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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Talking to non GC people

516 replies

Sausagenbacon · 05/01/2026 08:13

I've been chatting to a few people recently about gender issues, and their opinion runs roughly like this ' we should all listen to each other, and not be so unpleasant. But of course, men shouldn't be in women's sports'
Which begs the question that, if GC people hadn't been 'unpleasant' men would have been firmly in women's sports.
So, should I be pleased that public opinion has shifted slightly, or should I be banging my head against the wall?

OP posts:
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Leafstamp · 07/01/2026 07:59

ZeldaFighter · 05/01/2026 10:26

My friends have, over the years, held the jobs of cleaner, kitchen staff, nursery nurse, teaching assistant, etc - generally practical jobs.

They are also generally on board with GC views - ie men should not be in the women's toilets, not even at work. The erasure of the word 'woman' is also an issue - these hardworking women feel disrespected and sidelined by removing their words.

However, I do think this comes from a position of almost transphobia - trans people are "weird", "mental" and "not normal " so they don't want to be around them anywhere.

Ironically, a position that I rarely see here but we are constantly accused of.

So I think it's worth considering that trans people will still need protection from genuine discrimination and harassment if society changes back to a more sex-realist position.

Whilst I obviously agree about people not being discriminated against in terms of employment and services, women are entirely within their rights to take steps elsewhere in order not to be around men who behave in a concerning manner, including cross dressing or outwardly expressing delusional beliefs of the kind that harm women.

This is a mechanism for women to keep them and their children safe, likely an evolved skill, and we should not be made to feel that we are doing anything wrong by avoiding men we feel threatened by or uncomfortable around.

RedToothBrush · 07/01/2026 08:17

'in what way am I being unpleasant?', 'in what way do you think I'm a bad person?', 'on what issue do you disagree with me?'

'Have you actually thought about this?', 'this is not a neutral position'

Honestly it's just arrogant fuck heads with a holier than thou attitude who just are bloody ignorant.

Every single fucking time.

Hoardasurass · 07/01/2026 08:25

Thoseslippers · 06/01/2026 18:47

Yes but the issue is how you are defining male and female can be very different. Some sports might use different types of testing. It doesn't necessarily equate with being cis or trans. You may get cis women who do not pass the testing to compete as women. And vice versa. It's more complicated than is set out in the OPs argument. She is misrepresenting the views of people who are not gender critical
As someone who is not gender critical I just do not see the point of changing rules to exclude trans women just for the sake of it if those trans women passed the testing of the sporting regulatory body in order to compete. To me that's not protecting women from men, its pure transphobia

Sex testing in sport is and always has been done on the basis of chromosomal sex ie xx female sports xy male/open category.
No "cis" woman has ever failed sex testing.
Some men with DSDs have discovered that they were men due to sex testing and others are caught cheating (kalif).
As for how male and female are defined for 99.9% of the world is simple males are the sex class that evolved to produce small motile gammites and have a Y chromosome, whilst females are the sex class that evolved to produce large immotile gammites and have no y chromosomes.
Yes there are people who have DSDs but they are still male.or female.
Anyone who claims otherwise are at best being disingenuous and at worst manipulative liars.
Oh and the term CIS is offensive and presupposes that everyone has a gender identity which is a belief system not based on facts. There are men and women some of who may claim a trans identity they are still biologically male or female so please stop assigning everyone a gender identity as that is not a belief system that women on this board tend to accept or follow

potpourree · 07/01/2026 08:28

Seethlaw · 07/01/2026 07:26

no I don’t believe that the fundamental element of womanhood is a state of mind.

Then what do you believe is the fundamental élément of womanhood? It seems to me that everything hangs onto that one point.

This is why the first question I need to know the answer to is - to you (general you, not Seethlaw), what differentiates women and men?

If I don't know that, I don't know whether people using the words women or men are referring to people's bodies, their personalities, their skills, a printed document, what they look like etc.

For any decent discussion we must surely want to be unambiguously understood?

Seriestwo · 07/01/2026 08:34

BettyBooper · 07/01/2026 00:27

Bun fights.

