How would you deal with T in a friendship group?

[FourSevenTwo]

How would you deal with T people around you? In general and in my situation?

The main question:
A male in a friendship group decided to go full TW, starting hormones and so on, changing name to the women's form and coming out with pronouns.

Unfortunately, our language is heavily gendered*. For example, instead of Hi Alex, you would say Hi Alexi for a man and Hi Alexo for a woman. If you want to say anything in past tense, like Where were you yesterday, you have to use men's or women's form for were.
This means it is not really possible to ignore it in direct interaction.

I'm not willing to pretend through language that I see him as a woman. I don't and won't. But I don't insist on calling him him. There are some not great alternatives (it, plural - with it's own verb forms, switching to English), but they are all very noticeable.

I'd like to find a solution for our coexistence in this friendship group. I'm not asking about a language solution here, more about an approach.

I'm considering

1. reaching him with a message, saying I've heard the news, and I can't affirm, but, I'd like to keep things civil, so is there some alternative we can agree on?

2. ingoring the issue and limiting communication on grammatically neutral constructions (which will be limiting and obvious after a time)

3. some other option?

To answer possible questions.

• I'm GC woman - in the adult human female sense, in the gender identity terminology I'd claim agender. I absolutely understand people are unhappy with gendered roles, I just don't believe that trying to become/pretend to be/claiming to be the other one is the solution. And I'm sure one can't change sex.

• It seems that majority of our shared friends are willing to be kind, some believe it, some just don't care, men with no skin in the game.

• *I'm elsewhere in EU, not a self-ID country. I don't ask about legal aspects, just personal approach. Discussing in my country's forums would be hard, as we are a small population.

• The group is about games, meeting at someone's home, so no issue with single sex spaces, and generally gender doesn't play a role in the group's activities.

• Yes, I'd like to try to keep the group if possible. I see it as a political topic and I don't need to discuss politics all the time.

• Edit to add : I've name changed for this one. Sorry it is long. And yay, I've managed to force the formatting to behave!

So to clarify, are you a male person born with the body formed around the production of small gametes or a female person with a body formed around the production of large gametes regardless of whether your body has ever produced those gametes or not.

Puberty is puberty. I didn't make the rules. Estrogen worked with my genes to take my adult development in a very specific direction. I am the same height and body type as my mother. My brother and father are much taller than we are.

How does that differ from any other knobhead conspiracy theorist? All Andrew Tate dickhead sound the same. So do Trump fans. Or alien conspiracy. They all just read the same script. They don't actually think...

You can’t answer a direct question.

I think we can safely assume that your posts are not a clear and accurate representation of material reality.

He is clearly male. His posting style alone shows it.

Sadly inaccurate user name.

Errr….. if you’re make, you deffo did not have a puberty arranged around the production of large gametes. You really really didn’t. You seem very er…. Confused about biology. Did your puberty tell you it made this choice? Is the puberty in the room with you now?

Yes but one that, uniquely, went through a female puberty which has given him (stop laughing at the back) a completely female skeleton.

Though remember women have all the oocytes we will ever have by the time we are born.

A male who thinks he's female because he's a similar height to his mum whilst his dad and brother are tall thinks he's qualified to talk about the complexity and problems of female biology.

Yep. Yep. I'm convinced by the quality of this argument.

I think we are to believe that male people with active testes have never gone through any male puberty. Or that estrogen somehow created another puberty after a testosterone puberty that erased the first puberty.

This is not the first time I've heard this argument about being more feminine because of height. I had one bloke make this argument because they struggled to compete against bigger blokes in sport in real life. He did this with a straight face whilst he expects to be addressed as she/her.

He's actually a nice guy. But I can't see him as anything else but a guy especially when he comes out with claptrap like this.

Remember there are female children who are being taught that a male person can be female if they say so. Which lowers their personal boundaries to leave them potentially exposed to harm. Normalised use of female language for male people also remove the clear and accurate language that female child needs in her life to describe her needs and potentially raise the alarm for harm they might be experiencing.

And all because of some male people’s philosophical belief about their identity.

Honey, your existential issues are not my problem. You are not my problem, and I'm no more interested than you are in caring for me and my life and feelings and all the rest of it. I'm not your Mum, and if you want a therapist, they charge by the hour to take on board other people's issues and look after them.

Just stay out of women's single sex spaces so that you don't make them inaccessible to women, and stop bugging non consenting people to pretend for you, and we'll be fine.

