Page 4 | Non-binary - what's that all about?

Melody21 · 2025-08-18T13:21:38+00:00

My DD (at uni) is working on a project with a young woman who identifies as non-binary. She (non-binary person) has a female name, long hair, looks female. Daughter tries dutifully to "they/them" her but it's clearly an effort and sounds very unnatural. What's the point of it all? Genuinely curious, I'm not being snarky (well, maybe a bit). Since I can't ask this person directly, can anyone explain it to me? If it's about not fitting gender stereotypes, aren't we all a bit non-binary?

Bobbymoore123 · 19/08/2025 09:32

WarriorN · 18/08/2025 15:34

It’s basically too much time on social media plus needing to feel special.

Unfortunately it also leads to medical interventions and cross sex hormones

That's a bit rich coming from someone who spends so much of their freetime gatekeeping femininity on Mumsnet.

NeverOneBiscuit · 19/08/2025 10:42

Agree with many others saying it’s performative nonsense. I’ve long thought it’s something like ‘trans lite.’ No need for pesky hormones or surgery, just a social by in to the rainbow brigade.

You get to be part of the community, but when you grow up & get over yourself there’s no harm done, you can continue living your male or female life.

Brainworm · 19/08/2025 10:54

The first cracks in GenZ and GenX’s support for ‘trans rights’ were showed through many young people insisting that non-binary was different to trans. Lots of them insisted they represented completely different phenomenon. When TRAs insisted that those with non binary were trans, many young people began to ask broader questions which led to ‘live and let live, but you talk crap’

KilkennyCats · 19/08/2025 10:59

overthinker001 · 18/08/2025 14:51

I got shouted at in Greggs the other day by a member of staff that was clearly female. Like you said, female name on her badge etc….another member of staff asked if I was ok and I replied “yes thank you, that lady is serving me” well she turned and shot me the most filthiest of looks and told me I shouldn’t assume anyone’s gender and she identifies as they/them. I replied with well I’m sorry but you clearly are a female and was born a female so I will assume you are one. I left my latte and steak bake and left the store.

That level of self absorption is definitely a feature.
Imagine assuming someone grabbing a takeaway coffee gives a shiny shite about your angst about your gender, whatever the hell that actually is (nobody’s ever been able to explain it).

Igneococcus · 19/08/2025 11:16

That's a bit rich coming from someone who spends so much of their freetime gatekeeping femininity on Mumsnet.
Nobody on MN is gatekeeping femininity, it's "female" many of us have strong opinions about.

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 19/08/2025 11:58

itsabeautifuldayjuly · 18/08/2025 21:37

I don’t see being female as an important part of my identity, the end. I don’t want to be addressed as White person Smith, AB+ Smith of Ms Smith. I’m not a girl friend, i don’t do white person’s night out or girl’s night out. etc
I have a body with specific organs. I look aftef it. Still not part of my identity.

And yet, you seem to want to go to great lengths to demonstrate how 'unimportant' your NB gender is to you.

As you say, referring to you as Mrs or a woman or 'she' is the default in English. So you must spend an awful lot of time and effort reminding people that you're not to be treated in the same default way as everyone else, because you're special and different.

Seems nonsensical to spend so much time and effort and headspace on something that is 'unimportant' to you.

I'm not trying to be arsey, you do you and if it makes you happy that's great. I just don't think your explanation of why you're doing it makes sense.

Original poster

Melody21 · 19/08/2025 12:35

Brainworm · 19/08/2025 10:54

The first cracks in GenZ and GenX’s support for ‘trans rights’ were showed through many young people insisting that non-binary was different to trans. Lots of them insisted they represented completely different phenomenon. When TRAs insisted that those with non binary were trans, many young people began to ask broader questions which led to ‘live and let live, but you talk crap’

It's interesting, I do remember one of the women footballers during the World Cup (I think) being touted as the first trans footballer. She wasn't at all, she was female but identified as non-binary. So, no issue with her playing. Very confusing though for a lot of people who didn't look into it closely but quite naturally, from the headline, assumed her to be a transwoman.

OP posts:

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/08/2025 13:24

itsabeautifuldayjuly · 18/08/2025 19:44

I’m happy to sit under the trans umbrella. I don’t identify with the gender assigned to me (or any other gender ).
Sex is about your body, is medically relevant, but that’s it. Just like a parent’s cancer diagnosis can medically relevant, or having loads of twins in the family can be medically relevant. But not something i see as relevant in day to day life.
I get that for some people gender is relevant, so i’m trying to acknowledge that

As a woman, my female body (not just my genitals) is relevant to my everyday life.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/08/2025 13:24

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 19/08/2025 11:58

And yet, you seem to want to go to great lengths to demonstrate how 'unimportant' your NB gender is to you.

As you say, referring to you as Mrs or a woman or 'she' is the default in English. So you must spend an awful lot of time and effort reminding people that you're not to be treated in the same default way as everyone else, because you're special and different.

Seems nonsensical to spend so much time and effort and headspace on something that is 'unimportant' to you.

I'm not trying to be arsey, you do you and if it makes you happy that's great. I just don't think your explanation of why you're doing it makes sense.

Edited

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This.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/08/2025 13:27

Bobbymoore123 · 19/08/2025 09:32

That's a bit rich coming from someone who spends so much of their freetime gatekeeping femininity on Mumsnet.

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Who exactly is “gatekeeping femininity” here. Men aren’t women because they are male. If they want to think of themselves as feminine men, that’s fine.

Original poster

Melody21 · 19/08/2025 13:32

It's surely about femaleness rather than femininity, whatever the latter means (I suppose the traits typically associated with femaleness - but which could be held or not held by either sex).

I'm all for men being "feminine" if it means gentleness, nurturing, emotional intelligence, etc - stereotypically "female" qualities. And if they want to wear eyeliner too, also fine.

OP posts:

usedtobeaylis · 19/08/2025 13:33

It's a political identity.

GallantKumquat · 20/08/2025 12:56

Bobbymoore123 · 19/08/2025 09:32

That's a bit rich coming from someone who spends so much of their freetime gatekeeping femininity on Mumsnet.

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Which is itself a bit rich coming from someone who spends so much of their freetime seething and trolling MN. (see how easy this game is to play?)

Runnersandtoms · 20/08/2025 13:08

Wildchild60s · 18/08/2025 18:02

I know a young person who has decided not only to identify themselves as non binary and declare pronouns as they/them, but has decided that everyone is non binary, and consequently uses the pronouns they/them for every person talked about irrespective of what that person might want. I tried pointing out that they get annoyed if misgendered, yet they are effectively misgendering the vast majority of people they ever talk about since most people are still he or she depending on their biological sex. This fell on deaf ears.
This person has just been accepted to study medicine at university! I can't wait to hear how they get on when they do their obstetrics and gynaecology rotation.

My 15 year old has started using 'they' to refer to everyone (including me!). I'm assuming it stems from a desire not to offend the 'special' people (of which my DD 19 has been one 🙄) but I find it very odd. I don't want to get into an argument with him about it though so I bite my tongue.