The women on here are so knowledgeable, so well-read, so interesting and tbh so bloody patient imo with people who flounce in with opinions they pulled from their arse 5 minutes ago because they're so kind talking crap that the women on here have dealt with eleveny billion times before.

And you come on here, not having read up, not knowing jack and describe those conversations as 'bun fights'. Oh hee hee hee! Bun fight! So twee! Silly wims!

And say you're a feminist.

Righteo.

Apologies, my patience for this crap ran out last week when I went into a women's toilets at a pub and there was kill list of women's rights campaigners graffitied on the wall.

There was WHAT on the wall? Did you report it, and was I on it?

Seriestwo · 07/01/2026 08:40

I’m finding this thread useful to remind myself that I do operate ina solo. FWR views are minority views as far as the big insitutions are concerned, and so there arr people who absorb the biased and misinformation because the trust the BBC, guardian, teacher, policeman, etc. there are many people who are willing to lie about sex, including to themself, in order to have a quiet life - either they believe in “be kind” or have seen the trouble that comes our way for speaking up. There’s also people who think it’s bulldhit and not interesting and have other priorities. There are zealots, too.

the be kind lot are the hardest work, IME

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 09:09

There was a disaster of a thread started last night from someone who declared they too were a ‘middle ground’ poster. There seems to be a few posting on the boards using that terminology to describe themselves.

They came, like others have in the past, from a position of prejudice against the women who are actively campaigning to prioritise the needs of female people. It seems to be ‘middle ground’ is the new ‘moderate approach’ terminology.

Here is the thing and maybe this is also something you can answer @financialcareerstuff . What is this ‘middle ground’ when it comes to safeguarding?

You said we should celebrate shared ground. Why should people who see the harm in poor safeguarding celebrate potential harms?

You used the term ‘muddled’ for yourself. I take that as an acknowledgement that you understand that your thinking shows inconsistencies.

One of those significant inconsistencies seems to be around safeguarding, your understanding of it vs what the fundamental principles are. I say this because of your posts around toilets and how toilets are segregated.

Toilets were always segregated on sex. Never gender identity in any way. No person had to assess whether they were girl or women enough to use them. You either were born female or not.

They were segregated this way due to safety for female people, for usage patterns and to provide for usage outside of the cubicle as well as inside, and for privacy and dignity away from the other sex.

The very premise of including a group of male people into female single sex toilets needs to be based on something other than a decision to be inclusive. What is the basis of that decision?

Specifically. Why should any male person who demands access because they say they are female be given access?

a) Is it because they biologically are female?

b) Is it because they use regressive gender stereotypes to define themselves, therefore upholding those stereotypes, and present and act in what they consider a feminine way?

c) Is it because those male people deserve extra safety?

d) Is it because those male people’s philosophical belief, not reflective of material reality, should have their belief treated as if it is everyone’s material reality?

If someone thinks b) how does this then work for female people who present in a ‘masculine’ way? What does this even mean, who arbitrates who is masculine or feminine enough? And how does this even work if a woman goes in presenting feminine and changes clothes inside to present masculine?

If someone thinks c), what other male group who deserve extra safety can then access the female toilets? Why is it this particular group getting additional privileges?

If someone thinks d), why should a male person be treated as if he is female when he is not, just because he says he is? Regardless of how sincerely or integrally he believes this, it is not materially real. There are no biological markers at all. So why should society do this? Why is it is considered inclusive for this group to be treated this way when other groups don’t have their philosophical belief treated as if it is materially real when it is not. For example, should an adult who believes they are a child be able to go to primary school?

There has to be a defined reason for those male people to be given the additional privilege of accessing female single sex spaces and not just the male single sex space which was created to fulfil the basic human right. What is that?

Plus consent. Why should people celebrate female people’s consent being overridden in this way?

Why should feminists celebrate female consent being overridden? Just because one person doesn’t see the relevancy of female single sex toilets, why should those female people who need that single sex space lose it because someone else ‘consented’ ?

