I'm simply not prepared to do it. Not even a courtesy "she" any more.
I'm not prepared to do it because condoning these lies, even just to be polite, signals that I accept as legitimate or at least worthy of respect a construction of "woman" that belittles me and undermines my own voice and my own rights.
Expecting women to pretend trans women are women and trans men are men out of courtesy to the trans person is no different to expecting women to pretend to agree with someone who says that women's minds aren't as capable at maths as men's because it would embarass or offend the sexist person to be called out on it.
That goes far beyond what is reasonable to expect someone to do out of courtesy, politness and respect.
I don't want to cause pain to anyone. I'm even softhearted enough to feel genuine sympathy for the people who are so emotionally committed to this sexist worldview that women's disgreement feels like an existential attack. But even their genuine and heartfelt distress at facing the fact that not everyone sees them as a woman is not a good enough reason to accept and legitimise the damage this movement does to women.
I am not a woman because of something in my mind.
Men who project their own prejudices about what is socially allowed for men and for women onto society and through that conclude they must be "women" are not in reality any closer to being a woman than any other man is.
Pretending that trans women are in anyway meaningfully a "woman", a "she", is an act of social self harm to women and we should never be compelled, whether legally or socially, to do it.
I'm all for finding a solution that supports trans people's feelings of difference to others of their sex. But a feeling of difference to your own sex is not the same as being somewhere closer to the other sex. There is no "half way" place where we accept that some men really are a bit more like women than other men that is not grossly demeaning and reductive of women.
So the solution has to be somewhere else, somewhere where the social and if necessary even linguistic and legal understanding of a trans woman is as different to other men as they need it to be, but still not one single milimeter closer to woman than any other man.