“Puberty is puberty.”

This is another inaccurate generalisation, by the way.

Female puberty is female puberty and male puberty is male puberty. No male goes through a female puberty. And no female goes through a male puberty.

Because it really doesn’t work that way. Unless some people have changed the meaning of puberty to mean ‘the side effects of taking the hormones that their body is not formed around producing in the quantities needed the health of someone of the sex category.”

Which would be another instance of language fuckwittery.

Puberty is when a human body matures the sexual reproductive capability of that body using the correct hormone mixture for a person of the sex class they belong to. The development of some other body features can be achieved simply through using exogenous hormones.

It is not ‘puberty’ for a male person to develop breasts because they have taken estrogen. Just like it is not a ‘period’ if a clinician has prescribed a ‘cycling’ of exogenous female typical hormones in a male person. A cycle that is also purely for identity purposes and not a health need.

”I am the same height and body type as my mother. My brother and father are much taller than we are.”

The repetition of comparisons about your height and body dimensions continue to be completely irrelevant in regards to your body’s sex category.

A male person who is short is still not female in any way, shape or form.

Nor is a man whose upper body strength is inside a normal female range any more female than any other man.

I am the same height and body type as my mother.

I hadn't seen this one. No, you're quite obviously not.

It is quite something to keep seeing a male person try to keep denying that they have male physical advantage because they ‘feel weak’.

When we know from the research that the weakest quartile of male people still have a strength advantage over all but the strongest decile of female people.

It reminds me of the discussions the 55-60 year old Miller who plays rugby in Australia gets into. The one where he denies he has any male advantage left after decades on estrogen. Yet he is a 50 something year old still keeping up with 20 year old women who are also in the team. And without the injury rate of a woman who would be the same age.

It never dawned on Miller or his supporters that there is a reason he was decades older than the oldest female on the team. And that was before anyone even approaches the ethical fairness discussion of why a male person who has deliberately restricted his performance should take a competitive position from a female person who was training to perform at her potential.

Male people who state they are weak and in the female range are saying this also purely from a self evaluated position. Forgetting that estrogen cannot reconfigure their skeletal proportions. And even a short male with suppressed testosterone has male limb proportions because estrogen doesn’t change those. Of course, with those male limb proportions comes physical advantage due to more optimum leverage as just a start.

But…. Yeah. In the ‘female’ range.

It is also said as a distraction away from the fact that estrogen doesn’t reconfigure the skull shape and structure. Which is one where even a short male person on average will have less chance of a skull fracture on impact than a female person. Even when the male has deliberately chosen to weakened themselves. Of course, the brain fibres apparently don’t restructure either with estrogen treatment into a male body so that male body is still less susceptible to brain damage compared to female people.

But apparently…. still in the female range ….

Like Gavin Hubbard reaching the Olympics was ‘in the female range’ of strength.

The misogyny of using female language for any male person just keeps on coming …

Wouldn’t it be great if all male people simply respected the needs of female people who need female single sex provisions and stayed out of those provisions? How about male people stopped using female language to describe themselves because they are not female people in any way?

And perhaps male people should understand just how biology works and why women don’t believe that short, self weakened men are any type of female person.

Imagine thinking it is a wise thing to teach female children, that a male person who looks weak because they have a body type and height of some female people is not going to be stronger with other physical advantages than a female of the same height, body shape and age.

Imagine thinking that it is wise to not give female children the information that they need as a female person to make decisions that might prevent or minimise harm.

You didn’t make the rules of material reality and you can’t break them.

Short rotund men are not women.

But moderate, you forget that if you can impose your own misinformed version of reality (such as ignoring what puberty is as a process) and bend language to suit your subjective reality based on your beliefs, you can say anything and expect others to believe you.

Add in the emotional reasoning some people have allowed themselves to believe, that it is disrespectful to question someone’s ’understanding’ of themselves meaning that they will simply find a way to philosophise themselves to believe someone’s subjective reality over material reality and you have a great recipe for continuing to live in your own constructed reality.

Material reality, meh! Apparently female puberty is up for grabs for any male person who wants to think it means developing breasts and to have their body redistribute fat.

It really is just another form of patriarchal control to redefine female language including female body processes to include them as a male person.

I will wait for the twist where we are also then told that not all female people have a natural female puberty and some female people don’t have functioning ovaries while also being told that there is absolutely no forced teaming going on.