As I say, what is the middle ground that still provides strong safeguarding, in your opinion?

nicepotoftea · 07/01/2026 09:13

Hoardasurass · 07/01/2026 08:25

Sex testing in sport is and always has been done on the basis of chromosomal sex ie xx female sports xy male/open category.
No "cis" woman has ever failed sex testing.
Some men with DSDs have discovered that they were men due to sex testing and others are caught cheating (kalif).
As for how male and female are defined for 99.9% of the world is simple males are the sex class that evolved to produce small motile gammites and have a Y chromosome, whilst females are the sex class that evolved to produce large immotile gammites and have no y chromosomes.
Yes there are people who have DSDs but they are still male.or female.
Anyone who claims otherwise are at best being disingenuous and at worst manipulative liars.
Oh and the term CIS is offensive and presupposes that everyone has a gender identity which is a belief system not based on facts. There are men and women some of who may claim a trans identity they are still biologically male or female so please stop assigning everyone a gender identity as that is not a belief system that women on this board tend to accept or follow

It's my understanding that a woman with e.g. Swyers would be able to compete in the female category despite testing positive for the SRY gene.

The cheek swab is a screen that indicates whether further investigation is needed to determine whether there is male advantage.

None of this has anything to do with men who have no DSD

Grammarnut · 07/01/2026 09:16

Slightly off-piste, but no Christian believes that a child can be got without sperm (sounds very TRA, that!). All of the creeds currently accepted by the CofE state that Jesus was 'begotten of the Holy Spirit' and the term 'begotten not created' is included, along with the interesting (and hard) idea that Jesus was begotten before all the worlds i.e. before time began, and is co-terminous with God, which means God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are the same person and have always existed. Which leaves 'begotten of the Holy Spirit' meaning that God him/herself entered into Mary whose body then clothed God with flesh (I find this an excellent argument for women priests, btw). There is no 'sperm' because God already exists, he/she is not 'made'. If you look at Genesis, the 'person' who would become Jesus is described thus 'the Word was with God and the Word was God', repeated in the gospel of John, 'in the beginning was the Word'. No need to believe babies can be produced without 2 parents, because we aren't talking about an entity produced like that, we are talking about incarnation (the clothing of a spiritual being with flesh).
As to 'gendered souls', do these idiots think that God mixes up souls and gets it wrong? Or that nature does? Silly.

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 09:25

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 06:43

Good question. I imagine pp with her “analytical brain” will be posting on Reddit forthwith.

May I ask how this is helpful?

No, I'm not tone policing. Yes, I'm aware that anyone on the internet can claim to be someone they are not. I'm also aware that someone who says they don't have a Reddit account might actually have one.

But, having experienced this type of suspicion myself (and it's really not fun) because I was asking questions that helped me get my head around things and because I will genuinely have a conversation with anyone on this forum - yes, sometimes even people who could well be TRAs and even people who could well be duplicitous (rapid summed me up pretty well 😁) - I can say from experience that implicit accusations like this are really not helpful. I would be genuinely interested to know why you made this comment i.e what purpose you feel it serves. Is it intended to out someone as a duplicitous TRA because it's so obvious (to you) that they are one, or for a different reason?

Bringing this back to the theme of the thread, I think this is a really good illustration of how difficult it is not to be seen as an extremist or someone who is fanatical. In this case, the implication (if I'm understanding it properly) is that this PP is an extremist/fanatical TRA who is gathering screenshots for Reddit. Maybe so, but it's not the vibe I'm picking up. To me it feels just as misconstrued as the OP experiencing what is admittedly a far more explicit version of the same accusation, just on behalf of "team GC" instead.

Anyway, if I'm misinterpreting your post I'm happy to be told so and will apologise.

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 09:32

Seethlaw · 07/01/2026 07:26

no I don’t believe that the fundamental element of womanhood is a state of mind.

Then what do you believe is the fundamental élément of womanhood? It seems to me that everything hangs onto that one point.

Surely the fundamental thing about being a woman is having female biology? Biology and the body and everything that flows from that, both personally and socially. Of course not all women experience exactly the same things, but there is enough commonality to form a discrete and integral grouping.

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 09:34

potpourree · 07/01/2026 08:28

This is why the first question I need to know the answer to is - to you (general you, not Seethlaw), what differentiates women and men?

If I don't know that, I don't know whether people using the words women or men are referring to people's bodies, their personalities, their skills, a printed document, what they look like etc.

For any decent discussion we must surely want to be unambiguously understood?

