Is there a woman or girl alive who hasn't ever needed, used or asked for a male chaperone to feel or be safe in certain situations?

[SwordOfOmens]

I woke up and this was my first thought.

Fathers, brothers, uncles, partners, husbands, male friends...

I've had men pick me up from the pub or club, walk me home from my babysitting job, come with me late at night, accompanied me to pick my car up from the garage. Gone with me to look for the minster under the bed. Held my hand to make me feel safer. You name it!

It's just a normal part of being female.

So if TIMs are scared of using the male bathroom, they are welcome to ask for a male chaperone to make them feel safer. It's a massive inconvenience to us to need one at all!

I'm going to use this in my arguments on and offline.

I have had male friends step in to ward off men who were harassing me in nightclubs (back in the 90s). I don’t really like walking / driving on my own in the dark so I do try to avoid it - dh is obviously the most likely person to accompany me or go instead. I have no interest in the mechanics of cars so dh would come to the garage with me as I have been ripped off before! Certainly in Mexico i wouldn’t have wanted to be a lone female, and the men I knew were very mindful of accompanying women and worried if they declined (sounds controlling but it wasn’t).

It took a male friend of mine squaring up to my ex before he stopped stalking me after we broke up. (Back in the days before it was even a properly rounded offence. He was “just” following me). But other than that I’ve tended to stick with my fellow women.

I’ve found that women in a group seem to scare most men more than anything else.

Never used a male colleague/friend/chaperone in my life. In my 60s so I suppose I spent a lot of my life growing up in an age where it wasn't so necessary.

I have never been assaulted, the worst I've ever experienced were catcalls from building sites when I was young but I used to shrug and ignore. They don't catcall now!

Never been afraid to walk home alone, I live rurally and happy to go out walking in the winter, through the woods, in the dark etc. I suppose I don't go to night clubs so I'm not out at 2am in a city street though.

I spent many years teaching in a residential school which was male only, soon got used to dealing with boy fights, drunk young men and male egos (the latter amongst the staff!!), it was an eye opener and made me extremely capable as a woman. I have travelled the world on my own, sometimes to some rather dodgy places, but I think my job gave me a sense of "I can deal with it" so I never worried, and consequently never experienced problems.

I suspect half the battle is to 'look as if' and 'carry oneself' in a way that says 'don't mess with me' ?? Not sure about that one but there must be some reason why some of us don't have problems and others do.

I can't recall a single occasion I've felt the need to do this.

I don't recognise this at all. It just doesn't seem practical.

Absolutely I have. I’ve lived in a few big cities and although my RBF has served me well in warding off undesirables I’ve sometimes wanted extra protection. And then there’s Turkey, where my Turkish friends spoke to the bus driver and had me sit directly behind him from Ankara to Istanbul.

Older - just out of interest how tall are you?

I am rather envious of all you who feel so confident walking around in towns at night! I don’t care if the person I’m with us male or female but I don’t like being on my own!

Yes I have. I even once asked a couple of my son's 18 year old friends to walk me back to my car in a deserted town centre at night after they had played a gig (the lads were all travelling back together and I was taking the equipment.)

Not for safety bit for pracicality sometimes, yes. Like fuck will I pay xx for taxi if DH is available to pick up on a way home

Yep, and decent men do it without being asked too - “I’ll walk you to your car” type thing.

We have a young man with MH /drug related issues 'patrolling' our cul-de-sac atm. All the women are now wary of walking home alone once it's dark. I will be asking my son to walk me home after I babysit next week.

I don't think my neighbour would intentionally harm any of us, but if we're mistaken for the person who, in his view, is 'out to get him', who knows what might happen.

Better safe than sorry. It's easy to say chaperoning isn't needed, until it happens to you.

Th point is getting men to look out for each other when asked. Seems a good plan but the issues are not the same, despite what certain men like to believe.

No I have never felt the need of a chaperone at home nor when i have travelled around the world, I am a woman not a child and am perfectly capable of looking after myself

If it’s dark/creepy I like company but female is just as good as male for me.

Nope, I honestly haven’t.

Yes, my husband has offered to pick me up from the tube station late at night or at least talk on the phone with me while walking back.

The only time I request male chaperone is one something goes bang in the house or garden in the dead of night and I tell DP to get his dressing gown to investigate 😂

Yes well, the point is, it's a necessary inconvenience for many women too, thats the point of my post! We have to put up with it.

Round where I live there are billboards for "strutsafe" aimed at women who are walking home alone. They call the number and have a chaperone to feel safer.

I think the point is more that it isn't really a practical option much of the time.

And how do you know that the male chaperon is safe?

'I suspect half the battle is to 'look as if' and 'carry oneself' in a way that says 'don't mess with me' ?? Not sure about that one but there must be some reason why some of us don't have problems and others do.'

I agree with @OlderYearsIsBest. Like her I'm used to defusing male aggression, although I learnt to do it working as a barmaid rather than in a school. I'm in my 60s too but I can still deal with a lairy drunk if I need to.

Im sorry to hear that happened to you.

Its one of the mumsnet things I dont understand. Every so often there are posts about how men should always walk a woman home and not take no for an answer. Women like yourself come on pointing out that letting a man know where you live or be with you on a quiet walk home has turned out badly. But they get shouted down and told that the must let a man escort them. I feel much safer on my own than with a colleague or similar.

My husband is safe!

Did you miss the point of my post though?

I'm talking about the male chaperone service.

Never needed nor asked a man to take me anywhere. I'm from a large family with more men than women. I went into male dominated industries, lived in large towns, cities, semi rural, and rural areas. I've been attacked lots of times by men, SA and violence. Still don't ask for a man's help why would I they attacked me more than women and it was mostly people I knew well who attacked me.

Then again I never felt life was supposed to be safe for me or anyone else.