Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Talking to non GC people

516 replies

Sausagenbacon · 05/01/2026 08:13

I've been chatting to a few people recently about gender issues, and their opinion runs roughly like this ' we should all listen to each other, and not be so unpleasant. But of course, men shouldn't be in women's sports'
Which begs the question that, if GC people hadn't been 'unpleasant' men would have been firmly in women's sports.
So, should I be pleased that public opinion has shifted slightly, or should I be banging my head against the wall?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
28
Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:10

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 09:49

@Keeptoiletssafegood morning. You asked me to scroll back and check your post from 12.33 yesterday. Apologies I didn’t reply to you directly at the time- there were so many posts. However, I did indeed read what you posted, and your post was one of the ones I was referring to as having useful information that I did not know and had not previously thought about, specifically on the difference between enclosed and open cubicles. I had not thought about this as a safety feature before. Or something that would need to change if the overall space was same sex or mixed sex. It also made me think about all the individual self contained toilets - both for people with disabilities, and in loads of smaller establishments, Trains, planes etc, and whether these are actually safe. I guess I’ve always thought about these as the actual ideal, and fairly readily available, and all other designs as expedient for numbers/crowd control, versus better for safety. I guess I’ve also sometimes worried that women only toilets can attract twisted people, who do want to target us…. It’s like a label that says “vulnerable people you may want to predate on- out of sight and with two doors separation to general public” so personally I’m nervous to go into them sometimes, when they are out in eg a park, if it is quiet.

so yes, your post did inform me and make me think differently about toilets, and more specifically about the safety of different set ups. And yes, I would be very interested in reading further information on this if you are happy to share it.

I would like to correct you and say I never said (or felt) that I want mixed toilets - certainly not as a political/policy stance.

What I did say, is that I don’t think toilets are as easy to explain or convince people of as some of the other issues. And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable. I can see that many women, including myself, as I said earlier in the thread, might prefer them - both for psychological, physical comfort and safety. And if statistics bear out that they are consistently safer or needed, then I can see a strong argument for them being a right. If they are a right, though, I find it confusing that there are so many situations when this right is denied, irrespective of any trans issue….and until the trans issue came up, I wasn’t aware of protests about this, so didn’t know it to be a pain point.

If I had to go to a group toilet in an isolated place, I would probably feel safer in a mixed setting, based on the idea that I am closer to multiple non-predatory people, regardless of their sex, and not in a place labeled as an isolated concentration of targets ….the women only ones in parks and petrol stations, when you have to walk round the other side of the building make me very nervous. I feel less safe, not more safe, because they are women only. Again not sure if this is borne out by facts.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet. Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

Finally, I am concerned that the worries around female only toilets being eroded have caused a significant number of women, and indeed trans people to use disabled facilities instead. While understandable, I know disabled facilities are woefully inadequate already, and wonder if there is any information on this and that it is a fall out people with disabilities have suffered from.

And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.

You keep coming back to this. However, lockable only applies to the cubicle. Female toilet usage and needs extend beyond that locked door.

nicepotoftea · 07/01/2026 10:13

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 09:49

@Keeptoiletssafegood morning. You asked me to scroll back and check your post from 12.33 yesterday. Apologies I didn’t reply to you directly at the time- there were so many posts. However, I did indeed read what you posted, and your post was one of the ones I was referring to as having useful information that I did not know and had not previously thought about, specifically on the difference between enclosed and open cubicles. I had not thought about this as a safety feature before. Or something that would need to change if the overall space was same sex or mixed sex. It also made me think about all the individual self contained toilets - both for people with disabilities, and in loads of smaller establishments, Trains, planes etc, and whether these are actually safe. I guess I’ve always thought about these as the actual ideal, and fairly readily available, and all other designs as expedient for numbers/crowd control, versus better for safety. I guess I’ve also sometimes worried that women only toilets can attract twisted people, who do want to target us…. It’s like a label that says “vulnerable people you may want to predate on- out of sight and with two doors separation to general public” so personally I’m nervous to go into them sometimes, when they are out in eg a park, if it is quiet.

so yes, your post did inform me and make me think differently about toilets, and more specifically about the safety of different set ups. And yes, I would be very interested in reading further information on this if you are happy to share it.

I would like to correct you and say I never said (or felt) that I want mixed toilets - certainly not as a political/policy stance.

