Has anyone divorced their spouse for not understanding gender critical views?

[PinkTreeFrog]

It is a major point of difference, along with others that I will omit in this thread for clarity. Generally, values aligned at marriage but became distinct over the past decade.

How the fuck is that remotely relevant to the UK?

We are not a US state.

Besides... Why the need to create a narrative of saying 'well if you women don't support the Dems in America it will be worse?' You could easily criticise the Dems for shitting over women instead and forcing the Dems to stop destroying women's rights. Instead you've gone, "wellllll tough shit women, you need to suck up your rights being trashed. You can pick between this shitty stick or otherwise you can have that shitty stick".

That's not a choice. That's an abusive narrative to coercively control women and to not listen to them. That in itself is pretty grim and I sure as hell wouldn't trust the Dems not to shit on me even more if I was American.

The OP is an American, posting from America.

@PinkTreeFrog
To answer your question - I honestly don't know what I would do if I found out that my DH had political or religious views that were abhorrent to me.
It would certainly make me feel different about him, but whether it would be enough for me to divorce him, I don't know. I like to think probably not, because divorce is an extremely drastic and destructive step.
But I also like to think I would never have married such a man in the first place: surely his personal values would have been apparent early on, and given a clue to his political and religious tendencies?

It used to be the case that in "polite society" politics and religion were never, ever discussed, e.g. at the dinner table.
There were very good reasons for this: these matters don't directly affect the domestic and social spheres, and open disagreements are unpleasant. A family or a social gathering is not about politics or religion, it is about people getting along in social and domestic settings.

Yes, politics indirectly affects families, e.g. the rights a girl grows up to enjoy can depend very indirectly on how her parents vote - but the effect is so tenuous that it barely exists.
Yes, religion can affect family life, but mostly it is to do with practical things like special meals, prayers, candles and whatnot, and which day is the one you go to a communal religious service. Flexible parents of different religions can get around such superficial differences and make accommodations to keep everyone satisfied, as long as you are not dogmatic about the theology.

Here in the UK, politics and religion are both considered "private" matters, not to be openly dragged into family and friendships. But I honestly don't know if I could stay married to someone with very different personal values.

Are you a person who can separate your political and religious beliefs from your daily life?
Can you tolerate people who are very close to you having different views and beliefs? Or can you only bear to be close to people who agree with your beliefs?

Sorry its got to this point OP, I'm sure thats not where you thought your path would take you.

I suppose DP and I share roughly similar values and views, but definitely not the same. I think we would both hate feeling like we had to have the same views. We both value being able to chew ideas over with each other without being tied to a position. Over the 20 years we've been together we have both changed with time and experience. When it comes to political views probably me more than him. I used to be much more strident on some issues and I've mellowed.

I remember a time when I used to get into rants about 'the patriarchy' and he disagreed with how I used the term. At the time I thought it meant he didn't care for the interests of women, but over time I've realised I was resorting to slogans rather than being clear on my specific arguments.

I don't think we'e been tested by a more fundamental disagreement. I guess I'd hope we'd be able to talk our arguments thorough and understand if not agree. Impossible to know for sure though.

There are certain views and political leanings that I believe speak of character rather than merely opinion. So I would never have become involved with a person who held them in the first place. If my partner changed and started to espouse them, then this would indicate to me he had developed new character traits, which would no doubt manifest in other behaviour I wouldn't want to live with.

No @PinkTreeFrog.

I have friends and family who have different views to me on gender and loads of other issues. They are still my friends and my family.❤️ Our relationships operate on a much deeper level than culture wars and nonsense from politicians.

Yes, all the harassment from activists that targeted him and his wife do take their toll.

Its such a good point isn't it, we know we are supposed to tolerate different viewpoints and values ,but in reality its not easy. At what point does a difference become too much for a close and important relationship to bear?

