I've not experienced it personally, but I’ve seen situations like this discussed here - perhaps not divorce specifically, but I remember someone whose partner couldn’t tolerate her activism in support of women’s spaces and services and gave her an ultimatum, and a few women shocked to discover that the male partners they’d thought largely shared their understanding of how women are systematically disadvantaged on the basis of sex and why that’s bad were suddenly eager to sacrifice hard-won feminist gains when the demands were phrased in a way that seemed superficially “progressive”.
I read your posts (not the replies, so apologies for any repetition) on the other thread and it sounds like you’ve been separated for a while and are already planning to file for divorce. So not really looking for relationship advice, but mainly similar experiences to compare, and possibly gain perspective on where/how things went wrong?
You mentioned your husband’s “deep” involvement in Red/Green Coalition activism. (For non-US’ers: this isn’t your trad and logical European-style workers/socialists + greens/environmentalists coalition, but rather a specific tactical agreement between Islamic fundamentalists and “the left” to advance common interests, which mainly takes the form of opposing “imperialism” and “western cultural dominance”- see, for example, Iran 1979.) Perhaps your partner genuinely believes that taking a tactical loss for women now will yield a greater chance at equality later. Perhaps he doesn’t fully understand the need for women’s rights specifically (even as a band-aid until true utopia equality is achieved and maintained) and feels comfortable sacrificing them as it doesn’t impact him directly. Perhaps he feels that Islam will inevitably modernize and become more egalitarian. Perhaps he neither knows nor cares because HE’S not a Muslim or an Islamist, just using his short-term allies tactically.
Regardless, he hasn’t succeeded in convincing you or even helping you understand his POV. You feel he’s fundamentally wrong and doing active damage - and because it strikes at core beliefs for you, and disproportionately negatively impacts the group you and your daughter are part of, you can’t just “agree to disagree” or agree not to discuss the topic and carry on as normal. But if what you say about your shared past beliefs is correct, he may feel the same way about you. You and your husband are in a sense doing the same thing in different ways, moving on from the Democrats, “progressives”, and left-of-(US)-center movements that have disappointed you - he via the Red/Green Coalition, you through MAGA. In my opinion you’re both working against your own interests, and certainly against your daughter’s, but neither of you can see a better way. RE your prior, shared world view: you've each chosen to sacrifice or save different parts. It makes sense if you find each other equally unreasonable and don’t understand how the other got to their current position.
PPs have said that love and family ties supersede politics. While I agree that there’s nothing lost by declining to debate politics with extended family, a spouse is a bit different. Realistic or not, it’s common to want and expect your life partner to care deeply about your well-being, and to prioritise it over most other things. And raising a child together highlights all kinds of ethical and philosophical differences so that it may become impossible (or perceived as too costly) to compromise or stay silent. In this case, I think divorce is a reasonable solution, especially as you’ve tried separation. I’d also, in your position, be doing active work to plan for co-parenting; it sounds like you and your husband are or will be sharing very different world views with your daughter, and you both owe it to her to try to minimize the confusion and mixed messages. If you’ve tried and failed to find a lasting compromise, I’d consider some kind of shared therapy or mediation.