What I did say, is that I don’t think toilets are as easy to explain or convince people of as some of the other issues. And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable. I can see that many women, including myself, as I said earlier in the thread, might prefer them - both for psychological, physical comfort and safety. And if statistics bear out that they are consistently safer or needed, then I can see a strong argument for them being a right. If they are a right, though, I find it confusing that there are so many situations when this right is denied, irrespective of any trans issue….and until the trans issue came up, I wasn’t aware of protests about this, so didn’t know it to be a pain point.

If I had to go to a group toilet in an isolated place, I would probably feel safer in a mixed setting, based on the idea that I am closer to multiple non-predatory people, regardless of their sex, and not in a place labeled as an isolated concentration of targets ….the women only ones in parks and petrol stations, when you have to walk round the other side of the building make me very nervous. I feel less safe, not more safe, because they are women only. Again not sure if this is borne out by facts.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet. Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

Finally, I am concerned that the worries around female only toilets being eroded have caused a significant number of women, and indeed trans people to use disabled facilities instead. While understandable, I know disabled facilities are woefully inadequate already, and wonder if there is any information on this and that it is a fall out people with disabilities have suffered from.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet.

This is my view - I would rather be in a mixed sex space than be in a 'single sex' space that anyone can use. (Not just for safety, but because I would instinctively resist the idea of such a vague distinction - what is the point? What assumptions are being made?)

Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

The problem is that that the data doesn't exist. It does not follow that because we would like to know something, it is easy or possible to gather information.

And again, as others have pointed out, what would you be measuring? The EA says that a space can be single sex if "The service is likely to be used by more than one person at the same time and a woman might reasonably object to the presence of a man (or vice versa)." The bar is not that the woman has to show that men are a threat.

nicepotoftea · 07/01/2026 10:29

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 10:02

And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.

I don't think this needs to be framed in terms of rights - it's about policies.

Either toilets are single sex or unisex. Take your pick. However it is hugely problematic to designate toilets as single sex and then decide it's okay for one group of men to use them.

Firstly, because it's inaccurate/ dishonest and causes issues for women who are expecting single sex spaces.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

I think that a huge part of the debate is about attitudes to boundaries.

Logically, (and leaving aside whether it is possible) you could make an argument that a woman has x characteristics, and that with enough treatment and surgery a man could have enough of those characteristics to be a woman. I think this was the approach taken by many before the GRA.

However, that approach has been abandoned and there has been a deliberate campaign against any 'gate keeping', at the expense of being able to make any claim about what it means to be 'trans'.

I don't understand how that is supposed to work within the equality frame work, because 'trans' becomes a completely subjective concept. It's not GC women proposing that 'trans' doesn't exist, but Stonewall.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:33

"you could make an argument that a woman has x characteristics, and that with enough treatment and surgery a man could have enough of those characteristics to be a woman. I think this was the approach taken by many before the GRA."

It seems that was an argument some people made, yet it was never communicated to the general public and never actually discussed with women in general.

And as you say, nicepot, impossible and not even logical beyond a superficial level.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:35

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 10:02

And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.

I don't think this needs to be framed in terms of rights - it's about policies.

Either toilets are single sex or unisex. Take your pick. However it is hugely problematic to designate toilets as single sex and then decide it's okay for one group of men to use them.

Firstly, because it's inaccurate/ dishonest and causes issues for women who are expecting single sex spaces.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

"because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men?"

indeed. Again it all comes back to defining terms and how they apply to safeguarding. And in this case discrimination to make such a case for 'legitimate' discrimination to uphold strong safeguarding.

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 10:58

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 09:09

There was a disaster of a thread started last night from someone who declared they too were a ‘middle ground’ poster. There seems to be a few posting on the boards using that terminology to describe themselves.

They came, like others have in the past, from a position of prejudice against the women who are actively campaigning to prioritise the needs of female people. It seems to be ‘middle ground’ is the new ‘moderate approach’ terminology.

Here is the thing and maybe this is also something you can answer @financialcareerstuff . What is this ‘middle ground’ when it comes to safeguarding?

You said we should celebrate shared ground. Why should people who see the harm in poor safeguarding celebrate potential harms?

You used the term ‘muddled’ for yourself. I take that as an acknowledgement that you understand that your thinking shows inconsistencies.

One of those significant inconsistencies seems to be around safeguarding, your understanding of it vs what the fundamental principles are. I say this because of your posts around toilets and how toilets are segregated.

Toilets were always segregated on sex. Never gender identity in any way. No person had to assess whether they were girl or women enough to use them. You either were born female or not.

They were segregated this way due to safety for female people, for usage patterns and to provide for usage outside of the cubicle as well as inside, and for privacy and dignity away from the other sex.

