Hahahaha!!!!

[DialSquare]

I love JKR!

For a young generation who object to conforming to gender specific 'labels' there sure are a lot of labels flying around!

Fair enough, although you post highlights a major problem with such labelling, that is a lack of any consistent idea of exactly what is being labelled. For example, you seem to set 'asexuality' apart from being gay or straight and yet others on Twitter have said it is an 'as well as', that is someone may be straight and asexual or gay and asexual. Some commentators have talked about the 'oppression' of being constantly being asked why they don't have relationships, while others claim being asexual has nothing to do with not being in a relationship - many of them are.

More widely I think some of your post reveals a major issue around people wanting to be 'seen' and 'validated' at every turn. It does seem to point to a degree of self-obsession. I'm sorry that you feel that you can't tell other people 'and be respected', but personally I'd work on not giving quite such a flying fuck about everyone else's opinion. Although honestly, I think I've lost patience with the degree to which everyone needs a flag, a day and a box to get in before they can carry on with their day.

I think what is different now is that we are moving towards a society of inclusion, where people don’t have to feel different just because they are. Of course asexual people aren’t new, maybe they’re
or unusual (although I have never met another asexual person) but why can’t we have a label to explain our sexuality? If there is a label for attraction to the same sex, a label for attraction to the opposite sex and a label for attraction to both sexes surely it makes logical sense to also have a label for attraction to neither sex? Is it not understandable that when everybody else is labelling themselves as ‘straight’ ‘gay’ or ‘bisexual’ that asexual people who don’t fall into any of those would also want a way to describe themselves, rather than just being ‘nothing.’ Surely there is nothing to make somebody feel less included and accepted than not even having a word to describe who you are, than having to be nothing. Being nothing at all makes you feel completely invalid. Maybe you can’t understand that, it seems nobody on this thread can, but I’m also guessing the majority are themselves straight, gay or bisexual. If asexual people are saying ‘we see value in having a way to label ourselves and in having our identity recognised’ why can that not be accepted? I don’t personally see the need for a day or a flag but if other asexual people find value and acceptance in that is there really a need for others to shoot them down and say they can’t have it and don’t deserve it? If I choose to label myself as asexual and feel that it helps me to accept who I am I really don’t see how that is harming anybody else? Even having a flag or a day to recognise that, surely it’s pretty harmless and anybody who doesn’t want to participate or recognise it can just ignore it? I would understand the upset if people were being forced to donate or march or participate in some way, but as far as I can tell nobody on this thread has had to do so and just dislikes the day on principle?

This is probably the point to say "You are unique and different, just like everyone else"

Sorry, I should clarify that when I say ‘validated’ I largely mean feeling validated within myself, to feel like I am not broken or defective and that it’s actually okay not to feel sexual attraction/ desires. I don’t need other people to validate me, as I said I have only told a couple of people I’m asexual and they didn’t respond with acceptance so much as denial so I’m not keen to tell anybody again, but I do at least feel more secure with who I am within myself since finding out about asexuality and feel less weird to know there are others like me.

In terms of what Twitter says about asexuality, I don’t know as I’m not on there. I don’t know any other asexual people, my understanding asexuality is a sexual orientation and about who you feel sexual attraction to (nobody of either sex) and is not the same as being straight/ gay/ bi but celibate because you have a low or absent sex drive and that is consistent with the definitions I have read of asexuality, but truthfully I have never actually had the discussion with another person who defines themselves as asexual, maybe some people do interpret it differently.

There is some interesting language use in your post (this is not a dig, but it did jump out at me):

asexual people who don’t fall into any of those would also want a way to describe themselves, rather than just being ‘nothing.’

Being nothing at all makes you feel completely invalid.

No one here is saying there shouldn't be a word to describe asexuality. However it's interesting that you conflate a notional lack of a descriptor with 'being nothing'. Why would you feel like you are 'nothing'?

other asexual people find value and acceptance in that is there really a need for others to shoot them down and say they can’t have it and don’t deserve it?

I haven't seen anyone say that you 'don't deserve' a day and a flag - but I'm not sure what you mean by being deserving?

I'm sorry that you feel so marginalised and seem to feel so persecuted and I genuinely wish you well. I'm not sure that a special day will give you the validation and reassurance you seem to be seeking.

Who the buggery bollocks goes round telling people how much (or little) sex they’re having? I have friends who I’ve known for 50+ years and I have no idea how much sex they do or don’t have. Certainly don’t need to know about a stranger’s sex drive or lack thereof. Yuck.

Being nothing at all makes you feel completely invalid.

There's absolutely no doubt that with the advent of the Internet, online porn, and ever decreasing boundaries, that people come to believe in the lowest common denominator.

For instance, take some TV programmes. Reality progs where people are practically or actually having sex on screen, judging everyone about how actually fuckable they are. All incredibly superficial, and giving the impression that sex and sexuality is the be all and end all.

One of the identities youngsters give themselves is that they won't feel sexually attracted, or have sex until they feel an emotional attachment (demi sexual?).

It's telling that our youngsters have to give themselves a label for what to most other people looks entirely like the norm. Purely to have a defence against not wanting sex 24/7.

maybe that's why people are embracing asexuality.

Certainly, before sex was considered the top priority of absolutely everything, many people had relatives who didn't marry, weren't interested in dating, said they were happily single, or just not interested, or actually shuddered and said god no. They weren't viewed as weird, for not jumping into bed with everyone. Most people would just nod, get it, and sometimes even feel a bit envious, when married to a pig of a man.

