Request to share pronouns

[Paulettamcgee]

I feel this question has been asked and answered to death but.....

I've always ignored any request to share my pronouns. I'll introduce my name and role and happily hand over to the next person. I'm fine if someone else wishes to share their pronouns but I do not wish to do so.

I'm very senior at work in an organisation which has a lot of colleagues under the age of 30 ( I think that's relevant as I notice it is younger people who are more keen that pronouns are shared). Generally every introduction in my workplace included sharing pronouns along with your name and role.

I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings. I don't need to respond to this feedback individually but there is a meeting on Wednesday where it will be expected I share my pronouns when introducing myself. I can foresee not sharing may become problematic.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to. I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs.

How do I navigate this?? All help gratefully received.

Mine are takeaguess/surpriseme.

I've whacked up my pension contributions because I'm not sure how long I'm going to last in this modern world of work....

Mine are Taumatawhakatangi­hangakoauauotamatea­turipukakapikimaunga­horonukupokaiwhen­uakitanatahu/Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

And if any hateful bigots disrespect ME by not using MY pronouns every time they talk about or mention ME ME ME ME, they will be cancelled.

100% about putting up extra barriers to communication. I'm a speech therapist working with people living with communication problems every day, and specific difficulties with pronouns aren't rare either. Demanding extra effort from other people to communicate with me goes against all my training, my approach to work and even my upbringing. And yet, there's my Royal College promoting this stuff without apparent concern.

Does anybody else remember the thread from quite a while back, where OP's friend always referred to a slice of (untoasted) bread as 'a toast' - and then she got irritated and most put out when OP and everybody else didn't understand what she was trying to communicate?

She would go to a cafe and ask for 'a cheese toast' - meaning a cheese sandwich - and then get annoyed when the waitress (maybe assuming that English wasn't her first language) brought her a cheese toastie.

When certain words have a long universally-understood and accepted meaning, you can't just randomly use those words to refer to something different and then expect everybody to both understand and change the standard use to humour and fit in with you.

Whether the word is a sex-based pronoun, 'woman', 'toast' or anything else, nobody owns the common language - and nobody has the right to arbitrarily change meanings of words and expect everybody else to instantly change their own common language to fall in with them - that really is the epitome of supreme arrogance.

The TL;DR secret is to goad "them" into making the statement:

"You're taking the piss !" (or some variant thereof)

to which your sweetly smiled answer would be:

"You started it."

Haha, yes! Like in the Victoria Derbyshire interview with Emile Ratelband and Jane Fae.

If anybody is unfamiliar with it (and it's well worth a watch), Emile was 69 at the time, but claimed that he still felt like and had the body of a 49yo - so he was seeking to get a new birth certificate re-issued to take his younger 'transage' status into account and legally change his age.

Jane was telling him how ridiculous he was being - which he indeed was - with absolutely no sense of irony or self-awareness whatsoever!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=JE-xLnrnXMg&pp=ygUjZW1pbGUgcmF0ZWxiYW5kIHZpY3RvcmlhIGRlcmJ5c2hpcmU%3D

Oh that is priceless ... if gender is a construct so is time.

I note with interest despite it's potential to go viral, it's only been seen by 19,000 people. Funny that ....

I usually go with ‘I am not sure, still undecided. Just use my name in the meantime.’ They rarely come back from that.

With apposite timing, this afternoon I just got a work email from somebody with the following signature:

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
Name
Job Title
Departmental Address etc

Yes, in that order, pronouns the most important thing to convey. And what's with the she/her/hers anyway? Does this person not understand how the English language works? It's already silly enough when people do she/her or he/him, but is the extra one on the end meant to convey particular devotion to BeingKind or something?

From what I've seen so far, I'm the only one without pronouns as part of my email signature. I'm not sure how noticeable it is as our email signatures are quite 'busy'.

I had forgotten about that interview.

Emile passes as 49 much more successfully than Jane passes as female.

I started posting links to that interview a week or so ago on a few threads because of the number of people who still don’t understand that this particular belief, gender identity belief, is given special treatment that no other is. And no one has been able to answer why it is singled out for this special treatment.

It is like there is a complete disconnect in regards to it.

I've actually seen webinars in which people introduce what race they are, what they look like and even what they're wearing. I think it's meant to "include" the blind, but it feels overwhelming.

Are visuals always really that important that missing them "excludes"? The popularity of podcasts indicates not. I listen to The Rest is History as a podcast rather than sitting on my arse to watch it as a YouTube video.

@RiotAndAlarum That sounds like massively over-performative virtue signalling and somewhat patronising. I'm sure a blind person, or anyone, really doesn't care if you are wearing a blue shirt, a green jumper or the latest trainers.

The people I have met who have never had any sight don't (obviously) have a perception of colour other than what their own imagination can conjure up. Are they to be reminded of this constantly?

It was certainly excessively performative... as though radio had never been invented!

(Edited to add "excessively")

😂

Jesus Christ.

I feel exactly the same as you when I see that. Is it not virtue signally enough to just put she/her, which is bad enough! I don’t need a lecture on how to use the English language, especially from the average genderist.

If I see pronouns I just think 'unthinking dickhead' these days.

It automatically makes me think that a person is probably not going to be someone who is very proactive, capable and thinks out of the box. I just think robotic sheep who doesn't question anything and is a bit of a jobsworth.

So I don't actually think it actually gives a good impression of a company or organisation at all.

If you are trying to project a professional image to the public or clients, it isn't the totally positive thing those who push it, think it is.

If I see pronouns I just think 'unthinking dickhead' these days.
It automatically makes me think that a person is probably not going to be someone who is very proactive, capable and thinks out of the box.

In a way I’d like this to be the case, as it would provide an explanation. But in my experience it’s just not true - the people at my work who include pronouns in their email signature are generally extremely competent, intelligent and great at their jobs, often educated to masters or PhD level.

The only divide I can really see is by age, with those under 40 or so much more likely to include pronouns than people over 40.

It doesn't matter if it's true or not.

It undermines perception of their competency.

That's my point.

It tells me that here is someone who’s signed up to a sexist, homophobic, regressive ideology. Not sure why that’s something you’d want advertised at work.

I'm fortunate that I work for an organisation that has completely opted out of this whole discussion so pronouns will never appear on our email signatures or in our discussions.

That said, I'm going to opt for a possibly unpopular view and ask whether you want to die on this hill; if you do, then by all means make a statement by actively refusing, or using some of the pithy responses suggested here. You wouldn't be wrong, and I agree that the pronouns obsessions is bonkers. However, if you work for an organisation where this might actually be to your detriment - either officially or unofficially, and through process or just through others' treatment of you - then you might want to think twice about raising your head above the parapet. Sometimes I go with things at work not because I lack courage or conviction, but simply because I can't be arsed navigating the fallout from the alternative

Here's a good reason not to use pronouns in email signatures: a scholar has worked out the additional carbon emissions literally kill people.