The very premise of including a group of male people into female single sex toilets needs to be based on something other than a decision to be inclusive. What is the basis of that decision?

Specifically. Why should any male person who demands access because they say they are female be given access?

a) Is it because they biologically are female?

b) Is it because they use regressive gender stereotypes to define themselves, therefore upholding those stereotypes, and present and act in what they consider a feminine way?

c) Is it because those male people deserve extra safety?

d) Is it because those male people’s philosophical belief, not reflective of material reality, should have their belief treated as if it is everyone’s material reality?

If someone thinks b) how does this then work for female people who present in a ‘masculine’ way? What does this even mean, who arbitrates who is masculine or feminine enough? And how does this even work if a woman goes in presenting feminine and changes clothes inside to present masculine?

If someone thinks c), what other male group who deserve extra safety can then access the female toilets? Why is it this particular group getting additional privileges?

If someone thinks d), why should a male person be treated as if he is female when he is not, just because he says he is? Regardless of how sincerely or integrally he believes this, it is not materially real. There are no biological markers at all. So why should society do this? Why is it is considered inclusive for this group to be treated this way when other groups don’t have their philosophical belief treated as if it is materially real when it is not. For example, should an adult who believes they are a child be able to go to primary school?

There has to be a defined reason for those male people to be given the additional privilege of accessing female single sex spaces and not just the male single sex space which was created to fulfil the basic human right. What is that?

Plus consent. Why should people celebrate female people’s consent being overridden in this way?

Why should feminists celebrate female consent being overridden? Just because one person doesn’t see the relevancy of female single sex toilets, why should those female people who need that single sex space lose it because someone else ‘consented’ ?

As I say, what is the middle ground that still provides strong safeguarding, in your opinion?

Great post.

Obviously the question isn't directed at me but I'm going to throw in my own comment in response to it:

  • there is no middle ground regards safeguarding. The line has to be an absolutely clear boundary (in this case male vs female in single-sex toilets) with absolutely no ambiguity whatsoever. No males in single-sex women's toilets, ever
  • the "middle ground" is in determining whether or not an additional, single occupancy unisex facility is a good idea. There are plenty of arguments for and against it. Setting aside whether it impacts existing users of third spaces fairly or not, costs of maintaining council facilities etc etc and focusing purely on safeguarding, opening up these third spaces to anyone who doesn't feel comfortable going to the ones for their sex doesn't bring in any new safeguarding risks. It simply adds to more of the same: these facilities are already dangerous for anyone who uses them (for the many reasons laid out above by keeptoilets). This danger can be mitigated to a degree but that comes at a cost and is unlikely to happen. And obviously the TRAs don't want this solution anyway, probably because it's as close to the middle ground as you can get.
Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:01

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 09:25

May I ask how this is helpful?

No, I'm not tone policing. Yes, I'm aware that anyone on the internet can claim to be someone they are not. I'm also aware that someone who says they don't have a Reddit account might actually have one.

But, having experienced this type of suspicion myself (and it's really not fun) because I was asking questions that helped me get my head around things and because I will genuinely have a conversation with anyone on this forum - yes, sometimes even people who could well be TRAs and even people who could well be duplicitous (rapid summed me up pretty well 😁) - I can say from experience that implicit accusations like this are really not helpful. I would be genuinely interested to know why you made this comment i.e what purpose you feel it serves. Is it intended to out someone as a duplicitous TRA because it's so obvious (to you) that they are one, or for a different reason?

Bringing this back to the theme of the thread, I think this is a really good illustration of how difficult it is not to be seen as an extremist or someone who is fanatical. In this case, the implication (if I'm understanding it properly) is that this PP is an extremist/fanatical TRA who is gathering screenshots for Reddit. Maybe so, but it's not the vibe I'm picking up. To me it feels just as misconstrued as the OP experiencing what is admittedly a far more explicit version of the same accusation, just on behalf of "team GC" instead.

Anyway, if I'm misinterpreting your post I'm happy to be told so and will apologise.

You’ve completely got the wrong end of the stick, I’m afraid. I considered the pp’s comments to be ill-informed, naive and patronising and not particularly “helpful” either. I certainly wasn’t alone there, was I? I don’t think she is a TRA per se, but it was a direct response to a point about double standards in expecting women to justify their right to single sex spaces with objective empirical data about sexual assaults while men’s “emotive”
arguments that they should be able to use women’s spaces are expected to be pandered to by default. If you want to ask for TRA data, you would go to Reddit. Hope that’s clear.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:03

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 10:58

Great post.

