Is there a woman or girl alive who hasn't ever needed, used or asked for a male chaperone to feel or be safe in certain situations?

[SwordOfOmens]

I woke up and this was my first thought.

Fathers, brothers, uncles, partners, husbands, male friends...

I've had men pick me up from the pub or club, walk me home from my babysitting job, come with me late at night, accompanied me to pick my car up from the garage. Gone with me to look for the minster under the bed. Held my hand to make me feel safer. You name it!

It's just a normal part of being female.

So if TIMs are scared of using the male bathroom, they are welcome to ask for a male chaperone to make them feel safer. It's a massive inconvenience to us to need one at all!

I'm going to use this in my arguments on and offline.

I haven't. A result of growing up with four sisters perhaps.

I've worked in pubs and in a male dominated industry, studied in London, raised a child alone.

I've been sexually assaulted once, by a work colleague I should have been able to trust, and during work hours.

Frankly I'm safer on my own.

Me born 1960, df died when I was a baby and dm never remarried so no male figure around to act as guardian, went to boarding school at 7 to 18 so little chance to get into 'dangerous' situations, at uni out with friends, home was an attractive small market town with little crime, unpleasantness. Maybe I was naive but was never in this situation.

Having been raped at 16 by a male who gave me a lift home so I wouldn’t have to walk home alone, I’ve realised I’m actually safer on my own or in the company of other women.

Your situation (I'm so sorry about your dad) seems extremely unusual compared to the general population. Apart from losing a parent, sounds lovely and safe. I grew in a big city with brothers and sisters and enjoyed pubs, clubs, worked late nights etc. Boyfriend used to pick me uo from work at 1am and used to walk me home from his place when I was 17. All very normal for me to expect a chaperone when travelling alone after dark.

Hmm it can be good to have company whether male or female - but it wouldn’t occur to me to ask a man to say walk me home from the pub

Not even as a child?

Not sure many children walk home from the pub!

I think you know what I meant!

I've certainly felt safer doing things with another person, but to me I've tended to look for a woman in that role, because I am highly uncomfortable requesting anything from men and thereby feeling that I'm in their debt, because I don't trust them not to request payment in some kind of sexual form. So if there's something it wouldn't make sense for a woman to do with me (walk me home and then have to walk home herself??) I've done it alone /paid money to try and avoid the sexual side (taxi etc).

Essentially I regard men as frivolous pleasures/decorative, or paid colleagues with a defined role. I know that this is to do with my father but it's not really amenable to therapy, too deep rooted.

@SwordOfOmens why do you assume that’s an ‘extremely unusual’ situation? You only see what you hang around with, and what’s your ‘normal’ is huge privilege to me. It’s a bit of a weird leap to use this in all your arguments online. (Wtf - do you actively seek to argue?)

My answer - Never. Absent father. No wider family nearby. No family friends around (reclusive mother). Simply have never got into any vulnerable situations either - never had the support or financial/religious freedom to go out drinking etc when I was a teen/young adult. Never went out to the pub, nightclubs, gigs, concerts etc. No desire now I’m middle aged and widowed and over my strict religious upbringing - it doesn’t appeal to me to go out/come home alone.

I have been elbowed in the face (hard) by a young male when I walked past him on my way home at 8pm one winter night. Completely unprovoked.

On a beach when being wanked over by a bloke, spotted gay aquaintance and asked him to walk back along the path where wanker was waiting for us. Having made our views known very loudly to said wanker. Don’t have a lot of contact with men so was a bit unusual.

Literally just unusual to live in a small rural village and go to boarding school, surely you understand that is what I meant by unusual. The vast majority of us live in towns and cities and go to state school.

I’ve never used male chaperones. I walked myself home from school from the age of 7, and spent my summers off out on my bike. I walked myself home from Guides and sports clubs after dark. And then from my Saturday job. When I got older it didn’t occur to me to ask someone to walk me home after the pub and, as other’s have pointed out, the logic of asking a man to protect me from men always seemed quite bizarre. My mum was a single parent who also walked everywhere on her own. So I grew up seeing the world as a place I could navigate myself.

I find the frequent focus on MN of women concerned about their safety traveling around normal urban and rural areas quite concerning. I understand why women feel that pressure with all the biased media we get, but I think the narrative that you are at significant risk on your own out and about in most places is a bit gaslighty and fairly oppressive.

I never asked for it, no, but my dad used to pick me up from work late at night etc as a teen. It wasn't negotiated, it just happened.

I've never, ever done this. I have two brothers, a dad, lots of male friends but I've genuinely never felt the need for male assistance. I'm 50 and have always walked about late at night alone if leaving a pub, club or friends house. I've been doing since the age of 15 and have never felt unsafe.
I realise not everyone feels like me but please don't assume all women feel like you.

I wouldn’t have liked to walk around Istanbul, Cairo or anywhere in Morocco except a tourist hotel without DH clamped to my side.

I’ve certainly done things if I was accompanied by someone else that I wouldn’t do on my own (e.g. when traveling or working abroad in risky places or even going into pubs in the uk or walking home very late) but in many cases that was another woman. The only time I really felt I needed a specifically male chaperone was in a place it was required by law. My dad used to pick me up from places for safety when I was a teen, but that wasn’t because he was male - it was because my mum didn’t drive. I don’t think I’ve ever felt I’ve needed a specifically male chaperone in the uk.

Never needed or wanted this. Spent four years travelling in far off lands and can’t say that having a man with me is safer.
feel about cringe that as a woman you feel so vulnerable.
I have been assaulted and also beaten up. Both times men were present and both times by men

I went on holiday to Morocco with a female friend a few years ago and we hired a boy to escort us back to our hotel after an evening out. Absolutely in those countries.

Yes but OP is talking about life as a woman in the UK.

I lived in the same town as John Warboys, who was the rapist taxi driver. I won't even get a taxi alone anymore.

But what my post is getting at, is that if trans identified men feel unsafe going to the toilet, then my suggestion is they take a male chaperone with them.

Not really practucal, is it? I don't want to get into the whole trans/bathroom debate. However, if a trans person is out shopping alone and desperate for a piss, are they supposed to call a male friend to escort them to the toilet? Assuming the friend is free it may take them 45 minutes to get there, by which time the trans person has pissed themselves.

Very Occasionally but wouldn’t think of it from a pub or club as a normal thing. But I’m a Londoner and just got used to having keys out for defence or a plan

Hmmm, I've had male chaperons, but not because they're male.

So my older brother would pick me up from school when my parents were working because he was 4 years older than me and passing my school on his way home. The fact he was (still is TBF) male wasn't a factor.

My husband has come and picked me up from places before because it's loads cheaper than a taxi and its a nice thing to do, but I also pick him up in the same circumstances so again, sex is irrelevant.

As a kid, I always went to my mam first. She was (and is) my best friend and my protector. Dad was always at work or needed "me time".

As a teen, I went to an all girls school so we would travel in groups and very strict on sticking together when we went on nights out.

As a young adult, I worked in bars and pubs and went to them socially a lot more, never once asked a male to chaperone me home unless I was hoping to jump his bones when we got in the house. So less protection and more pure horniness.

So sorry OP, I'd say it's a crap argument.

Yeah, I’ve had times where I’ve felt I didn’t want to be in a situation alone but I usually walked home with a group (mixed) or female friend.

i wouldn’t really consider a male in those situations.