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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Mixed sex toilets are terrifying for women but just a laugh for men.

519 replies

CrocsNotDocs · 29/12/2025 06:56

I can enjoy a good fart joke but this “hilarious” anecdote by cricket commentator David “Bumble” Lloyd left me cold. Men really have no idea of the fear women have of mixed sex facilities.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/3843028419327926/?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V&fs=e&fs=e

If the link doesn’t work, it’s a viral, supposedly hilarious account of David going into a mixed-sex loo for a poo and letting off a loud fart. The lady in the cubicle next to him calls out “Is that you Maureen”.

From David’s point of view, (and pretty much every man and “cool girl” on the planet) he thinks that Maureen must be such a regular farter that her friend thinks the fart noise just has to be her.

I suspect most women would read this situation differently- Maureen’s friend has realised she was half naked inches away from a strange man and is calling out anxiously to her friend to make sure she isn’t alone.

I’m wondering what this board’s thoughts would be. Am I just looking to hard into an anecdote or is men’s complete obliviousness a big issue when it comes to mixed sex facilities.

OP posts:
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Keeptoiletssafe · 29/12/2025 14:49

Festive Fun health and safety quiz (quick to do - just yes/no answers)

‪Q) is it a good thing we have a programme of rolling out defibrillators across schools, venues and workplaces so that we have a timely and best chance of surviving if we collapse? ‬

‪Q) is it important that the place where most people rush to when they feel ill is safe?‬

‪Q) and in a non-domestic situation that would often be the toilet cubicle?‬

‪Q) so is it important that you would be found as quickly as possible in the toilet cubicle if you collapsed?‬

‪Q) so if toilets were all enclosed in full height ceiling-to-floor rooms that were resistant to the passage of sound (the mixed sex design), do you agree that could lead to delays finding someone who had collapsed?‬

‪Q) so if we get rid of all the single sex designs that have door gaps to make them inclusive of gender, would that mean everyone was more at risk at their most vulnerable?‬

‪Q) and would those ambulant people with invisible disabilities (collapsible conditions such as epilepsy, diabetes, heart conditions, POTS) be as safe in the workplace if only enclosed toilets were available?

‪Q) and would women and children who were led or pushed back into a toilet room be less likely to be rescued in time if there was no knowledge of what was going on in the toilet room?

‪Q) so would single sex toilet cubicles that were in single sex environment (the only designs the Health and Safety Executive say could have door gaps) also be a preventative measure for sexual assaults on women and children?‬

The 15cm floor-door and floor-partition gaps and space above toilet doors and partitions were standard in building literature at the time of the Workplace (Health Safety and Welfare) Regulations 1992. That’s why any mixed sex toilets had to be enclosed and in a separate room. Mixed sex toilets were never meant to be normal provision. They don’t work for health and safety reasons.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 29/12/2025 14:52

newbluesofa · 29/12/2025 11:57

It frustrates me that MN often feels like feminism has taken a step backwards. Really, it's 'terrifying' to share a loo with men? If you've experienced assault then yes absolutely, but otherwise?

Someone here said the wall between the mens and women's loos was too thin and men could hear you opening a period product. God forbid! Yes women have periods it's a fact of life! Why should we be ashamed of it? Oh dear it's my womanly time, best not let the menfolk know of my shame.

Women are smart, capable, independent, assertive. We shouldn't be ashamed of ourselves. And we should be realistic about where the real dangers lie, statistically very few assaults happen in loos.

I'm not trying to deny anyone their opinion. But there is SO MUCH conversation about toilets! Imagine if that energy was put into the statistically most risky areas, maybe we'd see real change. But instead let's just spread a narrative that women are scared little weaklings who should hide their bodies away shall we.

So we're allowed to want a single sex loo if we've been assaulted? That's big of you. But wait... if you HAVEN'T been assaulted then wanting a single sex loo is pathetic?
How about men who want single sex loos? They also exist. Are they pathetic too, or is it just women?

MiddleChildX · 29/12/2025 14:52

SharonEllis · 29/12/2025 14:25

Good for you! Stand down any woman who has ever been followed, had unasked for 'attention' or been leered at in a public place. Not to mention actual assault. Its ok because other very cool women are not scared!! And no, who cares if you have previously been assaulted and are triggered by men in spaces that were once recognised to be places of safety for women.

Yep, good for me for realising that gender neutral toilets have fuck all impact on me being assaulted. Contrary to your assumptions, I have endured stalking, assault, unwanted behaviour, unsolicited dick pics, and guess what…? ALL of those men managed to behave in those ways without needing gender neutral toilets. So I guess I know that if a man is going to assault me, he will do it regardless of if he is ‘allowed’ into the same space as me. And cheers btw, glad someone thinks I’m ‘cool’ 🤣

Shortshriftandlethal · 29/12/2025 14:53

MiddleChildX · 29/12/2025 14:18

Can honestly say I’ve never been terrified in a gender neutral toilet 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe, but it is not all about you. Civilised society operates on the basis of providing certain types of protection and safeguards in known situations of potential harm or infringment. This is how safeguarding works, and is predicated on many hundreds of years of experience of human behaviours, as well as on the differences between the sexes.