Obviously the question isn't directed at me but I'm going to throw in my own comment in response to it:

  • there is no middle ground regards safeguarding. The line has to be an absolutely clear boundary (in this case male vs female in single-sex toilets) with absolutely no ambiguity whatsoever. No males in single-sex women's toilets, ever
  • the "middle ground" is in determining whether or not an additional, single occupancy unisex facility is a good idea. There are plenty of arguments for and against it. Setting aside whether it impacts existing users of third spaces fairly or not, costs of maintaining council facilities etc etc and focusing purely on safeguarding, opening up these third spaces to anyone who doesn't feel comfortable going to the ones for their sex doesn't bring in any new safeguarding risks. It simply adds to more of the same: these facilities are already dangerous for anyone who uses them (for the many reasons laid out above by keeptoilets). This danger can be mitigated to a degree but that comes at a cost and is unlikely to happen. And obviously the TRAs don't want this solution anyway, probably because it's as close to the middle ground as you can get.

Always very happy to see ANY answers to this, as you know.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:18

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:01

You’ve completely got the wrong end of the stick, I’m afraid. I considered the pp’s comments to be ill-informed, naive and patronising and not particularly “helpful” either. I certainly wasn’t alone there, was I? I don’t think she is a TRA per se, but it was a direct response to a point about double standards in expecting women to justify their right to single sex spaces with objective empirical data about sexual assaults while men’s “emotive”
arguments that they should be able to use women’s spaces are expected to be pandered to by default. If you want to ask for TRA data, you would go to Reddit. Hope that’s clear.

I have been trying to wade back through that first post to work out what the poster believes, what the poster has made what seems to be blanket statements about what people who might be 'middle ground' seekers thinks and what the poster thinks feminists campaigning for single sex spaces believes.

It is ambiguous in places as to who they are saying believes what. Maybe the poster should take that post and reword it so it is very clear who they refer to, if it is a personal belief or an assumption of others' beliefs and start again.

I also think using terms like 'bun fight' later on has also not helped one iota.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:30

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:18

I have been trying to wade back through that first post to work out what the poster believes, what the poster has made what seems to be blanket statements about what people who might be 'middle ground' seekers thinks and what the poster thinks feminists campaigning for single sex spaces believes.

It is ambiguous in places as to who they are saying believes what. Maybe the poster should take that post and reword it so it is very clear who they refer to, if it is a personal belief or an assumption of others' beliefs and start again.

I also think using terms like 'bun fight' later on has also not helped one iota.

There are a lot of assumptions inherent in their position which is why calling out the double standard is relevant. It seems a bit one way, no?

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 07/01/2026 11:38

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:01

You’ve completely got the wrong end of the stick, I’m afraid. I considered the pp’s comments to be ill-informed, naive and patronising and not particularly “helpful” either. I certainly wasn’t alone there, was I? I don’t think she is a TRA per se, but it was a direct response to a point about double standards in expecting women to justify their right to single sex spaces with objective empirical data about sexual assaults while men’s “emotive”
arguments that they should be able to use women’s spaces are expected to be pandered to by default. If you want to ask for TRA data, you would go to Reddit. Hope that’s clear.

I agree that there were a lot of apparently illogical points being made and I was very irked by the apparent tone policing.

However, PP did apologise for that, not an easy thing to do.

I know we have had a lot of tedious, repetitive, disruptive posting of late and it gets tiresome. It would be a pity though if the pp had been getting something out of the discussion (not screenshots) but then felt like they were being chased away.

Grammarnut · 07/01/2026 11:38

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 09:42

Just seen this after making my previous comment...

Slightly off-piste, but no Christian believes that a child can be got without sperm (sounds very TRA, that!).

I'm now smiling wryly to myself - mostly in a self-deprecating way and, of course, at the irony of the timing - that I apparently sound like a TRA when I say this 🤦‍♀️

If you genuinely believe everything you've written about how Jesus was "begotten" that's great. Honestly, it really is. I possibly wouldn't have been saying how great it was if you were advocating for me to be burnt as a heretic for saying that I don't. But you're not and hooray for that.

As to 'gendered souls', do these idiots think that God mixes up souls and gets it wrong? Or that nature does? Silly.

Is someone an idiot if they do believe that we all have a soul but don't believe that god exists? As someone who believes in ghosts, that's a pretty good description of me.

I don't think nature mixes up souls. I obviously don't think god does either. I also don't believe souls can be gendered. But personally I wouldn't call anyone an idiot in any of these situations.

