Is there a woman or girl alive who hasn't ever needed, used or asked for a male chaperone to feel or be safe in certain situations?

[SwordOfOmens]

I woke up and this was my first thought.

Fathers, brothers, uncles, partners, husbands, male friends...

I've had men pick me up from the pub or club, walk me home from my babysitting job, come with me late at night, accompanied me to pick my car up from the garage. Gone with me to look for the minster under the bed. Held my hand to make me feel safer. You name it!

It's just a normal part of being female.

So if TIMs are scared of using the male bathroom, they are welcome to ask for a male chaperone to make them feel safer. It's a massive inconvenience to us to need one at all!

I'm going to use this in my arguments on and offline.

Strutsafe is phone service, not physical one, is it.
That's actually quite a distraction from your surroundings when thinking about it?

Also, either trans women are safe in men's toilets or they aren't.

It isn't reasonable to suggest that a service is accessible to all if some people need a chaperone to use it - whether that is somebody using a loo, or feminists needing to hire additional security to attend meetings.

I can't recall a single time I've asked for a male chaperone but I voted maybe once in case there was a time and I just don't remember. But generally speaking I feel perfectly safe going places alone as a woman. No problem walking home from the pub, did that since I was 16, I happily go for walks alone when its dark (as does DD) even in the forest. Only time I would have wanted someone I trust to walk with was walking alone at night in St. Petersburg, that was scary.
Oh and once I got freaked out walking home late when the streetlights suddenly went off as I walked past a patch of woods. Felt like the opening scene of a horror film!

No I wouldn't really use a male to feel safe in these situations
I'd feel safer with a female friend or a gay man
A straight man always wants something in return

I prefer to navigate public spaces at night with some company and I don't mind if it's a man or a woman. I've been accompanied by friends, partners, parents, siblings, other relatives, colleagues. . .and I'm sometimes the protector. On one occasion many years ago, I walked home from a concert with a male friend who'd been very badly beaten up not long before. He was on edge for the full 20 or so minutes, caught between the fear that he might have to defend me if we were accosted and relief that he wasn't on his own with someone who might want to hurt him. Understandably, men weren't his favourite company.

I'm now 60 and if I didn't feel particularly self-conscious about valuing the protection and company of others when I was young, I certainly don't now.. I don't control public spaces or fill them with violence and fear and I refuse to feel apologetic about accepting the help of others. Nor would I expect others to apologise for feeling vulnerable and needing help. It's great if you can manage these things for yourself and there's nothing wrong with you if you can't.

No, but I grew up in big cities where lots of people were around so I never felt alone. I’ve also felt patronised when men have offered, but I’m very independent.

I understand you are anxious, but I’m not sure it’s healthy to always have to have your husband accompany you, never take a taxi. Do you not meet up with friends?

Your toilet argument is pretty ridiculous, but I think you know that. Many women on here say they feel safer with a woman accompanying them, not a man, so would you recommend trans women bring a female chaperone?

I'm sorry but you are very much coming across as the narrow-minded "big city" type who thinks of her own experience as Normal and everything else as somewhat deviant. The person you are replying to didn't even say she lived in a "small rural village" but a "small market town" - treating these as the same thing is very much blinkered "big city" thinking! Millions of people in this country live in small towns.

I was assaulted at the age of 15 while being walked home by the parent of a child I had been babysitting. I never made the connection before, but I think that shaped my lifelong care about when and where I walk, and my avoiding the protection of lone males. Strategies - walk places that are busy where I could ring a doorbell, ride the bike rather than walking, take dogs on country walks, keep the antennae tuned.

And hold the key ready for use when walking up the path.

I went loads of places alone as a teenager. Never occurred to me that I needed a male for support. If I was on a late train and it got rowdy or men were being inappropriate, I'd go sit with other women. Like I'd been told to my family and teachers. A man walking me home was "only after one thing".
As an adult no man has ever offered to walk me home!

I feel I might have missed something

No, is the answer to your question. There might be times when I want another person, but I would like it to be a woman.

Using the walking home from a pub example, it's pretty obvious from when you're a teenager that you would be better off asking a woman!

I'm really puzzled by the comment to be honest. I don't think it has any validity as an argument.

I get you OP. There's something to be said for a public information drive to encourage men to welcome transwomen into their toilets, and look out for and defend them.

Of course it's not our problem to solve, but we should say it every time someone clutches their pearls about transwomen having to use men's toilets (along with: NAMALT; you do know transwomen are big and strong, mostly have penises, and can't get pregnant, don't you?; and, crucially, no, they can't use the women's toilet because it's against the law, so get over it).

No, I've ever asked for needed a chaperone to feel safe.

Obviously when I lived at home my father would sometimes pick us up of an evening on a night out and my husband sometimes picks me up but it's not done because I feel unsafe.

Wholeheartedly agree. I see a lot of emphasis on "massive 6'4" hubbies" on MN accompanying posters as back up in even the most trivial of disputes.

Given the statistics that by far the greatest number of assaults and murders of women happen in the home, I have to ask who's protecting these women from the massive 6'4" hubbies? 😬

I've travelled in Mexico as a lone female without problems.

So do men who are looking for a chance to get a women on her own.

My dad used to me meet me when I worked at a football stadium after I was followed by a fan. And my husband picks me up if o have had drinks with friends

My husband is safe!

I'd imagine that pretty much every woman assaulted or murdered by her husband thought that once upon a time.

Toilets aren't dangerous places. Trans men and women who pass should go to the toilet they identify with and no one bats an eyelid. Unless you want to have guards at all public toilets asking women who might be tall or have less feminine features than average to confirm their biological sex? And men who might be shorter than average or have softer features the same? Or was it okay for trans men to use the men's?

Who's going to fund the toilet guards also?

And no, I don't rely on men to chaperone me. If it's dark, I feel safe with another person regardless of their gender. My children feel as safe with me as with their dad.

I have never needed a male chaperone or asked for one for anything.

In the future maybe if I decide to travel to certain places - (based on feedback from solo female travellers I know). Doesn’t really cross my mind to be honest but I reckon I have an issue with being negatively independent. No hand holds, never calling anybody to pick up from anything, never having asked anybody to check out danger for me. I guess I am so used to navigating life solo I just have to find my own solution to things and always hate imposing.

I once had a guy intervene when two drunk men harassed men on the street. But he turned out to be even weirder.

Sadly you sound naive. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-63956133

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

it’s been the ones I’ve known who were the issue. Or the places I should have been safe.
so, no, never.
i was sexually abused by a woman as a child. So for me. No one is safe

I don't think I've ever explicitly sought out a chaperone.
But I live in a rough area and I've noticed that I deal with much less anti social behaviour now that I live with a big hench guy that likes lifting weights.
(As compared to when I was a kid living with two very sweet and vulnerable autistic parents.)
I've occasionally had to lend him out to friends who were taking shit from asshole exes/neighbours etc..

I think I am like this. There are men I could ask but I have never felt the need to ask for men to do this for me. I always head home by myself after a late night / early hours of the money socialising and always felt fine doing so.

But I know that that’s just my own experience.

I also solo travel a lot too.