Hoppinggreen · 29/12/2025 14:54

MistyGreenAndBlue · 29/12/2025 14:52

So we're allowed to want a single sex loo if we've been assaulted? That's big of you. But wait... if you HAVEN'T been assaulted then wanting a single sex loo is pathetic?
How about men who want single sex loos? They also exist. Are they pathetic too, or is it just women?

My DS wants single sex toilets - is that allowed?

Shortshriftandlethal · 29/12/2025 14:58

MiddleChildX · 29/12/2025 14:52

Yep, good for me for realising that gender neutral toilets have fuck all impact on me being assaulted. Contrary to your assumptions, I have endured stalking, assault, unwanted behaviour, unsolicited dick pics, and guess what…? ALL of those men managed to behave in those ways without needing gender neutral toilets. So I guess I know that if a man is going to assault me, he will do it regardless of if he is ‘allowed’ into the same space as me. And cheers btw, glad someone thinks I’m ‘cool’ 🤣

But the logic of that, and of those experiences, is not therefore to permit males into female only facilities because they'll do it anyway. Safeguarding measures exist to provide safeguards. You may not care, but plenty of others do.

SharonEllis · 29/12/2025 15:01

MiddleChildX · 29/12/2025 14:52

Yep, good for me for realising that gender neutral toilets have fuck all impact on me being assaulted. Contrary to your assumptions, I have endured stalking, assault, unwanted behaviour, unsolicited dick pics, and guess what…? ALL of those men managed to behave in those ways without needing gender neutral toilets. So I guess I know that if a man is going to assault me, he will do it regardless of if he is ‘allowed’ into the same space as me. And cheers btw, glad someone thinks I’m ‘cool’ 🤣

You know that's not an argument, don't you? Where is your data that allowing men into female only spaces has 'fuck all impact' on men committing assaults on women? (I.e what were single sex have become moxed sex spaces) And where is your data that it has 'fuck all impact' on women more generally? When women on this thread have told you it does impact them?

MistyGreenAndBlue · 29/12/2025 15:03

newbluesofa · 29/12/2025 12:01

Shame on all these "cool girl" posters who are so keen to give our rights away.

Given our rights away? I want the opposite!! Be loud, take up space, assert yourself, don't cater to men or change your behaviour because there's a man nearby. Screw him!

All this talk of needing special spaces because we're oh so terrified, feels like we're taking our own right away, segregating ourselves.

That's not feminism. Women (and men for that matter) have a right to toilet and change their clothes in a single sex or private space. We fought for our right to have this as men already did have it. It's not segregation ffs. It's allowing women the facilities we need to move outside our own home and partake in society. What benefit is there for women in mixed sex loos? What do women gain from them?

nicepotoftea · 29/12/2025 15:13

MiddleChildX · 29/12/2025 14:52

Yep, good for me for realising that gender neutral toilets have fuck all impact on me being assaulted. Contrary to your assumptions, I have endured stalking, assault, unwanted behaviour, unsolicited dick pics, and guess what…? ALL of those men managed to behave in those ways without needing gender neutral toilets. So I guess I know that if a man is going to assault me, he will do it regardless of if he is ‘allowed’ into the same space as me. And cheers btw, glad someone thinks I’m ‘cool’ 🤣

As has been pointed out by several posters, you might as well argue that because you can be pick pocketed you shouldn't lock your car.

From the available data, mixed sex facilities do enable assault, and in particular voyeurism and indecent exposure.

As has been explained, completely enclosed lockable public facilities pose their own risks.

Grammarnut · 29/12/2025 15:21

tripleginandtonic · 29/12/2025 07:18

If it was a mixed sex loo, as a woman, I'd expect men to be in there so can't see your problem with his anecdote.

Cool girl are you? Yes, you might expect men there and probably you have no choice but to use the mixed sex loo - or wet yourself or have blood leaking through your clothes. That's why the joke isn't funny, and why we don't want mixed sex loos.
Besides, you are underthinking here. You are alone in a probably quite isolated place and there is a man there too. Both of you are partially undressed and mixed sex facilities are the site of most sexual assaults that take place in e.g. toilets and changing rooms. So when Maureen's friend comes out of her cubicle she fears she could face assault if no other women are around. That's the other reason the joke isn't funny.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 29/12/2025 15:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Probably already been answered but they admit it themselves. There are loads of them on Reddit and other creepy forums talking openly about it - swapping stories and tips (ugh) What, did you think we women made this up by ourselves? We've got enough to do

MistyGreenAndBlue · 29/12/2025 15:27

Helleofabore · 29/12/2025 12:56

There are plenty of self published anecdotes of this very thing all over the internet. Just like there was (and likely still is) a section of only fans where male people with estrogen grown or implanted breast tissue masturbate in female toilets in videos. They have fully working penises.

