Mixed sex toilets are terrifying for women but just a laugh for men.

[CrocsNotDocs]

I can enjoy a good fart joke but this “hilarious” anecdote by cricket commentator David “Bumble” Lloyd left me cold. Men really have no idea of the fear women have of mixed sex facilities.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/3843028419327926/?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V&fs=e&fs=e

If the link doesn’t work, it’s a viral, supposedly hilarious account of David going into a mixed-sex loo for a poo and letting off a loud fart. The lady in the cubicle next to him calls out “Is that you Maureen”.

From David’s point of view, (and pretty much every man and “cool girl” on the planet) he thinks that Maureen must be such a regular farter that her friend thinks the fart noise just has to be her.

I suspect most women would read this situation differently- Maureen’s friend has realised she was half naked inches away from a strange man and is calling out anxiously to her friend to make sure she isn’t alone.

I’m wondering what this board’s thoughts would be. Am I just looking to hard into an anecdote or is men’s complete obliviousness a big issue when it comes to mixed sex facilities.

Because in Britain we have an expectation of privacy in such matters. It feels uncomfortable to be exposed to open public view in such a big and busy venue. The washbasins are, of course, serving those people wanting to wash hands because they've been using the toilet.

It’s not about washing hands but if the sinks are shared it generally means that all the toilet stalls are within a mixed sex enclosed room which for obvious reasons women don’t want.

We keep getting told that mixed sex toilets are the norm in Europe, but It just isn't true. It might be in Denmark or Sweden, I don't know?

I tested this out on my last visit to Barcelona, where my son lives ( I had been told mixed sex was the norm in Spain) - and even in the trendy bar areas such as El Born every venue I was in had single sex facilities. Same goes for Italy

You know... if I were out in the wilderness in the middle of nowhere and there was one loo, and a queue of men and women, it would be no problem as we just have to make do with what we find in extreme circumstances.

But there are conventions that have lasted for millennia, and in all types of societies, whereby men and women have separate toileting facilities. In my opinion this is a good convention and should continue!

It’s not the norm here either and I don’t particularly love mixed sex toilets personally. I just didn’t understand the connection to washing hands so wanted to understand, that’s all.

It's more the men wandering around doing up their trousers that puts me off. I don't want to be around toileting men. There's no shame in needing to use a toilet but there are things you don't want to deal with from the opposite sex.

Thank you! I thought it might be something like that, it’s just that the previous poster said “everyone can see you washing your hands” and it made me wonder if hand washing is seen as very private in general. I think I took it too literally.

It is interesting you say it isn't the norm where you live. Are you in Norway?

I’m in a major UK city and whilst most places have separate male and female toilets such as my local pub and restaurants, I have come across mixed sex enclosed toilets/rooms too many times, especially in new buildings, theatres or refurbished ones lately.

The type of room I am opposed to is a mixed sex room where multiple users enter into that one enclosed space/room (typical ladies toilets configuration) with further enclosed stalls within the room. It makes no difference to me whether the hand basins are inside the stalls or shared outside the stall, it’s the enclosed shared room outside the stalls I object to. Even if I wasn’t going to use the stall I just do not want to enter any enclosed room via a door where unknown men or one unknown man might be there.
Whilst the risk is probably low I prefer not to take any risk, especially where alcohol is served and loud music is playing.

However, a row of single use mixed sex toilets off a main thoroughfare such as an airplane toilet, disabled toilet in a cafe or other single use rooms/stalls I will tolerate. Even though they are likely to have more pee on the seat and floor and often requires me to wipe up mens wee before I can sit down.

Putting signs on previously men’s toilets saying “6 urinals and 2 cubicles” and on the previous ladies “8 cubicles” in the name of inclusivity is absolutely outrageous. Men allowed to use all facilites and women left with even less provision. Looking at you Old Vic theatre.

Its not embarrassing.

But there is a presumption in that design that the user will only be washing their hands.

Women need toilets and wash areas for multiple reasons.

A simple one may be to wash baby sick /spilled drink off a top. A man doing this in public is not going to be open to a criminal charge of sexual misconduct while a woman could evicted or even end up with a police record.

An open overlooked space reduces the functionality of the provision.

Hi! I’d rather not say exactly where I am, but I’’m from (and still live in one) of the Nordic countries and until a year ago used to travel for work quite a lot in Denmark, Sweden Finland and Norway. I wouldn’t say that large mixed sex toilets are really the norm in any of these countries. (Can’t say anything regarding Iceland, have never been there.)

From the top of my head, the mixed / unisex toilets I can remember have been mostly in small cafes in older buildings that lack space for big facilities. These have been single cubicles, or two single cubicles with shared sink. I have also seen some larger unisex toilets, usually in areas where they want to avoid queues, a food court in a slightly more nice / expensive shopping mall in Helsinki comes to mind for example. There are a lot of single cubicles and a common sink area in that one, but all the cubicles also have a mirror, sink and I think also a bin. Also, toilet doors are all full length in the ones I can remember.

Thank you! I see. There is no way you would be in trouble for cleaning baby sick off your top here! If you removed the top and everything underneath it entirely or were acting very ostentatiously otherwise people might look at you a bit oddly, but it would not be seen as criminal misconduct. I think most people would just try to look away and pretend they don’t notice anything.

Yes, single occupancy toilets with integral basins ( for everyone to use) are fairly standard in the UK too - in small venues, shops and cafes etc

Women in the UK have had the police called for breastfeeding their babies in public.

Plus if you posted in AIBU even on MN you would get at least posters saying she should feed the baby in the toilet.

One thing which is noticable in the UK is the female and disabled units are historically rolled into one as a space saver
So in a small venue with 2 units the split will still be by sex.
• the M will be a small unit with toilet and sink behind a full lenght door.
• the F will be the large unit with a high toilet and sink and wheelchair circulation space and disability transfer bars plus a baby change and 2 bio-hazard bins (one for period products one for nappies) again behind a full lenght door.

For slightly larger provision it would be F/M and wheelchair accessable unit normally with the baby change unit.

Heaven forbid that a man might have to wait to use the loo whilst a disabled person finishes or a baby's nappy is changed. Women? They can wait. Too bad that she might be pregnant and have a baby tapdancing on her bladder, or might be enduring a menstrual flood.

The misogyny is visible from space.

Its not all misogyny.

Its #BeKind too🤨

The assumption is that the women will have the baby in a buggy and will need the baby change. The men will not need the buggy space not the baby change. 👀

I just wanted to log this article I came across

Firefighters rescue person stuck in toilet in York | York Press https://share.google/tyipr6GNSEVlF5vuG

There's very little information given, I briefly thought Halligan's Bar was the place where it happened. It's actually the pickaxe/crowbar/ram hybrid tool the firefighters used. So they must have been securely stuck in there. Which suggests a fully enclosed design. Is anyone familiar with the toilets in St Helen's Square in York? I hope it wasn't a medical emergency and whoever it was hadn't been trapped for hours or possibly even days.

I don't know if the loos are mixed sex or not but one of the two commenter, at time of posting, seemed to think it was a laugh.

@Keeptoiletssafe I'm sorry to mither but if you need more data...

Hello

Thank you for thinking of me! It’s really common to be trapped in a loo. There were 3 people stuck in ‘a toilet’ in York in January.

‘Time: 18:12 Location: Newgate Market, York
Acomb responded to three people stuck inside a public toilet. Crews released all occupants with a public access key and no injuries were reported’.

It would have been interesting to know the design - if it was three people in the same toilet room. That unlocks a new level of embarrassment depending on what they were doing!

St Helen's Square has lots of shops and restaurants, it doesn't say which one it happened in.