How would you deal with T in a friendship group?

[FourSevenTwo]

How would you deal with T people around you? In general and in my situation?

The main question:
A male in a friendship group decided to go full TW, starting hormones and so on, changing name to the women's form and coming out with pronouns.

Unfortunately, our language is heavily gendered*. For example, instead of Hi Alex, you would say Hi Alexi for a man and Hi Alexo for a woman. If you want to say anything in past tense, like Where were you yesterday, you have to use men's or women's form for were.
This means it is not really possible to ignore it in direct interaction.

I'm not willing to pretend through language that I see him as a woman. I don't and won't. But I don't insist on calling him him. There are some not great alternatives (it, plural - with it's own verb forms, switching to English), but they are all very noticeable.

I'd like to find a solution for our coexistence in this friendship group. I'm not asking about a language solution here, more about an approach.

I'm considering

1. reaching him with a message, saying I've heard the news, and I can't affirm, but, I'd like to keep things civil, so is there some alternative we can agree on?

2. ingoring the issue and limiting communication on grammatically neutral constructions (which will be limiting and obvious after a time)

3. some other option?

To answer possible questions.

• I'm GC woman - in the adult human female sense, in the gender identity terminology I'd claim agender. I absolutely understand people are unhappy with gendered roles, I just don't believe that trying to become/pretend to be/claiming to be the other one is the solution. And I'm sure one can't change sex.

• It seems that majority of our shared friends are willing to be kind, some believe it, some just don't care, men with no skin in the game.

• *I'm elsewhere in EU, not a self-ID country. I don't ask about legal aspects, just personal approach. Discussing in my country's forums would be hard, as we are a small population.

• The group is about games, meeting at someone's home, so no issue with single sex spaces, and generally gender doesn't play a role in the group's activities.

• Yes, I'd like to try to keep the group if possible. I see it as a political topic and I don't need to discuss politics all the time.

• Edit to add : I've name changed for this one. Sorry it is long. And yay, I've managed to force the formatting to behave!

And HRT suspends menopause in female people, how? Because I must talk to my doctor about them not telling me the correct information…

The inconsistencies in your posts are contradictory for clear understanding.

Any answer to the previous two posts will result in responses containing more redirections, reframing and straw men.

Scientific facts are not beliefs.

So unless you are female and you have a body formed around the production of large gametes from birth, your belief that your body ‘configured’ itself to be female is more misinformation. I don’t believe there is a ‘scientific fact’ for you to post. Because of the sports studies we already understand what happens to male people’s skeletons who take estrogen.

Scientific facts are not ‘gender critical’ either. Those are universal truths.

I am beginning to think my answer to this is simply 'No, thank you.'

No, I'm not going to pretend that a human being can change sex. Thank you.

I'm sure you believe that about yourself, but as a female person I can tell you that your concept of sexism is very skewed, so skewed that you are unable to see that you telling female people who we are and how we should know ourselves is pretty much sexism ground zero.

But then, my understanding of sexism is rooted in sex and the history of prejudice, discrimination, exploitation and marginalization of people who share my sex.

Your understanding of "sexism" seems to be another instance of the same word, very different meaning, where actual sex and the consequences that brings is somehow no longer relevant and self identified "sex" is all that matters.

You may choose to believe you know better than me, of course, but that does rather speak for itself.

You are, of course, entitled to that belief.

And you to yours.

You are not, however, entitled to the history of female people. Not to own it, or to redefine it, or to dismiss it.

👍

I’m with you.

Transsexual women who start Oestrogen do have a chance for their skeletons to change as a response to HRT. Especially for those women who started before turning 25 / during puberty.

You also do not get to control who is and isn't a woman / man. Transsexual men and women are the gender they are whether society acknowledges it or not.

Looking forward to that evidence on how a male skeleton becomes a female skeleton. Please link it up.

Like what: your pelvis suddenly start becoming more shallow?

Sorry to burst your bubble but no amount of estrogen will change a pelvic shape.

Luckily the EA2010 defines women and girls by their biological sex.

And no, male people don’t get to redefine the words female people use to describe themselves as a unique group so they can discuss their needs. It is an act of misogyny to change the definition of those words to include male people.

Gender: be whatever you want. But no one can change their sex. Not through hormones, not through falsifying documentation

I am looking forward to limb proportions shrinking in adult male people to female levels.

It is remarkable that no sports organisations have been able
to produce this very important information, yet we are being told that it is happening.

For now.

It's all very much "immigrants don't get to redefine the words native people use to..."

Another false comparison.

At one point marriage was defined between a man and a woman.

Luckily society moved past that, like it will with anti-transsexual perspectives too. Young people really don't care about trans people like older people do. For us it's fairly normal.

‘Change’ does not mean ‘configure to be female’

Depends how you define sex. My physical sex characteristics are all female so I'm closer to being female than male at this point. It's why I don't really tell people I'm transsexual anymore.

No sports study has ever included those of us who only went through a single puberty that was estrogen-dominant. They tried recently, but it was fought by gender critical people as 'inhumane.'

Closer to being female than male!

I think you might be stuck in a romantic view of ‘young people’.

Polling is showing that even those you are relying on don’t believe that male people can be female people. And reject male inclusion in female single sex provision.

And that evidence is???

Please stop spreading misinformation.

Nature gets to control who is and isn’t a woman/man. 👍