It is not a general hatred of men to point out this happens.

Ugh. God its even worse than I thought. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised though.

Keeptoiletssafe · 29/12/2025 15:29

MiddleChildX · 29/12/2025 14:52

Yep, good for me for realising that gender neutral toilets have fuck all impact on me being assaulted. Contrary to your assumptions, I have endured stalking, assault, unwanted behaviour, unsolicited dick pics, and guess what…? ALL of those men managed to behave in those ways without needing gender neutral toilets. So I guess I know that if a man is going to assault me, he will do it regardless of if he is ‘allowed’ into the same space as me. And cheers btw, glad someone thinks I’m ‘cool’ 🤣

I have been researching public toilet safety for several years. All of my data shows that mixed sex toilets are worst. They are particularly bad for children and young women.

If you are interested in finding out about more about how little is collated and known about keeping public spaces safe for women, I recommend reading the Sarah Everard public inquiry part 2. They recommend designing out risk factors.

HousePlantEmergency · 29/12/2025 15:30

Unbelievable that some are arguing that because some men will "assault anyway", well then let's just get rid of ANY safeguarding measures, cos what's the point?

Have you heard yourself?

"Think the worst" literally underpins all safeguarding procedures.

No one is suggesting that single sex toilets will prevent men from assaulting women. Of course it won't. There isn't an invisible forcefield around the toilet facility because it is single sex. Of course some men will still commit crimes against women. It sadly, was ever thus.

But we dont make it fucking easier for god's sake!! Just THINK for a minute.

Try getting through the selection process for a job in education with that approach.
"Yes, I think because MOST people don't abuse children, we may as well not bother doing DBS checks, because some people might slip through the net and commit an offence anyway".

I have no issue whatsoever with mixed sex spaces, as long as there are equivalent number of single sex alternatives too. If you are happy to use them, that's absolutely fine. But it is selfish and entitled in the extreme to expect others to do so just because "I've never been concerned".

Keeptoiletssafe · 29/12/2025 16:00

Before I started researching toilet safety, I had little problem with adding mixed sex toilets as long as there was single sex provision. However I do now. I would even go as far as encouraging single sex accessible toilets within a single sex environment. There should be as few mixed sex public toilets as possible.

‘No one is suggesting that single sex toilets will prevent men from assaulting women. Of course it won't.’ Design can go a long way to help. Perpetrators don’t like witnesses.

HousePlantEmergency · 29/12/2025 16:08

Keeptoiletssafe · 29/12/2025 16:00

Before I started researching toilet safety, I had little problem with adding mixed sex toilets as long as there was single sex provision. However I do now. I would even go as far as encouraging single sex accessible toilets within a single sex environment. There should be as few mixed sex public toilets as possible.

‘No one is suggesting that single sex toilets will prevent men from assaulting women. Of course it won't.’ Design can go a long way to help. Perpetrators don’t like witnesses.

Oh absolutely, I completely agree with your stance on this issue.
I'm just commenting on the fact that a lot of the opposing arguments do tend to use this stance of "men will do it anyway."
I think no matter what we do, some men will do it anyway. We can't possibly make a completely water tight solution. The only way men will stop doing it - is if men stop doing it.

I just hate that used as an argument to do away with safeguards altogether.

nicepotoftea · 29/12/2025 16:13

HousePlantEmergency · 29/12/2025 16:08

Oh absolutely, I completely agree with your stance on this issue.
I'm just commenting on the fact that a lot of the opposing arguments do tend to use this stance of "men will do it anyway."
I think no matter what we do, some men will do it anyway. We can't possibly make a completely water tight solution. The only way men will stop doing it - is if men stop doing it.

I just hate that used as an argument to do away with safeguards altogether.

Ironically, it's exactly the same logic that is used to argue against gun restrictions.

Bagsintheboot · 29/12/2025 16:25

There should be as few mixed sex public toilets as possible.

Sorry but I can't agree there. Mixed-sex toilets are a godsend to those who care for an opposite sex family member, especially when disabled provision is inadequate, out of use, or far away. Or for parents with opposite sex children who are slightly too old to use facilities by themselves but who may still need assistance.

My ideal is single sex provision, plus accessible, plus mixed sex, plus a baby change / feeding room.

CutePixieGirl · 29/12/2025 16:34

Total over reaction to a funny anecdote and OP lost all credibility at ‘cool girl.’

