Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Bluestocking Womens Pub in an Adventure with Pirates!

1000 replies

Magpiecomplex · 29/05/2026 10:43

New thread. You know the deal - women's pub, men to the Staunch Ally next door.

Some of us are currently on the trail of an international seed smuggling ring, just for background information.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
132
DauntlessDamson · 02/06/2026 20:03

Brilliant! I haven't had so much fun in ages - and all without sustaining any damage.

Dodgy knees? Who, me? Grin

MyrtleLion · 02/06/2026 20:04

Final episode is finished. But you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

Thehorticulturalhussie · 02/06/2026 20:18

MyrtleLion · 02/06/2026 20:04

Final episode is finished. But you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

Honestly this has been brilliant @MyrtleLion
Thank you so much 💐

AsWithGlad · 02/06/2026 20:57

Magpiecomplex · 02/06/2026 19:39

I love Geometry!

Not my favourite bit of Maths.

Geometry-Gerbil, though, is brilliant.

MyrtleLion · 02/06/2026 21:53

I am going through old threads to see how far back the Gosie Chronicles started.

This trip began on 20 April. Episodes were shorter and more enigmatic back then. I will post them on the Substack as separate episodes during the hiatus between the end of this Chronicle and the beginning of the next one.

I'll also post her shorter French adventure (which I think began in early April) when I’ve finished posting the missing episodes.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I’m having a great time writing them, even when I have to spend hours wrestling with AI.

JanesLittleGirl · 02/06/2026 22:04

Is Geometry the gerbil that calculated that the perfect shape for the lump of ice to chill a glass of Bourbon is a dodecahedron?

EdithStourton · 02/06/2026 22:06

Loving the penultimate episode.
'No. Worse.' That can be my new motto.
'Are you off shopping. Edith?'
'No. Worse.'
Or,
'Bloody hell, Edith, you sound cross.'
'No. Worse.'

I could have it as a bumper sticker, along with 'Confused? You? Will be' (punctuated as in original).

And speaking of marzipan, if there is any left...?
And if there isn't, some nice gerbil is going to have to run off to the kitchen and make some more.

When I was a child c.7-12 years old, I could consume a large slice of devil's food cake, immense quantities of buttercream included, with no ill-effects. I had a slice somewhere in my relatively early adulthood - at about 30 - and found it, to my sorrow, all a bit too much. As a cake-shovelling 7-year-old, I had thought my DM a bit of a wimp for not sharing my enthusiasm for a wedge of fatty, sugary, chocolatey wonderfulness. The 7-year-old me still residing at the back of my skull sneered at the adult me for being a complete lightweight, but I had to admit that, once again, DM was right.

MarieDeGournay · 02/06/2026 22:24

My new motto is Octavia's' 'Noted.' -
You were supposed to be here 20 mins ago
Noted.
I was going to park there!
Noted.
This is the priority queue.
Noted.
That's MY slice of marzipan wrapped in cake!#
Noted.

great, isn't it?Grin

EmpressaurusKitty · 03/06/2026 07:42

And ‘The sea slapped politely against the hull, as if applauding under its breath.’

That line reminds me somehow of Cold Comfort Farm. Which would never have got into that state if it had gerbils.

MyrtleLion · 03/06/2026 10:37

EmpressaurusKitty · 03/06/2026 07:42

And ‘The sea slapped politely against the hull, as if applauding under its breath.’

That line reminds me somehow of Cold Comfort Farm. Which would never have got into that state if it had gerbils.

That is so true!

MarieDeGournay · 03/06/2026 10:39

EmpressaurusKitty · 03/06/2026 07:42

And ‘The sea slapped politely against the hull, as if applauding under its breath.’

That line reminds me somehow of Cold Comfort Farm. Which would never have got into that state if it had gerbils.

'Cold Comfort Farm, now with Added Gerbil' - now there's a thought😁
But Flora did quite a good job of sorting everything out efficiently herself, didn't she? Maybe she had a team of gerbils helping her, but they just never made it into the last draft of the novel.
Or maybe... Flora was part-gerbil herself!

The Bluestocking Womens Pub in an Adventure with Pirates!
MarieDeGournay · 03/06/2026 10:43

Is it my imagination or has Fuzzy not been around much?
It's always a bit dodgy to ask that in case they've been there all the time, propping up the bar, life and soul of the party, and what do you mean, I haven't been around much?😠
But allowing for that possibility - 👋to Fuzzy, hope all's OK chez PufflingSmile

edited to extend the 👋to anybody else who hasn't been around for a bit.

