Does anyone else resent the gender/ TERF wars?

[TERFCat]

I met up with an old friend last night. The first two hours were magical! Everything was going great until the "what is a woman?" question popped up... Then, it all turned sour, and I don't think she and I will be catching up again for a long time.

Basically, whilst I think women's rights are paramount and should be defended whenever necessary, I'm really starting to resent the impact this had on my real life.

I have lost friends over this, and I've likely been stopped from making more too!

Does anyone else feel this way?

What do you resent? People talking about how sex is immutable?
People not conceding to threats, violence/aggression?
Women not 'being kind' and letting males do/take what they want?

Not really affected me in my every day- to-day life, but don’t like how it’s creeping in, and could affect me.

No, no effect on my life at all. My friends know how I feel, there was a period where my now 7 year old insisted he was a girl, still like his pretty clothes. So it come up a fair amount.

They all know my stance and they accept it.

Hope you enjoyed Mrs doubtfire.

It's not something I would fall out with a friend about.

Surely true of any political issue anyone feels strongly about. Israel/Palestine has ripped friendships apart in my family. Covid and attitudes to lockdown and vaccinations too. This issue not so much in my circles.

My close friends are all believers in reality so we are on the same page with this thankfully. I do get what you're saying though. When you have a friend who believes in the gender ideology woo it can be quite difficult as it puts up a hard barrier in a friendship. When there's suddenly something you just can't discuss it's hard.

I resent that this is all happening in the first place! It's nonsense, and I shouldn't have to waste my time and lose my friends over it!

@TERFCat I know what you mean. It's become a case of how cautious in my views I will be. Say nothing? Hint? I cannot nod along when someone says something crazy. I own a business where stating TWAM views (or even TWAT'W' and not actual women) would have repercussions on others if I out myself. It's harder and harder to hold my tongue. My views are getting more widely known and I have heard friends with similar views described as transphobic. I want to debate openly, get evidence for both sides into the open, but suspect that most people simply want an easy life. This restraint means friends may be giving me a wide berth on all things. Yes I resent it too.

This!!! I am beyond pissed off about it. I’d happily gone along fir the majority of my life understanding that things were not perfect for women in terms of how we were treated but believing that progress was being made only to discover that our rights were based on the thinnest of sand once a bunch of men performing “lady ness” decided they wanted them too.

the fact that every public institution, the media, MPs, the NHS, the government, large corporations, basically agreed with men who said “look I’m a woman cos I said and see my dress” and when women said “don’t be daft, obviously he’s still actually a man” bullied, intimidated, harassed and gaslit them shows that when it comes down to it, women are still not seen as actual humans but support humans for men

im fucked off I’ve had to spend money supporting women to being legal cases that should never have had to be brought becatse you know fucking reality is a thing & I’m really fucked off with the unthinking beee kiiinders who enable this just as much as the rabid TRA

so yes I am fed up

Yes I do! I resent that it's even a conversation, but it is. I managed to have a sensible discussion with one friend who doesn't agree with me on the issue but other people cut me off completely. I mean I'm not losing sleep over them but it's just such a stupid, pointless thing that shouldn't even be happening and wouldn't if people hadn't collectively lost their minds. Sooner this fad passes the better.

Yes I resent it. I am furious that such a sexist, misyognsitic, homophobic, harmful, illogical ideology has permeated our institutions and companies.

Think of what women (and men) could have achieved if idiots hadn’t spent time embedding this only for us to have to fight to get it out again.

I am very angry about it.

Me too. I particularly resent that (some) younger women have been brainwashed into it, it’s so sad and counterproductive. A friend’s daughter is still a student and really into this stuff and I just feel sorry for her because she can’t see it’s all bollocks. She hasn’t had enough life experience yet.

I don't talk about it a lot in real life. And while this sticks in the craw a lot, I keep reminding myself that some people have a completely different context to me, in terms of the media they've been exposed to.

