Power is at the root of all of it, and the whole subject needs to be seen through the lens of power dynamics.
The key factor that matters, for everyone, is that males have, overall, more power than women.
That covers historical power, cultural power, physical power, economic power. (Exceptions and anomalies, such as individual women who are very rich, or have political power, or men who are very powerless, do not disprove the overall picture of male/female power dynamics, which holds true worldwide and has done for century upon century. Only women have ever had the reproductive burden, which is part of what makes the threat of rape so potentially utterly life altering. Only women are affected by menstruation, pregnancy, birth, menopause, all of which are life-changing and life-affecting processes, including the potential of them. A woman is affected by the potential of pregnancy, menstruation, etc, even if she is not currently in that state.)
Within the category of male, there are males with less power than other males.
Women, as a category, still have less power than males, no matter where a male sits on the hierarchy of male power.
Some males feel marginalised because they have less power than other males. They may see 'becoming female' as a way to escape the power hierarchy/ranking among males, or they consider that if they have less power than other males they must ipso facto be female.
Some males find the power disparity is all mixed up with their sexuality. So 'debasing' themselves by acting 'as a woman' turns them on. This is where we see the grotesque parodies. 'Submission' is an exaggeration and thus subversion of the power dynamic.
Some females rail against their vulnerabilities and see 'becoming male' as a way to gain power and escape that vulnerability.
All the pleas to be kind to trans people are subtly suggesting that people who identify as trans are by nature less powerful than people who are not. In some ways this is true, as there has historically been prejudice and discrimination against people who are non-conforming. In other ways, not.
It doesn't mean that an adult male who feels victimised in some internal power struggle about his 'masculinity' being threatened is less powerful than a woman. It doesn't mean that Imane Khelif punching women in the face is fair. Or that Kate Dolatowski, undeniably marginalised and vulnerable, should be in a women's jail. Or that Eddie Izzard, who yes, has been the subject of ridicule for his clothing choices, is entitled to use women's toilets.
(I apologise for all the quote marks - often words are being used to mean something that is not quite as advertised, so I feel they need to be held in quotes. I would have done the same for 'kind' and other words but it gets a bit much.)
Anyway. I don't think any consideration of the subject can have any merit unless it includes examining the power dynamics at play, which are always built on the male/female hierarchy. It's inescapable.