A woman is an adult human female. That is it. A man is an adult human male. That is it.

Of course people extrapolate all manner of stereotypes and imagery from the above - but when it comes down to it Sex ( and the words 'man' and 'woman') are biological categories

Seethlaw · 07/01/2026 09:37

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 09:32

Surely the fundamental thing about being a woman is having female biology? Biology and the body and everything that flows from that, both personally and socially. Of course not all women experience exactly the same things, but there is enough commonality to form a discrete and integral grouping.

That's my opinion too, but I'm interested in @financialcareerstuff 's opinion, because I want to meet them where they are, you know? Explore their point of view, see if I can understand it, if it makes sense to me.

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 09:39

Thoseslippers · 06/01/2026 18:36

I dont think that's true at all. I'm not gender critical. You've misrepresented the argument haven't you? Its about how you classify a woman. Obviously there's a difference in what you would accept regarding someone entering into womens sports. So from their perspective gender critical people have not prevented men from entering womens sports, they've prevented some women from entering womens sports.

This does not make sense. A woman is an adult human female. The only females who have been prevented from competing in female categories are those who have infringed doping rules, or who don't qualify for one reason or other, and the rest are male people. Calling a male person 'a woman' is nonsense.

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 09:42

Grammarnut · 07/01/2026 09:16

Slightly off-piste, but no Christian believes that a child can be got without sperm (sounds very TRA, that!). All of the creeds currently accepted by the CofE state that Jesus was 'begotten of the Holy Spirit' and the term 'begotten not created' is included, along with the interesting (and hard) idea that Jesus was begotten before all the worlds i.e. before time began, and is co-terminous with God, which means God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are the same person and have always existed. Which leaves 'begotten of the Holy Spirit' meaning that God him/herself entered into Mary whose body then clothed God with flesh (I find this an excellent argument for women priests, btw). There is no 'sperm' because God already exists, he/she is not 'made'. If you look at Genesis, the 'person' who would become Jesus is described thus 'the Word was with God and the Word was God', repeated in the gospel of John, 'in the beginning was the Word'. No need to believe babies can be produced without 2 parents, because we aren't talking about an entity produced like that, we are talking about incarnation (the clothing of a spiritual being with flesh).
As to 'gendered souls', do these idiots think that God mixes up souls and gets it wrong? Or that nature does? Silly.

Just seen this after making my previous comment...

Slightly off-piste, but no Christian believes that a child can be got without sperm (sounds very TRA, that!).

I'm now smiling wryly to myself - mostly in a self-deprecating way and, of course, at the irony of the timing - that I apparently sound like a TRA when I say this 🤦‍♀️

If you genuinely believe everything you've written about how Jesus was "begotten" that's great. Honestly, it really is. I possibly wouldn't have been saying how great it was if you were advocating for me to be burnt as a heretic for saying that I don't. But you're not and hooray for that.

As to 'gendered souls', do these idiots think that God mixes up souls and gets it wrong? Or that nature does? Silly.

Is someone an idiot if they do believe that we all have a soul but don't believe that god exists? As someone who believes in ghosts, that's a pretty good description of me.

I don't think nature mixes up souls. I obviously don't think god does either. I also don't believe souls can be gendered. But personally I wouldn't call anyone an idiot in any of these situations.

I have an ex-colleague who said that god was father Christmas for grown-ups. Although I will (shamefully...?) admit that this made me smile, I told him I felt that was a step too far.... Rhetorical question: am I tone policing him, I wonder?

ThatBlackCat · 07/01/2026 09:43

financialcareerstuff · 06/01/2026 11:53

As this thread is a bit focussed on ‘wavering middle-ground public opinion’ it might be useful for me to share some thoughts….. as that’s where I am. I barely ever post on these threads. I think I did once many years ago when I was still very ‘pro-inclusion’. I have read quite a lot since, mostly here. I think I’m pretty representative of a lot of middle ground folk, and have even thought quite a few of the things that are quoted as typical responses that most people on this thread are bored of hearing. So it may be useful to share some reflections on what I have found useful in evolving my view and what has not been useful. I’m not really presenting these arguments for them to be destroyed here…. But to give insight into thinking for someone who might want to persuade someone like me.