ContentedAlpaca · 29/12/2025 17:04

I hate mixed sex toilets. The last one I was in, I don't think as many hands were washed. Women were rushing in and back out. No checking makeup in the mirror etc..

I had to wipe the seat and the part of the toilet fitting sticking out under the badly fitting seat as they were both covered in urine.
The second time I went in I remembered to check along the line for a clean toilet and I passed 6 that were covered in wee before finding one that wasn't.

As I washed my hands i could see in the mirror that there was a man stood up using the toilet opposite with door wide open. He kept turning his head, hopefully in alarm that he had forgotten it was a mixed sex loo.

Mixed sex toilets and alcohol do not mix.

Datun · 29/12/2025 17:18

HousePlantEmergency · 29/12/2025 16:08

Oh absolutely, I completely agree with your stance on this issue.
I'm just commenting on the fact that a lot of the opposing arguments do tend to use this stance of "men will do it anyway."
I think no matter what we do, some men will do it anyway. We can't possibly make a completely water tight solution. The only way men will stop doing it - is if men stop doing it.

I just hate that used as an argument to do away with safeguards altogether.

People can't possibly really believe that, in my opinion.

That men will do it anyway, so let's make it easier for them. Men will assault women and girls, so let's do away with safeguarding for reasons.

And It's patently not true. It was only a couple of weeks ago that the number of rapes and sexual assaults in mixed spaces was publicised.

But there's no one alive who doesn't think that some men will take advantage of accessing vulnerable women if they are given a legitimate reason to do so.

it's definitely, despite some people disliking the term, the 'cool girl stance'.

There's literally zero other reason to keep saying it. In the teeth of women saying quite clearly, that they are worried, they have been assaulted, they do need privacy, they are triggered.

it's patriarchy in action.

I'd like to believe that it's mainly men saying it. But sadly, I think it's women too.

oviraptor21 · 29/12/2025 17:26

Probably been said already but if you only prefer mixed sex because the queue is shorter then that's not a fair comparison. All that says is that venues should provide toilets in appropriate ratios.

ContentedAlpaca · 29/12/2025 17:36

On men will do it anyway.

20 year ago a woman might walk into a toilet, see a man there and her fight or flight instinct kicks in. She leaves, or if she is unable to, does the thing that is most sensible in that situation (often fawning)

Now, a women walks into a toilet and there's a man there. Her first instinct may be to leave...but wait!.... Things are different now and we're in a much kinder time. The woman overrides any instincts towards personal safety and continues on.

I have taught my daughter than the response in the second scenario is the most appropriate now.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 29/12/2025 17:40

Datun · 29/12/2025 17:18

People can't possibly really believe that, in my opinion.

That men will do it anyway, so let's make it easier for them. Men will assault women and girls, so let's do away with safeguarding for reasons.

And It's patently not true. It was only a couple of weeks ago that the number of rapes and sexual assaults in mixed spaces was publicised.

But there's no one alive who doesn't think that some men will take advantage of accessing vulnerable women if they are given a legitimate reason to do so.

it's definitely, despite some people disliking the term, the 'cool girl stance'.

There's literally zero other reason to keep saying it. In the teeth of women saying quite clearly, that they are worried, they have been assaulted, they do need privacy, they are triggered.

it's patriarchy in action.

I'd like to believe that it's mainly men saying it. But sadly, I think it's women too.

Agreed.
It's also worth remembering that no women anywhere in the world campaigned for the removal of single sex toilets, showers, changing rooms etc. This was a totally male led demand along with the insistence that single sex changing rooms, hospital wards, sleeping accommodation, even sport was vital to enable certain men to access women's spaces.

There's a level of naivety amongst some posters in not recognising that the toilet issue also encompasses changing rooms etc. Take a look at the NHS nurses being compelled to undress in front of entitled male colleagues and ask yourselves why the NHS etc is openly decriminalising sex crimes like voyeurism and indecent exposure?

It's much more than toilets which at times can be a real distraction from the grim reality of what is being taken from girls and women.

Helleofabore · 29/12/2025 17:48

What is the difference between changing rooms and toilets ?

Why have we got posters declaring things like ‘if they are going to do it, they will do it anyway’ when the WRN report into mixed changing rooms showed just how harmful they were to female people? Is there some logic I am missing that would show that mixed sex toilets would not have a similar trend of being more harmful to female people? (Including ‘accidental exposure’)

https://a86851fb-c226-400d-9bf4-401a61daaa40.usrfiles.com/ugd/a86851_0f9e0eeec3b54ff18327bfce8f5e6f52.pdf

The above was just in leisure centres and swimming pools.

Any reason to expect that mixed sex toilets have been shown to be safer to female people than female single sex toilets?

https://a86851fb-c226-400d-9bf4-401a61daaa40.usrfiles.com/ugd/a86851_0f9e0eeec3b54ff18327bfce8f5e6f52.pdf