I have an ex-colleague who said that god was father Christmas for grown-ups. Although I will (shamefully...?) admit that this made me smile, I told him I felt that was a step too far.... Rhetorical question: am I tone policing him, I wonder?

I was explaining - not well, I am no theologian - some of the idea behind 'begotten not made'. I don't want to burn heretics and don't know if you were policing your friend, but 'god is Father Christmas for adults' is too far - and inaccurate, God does not give out presents at random, God has to be worked at.
For a Christian I suppose souls don't have sex - no marriage in Heaven, after all.
Thanks for replying.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:38

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:30

There are a lot of assumptions inherent in their position which is why calling out the double standard is relevant. It seems a bit one way, no?

I do see double standards Eresh, maybe they are not obvious to some people, but after you have been discussing this issue for years as many of us on this thread have, they are there. But again, I cannot work out whether they are posited as what those being labelled as middle grounders are being represented as having and what those that the poster has, if you see what I mean.

As I said, perhaps the very best thing is for the poster to start afresh and perhaps tackle the issues bit by bit.

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 11:46

potpourree · 07/01/2026 10:01

I'll try and re-phrase.

When people are using "woman" and "man" to mean something other than female and male, then the first question I need to know the answer to is - to them, what differentiates women and men?

If I don't know that, I don't know whether people using the words women or men are referring to people's bodies, their personalities, their skills, a printed document, what they look like etc.

For any decent discussion we must surely want to be unambiguously understood?
If not, then what's the point in trying to communicate a viewpoint, if you don't want it to be clear?

Clarity is the enemy of gender ideology. Its very foundations are built on blurred boundaries and confusion.

MyAmpleSheep · 07/01/2026 11:46

Grammarnut · 07/01/2026 11:38

I was explaining - not well, I am no theologian - some of the idea behind 'begotten not made'. I don't want to burn heretics and don't know if you were policing your friend, but 'god is Father Christmas for adults' is too far - and inaccurate, God does not give out presents at random, God has to be worked at.
For a Christian I suppose souls don't have sex - no marriage in Heaven, after all.
Thanks for replying.

Edited

God does not give out presents at random, God has to be worked at.

Father Christmas gives much better results when worked at, too.

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 11:54

Seethlaw · 07/01/2026 09:37

That's my opinion too, but I'm interested in @financialcareerstuff 's opinion, because I want to meet them where they are, you know? Explore their point of view, see if I can understand it, if it makes sense to me.

Thank you Seethlaw. I appreciate your willingness/ desire to do that.

so there have been a lot of push on the actual biology/definition of man and woman stuff, With quite a few assumptions that I don’t believe womanhood is based in biology. I think that’s understandable considering I’ve entered a GC space and declared myself ‘middle’ rather than ‘GC’. So I will try to clear this up a bit. I am not sure if you have a self-determined definition of GC, but if it is purely that you are GC if you believe that women are adults who were born with vaginas etc, ie biologically based, then yes, I basically believe this already.

I am definitely not militant or activist, basically not even engaged in the issue until yesterday…… but I am passionate about women being able to call themselves women and that particularly in areas of health, the distinction being vital to be able to articulate - for biological women to be able to talk about their bodies and needs without tying themselves in knots. I am actually not very interested in what trans people call themselves or think of themselves or even what scientists think. It is not that interesting to me. I don’t want anyone to feel discriminated against or unsafe, and it makes me sad that so much of the debate centres on ‘diagnosing’ or determining who trans people are. I understand the logic and maybe this is unavoidable. but it isn’t my issue. And I think my leaning would definitely be towards ‘third space’ and ‘third label/box’ kind of solutions. And the title of ‘trans women’ feels reasonably respectful, while remaining distinctive. I suppose my natural hope when this issue first arose was to allow quiet inclusion without takeover- (I guess more how it feels trans men have integrated into manhood). At this point it is feeling impossible, because this issue has become so aggravated and politicized and there has been a bid for takeover on the trans activist level which is absolutely infringing. So if I am forced to pick sides, then I would always pick women. And no I don’t think anyone else’s needs or wants are more important.