I am an active feminist and anti-racist - through volunteering, campaigning, and putting my money where my mouth - so I am Passionate about women’s rights. Just mentioning that to say that indifference is not the challenge.

For me, the trans movement has provided a massive dilemma. In every other instance, I have been a passionate defender of the ‘outlier’ or ‘disadvantaged’ group who experience discrimination. Women, first of all. Racial minorities (or global majority!). Those with disabilities. And LGBQ people. Trans felt like an obvious other group who were different, often suffering as a result of their difference, and deserving of support and not to be stigmatised. I still believe they are. Also, as they basically ‘don’t fit with the mould’ on a lot of the male/female:gender stereotypes I have battled against in life, they felt like natural champions of the same thing. (“No I don’t have to be like THIS, just because that’s what you expect. I can be a new way you might not be comfortable with, but I will define”)… so my initial strong instinct for all these reasons was to be supportive.

The other thing that pushed me towards the pro-trans inclusive/welcoming stance was the style of GC rhetoric around the toilet issue. The toilet issue is still one I find least convincing and most commonly cited. The communal changing room issue yes I see , because people are stripping down naked in front of each other, but toilets, where you always have individual locked cubicles for women, and sink areas or many toilets are communal/non sex specific anyway….it doesn’t feel like a defined right to have a female only space, but rather a right to have a lockable, private cubicle. let’s say it is not what I would lead with, at least in persuading people. A lot of the rhetoric around the toilet issues sounds incredibly similar to right wing battles against inclusion for other disadvantaged groups. I’m not saying they are, but that’s what it triggers in people. For example, painting Black men as a danger to white women, due to racist views of Black men….thus justifying segregation…. And the citing of individual examples of violence as somehow ‘proving’ the threat is real is another thing that generally hasn’t helped convince me- ‘you see this awful thing happened’ or ‘look at this revolting individual…this is the face of the movement’ This feels like scaremongering, and thinking that individuals represent entire groups…. Feels stigmatising, and intellectually dishonest (because the other ‘side’ can equally cite awful things, etc to try to demonstrate their point so it basically gets us nowhere). The argument that being trans is an illness also unfortunately mirrors very closely the arguments of the past of being gay as being an illness that you could be reeducated out of…. So while I understand the philosophical argument, it doesn’t help for me. It turns me off. Another thing that doesn’t help is all the labels or acronyms. I understand if you are living and breathing this stuff they are useful, but it’s hard to get into the narrative if you are not, and you can’t remember what a terf is. It also encourages boxed up, encamped thinking, which doesn’t open people to shift their position.

So as a “muddled middler” who DOES care about women… what helped open me and move towards the view of most people on this thread?

