Flakiness/Not contributing to work gifts

[Truthfully555]

Well I am getting sick of flakers. At my work theres a mix of men and women, probably a little more men 6:4-7:3. Anyway, I'm getting rather a negative impression of female colleagues and it's making me think this a female trait. I've been in a group of 5-6 workers for 10years. Every year or two someone leaves or moves to other positions/locations in the company where we no longer see/work with them but I'm happy to stay. As I'm the senior I will organise leave gifts and there's a predictable pattern that the women either sign the card but never offer to contribute or offer but flake. I never have this with the men. Men are almost falling over themselves to do the right thing and not to appear mean or cheap. Well, gifts are usually in the region of £15-20 it's typically something small, card plus chocs or some small gesture which means divided between 4-5 it really a tiny contribution for each person. As it's a small amount when people offer but don't come through I just ignore it, but after years of this I decided to follow up on an offer and the response was radio silence. Now again, a girl says she'll pay end of week. It never happens. A week passes I don't mention it. Another week passes, I send a message "oh sorry I forgot to send my bank details", she says she'll do it payday. Nothing. Next week comes says she was going to give change but instead will just do transfer. Another week passes. I would never get this level of faffing around from a guy and I wonder if she's really that scatter brained or her offer is disingenuous and she's just expecting me not to call her on it. She's 30 not 70, has no kids or family to worry about. Maybe something is going on in her life, but don't we all have something going on? I even made it clear in message to others for collection that it's completely voluntary if they want to contribute and the message was in individual PMs not a group chat. Why has not one woman ever contributed? Do we need strong emotional connections to put our hands in our pockets now? Why is it so difficult to simply give because ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?

Can your work seriously not have a little slush fund for buying these presents if they are only in the region of £20? I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to chase people for a couple of quid as a senior manager. People have enough to do and enough to worry about.

I hate contributing to work leaving gifts, or gifts for weddings, mat leave etc.

My colleagues are all nice enough, but I don't care about any of them, can't be arsed to contribute and never know what an acceptable amount to give is.

I'm quite senior, so feel i ought to chip in at least £10, but never do.

I'm in a team of 35, so requests to contribute are endless. I see it as an unnecessary bit of admin that we could all just cut out if we collectively decide not to bother.

I think colleagues should sign a card, and the employer should have a budget of £30 per person for key milestones that are deemed by their line manager to be gift-worthy.

And no, I don't care if I get a gift in return.

I hate collections at work. It's not even about the money in most cases, I just don't think being at work should cost you money. You say there's no expectation, but clearly there is. I don't want gifts when I leave either.

You collect for leaving presents in a place where no-one stays for more than two years? Quite apart from the demanding money with menaces aspect, that is a colossal waste of time when you could be working. A card if you want, that's it. Two years? ffs

Good to know that women are more likely to stand up to your bullying than men, and that you fear 70 year olds who might actually give you a succinct explanation of how badly you are behaving.

IMO, if the company culture is for leaving gifts, the company should pay. The whole performance is such a collosal waste of everyone's time and money.

What is the ratio of men to women?

It's rare to read such utter claptrap as your opening post op. You sound like a real handmaiden, praising the lovely generous men who fall over themselves to financially contribute. Is this meant to be some barometer of how 'good' men are.

This is a bit ageist. Mental facilities?!!

I think it means 70 year olds have been round the block a few times and won't take the claptrap the OP peddles. Some 30 years-olds are still a bit naive.

Hmm, not convinced that's what she meant, but I'll go with it 😄

No it's not about gender but sex.
Also take the hint nobody wants to admit that they don't have any spare money.
£2-3 may not be much to you but that's lunch for a week for some people (sandwich and fruit) and you're asking them to do without because you think its the right thing to do.
You may claim that its a voluntary contribution but its clear from your attitude, behaviour and harassment of staff that its anything but.
Your behaviour and judgement of these women not girls bullying and could wind up in a formal grievance being lodged against you.
I do wonder if your the reason that you have such a high staff turnover that people leave the department after only 1-2 years

Has the cost of living crisis passed you by? Some people are really struggling and have been for some time, what they don’t need is being pressured into parting with money for work colleagues that they probably have no interest in, and that could be better spent elsewhere, on food or bills.