However, I do feel for normal people who are struggling with their gender identity and simply want to feel accepted and safe. My natural inclination is to accept anybody who is just wanting to be who they want to be, and not think I have a say in it. I think that works on a human, individual level. Ie my cousin, who has shifting self-definition, wouldn’t hurt a fly, is one of the most caring, ethical people I have ever met, and I would not dream of telling them where to go to the toilet or consciously choose to use a pronoun that would not feel right for them. I am certain they would not raise an eye in a woman’s toilet, but I would be worried for them in a men’s. I suspect they use individual toilets whenever they can, because they are very adverse to any form of attention or conflict. I just hope they and everybody else can find something they are comfortable with. However, I realise that this quiet ‘let it be’ acceptance has stopped working on a systemic level, and I am very sad about that.

Seethlaw, I think it was you who said earlier that there is no distinction between ‘normal trans’ and activists or cross dressers. That is something I do struggle with seeing the same way. And I think many others not in the GC space do also. You said the only distinction is their opinions and extremity. those sound like very important distinctions to me. And I would add another- as far as I can tell, a lot of people have jumped on the bandwagon who are attention seekers, bullies and polemics, and if they didn’t jump on this platform to be that, they would jump on another one instead. So I think there is a subset of activists who are simply misogynist bullies and may not ever have struggled with their identity at all. I may be wrong. I don’t follow any of them -have just clicked on a few links posted here sometimes.

I will also say, I am overwhelmed by the level of response in what I’ve said. I was expecting to post one thing and have it fly by amidst a fast moving thread. I am trying to read and respond thoughtfully and don’t want to be accused of not doing so. But I also really have no need or want to take up this much space. I have been given plenty useful information and perspectives already, for which I am grateful.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:56

And this video is perhaps confronting to some, yet if those finding it confronting actually stripped away all the emotional reasoning and focused on why sex categories are important to safeguarding policies and laws, I think this is a good indication of what we are left with.

Regardless...

https://x.com/KnownHeretic/status/2005692519624176091?s=20

Amy E. Sousa, MA Depth Psychology (@KnownHeretic) on X

Gender identity is completely irrelevant!!!!

https://x.com/KnownHeretic/status/2005692519624176091?s=20

Seethlaw · 07/01/2026 11:56

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 11:46

Clarity is the enemy of gender ideology. Its very foundations are built on blurred boundaries and confusion.

Agreed!

The trans community, when I was in it, was all about easy sound bites, and lists of rules that you were supposed to swallow whole, never examine too closely, and dutifully regurgitate whenever necessary.

It says it all, really, that it's the women here who helped me discover what I meant by "I feel like a man inside", and even why I had transitioned, what I am getting from it.

CassOle · 07/01/2026 12:09

'Quiet inclusion.'

Hmmm. There has definitely been a new taboo in the last 10+ years - that no one should mention that men can have paraphilias such as transvestitism. That some men who dress in women's clothes for fetish reasons are dangerous individuals. Men who stole women's underwear used to be taken seriously by the Police for a reason, as paraphilias can escalate. We must talk about this fact again.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 12:11

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 11:54

Thank you Seethlaw. I appreciate your willingness/ desire to do that.

so there have been a lot of push on the actual biology/definition of man and woman stuff, With quite a few assumptions that I don’t believe womanhood is based in biology. I think that’s understandable considering I’ve entered a GC space and declared myself ‘middle’ rather than ‘GC’. So I will try to clear this up a bit. I am not sure if you have a self-determined definition of GC, but if it is purely that you are GC if you believe that women are adults who were born with vaginas etc, ie biologically based, then yes, I basically believe this already.

I am definitely not militant or activist, basically not even engaged in the issue until yesterday…… but I am passionate about women being able to call themselves women and that particularly in areas of health, the distinction being vital to be able to articulate - for biological women to be able to talk about their bodies and needs without tying themselves in knots. I am actually not very interested in what trans people call themselves or think of themselves or even what scientists think. It is not that interesting to me. I don’t want anyone to feel discriminated against or unsafe, and it makes me sad that so much of the debate centres on ‘diagnosing’ or determining who trans people are. I understand the logic and maybe this is unavoidable. but it isn’t my issue. And I think my leaning would definitely be towards ‘third space’ and ‘third label/box’ kind of solutions. And the title of ‘trans women’ feels reasonably respectful, while remaining distinctive. I suppose my natural hope when this issue first arose was to allow quiet inclusion without takeover- (I guess more how it feels trans men have integrated into manhood). At this point it is feeling impossible, because this issue has become so aggravated and politicized and there has been a bid for takeover on the trans activist level which is absolutely infringing. So if I am forced to pick sides, then I would always pick women. And no I don’t think anyone else’s needs or wants are more important.