Like Aston, Molko, I was struck by your language. That sexuality, or lack of is the only thing that matters.

it really, really isn't.

I'm very sorry that you experienced such difficult times and had relationships that were abusive [described in your previous post] ,nobody should go through that.

The fact that you felt forced to go into toxic sexual relationships although you were not sexually attracted to your partners is awful.

I wrote in a previous post about the pressure on really young teenagers to be sexually active. In a different social context, the younger 'you' might not have felt that it was either expected or normal to have sexual encounters 'just because', or to prove something to yourself or others.

Teenage years are a time of questioning and should be ring-fenced as a time when you don't have to make up your mind for the rest of your life. That might mean teenagers thinking they want to have sex with boys, girls, both or neither; but there should be no pressure to do, or not to do, anything with anybody until they are old enough to make a considered choice.

Would you agree that it would be much easier for asexual people if there was less pressure, and less normalisation about being sexually active at a very young age? Maybe that's why being asexual in the past was no big deal - there wasn't the same expectation that everybody would be at it like rabbits sexually active from an early age.

I don't recognise a social context (well, not a grown-up one anyway) in which people are frequently asked about their sexual orientation, are obliged to give an answer rather than tick the 'prefer not to say' box, are asked what celebrity they fancy..
It sounds like school, TBH, not the adult world.

It sounds like you've found your groove, MolkosTeenageAngst, and I wish you well in living your life the way you want to.

As someone who's probably going through the peri menopause, I love your post.
I'm open to learning and find It's not all about me, why is it so hard to understand for some that we're not all the same?
All this "what about my day?" just smacks of men on International Women's Day

Also, I don't really think that people genuinely believe JKR was taking the piss out of people. She's taking the piss out of India Willoughby.

And before that, taking the piss out of all these constant days of visibility.

But also, she's a normal woman, who has been targeted relentlessly in the most abusive manner possible, and if she took the piss out of anyone and everyone all the live long day, I wouldn't blame her.

And also, even if she hadn't been abused, people can take the piss!

Can we have a take the piss day of visibility??

Actually, scrub that, because obviously, it's going to have to be a take the piss day of remembrance

@Datun do you know how many people commit suicide because people mildly take the piss? Literally millions!

Not really, as not everyone feels the need to take the piss out of everyone who is different to them and is open to learning others experiences, so visibility days are good imo.

Do you think that JKR has no feelings ?

Or aren't her feelings relevant becauseyou don't approve of her?

She's been relentlessly targeted (personally, not just someone saying something she doesn't like) . Is that OK?

The point, I believe, was that you said people can ignore visibility days.

In which case, what's the point?

Some people go their entire lives with absolutely no desire, need or want to be sexual in any way. And that’s fine

so you can’t become asexual…you have to be asexual from birth or something?

Can we have a take the piss day of visibility??

Yeah, let's just make it that little bit shittier for people for no reason but to have a laugh at their expense.
🙄

I don’t k ow why I feel like I am nothing, but that is how I have felt around my sexuality, like I am broken and defective. So much value is put on finding a partner and having children, I feel like because I haven’t been able to do that people see me as less than. I feel like people assume there must be something awful about me which is why I’m not in a relationship and why the few relationships I had were so toxic. I feel like a life without ever having a positive long term relationship is seen as less and inferior. I feel like this because of the reactions I get from people due to being single, especially from straight married women. I feel like I’m seen as less of a woman because I don’t have a relationship and that I’m seen as missing out on something integral to being human because I don’t experience or enjoy sexual desire. Again, this is how people have made me feel. There are situations where you can be asked to state your sexuality and it does feel isolating not to have one, to not know what to tick on the form, that’s what I mean by being nothing. If you’re not gay, straight or bisexual and there’s no other option then what are you other than nothing? Or ‘prefer not to say’ which is what I usually go with, but it’s not really true I wouldn’t mind saying if I was included. Maybe though it’s not something that can be understood if you haven’t experienced it, as far as I can tell everybody on this thread who thinks recognising asexuality is ridiculous has no personal experience and thinks mine is as ridiculous as the label so I don’t really know what more I can say.

That said, I don’t personally feel like I need a special day as such (and as I said previously in the thread didn’t realise that such a day existed until this thread) but I do think there would be positives in asexuality being recognised because whether you wish to believe it or not it can be isolating when you don’t feel sexual attraction towards others, maybe it’s not as noticeable when you haven’t lived this just how much of society and culture actually is built around having sexual desires and relationships and so maybe it’s impossible for those who are not asexual to really understand how not experiencing those things can feel as significant as it does to me. Maybe this is why some asexual people do want their own day to come together because it seems it isn’t something other people are willing or able to understand or empathise with.

I think you've misunderstood, I totally approve of JKR and her standing up for women. And putting her money where her mouth is.

I was mocking the ridiculous claims by certain lobbies that mere teasing equals large numbers of deaths, which remain totally unbacked up by evidence.

You literally need to take a chill pill, your over active imagination is causing you to talk a load of clap trap. There are not millions of people committing suicide because someone took the piss out of them. Your emotional incontinent ramblings are likely to cause more harm than a bit of humour. Get a grip.

If you're asking people who aren't interested or think they're nonsensical to ignore then you're not doing much to expand your audience or raise awareness.

You can ignore it if you wish.
I can choose to learn about something new
So visibility days are good for raising awareness.

murasaki was actually taking the piss...

Ah sorry - it's so difficult to tell these days what is serious and what is tongue in cheek!

Utter nonsense. People who don’t want to have sex are no more “at risk” than anyone else. They just have a victim complex if they claim a “speshul identity”.