Women's rights general conversations - Thread 10

[Kucinghitam]

Continuation of Thread 9.

There is so much excellent information and so many active discussions on FWR that I wondered if it would be useful to have a thread to sort of "cross-fertilise" between them - airing little thoughts or vignettes that wouldn't themselves merit their own thread, to highlight other posts/threads of particular interest or to point to notable developments on fast-moving threads so that casual observers know where to look.

(For example, "the X thread has meandered onto a fascinating discussion of Y" or "Poster P's amazing analysis on thread Z might have relevance to the scenario in thread W" or "Has anybody noticed this recurring theme that keeps coming up??" or even "Random bloke asked me to smile while I was choosing onions in the supermarket, grr"- that sort of thing).

I've used a TENS machine for pain relief and it worked, but I don't understand how you'd use one to induce pain.

I had undiagnosed fibroids for many years and it was only once I got to 48, after decades of complaining, that it was taken seriously. My periods were hideous and I'd hurt from my elbows down to my knees, but still had to just got on with things. I'm sure many men would or could put up with that.

There was a big difference in how the man and the woman reacted. She had a sort of tired 'Ugh, here we go again' look while he looked genuinely shocked at how painful the higher levels were. It was weird seeing her just get on with the climb while he kept dropping to the floor and curling up. Was it performative?

No, they are just not used to having pain. For men pain is a warning that something is wrong. For women pain is always just round the corner. We get used to it and have bodies built to bear it.

This is why we should take women's pain more seriously. If we can climb walls while in pain, when we complain of pain, it's probably much more severe than men's.

Obviously we are not defined by our biology etc etc etc.
but the experience of having levels of pain from the uncomfortable to the agonising every single flipping month for years on end HAS to shape us in many ways - neuroplasticity and all that.

As a PP said, we become familiar with pain, and it is not the signal of something very wrong which it is for men; it is something that can be endured if necessary [i.e. almost always, if you are a woman🙄] and which does not necessarily prevent continuing with everyday activities.

Then there are the practicalities of dealing with uncontrolled bleeding every month - requiring foresight and fortitude and pragmatism and coping strategies.

Then for some but not all women there are difficult hormonal/emotional aspects to be dealt with.

As the age of menarche is getting younger and younger, little girls who are still young children are having to take on all these difficult and challenging experiences.

This is pretty heavy stuff, which boys and men do not experience. That is a hugely different experience of growing into adulthood.

All very good points! I had hideous periods as a teen, the sort that overflowed through all pads and on to my (turquoise) school skirt, huge clots, upset bowels, and worst of all horrendous cramps that seemed to grip my whole body and resulted in nausea, vomiting and sometimes fainting. I learned, or rather taught myself (because my mother was utterly unhelpful) coping strategies with painkillers, special ways of sitting, a finely-honed sanpro-changing schedule, etc etc. But it all took up a huge amount of mental and physical "burden" for that time of the month. Yet, I got so used to this monthly burden that eventually I stopped thinking about it.

Then I got to my mid-20s and went on the pill for contraceptive reasons. That was the first revelation because it made my periods so much lighter and somewhat less painful, as well as being 100% predictable. Suddenly there was a whole load of stuff I no longer had to think about and deal with each month.

After having DC, I got a Mirena coil fitted and (whilst I'm aware it doesn't work for every woman) I haven't had a period for over 15 years - I have been liberated!

Now my DDs are having to go through it and I've done my best to provide all the support and understanding my mum never gave me.

Having now finished my periods twenty years ago, I can testify to the relief of never having to think about that.

Then there are the practicalities of dealing with uncontrolled bleeding every month - requiring foresight and fortitude and pragmatism and coping strategies.

Ah. Hmm. Yes.

I think that may have just given me some insight into a conversation on another thread about men and their (in)ability to carry out sequences of actions in a logical and efficient manner, particularly in response to an unexpected event.

I would never take the 6th easiest option¹ for mopping up a spill, because I always know where the nearest towel is (and the nearest disposable towel for spills that won't wash out). Because I've spent 40 years always keeping a note at the back of my mind where the nearest towel is.