  1. Sports issue - as cited, is persuasive. Because the danger (ie of a woman being beaten up in boxing by someone with a huge muscular advantage), is categorically based in biology, not fear or discrimination. The weakness about the sport issue is that sport doesn’t feel super important, and everybody involved is kind of choosing to be. So doesn’t fully cut it for me as a human rights issue I’d go to bat for. And there are many sports (eg swimming) when there is no physical risk. Trans being allowed to compete in these sports without rankings would be pretty acceptable to me here, certainly not a hill for me to personally die on.
  2. Rape centers far more persuasive than toilets. Women by definition are coming for sanctuary and treatment at these places and are highly vulnerable to triggers. Prisons also, because by definition people in prison tend to be criminals, and therefore not to be trusted by default, meaning someone with physical strength advantages and possibly a penis should not be in an environment that is already endemic with abuse, power play, violence etc.
  3. the most powerful for me is highlighting that some trans activists are trying to take away my right to call myself a woman or talk about women’s issues in my way. The first thing that really caught me in this realm and I still think is one of the most persuasive is the idea of doctors surgeries sending out smear test adverts not using the word ‘woman’. I felt for non native speakers or those with less education ‘people with cervix’ would genuinely damage the uptake of needed healthcare for thousands of women, for the sensitivities of a tiny minority. The idea that my field of expression and focus around women’s rights- especially in developing countries, would be curtailed was infuriating. We MUST have the ability to name ourselves and talk about our real problems in the world. I feel very relaxed about what others might want to say about themselves, but when that extends to bossing me around about what I can say or do or how I define myself or sex-based issues on behalf of women and girls, I draw the line.
  4. Pointing out that trans men (ie women raised and born) are not the ones extending into that realm of dictating, but it is largely trans women (ie men who have grown up with the entitlement of believing they get to dictate things), helped me reframe these highly activist trans women from disempowered minority I should support to the male hegemony I’ve resisted all my life. while I believe many trans people feel a much deeper, intangible sense of being in the wrong body than simply ‘oh I like knitting so much be a girl’, and we should not trivialise the former as the latter- the ideology that gender matters over sex, feels like it sticks ME in a box I don’t want.
  5. the high prevalence of people with autism and others with challenges among those who seek to transition. And the lack of help and knowledge to support children. I feel this is used too often to try to say ‘you see being trans isn’t real’, whereas ‘people with other challenges can be misdiagnosed resulting in great suffering for them’ helps redefine who the ‘disadvantaged group’ is we should be fighting for, and how to protect them.
  6. Acknowledge the genuine pain and confusion of growing up in this world trans and/or struggling with societies’ horrible and deeply confusing legacies of sex and gender. the ‘mocking the intellectual idiocy’ stuff feels very distancing for those who are, or who know trans people, who truly fundamentally and deeply struggle with how to exist in the world, in a way that can drive them to suicide or the most radical interventions imaginable.
  7. With this in mind, acknowledging that the large majority of trans people just want to live their lives free of discrimination and you want that for them too. I think GC could do more to distinguish between extremists and normal people whose identity has been co-opted in many ways. And that extremists are actually damaging normal trans’ people’s cause. There is a huge dissonance in most people’s minds between the trans people they have actually met and the ‘activist/extremist’ campaigners that GC are often talking about when they are fighting their fight for women. If GC people don’t draw that distinction themselves, then they can sound prejudiced/demonizing/stigmatizing or mocking of very pleasant, struggling people in the lives of the people they are talking to. Similarly, I think better distinction needs to be drawn between trans and cross dressing. When GC people talk about a man ‘sticking a dress on’ not making him a woman, it erases the difference and trivialises a very deeply held feeling of gender disphoria, as something entirely different. Another distinction I think needs to be drawn more often is the difference between acceptance (which we hopefully all support) and co-opting (which is a big problem)Z I think GC people could make more time to legitimize the existence and concerns of ‘mainstream’ folk who identify as trans and even suggesting solutions for these people, rather than just saying ‘tough luck’. These distinctions would help make it clearer who and what you are fighting and who/what you aren’t.
  8. And then the most universal principle of persuasion, which is easily said but hard to do when so passionate- don’t despise your interlocutor. Acknowledge and celebrate the shared ground or shared humanity/concern that motivates people. This makes it far easier to hear and open reflection and move ones position. Eg…. Acknowledge That the extremity of online activist chatter on both sides can be an echo Chamber that pushes extremism, and it is possible to be an intelligent person who cares about the world and about women, who has not made this their central issue. Ie: If we have doubts about where we stand on this issue, it really doesn’t mean we are idiots or we don’t care about women.

Hope this is of some use.

@financialcareerstuff Re toilets: I feel you show callous ignorance of the female sex needs. Women flee to the ladies to escape a man. We cry. Seek help. We miscarry there. We change out at the sinks to go clubbing. We wash blood-stained underwear at the sink, and baby sick off our blouses. We are in a semi state of dress and sometimes fully naked. We don't want MALES there. This should not even need me explaining it.

And on race? The difference is on who asked for those separate spaces; the oppressor, or the oppressed. These images explain it better.