I'd like to think if someone I loved had a very different view we'd be able to discuss their views and how they've come to them so I could understand their position. In the past I've found that has helped me understand different positions and rethink my own views, or at least become more tolerant of other viewpoints. Its often made those relationships stronger.

But for that to work you both need to be able to articulate your views and be open to those of others. OP, it sounds like your DH is moving in omnicause activist circles? My experience of people like that is that it is very difficult to have a conversation beyond the slogans to find the actual points of agreement and disagreement.

Perhaps its not the actual views which are the problem, but the way they are held and acted on? GL was mentioned upthread - in his case I can see how the way he acted on his views could put a strain on a close relationship, even if those views are shared.

Hang on a minute, OP - so you voted Trump in mainly because you are ant-trans? Right. Well, divorcing your husband because of it seems like a small thing after that. Go for it.

I really detest the idea that womens rights are 'culture wars'. I mean, when that that notion start to happen?!?? I can only presume that the term 'culture wars' came from men. From men who wanted to shut the topic down. It's sad to see women - regardless of their views - who should know better, regurgitating that misogynistic, sexist and patriarchal silencing term.

Was the 1970s womens lib era a 'culture war'? Genuine question.

Where did she say she was 'anti-trans'? She said she was PRO-WOMENS RIGHTS. If you see that as 'anti-trans' [sic], then maybe you need to ask yourself some questions as to how you were perhaps shall we say brainwashed to believe that being pro-womens hard won rights to our spaces, sports, etc is somehow NOW, 'anti-trans'. Which is just the current misogynistic patriarchal way to say 'anti men' without saying the salient point out loud.

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I would have to do some real soul searching about staying with someone who voted Trump for "women's rights."

Womens' Rights are not a Culture War and should not be used as such by politicians who use the trans shitshow to reduce our rights and further their careers. Trump doesn't give a shit about women, on the contrary, he's a serial sex offender.

I'm a feminist who doesn't centre men, dress wearing ones or trouser wearing ones seeking power.

Good stuff. So that means you won't be voting Reform, thank goodness.

I agree with you totally. Though I don't know what Trump has to do with anything.

Yes very nearly got divorced from my TRA partner due to our polarised views but we’ve found a way through.

God, no! Reform UK are a shady bunch of misogynists, racists, criminals and traitors whose entire campaign is based on Culture wars.

this is for you and also for @ThatBlackCat

I said the same thing on the other thread OP. If you assume, as it seemed you have, that your dp's views are due to evil principles, then divorce may seem the only option.

The problem with that is that it is entirely possible for people to come out on the other sside of a controversy without them having evil principles. Many people on the left who are supportive of gender ideology are not taking that view because they hate women. Often it is because they mistakenly think it's "progressive" which is usually tied to a number of other political assumptions (the notion of progress being one of them.) They may tend also to feel pressured in terms of political tribalism, some people feel this much more keenly than others.

Others may mistakenly buy into the idea that it is a scientific/medical thing, probably because the medical establishment seems to be supportive.

It's really important to understand that people with very differernt views can hold them without evil intent, that they are still looking for a good society for all.

However - the fact is if you have already got as far as divorce papers, you've already made a decision, and I don't really see why you are trying to justify it now.

Geeze, I'll have to tell dp's family in the US that they shouldn't support the Republicans, they are voting to remove their own voting rights! No doubt they'll be shocked by this secret knowledge.

Good thing I didn't vote for Trump, since I don't live in America.

Are you aware this is a UK site?

Also you're not observant as the overwhelming majority of us, @localnotail , are left wing feminists. So you've made a fool of yourself with that pic. Rather ironic, since you metaphorically punched yourself in the face with this gaffe.

Are you aware that OP is American and voted for Trump? You might have been ejaculating a bit prematurely, so to speak.

This picture equally applies to any idiot in any country voting for right wingers on the basis of a single issue.

America and Trump are discussed because the thread is about @PinkTreeFrog , an American who voted for Trump.

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