Is it ok for my mum to join the WI?

[WallaceinAnderland]

This is from a thread on Reddit. The poster wants to know whether the WI is transphobic or whether it's ok to allow their mother to join.

All said without any idea of how chilling this is.

My mum went to her first meeting last night and I asked what made her join and she just said it just seemed interesting (I think she wants to get out more since she's recently retired.)

Then she asked me, "they're not anti-trans, are they?" implying that she has heard about the discourse but wasn't too sure about it. What I understand from it is that they aren't exactly anti-trans but felt pressured to do what they did?

Anyway, if it's a red flag for her to join it then I'd like to be able to educate her about it, because she is an ally at the end of the day and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt me/other trans people. But if it's not actually a big deal then I'd like her to feel free to do whatever she wants with her time, yknow?

Looking at his post it makes perfect sense why mum would want to go somewhere he couldn’t. Must be exhausting having a child who is so controlling.

I hope its fake, and its just a made up scenario to trigger criticism of the WI.

I don't think it's fake. It's actually quite tame for Reddit. There are loads of posts telling children, actual children under the age of 18, to hide things from their parents. There was a 13 year old child posting and not one poster said, you shouldn't be talking with strangers on the internet, go and speak with your parents. They were all about parents being unsafe.

They don't need to make up stuff to criticise the WI or any other organisations, they're very upfront and vocal about it.

I expect the mum has been ground down. Told off for other things that are 'anti-trans'. You can't do that, you can't say that, you can't read that book, you can't watch that tv programme, you can't support that cause, etc. So she was checking whether it would be allowed.

I asked what made her join...
Then she asked me, "they're not anti-trans, are they?

I did overhear two ladies in the charity shop discussing local crossdressers the other day. This may shock you, but there was open misgendering.

To whom should it be reported?

I think the trans person concerned will be thrilled you all arent misgendering them.

https://www.reddit.com/r/transgenderUK/comments/1rjn7mm/comment/o8h54vy/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

They make it clear they are FTM. Looks like those guessy guesses based on gender stereotypes arent very accurate..good on you all for being progressive though.

That poster sure is doing well with male entitlement 😂

It might just be entitlement. What they are likely to be almost without question is white. I really don't know why everyone here assumed the OP was male. There are more trans and NB identified women than men. If someone is trans, it is a more sure bet to assume they were born female.

Proving that women can be controlling misogynists too.

Who said they couldn't? Other than the people here who assumed this person MUST be male?

Honestly I'd feel really silly if I made such a basic mistake about an issue I claim to be well versed and passionate about
I would wonder if I am all too emotional about this to look at any issue surrounding it rationally. Maybe I am more anti man than pro woman.

Well, you do seem quite emotional. But regardless of her child’s sex, we’re all just feeling sorry for the mum.

I dont think you need to. A mother is supporting her daughter. Nothing new to see. Research before you open your mouth is fundamental if you want to seem smart though. Or it just looks like some man hating cronies are out to say horrible shit about men and trans people and that then becomes the image of anyone GC.

"Man hating cronies" 🙄

Excellent clarification of the original Reddit post imo!

Surely “mum” can do whatever the fuck she likes.

Yes - except that @HappyClapper100 has kindly clarified that the narcissist is a woman who identifies as a man.

When we don't know a person's sex, the default is usually male. As in mankind, manmade, manpower, manhandle, etc.

Now that we do know this person's sex we can refer to her as female.

I'm afraid many WIs will be closing because "grown woman of retirement age" ARE concerned about the organisation's stance on the trans issue.

Institutes vary, with some being nothing more than a place to meet your mates and maybe hear an interesting speaker, but others are very much a campaigning group, much as the WI was when it was first set up.

I find it all very sad as some people may be losing a support network because some more militant members are leaving and without them (they are often the committee members), the group may not be sustainable.

Oh, I do love the sort of dwerpy who can say in one post that "They make it clear they are FTM." and in another "A mother is supporting her daughter." One or other post has to be misgendering....

So which gender do you want us to think this bullying brat is, HappyClapper? And which is it really, according to you?

If one of my kids were discussing whether to allow me to do a particular activity, I’d tell them to get lost. Since when did our kids decide what we may or may not do?

They are the woman's daughter and they are also FTM IMO. The mother rightly feels she has a daughter. She does! She gave birth to a child of the female sex. That child can also see themselves as FTM and identify that way. So in that sense, they are FTM. It doesnt erase the reality that they were born the daughter of the their mother.

Thankfully I don't have to interact with them to decide what dimension I live in. I have referred to a trans man as "he" the entire time because frankly I only knew them as a passing transman and "he" didn't feel inappropriate at all. It's what I'd have guessed. They looked like a shortish (5'7), fat, white man.

Based on that, the pronouns I'd use for this individual would probably also depend on their ability to pass as I'd say what my brain sees.

What I know is that you all referred to them as "he" to purposely use the pronoun they wouldn't want you to use, as you assumed it was a transwoman. I simply commented that they would be happy you used the pronouns they view as correct for themselves.

Why did you assume they were male? That is what I don't understand. Is it just because they are transgender and posting in that forum? I don't understand why you wouldn't check as the OP. I found it in about 10 seconds.

The misgendering isn't the point.

The poster admits they dont know whats going on with the WI, understands why their mother wants to go, is unable to research themselves so asks randoms on the internet whether they think WI is acceptable or not.

Do you think thats normal behaviour? If the story is true, it indicates controlling behaviour, if it isnt, it shows this person is manufacturing scenarios to fit in with this internet group.

If this person has a mother of retirement age, they are likely to be an adult, but its a really immature question? Thats why on balance, i think it is a young person desperate to get attention from the men on the forum.

I didn't, my OP was neutral. I don't care what sex a poster is. The thread is about a woman's movements being policed.

Sorry OP. You also assumed they were male because they are trans. It's ok. Just perhaos reflect on why you assume anyone trans identifying is male when they are more likely to be female.

Why do you assume that a trans identifying person on reddit is more likely to be female?

Reddit is male skewed, transgenderUK is too, and more men have GRC in the UK than women. There are often threads on the sub by women saying they are unrepresented.

Anyone can say and be anything on the internet, they are people on the sub who claim to be 15 and 45, male and female, passing and not. They could be anyone.

I think the sub know they are speaking of fantasy more than the truth, but its a way to justify hatred of women, mothers particularly. The group read this scenario and don't see the controlling behaviour or used it to normalise controlling behaviour.

They ignore the real red flag - someone wants to limit their mothers social interactions and either encourage it, or talk about how they are the real victims.

You are doing the same, you know FWR won't encourage controlling behaviour, so you want to focus the attention on an irrelevant detail. You want to focus on pronouns rather than a group talking about how to isolate a woman.