However, I do feel for normal people who are struggling with their gender identity and simply want to feel accepted and safe. My natural inclination is to accept anybody who is just wanting to be who they want to be, and not think I have a say in it. I think that works on a human, individual level. Ie my cousin, who has shifting self-definition, wouldn’t hurt a fly, is one of the most caring, ethical people I have ever met, and I would not dream of telling them where to go to the toilet or consciously choose to use a pronoun that would not feel right for them. I am certain they would not raise an eye in a woman’s toilet, but I would be worried for them in a men’s. I suspect they use individual toilets whenever they can, because they are very adverse to any form of attention or conflict. I just hope they and everybody else can find something they are comfortable with. However, I realise that this quiet ‘let it be’ acceptance has stopped working on a systemic level, and I am very sad about that.

Seethlaw, I think it was you who said earlier that there is no distinction between ‘normal trans’ and activists or cross dressers. That is something I do struggle with seeing the same way. And I think many others not in the GC space do also. You said the only distinction is their opinions and extremity. those sound like very important distinctions to me. And I would add another- as far as I can tell, a lot of people have jumped on the bandwagon who are attention seekers, bullies and polemics, and if they didn’t jump on this platform to be that, they would jump on another one instead. So I think there is a subset of activists who are simply misogynist bullies and may not ever have struggled with their identity at all. I may be wrong. I don’t follow any of them -have just clicked on a few links posted here sometimes.

I will also say, I am overwhelmed by the level of response in what I’ve said. I was expecting to post one thing and have it fly by amidst a fast moving thread. I am trying to read and respond thoughtfully and don’t want to be accused of not doing so. But I also really have no need or want to take up this much space. I have been given plenty useful information and perspectives already, for which I am grateful.

I am again confused.

"I am definitely not militant or activist, basically not even engaged in the issue until yesterday"

So, you have never had a discussion about this issue until yesterday? Do you think that you have a firm understanding of what women on this thread want and are campaigning for?

Do you have any knowledge of safeguarding at all?

"Ie my cousin, who has shifting self-definition, wouldn’t hurt a fly, is one of the most caring, ethical people I have ever met, and I would not dream of telling them where to go to the toilet or consciously choose to use a pronoun that would not feel right for them. I am certain they would not raise an eye in a woman’s toilet, but I would be worried for them in a men’s."

Is your cousin male? Is your cousin saying he is a female person? Why are you worried about him using a male toilet?

Is your opinion that he wouldn't cause harm being in a female single sex space just by being in that space? I understand that you have said he probably uses mixed sex and that is great. However, are we to understand that you would be happy for him to use a female single sex space based on the fact that you know him and feel he would be ok to go in there (either now or prior to other male people acting in ways that stopped your ideal of acceptance working??

So, in reality you really do want some male people to be able to use the female single sex spaces? Is that your position?

If it is your position, why? It is at the heart of these discussions and I am sorry, but that is why we keep asking those questions.

On what basis, now or in the past, should your cousin have used the female single sex toilets in your mind? It comes down to a) b) c) d) from above or add an answer if those don't work.

But if you have never deeply challenged yourself as to why he should be in the female single sex toilets before, maybe now is the time answer.

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 12:14

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 11:54

Thank you Seethlaw. I appreciate your willingness/ desire to do that.

so there have been a lot of push on the actual biology/definition of man and woman stuff, With quite a few assumptions that I don’t believe womanhood is based in biology. I think that’s understandable considering I’ve entered a GC space and declared myself ‘middle’ rather than ‘GC’. So I will try to clear this up a bit. I am not sure if you have a self-determined definition of GC, but if it is purely that you are GC if you believe that women are adults who were born with vaginas etc, ie biologically based, then yes, I basically believe this already.

I am definitely not militant or activist, basically not even engaged in the issue until yesterday…… but I am passionate about women being able to call themselves women and that particularly in areas of health, the distinction being vital to be able to articulate - for biological women to be able to talk about their bodies and needs without tying themselves in knots. I am actually not very interested in what trans people call themselves or think of themselves or even what scientists think. It is not that interesting to me. I don’t want anyone to feel discriminated against or unsafe, and it makes me sad that so much of the debate centres on ‘diagnosing’ or determining who trans people are. I understand the logic and maybe this is unavoidable. but it isn’t my issue. And I think my leaning would definitely be towards ‘third space’ and ‘third label/box’ kind of solutions. And the title of ‘trans women’ feels reasonably respectful, while remaining distinctive. I suppose my natural hope when this issue first arose was to allow quiet inclusion without takeover- (I guess more how it feels trans men have integrated into manhood). At this point it is feeling impossible, because this issue has become so aggravated and politicized and there has been a bid for takeover on the trans activist level which is absolutely infringing. So if I am forced to pick sides, then I would always pick women. And no I don’t think anyone else’s needs or wants are more important.

