There is currently a thread running about a table.
Its wonderful, but for those who can't be bothered reading it here's the interpretive dance version, maybe the gerbils could add it to their autumn offerings.
🩰 Interpretive Dance: Alan’s Table
A three-act domestic ballet of stubbornness, betrayal, and pine veneer.
🎭 Act I: “The Purchase”
Setting: A stage dressed as a boutique furniture shop—soft lighting, scattered ottomans, a single spotlight on a modest side table center stage.
- Alan enters with angular, deliberate movements. His arms form a cradle as he lifts the invisible table, his torso twisting protectively around it.
- The Wife storms in, her steps sharp and staccato, clutching a small dog (played by a dancer in a shaggy costume). She circles Alan in spirals of fury, her gestures slicing the air like refund receipts never printed.
- The dog-dancer trembles in her arms, occasionally barking in rhythm with the percussion.
- Alan pirouettes away from her accusations, shielding the table with exaggerated mime.
- The ensemble of shop assistants (in beige leotards and name tags) freeze mid-fold, watching the tension build.
🛋️ Act II: “The Sit”
Setting: A plush sofa downstage right, lit like a throne of defiance.
- Alan collapses onto the sofa in slow motion, arms still wrapped around the imaginary table. His body sinks, but his resolve stiffens—his spine a protest.
- The Wife exits stage left in a flurry of indignation, dragging the dog behind her like a furry comet.
- A solo cello murmurs her offstage fury.
- She re-enters moments later, her choreography now more jagged—lunges, finger-pointing, a dramatic lift of the dog toward the heavens as if to say, “Think of the puppy!”
- Alan responds only with a slow, stubborn shake of the head, his feet planted like table legs.
🚗 Act III: “The Car and the Chorus”
Setting: Repetition and escalation.
- The Wife performs a looped sequence: exit to car (offstage), re-enter with renewed rage. Each time, her movements grow more frantic—arms flailing, dog spinning, hair unraveling.
- Alan remains seated, now rocking gently, hugging the table like a lost child.
- The shop assistants begin a slow chant-dance around him, whispering “Refund… refund…” in syncopated breath.
- The Wife’s final return is a crescendo—she leaps, she pleads, she collapses.
- Alan rises, lifts the table above his head, and performs a triumphant jeté.
- The lights dim. The dog whimpers. The table remains.
🕯️ Finale:
A single spotlight on the side table.
Alan and the Wife stand on opposite sides of it, frozen.
The dog curls up beneath it.
Curtain.