You may think you’re doing a good/kind thing here, but it sounds to me like you’re actually making your colleagues feel uncomfortable and that’s why they’re ignoring your constant requests for money. Unless people have worked at a company for 25 years + then a card is sufficient.

Well I am getting sick of flakers

Maybe they are a little sick of you? Also, of you ticking off, judging and starting threads on MN about who has paid up and who hasn't. That's what would put me off more than anything. Just let people donate anonymously and let it go.

‘Like I said, it's voluntary’

The last thing this sounds like is voluntary.

We have a higher than average staff turnover as a lot of people are on fixed term 3 year contracts. I don’t contribute to gifts anymore. Mostly I don’t like people enough and also it’s too expensive to keep doing it so I stopped

I'm still reading but this jumped out at me..

The example I only ever messaged once and that was to give my bank details

I will NEVER transfer money to a personal bank account for a gift for somebody. I am not that trusting and will assume the account holder will either skim a fee off the top or buy something for 15.99 and keep the change from the twenty gifted. I'm not going to give my hard earned money to someone who earns far more than me. Putting cash in an envelope where the recipient will still get the leftover change is more my kind of thing.

Please stop trying to shake people down for cash in the workplace. Merci.

Ps

Usually I ignore requests for cash from office gougers unless they make it impossible

But I'm not being flaky, I'm trying to save you embarrassment

"You must do the right thing"

Says who?

Why is this the right thing to do?

Maybe someone else has a bunch of different priorities, wasn't close to that person or simply things workplace gifts are a lot of bollocks.

Why do they HAVE to comply with your values and belief they should?

There's been an extra ordinary case this week where someone brought a court case that they were unfairly treated because they didn't get a leaving gift from colleagues.

The court ruled that was bollocks.

That, my friend, is the argument in a nutshell.

When I left my role of 15 years I got a slew of gifts and I was mortified. Incredibly kind of my colleagues but just a card would have been lovely. I remember the words on the card and not really the gifts. I really think that a card only is fine. People have enough to worry about.

The problem with asking for cash is that nowadays, it often means people have to get round to going to the cash machine, getting some out & then changing the note if they don’t want / can’t afford to give the whole thing.

We usually use Gift Round where I work, since it’s easy to donate to & means nobody’s personal account is involved.

I hate this being described as flakiness. It’s stingy and mean. Much better words to describe what these people are doing. I wouldn’t give them the cards to sign. If I didn’t want to contribute I would say.

You have to remember too how skint young people are.

I tried to kill the collections culture at my work for the sake of people in the team earning 1/4 of my salary, and paying three times on rent what I pay for my mortgage.

But it JUST. WONT. DIE.

I did a massive internal eye roll at work the other day at a 50 year old recommending Lick paint to a 25 year old who has bought their first run down 2-up, 2-down! I use Lick, but as if they've got the budget for anything other than Dulux!

Now that is mean.

There was a time when I walked the 4 miles to work & back because I couldn’t justify paying the bus fare. I’d have felt incredibly embarrassed if I was called stingy & mean because I couldn’t fork out enough for a contribution, but also wouldn’t have wanted to admit that I couldn’t afford it.

So the point of your post @Truthfully555 was to condemn women for flakiness, lack of generosity, loss of mental capacity in their 70's and praise men for being the opposite, claim this is absolute and a clear division between the sexes.

Naturally of course in your opinion this equates to men being better and more superior due to your groundbreaking research conducted on such a limited and biased scenario.

Truly excellent work I am sure there is a Nobel Prize in the offing for you.