Chersfrozenface · 03/06/2026 11:03

I hope Fuzzy has seen the news about the shortlist for wildlife on banknotes.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgzrpe6mzjo

DauntlessDamson · 03/06/2026 12:00

Just looking through yesterday's posts on the subject of errant underwear. I've never had much of a problem with knickers, but the bane of my life has been bras - especially the instrument of torture known as the underwired bra😳

When I was working, I became very adept at removing said offender the instant I got home, by unfastening it, then pulling down the straps over my arms and hands, without even taking off my top.

I recall chairing an interview panel for entry-level recruits in my organisation, when one young man, who appeared quite shy and nervous, kept looking at my chest. I was pondering how someone so young and innocent-seeming could be a perv, when I looked down and saw that the underwire of my bra had escaped and was poking between the buttons of my blouse, like some sort of aerial. I had to 'accidentally' drop my pen and bend down to pick it up, while trying to stuff the wire back into place.

I gave up underwired bras soon afterwards and my distinctly average norkage joined everything else in moving south🙄

btw, he did get a job, but I allocated him to an office on the opposite side of the building to mine.

EdithStourton · 03/06/2026 12:22

I quite like underwired bras, but they have to be properly fitted. What I hate are the non-wired bras that you try on, and they feel okay is a trifle tight - but all new bras feel a trifle tight - and they never, ever loosen up. I have one bra which gives me a good boob shape, but by early afternoon I generally have to take the bugger off - okay in a t-shirt where I use Damson's technique, but more annoying in mid-winter in a chilly house, when I have to remove two layers, if not three (long-sleeved shirt, jumper, extra jumper - the vest stays on) to remove the bloody thing (cannot get bra straps down narrow sleeves).

My norkage is small to average, so a good bra boosts it a bit, and makes my clothes fit better.

I almost used the term 'wireless bra' earlier, but 'wireless' now seems to have such a specific meaning that it sounded odd.

ErrolTheDragon · 03/06/2026 12:32

A rather scary fitter in John Lewis last year persuaded me to get an underwired bra in a smaller band/larger cup than usual but of course it turned out to be excruciatingly uncomfortable.
So I then I got a couple of non-underwired bras from M&S which are comfortable, keep my mid-sized norks at a reasonable latitude and are sufficiently supportive to allow me to break into a trot. Shock
I thought I’d get some more but when I went to look a couple of months ago I couldn’t find the same style.ConfusedHmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/06/2026 12:59

I once had a bra fitting at Rigby and Peller, in their Bluewater store. The fitter told me to strip off my top half, then looked at my boobs, measures my back with her hands, and brought me a bra that fitter perfectly! It was the only underwired bra I have ever had that has not attempted to stab me to death. I bought two of them - £64 each - gulp, and wore them until they wore out.

I have never been able to afford to replace them, so I now buy inexpensive non-wired bras online, which seem to do the job well enough.

MyrtleLion · 03/06/2026 13:04

Are you ready for the final episode?

DauntlessDamson · 03/06/2026 13:25

MyrtleLion · 03/06/2026 13:04

Are you ready for the final episode?

Oh Yes! 🍿🍿🍿

EmpressaurusKitty · 03/06/2026 13:31

Me too! (Although I should be doing spreadsheets)

Thehorticulturalhussie · 03/06/2026 13:54

MyrtleLion · 03/06/2026 13:04

Are you ready for the final episode?

Yes please

Chickadeeinme · 03/06/2026 13:55

I won’t be able to read it until later because I’m going out to have a massage this morning. I have one every month and the masseuse is a friend of mine so we go and have lunch somewhere afterwards, which makes it an even nicer event.

I tried underwire bras and gave up on them after they invariably tried to stab me, so now I wear ones from the internet or cheapo ones from Walmart which seem to keep the norkage looking as good as can reasonably be expected.

MyrtleLion · 03/06/2026 15:15

The Homecoming

In which everyone is exactly where they ought to be...

The Bluestocking had never looked more welcoming. Evening sunlight still lingered beyond the windows, turning the harbour gold. The doors stood open to the sea air. Voices drifted in from outside, mingling with laughter from the bar.

The smugglers had been handed over, Customs had acquired enough paperwork to remain happy for several months, and Talmere had begun explaining why none of it was really their fault. For now that would have to do. Everyone was simply home.

Gosie sat comfortably and watched the room. She liked this part. The adventure was over. People became themselves again.

@Swashbuckled and @RandomHypatia were discussing seamanship with @NotAtMyAge nd the serious Scandinavians. @JanesLittleGirl chipped in with her analysis of the correct method to stow cargo. Nobody appeared willing to concede anything. Fortunately, the arrival of @EdithStourton with Brains and Batshit meant none of it mattered.