I've spent 40 years having to plan according to the calendar, doing things on this day instead of that, here instead of there, with this bag instead of that one, in the black outfit not the pale blue one. Forward planning months in advance that I don't even think about.

¹ I counted and it actually was the 6th best, which amused me immensely.

I keep a kitchen roll in the bathroom as well as a plentiful supply in the kitchen. Seems sensible.

What was the 6th best? I really didn’t want to ask but I can’t not ask because I hate not understanding things. Although I’m already starting to regret asking.

Apologies for cross thread musings.

MrBint spilled some water from the dehumidifier in the bathroom today, and in his quest to get something absorbent to deal with it he bypassed:
1 the towels on the rail in the bathroom
2 the whole airing cupboard full of towels in the bathroom
3 the loo roll, in the loo next to the bathroom
4 the towel in the guest room at the other end of the corridor
5 the kitchen hand towel at the near end of the kitchen (up 2 steps, along the landing, down the stairs and down 2 more steps from the bathroom - so not that near, but still closer to the spill than 6)

to reach his chosen item -

6 the kitchen roll at the far end of the kitchen.

@bignosebignose on the Sandie Peggie threads - it's about what an NHS computing guy did when looking at "evidence" from a mobile phone.

Thanks for sharing all the period stories. I have been through my own hell which has been dealing with endometriosis and heavy periods for years.

I get so irritated when transwomen complain of their "periods" online and post pictures of them cuddling hot water bottles and eating chocolate and wanting a special fuss made over them.

Meanwhile real women just battle through the pain, bleeding, etc., and continue as normal.

I watched the video (thanks for posting it) and then scrolled down to the comments. This pinned comment was right at the top. Of course the gender believers have been unhappy with the language used in the video and they have had to make a hostage statement clarification. Sigh.

I spotted that too. So tiresome.

Great video though!

I mostly lurk on here but I had to respond to this. What your DH did is something I, with my dyspraxic brain, would do. And it makes me feel like less of a woman because I can't do all the things that women are stereotypically supposed to do. I am terrible at multitasking and organisation, I trip over my own feet and I can't do the towel wrap on the head thing.
So when people post things like 'Men can't do x. Women are better at it', the negative committee inside my head pops up telling me that I have failed at being a woman because I can't do x.

I know this wasn't aimed at me or anything but just something to consider.

I too am a woman who is terrible at womanning. I don't feel less of a woman though. I have always known that clichés about how women and men behave is generally nonsense. I was startled when I found out that 99 per cent of sex offenders are male - I shouldn't have been because if you stop and think about it it's obvious but there is a clear and stark difference in behaviour between men and women in this area. Mopping up spills - not so much.

Sorry, its one of the problems.with splitting thoughts across multiple threads and other people only getting fractions of my current mental spiderweb. It was just a thought about tendencies being related to what we practice, and that often we're practising behaviours without realising.

As I've just been saying on another thread, a behaviour being more common in one sex doesn't mean it's absent in the other - or that having/not having it defines sex. And I can only do the towel wrap if I have exactly the right size towel.

Same here with the towel wrap, Binturong. I'm not good at it unless I've got the right towel.

I don't woman right either. There are no dresses, heels, make-up, fake nails etc in my life. My nails are kept very short and my hair is a shortish and practical cut. As a youngster I was mystified by other girls and young women with their womanly clothes and hair and, to a large extent, they still mystify me.

None of this makes me any less of a woman and what you can or can't do doesn't make you any less of a woman either, @ISaySteadyOn

What's a towel wrap?

Towel turban after hair washing.

(Those look pre-formed, but some people can make one by twiddling a hand towel.round their head.)

Blimey, I don't think I could ever produce something like that on top of my head!

I have a neat thing called a Turbitowel that is like a hood with a long point so you put it on your head and twist the long bit round and tuck it through an elastic loop on the back. Useful!

For anyone not womaning correctly here's Just Melani saying we're allowed to say 'We do not care'. She's good. Three pairs of glasses and a panty liner stuck to her top, what's not to like 😅

www.instagram.com/reel/DPtlVP2jTUS/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==