Imagine what your understanding of this topic would be if you only ever got your info from The Guardian, BBC, left leaning SM? These types of people are light years behind in understanding what's going on.

I must admit that when this first came up on MN I wondered why feminists were becoming so exercised by what seemed a side-issue, especially when there were so many other issues affecting women. But then the Women’s Equality Party (that I had been quite excited about) stated its support for TW and couple of threads on here made me realise that it was the issue from which all others flowed. You can’t protect and support women unless you can define women.

Yes. Being a TERF has had a huge effect on my life.
I was very publicly bullied out of an organisation I was volunteering in, lost a load of friends.

Even my family is now very cautious around me because a sibling is trans. There's a lot of hand-wringing about whether I'm a "safe" person to be around. And under what circumstances. I've not been home for Christmas. Had family holidays cancelled. That kind of thing.

I feel anxious and isolated because of it and I'm currently in counselling.

I always thought that it would be possible to stay friends with everyone so long as I remained respectful and polite. Sadly, it wasn't. Because the atmosphere around the debate is so toxic.

I can see that things are starting to change now. And I'm glad. But it's come too late for me.

I’m so sorry that has happened to you @unlimiteddilutingjuice :(

Stupidity annoys me, especially in the highly educated. There are some people I cant discuss this with because they are too bigoted and brainwashed. That makes me angry.

t it was the issue from which all others flowed. You can’t protect and support women unless you can define women.

exactly exactly that!! And TRA know this which is why they were so desperate to mangle language and “no debate”.

Thanks Theeyeballsinthesky
Cool name by the way.

I resent the mind virus of transgenderism, yes.

I resent it if i think about it.

I keep a few people I barely know on my FB purely to keep an eye on where the opinion market is on this. In particular, a gay male couple in their early 30s, one of whom is a vascular surgeon and the other a media person [slightly altered jobs to reduce outingness]. Both are unrelentingly vicious to the slightest tinge of lack of belief that a person was always the sex they currently proclaim, or of any lack of opposition to any of the key court cases for women's rights. So at least I can't delude myself that 'the tide is turning' in any way that makes a difference in how I can express myself. The legal framework is distinctly less hostile than it was 5 years ago, and some important areas of policy have changed, but for them and I assume their entire social circle, nothing has changed at all from 2018 except that their antennae have become more sensitive.

I am deeply saddened, OP, as it has torn my family apart.

The men who have led us to this point, rich men, who have infiltrated, or paid for the allegiance of, international organisations, universities, governments, police forces, health services have done so for their own, fetishistic pleasure, with no regard for the women and children, whose lives they are destroying, or whose happiness has been taken.

I despise those men for their greed and for what they have cost me and so many others.

I resent having to question what I read in the media. I resent being unable to do certain things for fear of being outed. I resent the time and energy staying informed costs, and the need to be constantly aware of the game in case some bugger is trying to redefine reality again.

We shouldn’t need to waste attention on something that is immutable. It’s like having to prove 1+1=2 before you can do your shopping.

I resent it massively. I hate that so many people are moral cowards and will kowtow to a crazy ideology. It has affected me in RL. I was quasi disowned by a family member, who is a fully signed up member of the "be kind" brigade, when I expressed admiration for JK Rowling. It hurt.

Everything was going great until the "what is a woman?" question popped up...

Easy answer. A woman is an adult female whilst a girl refers to a young female child. Age is the distinction.

Female is related to the sex which has the capability to produce young. it comes from the latin word femella.

What people are turning into a first world problem is gender.

As woman are (unlike the animal world) often the more colourful and attractive of the two sexes to attract men (adult male) it has led to distinctions in gender, a social construct. in Pagan times women were held in high esteem as they were the 'life givers'. when organised religion came along, managed by men, women were reduced to second class citizens in their societal role to child bearing, cleaning etc. Since then women have had to fight to return to an equal footing, and still not there yet.