@AngleofRepose, @Magpiecomplex and @Chickadeeinme were listening to @Boiledbeetle explain something involving a warehouse, a crate of Tunnock’s Teacakes and a route through Portland that became less convincing every time she described it.

@Fuzzypuffling's whereabouts remained unknown. This did not prevent several people from claiming to know exactly where she was.

Around the room stories were beginning to improve. The emergency Scottish resupply had become considerably more dramatic by the time @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius finished describing it. @ErroltheDragon's signal fire was steadily increasing in size and @ChristmasStars was being credited with preventing disasters that nobody else remembered occurring.

Distances increased. Obstacles multiplied. Weather conditions deteriorated. The yacht became steadily larger. Gosie suspected this process would continue for several hours.

The banquet was well underway when Octavia Briefcase returned carrying a wooden case. She placed it on the table and resumed her seat without explanation. MyrtleLion lifted the lid.

Inside sat row upon row of dark green packets bearing elegant gold lettering. Vesper Gold Monastery Helianthus.

The effect was immediate. Chairs scraped quietly against floorboards as heads turned toward the table.

Governance closed a notebook. Glockenspiel carefully removed her spectacles and cleaned them. Gardenia stopped eating and stared at the open case. A ribbon of gravy continued its slow descent from her fork entirely unnoticed. Galatia abandoned an argument halfway through a sentence and simply gawped. Gasket set down a teacup and then tried to set it down again.

Octavia anticipated the questions before anyone spoke. “The chain of custody was broken. Nobody can prove it belonged to the seized consignment, nobody can prove it was stolen and nobody is likely to claim ownership. Legally speaking, it is simply a box of sunflower seeds that I happened to have in my briefcase.”

“In that case,” said MyrtleLion, reaching into the case and removing a single packet, “thank you, all.” She looked at the gerbils. “For helping.”

The distribution that followed was remarkably orderly. Gimbal accepted three seeds, stared at them for a moment and then carefully placed one back. Across the table Galliard counted hers twice before handing one to the gerbil beside her. Gasket accepted her share, nodded solemnly and immediately hid two for later. Nobody appeared entirely certain how many seeds constituted the correct amount, but somehow everybody ended up with exactly the right number.

When all the gerbils had had their share, MyrtleLion took out a second packet and opened it. “And this,” she said, “is because we’re glad you all came home safely.”

For a moment nobody moved. Gimbal looked down at the seed in her paw as though it had become unexpectedly heavier.

“Oh,” said Galliard quietly.

Around the table several gerbils found sudden and urgent reasons to inspect their sunflower seeds very closely. MyrtleLion pretended not to notice.

Eventually Griffin looked at the case and noticed it was still almost full. “What about the rest?”

MyrtleLion closed the lid. “For special occasions only.”

Within minutes the gerbils had identified a number of forthcoming events that would clearly qualify as special occasions. At least two anniversaries had been invented and Ganges was attempting to organise a commemorative regatta.

“What about the Summer Festival?” asked Greengage. “What Summer Festival?” asked Gingerbread. “The one we shall now organise.”

“And Founders’ Day,” suggested Geode. “We don’t have a Founders’ Day,” replied Garnet. “We do now.”

MyrtleLion waited patiently until the discussion exhausted itself. Then she simply said, “You’ll know,” and handed the box to Boiledbeetle for safekeeping among her Tunnock’s.

The evening gradually dissolved into stories, laughter and entirely too many sunflower seeds. Somewhere along the way, the gerbils formed what appeared to be a formal Appreciation Society.

Finally, Gingham looked up at Gosie and said, “Tell us again about Octavia Breakfast stopping the smugglers.”

“Briefcase,” said Octavia.

Gingham nodded, “That’s what I said.”

Gosie suspected they were no longer discussing the same voyage she remembered. She didn’t mind.

Gosie settled herself into her armchair. Before she began the story she slipped a hand into her pocket and felt for the torn fragment. For a moment she considered taking it out. Then she left it where it was.

Tomorrow would do.

The End.

https://myrtlelion.substack.com/p/the-homecoming

The Bluestocking Womens Pub in an Adventure with Pirates!
MarieDeGournay · 03/06/2026 15:48

That's lovely Myrtle! 💙
It's lovely that our little rodent friends get their just reward in the end, after all the important little things they did along the way.
And there's still an air of mystery around Gosie...Smile

Thehorticulturalhussie · 03/06/2026 15:50

Fantastic, so well done.
@DauntlessDamson we don't seem to have made it back. I hope we're together.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.