However, I do feel for normal people who are struggling with their gender identity and simply want to feel accepted and safe. My natural inclination is to accept anybody who is just wanting to be who they want to be, and not think I have a say in it. I think that works on a human, individual level. Ie my cousin, who has shifting self-definition, wouldn’t hurt a fly, is one of the most caring, ethical people I have ever met, and I would not dream of telling them where to go to the toilet or consciously choose to use a pronoun that would not feel right for them. I am certain they would not raise an eye in a woman’s toilet, but I would be worried for them in a men’s. I suspect they use individual toilets whenever they can, because they are very adverse to any form of attention or conflict. I just hope they and everybody else can find something they are comfortable with. However, I realise that this quiet ‘let it be’ acceptance has stopped working on a systemic level, and I am very sad about that.

Seethlaw, I think it was you who said earlier that there is no distinction between ‘normal trans’ and activists or cross dressers. That is something I do struggle with seeing the same way. And I think many others not in the GC space do also. You said the only distinction is their opinions and extremity. those sound like very important distinctions to me. And I would add another- as far as I can tell, a lot of people have jumped on the bandwagon who are attention seekers, bullies and polemics, and if they didn’t jump on this platform to be that, they would jump on another one instead. So I think there is a subset of activists who are simply misogynist bullies and may not ever have struggled with their identity at all. I may be wrong. I don’t follow any of them -have just clicked on a few links posted here sometimes.

I will also say, I am overwhelmed by the level of response in what I’ve said. I was expecting to post one thing and have it fly by amidst a fast moving thread. I am trying to read and respond thoughtfully and don’t want to be accused of not doing so. But I also really have no need or want to take up this much space. I have been given plenty useful information and perspectives already, for which I am grateful.

From my reading of this post I take 'middle ground' to be one which accepts the concept of gender identity and the ways that people use it to define themselves?
Would that be correct?

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 12:15

The thing with 'quiet inclusion' is that it was a myth.

It was actually an act of disrespect and in that sense it was an act of abuse toward female people that any male person just quietly used the female single sex toilets. As uncomfortable as it might be to admit it to themselves and for the people who love them to admit.

It was a failure of safeguarding. It also overrode female people's consent.

There is no version of 'quiet inclusion' that was recognising female people's consent. To be blunt it was access by deception.

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 12:17

If that is the case then i'm probably a fundamentalist and extremist because i don't even accept the concept as a valid one when applied to real world situations...because the real world contains other people; mostly strangers with whom we have no prior understanding or relationship. In this world category definitions matter because they impact on everyone else....and the categories of male and female, man and woman are universally understood and accepted.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 12:17

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 12:11

I am again confused.

"I am definitely not militant or activist, basically not even engaged in the issue until yesterday"

So, you have never had a discussion about this issue until yesterday? Do you think that you have a firm understanding of what women on this thread want and are campaigning for?

Do you have any knowledge of safeguarding at all?

"Ie my cousin, who has shifting self-definition, wouldn’t hurt a fly, is one of the most caring, ethical people I have ever met, and I would not dream of telling them where to go to the toilet or consciously choose to use a pronoun that would not feel right for them. I am certain they would not raise an eye in a woman’s toilet, but I would be worried for them in a men’s."

Is your cousin male? Is your cousin saying he is a female person? Why are you worried about him using a male toilet?

Is your opinion that he wouldn't cause harm being in a female single sex space just by being in that space? I understand that you have said he probably uses mixed sex and that is great. However, are we to understand that you would be happy for him to use a female single sex space based on the fact that you know him and feel he would be ok to go in there (either now or prior to other male people acting in ways that stopped your ideal of acceptance working??

So, in reality you really do want some male people to be able to use the female single sex spaces? Is that your position?

If it is your position, why? It is at the heart of these discussions and I am sorry, but that is why we keep asking those questions.

On what basis, now or in the past, should your cousin have used the female single sex toilets in your mind? It comes down to a) b) c) d) from above or add an answer if those don't work.

But if you have never deeply challenged yourself as to why he should be in the female single sex toilets before, maybe now is the time answer.

And again, these are genuine questions to understand your post. I am not being sarcastic but I am trying to get clarity on what you are saying.

Swipe left for the next trending thread