections you enjoy. We know you have those protections or you would not be on this site right now.

We can't do anything about the horrendous situation the women in Afghanistan face but we can make sure that those 'cultural practices' that we object to there don't get carried on when they arrive in this country.

But we don't, we're only allowed to criticise the practices when they're happening over there, over here they must be respected, honoured, placed on a pedestal to be worshipped as a sign of our virtue.

If we can't clean up our own house, we've got zero chance of effecting any change in a country thousands of miles away.

I don’t think that is true.
Work in retail and have met several women working alongside me from Afghanistan.
One was a married to her cousin at 16 and did not have a choice and this was around 10 years ago, her family were not the same kind of Muslim as the Taliban, her sister’s husband was killed by them.
Another woman was married at 16 and her husband was infertile and so her husband’s brother tried to rape her to make her pregnant with her husband’s blessing. She is now divorced and living in the South East England.
I think Afghanistan has always had very little regard for women despite the US occupation bringing a brief remission.

All evil needs is that good men do nothing. Or say nothing.

The Taliban also didn't exactly force themselves on the Afghan people through war. They were basically cheered and waved back in. It was hardly a massive surprise who they were. They were treating women like 4th class barely citizens when they were in last time and were shooting teenage girls in Pakistan for asking to go to school.

This can't be a serious reply. If everyone patriating was happy with the culture and it just happened to offended our western sensibilities then you might have a point but here we have a cry of despair straight from a young woman trapped within the confines of the culture and you shrug it off? Have you no empathy for the women and girls affected?

They were cheered in by the Afghan men you mean. The Afghan women were too busy desperately trying to leave

We absolutely can. They don’t view women as equal human beings. I am definitely going to judge that.

You said we can’t judge this culture by our standards, implying you are ok with women being imprisoned for ridiculous things.

We should judge. When did we become afraid to have opinions? Not all cultures are equally healthy.

There is such a thing as human rights, you know? Do you think we should not judge terror regimes by our standards? Where do you draw the line? Forced marriage in your view seems okay. What about medical experiments on humans or torture?

A woman is deprived of her basic human rights and this is your considered response?

Thanks for sharing. 🙄

You'd be happy to marry off your 15 year old daughter if that was your culture?

What extraordinary claims. That you think that posters on this board might not be aware that the attitudes and beliefs of the Taliban are not in practice in other countries. And that you support relativism to the degree that we cannot ‘judge’ other cultures for the rightness or wrongness of their cultural practices.

Or, for that matter, we can’t judge even another household. So you do not judge your next door neighbour for beating his wife senseless and raping his children? It’s all relative? The mind boggles.

Really shocking the posters shrugging their shoulders at child marriage and crushing oppression of women and girls. We are absolutely allowed to condemn and criticize such things, in fact we very much should. We can't worry about offending people who are categorically wrong and committing devastating harms to half the population.

When apartheid was in place in South Africa few civilised countries or social justice warriors argued that ‘it is very sad, but we have to respect other cultures and can’t change them’. But then apartheid disadvantaged men and not just women.

It seems to me that it is only the state mandated inferior status, rape (enforced marriage and no right of refusal of sex) and enslavement ( no rights over own body, children, right to earn or own property) of women and girls that are argued by some to be just someone else’s culture.

Such people should compare their attitudes to racism with misogyny and ask themselves some searching questions.

Yes, I stand corrected there. Although there are women in this country who willingly abuse their DIL's, cover up and excuse forced marriage and honour killing in the name of ' culture' so I assume there are women in Afghanistan who believe the Taliban are protecting them from eternal damnation.