Talking to non GC people
Talking to non GC people
Talking to non GC people
CassOle · 07/01/2026 09:44

ThatBlackCat · 07/01/2026 03:30

Khelif was already proven to be male. He is a male with intersex 5-ARD who went through male puberty and has a micropenis, internal testes, a prostate, male chromosomes and DNA and ZERO female sex organs or chromosomes. Plus the fact he failed sex testing three times, and was banned from competing in the recent of the Eindhoven Box Cup in June 2025 and the subsequent World Boxing Championships in September 2025.
His withdrawal followed the new governing body, World Boxing, introducing a mandatory sex testing policy for all female athletes. The rule requires a genetic test (PCR SRY gene test) to confirm eligibility for the female category. If he was female, why would he refuse to have the test and instead flee from the cup? Ask them that. It looks like he is now 'retiring' since the new rule came in. If he were female, he wouldn't need to retire.
Please send these to your relative:

https://www.francsjeux.com/en/short/A-medical-report-relaunches-the-Imane-Khelif-case/

I know that everything that you have said is correct. Unfortunately, my relative has had all the dipshit reasons (it's a Russian plot, the IOC wouldn't lie, masculine women exist and they are now being attacked due to JKR upholding western standards of beauty, naturally high testosterone, etc.) fed to them by TRSOH and are currently unable to even let the thought that Khelif might actually be male enter their head.

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 09:49

@Keeptoiletssafegood morning. You asked me to scroll back and check your post from 12.33 yesterday. Apologies I didn’t reply to you directly at the time- there were so many posts. However, I did indeed read what you posted, and your post was one of the ones I was referring to as having useful information that I did not know and had not previously thought about, specifically on the difference between enclosed and open cubicles. I had not thought about this as a safety feature before. Or something that would need to change if the overall space was same sex or mixed sex. It also made me think about all the individual self contained toilets - both for people with disabilities, and in loads of smaller establishments, Trains, planes etc, and whether these are actually safe. I guess I’ve always thought about these as the actual ideal, and fairly readily available, and all other designs as expedient for numbers/crowd control, versus better for safety. I guess I’ve also sometimes worried that women only toilets can attract twisted people, who do want to target us…. It’s like a label that says “vulnerable people you may want to predate on- out of sight and with two doors separation to general public” so personally I’m nervous to go into them sometimes, when they are out in eg a park, if it is quiet.

so yes, your post did inform me and make me think differently about toilets, and more specifically about the safety of different set ups. And yes, I would be very interested in reading further information on this if you are happy to share it.

I would like to correct you and say I never said (or felt) that I want mixed toilets - certainly not as a political/policy stance.

What I did say, is that I don’t think toilets are as easy to explain or convince people of as some of the other issues. And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable. I can see that many women, including myself, as I said earlier in the thread, might prefer them - both for psychological, physical comfort and safety. And if statistics bear out that they are consistently safer or needed, then I can see a strong argument for them being a right. If they are a right, though, I find it confusing that there are so many situations when this right is denied, irrespective of any trans issue….and until the trans issue came up, I wasn’t aware of protests about this, so didn’t know it to be a pain point.

If I had to go to a group toilet in an isolated place, I would probably feel safer in a mixed setting, based on the idea that I am closer to multiple non-predatory people, regardless of their sex, and not in a place labeled as an isolated concentration of targets ….the women only ones in parks and petrol stations, when you have to walk round the other side of the building make me very nervous. I feel less safe, not more safe, because they are women only. Again not sure if this is borne out by facts.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet. Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

Finally, I am concerned that the worries around female only toilets being eroded have caused a significant number of women, and indeed trans people to use disabled facilities instead. While understandable, I know disabled facilities are woefully inadequate already, and wonder if there is any information on this and that it is a fall out people with disabilities have suffered from.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 09:49

I think defining terms such as woman and female is vital to understanding where financial’s point of view is coming from.

To me, it seems like the crux of the issue that financial is having with the toilet discussion. While expressing the opinion that they would prefer to see statistics and facts, those don’t get to crux of the matter as I think they believe it will.

All the stats in the world are irrelevant if a space has been designated and created especially for being female only. If you (general you) cannot define who is and isn’t female, what is the use of statistics and general trends?

Plus as we have seen, we are still in a period where police forces throughout the UK have said they will record crimes as being done by whatever sex a person says they are, and media services report that ‘women’ are committing crimes when they are male people. So, finding reliable sources of statistics is the issue.

But it all comes back to ‘what is a woman’.

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 09:55

are currently unable to even let the thought that Khelif might actually be male enter their head.

This is an extremely telling comment.

I think there's a lot of this. Just a complete refusal to believe that the authorities got this so wrong. For some people, this is too destabilising to contemplate and it's much more comforting to label those calling it out as bigots

potpourree · 07/01/2026 10:01

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 09:34

A woman is an adult human female. That is it. A man is an adult human male. That is it.

Of course people extrapolate all manner of stereotypes and imagery from the above - but when it comes down to it Sex ( and the words 'man' and 'woman') are biological categories

Edited

I'll try and re-phrase.

When people are using "woman" and "man" to mean something other than female and male, then the first question I need to know the answer to is - to them, what differentiates women and men?

If I don't know that, I don't know whether people using the words women or men are referring to people's bodies, their personalities, their skills, a printed document, what they look like etc.

For any decent discussion we must surely want to be unambiguously understood?
If not, then what's the point in trying to communicate a viewpoint, if you don't want it to be clear?

CassOle · 07/01/2026 10:02

TheKeatingFive
Yes. I think the idea that a man boxing a woman in the Olympics was (more than once and with more than one man) shown across the world on TV is not something that they want to think about. Thinking that thought will break down a very carefully crafted wall that they have built up in their mind. Knocking the wall down will destroy all belief in a just world.

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 10:02

And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.

I don't think this needs to be framed in terms of rights - it's about policies.

Either toilets are single sex or unisex. Take your pick. However it is hugely problematic to designate toilets as single sex and then decide it's okay for one group of men to use them.

Firstly, because it's inaccurate/ dishonest and causes issues for women who are expecting single sex spaces.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 10:04

Seethlaw · 07/01/2026 09:37

That's my opinion too, but I'm interested in @financialcareerstuff 's opinion, because I want to meet them where they are, you know? Explore their point of view, see if I can understand it, if it makes sense to me.

This sums up my thoughts too.

In all the discussions I've had both online and IRL, this is what I've aimed to achieve.

I once had a phenomenal conversation with an ex-colleague who identified as non-binary. To be fair, it was several conversations.

Sadly, I realised that there was a point at which sharing my own thoughts back would have come across as offensive (so I didn't) but we explored plenty of things together before we got to that point. As an example, the conversations were really helpful when exploring reasons why my autistic daughter might find periods distressing. Interestingly, this ex-colleague (female, NB-identifying, male name) didn't find periods distressing at all so we were able to explore together why autism (which this ex-colleague didn't have) might play a role in all of this. We had a fair amount of discussion about how autism could conflate with gender identity in an unhelpful way, which definitely helped me in the early days. This was either before I had discovered MN, or in the very early days of me being here and trying to understand what it was all about. Meeting everyone "where they are now" has been so key to me forming my own opinions.

The point at which I buttoned it on that conversation was when the ex-colleague mentioned a falling out with a cousin over a heated debate about whether men can have periods. Rather than saying I agreed with the cousin that they can't, I said that I can appreciate how difficult that must have been as a conversation. Which I absolutely can. Much like the awful situation that the OP has found herself in.

I have no idea if this ex-colleague will know how much I hold these conversations dear to me and how thankful I am that we had them.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:07

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 09:55

are currently unable to even let the thought that Khelif might actually be male enter their head.

This is an extremely telling comment.

I think there's a lot of this. Just a complete refusal to believe that the authorities got this so wrong. For some people, this is too destabilising to contemplate and it's much more comforting to label those calling it out as bigots

I think that people who have not looked at the decision making process of the IOC in detail may have a habit of giving their confidence to the IOC to know the science and to have the expertise behind the decision making. Hence we saw so many people defending Khelif based on Semenya.

Maybe it is true to say that it is only when Semenya really dug a hole for his own legacy by releasing a book and doing promo interviews saying things like my testicles don’t make me less of a woman, that some people started to understand that those saying ‘Semenya is male’ were correct. That CAS evidence wasn’t widely publicised and the discussion around DSDs was not as widely understood as it is now.

I am still amazed by the amount of posters who tell us we are horrid and hateful for pointing out that the IOC allowed male people to compete as female people. There is such misplaced trust in the IOC yet, it doesn’t take much to see where the IOC centred an ideological position over a biologically proven one.

But first, you must accept that the IOC is not the expert science organisation it might appear to some to be. It is one upholding an ideal that is pervious to idealism that is not based on physical science.