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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Shon Faye has theories about women, mums, and Mumsnet.

128 replies

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 12:50

https://crooked.com/podcast/trumps-plan-for-peace-in-ukraine-only-pleases-putin-the-politics-of-modern-love/

Shon Faye '... for most of the 20 tens, one of the kind of online hubs of transphobia, really big mobilization of anti-trans groups and some of the most prominent, taking to the streets, anti-trans campaigners and actually kind of got radicalized on a website called Mumsnet. It’s a parenting forum and, like, I think it serves a, you know, a function for a lot of parents, but it’s I think it’s something like 90% women. So mostly mums. But yeah, like on certain corners of that it became like this hub and like basically any pro trans point was shut down for mums of trans kids, basically bullied off the website and it basically became this now. Is that coincidence? And what I was interested in and it’s kind of a - for me, like, a microcosm of the general problem you’re talking about, because in America, there’s a lot of right wing groups that use moms in the title of Moms for Liberty.

Coco Khan Yeah, right.

Shon Faye Yeah, 1 Million Moms. And they’re like these, like, potentially far right groups. And yeah. Is that is there a link? Why Mumsnet? I guess what they would say is that motherhood is a point where you radicalized and they like, well, we’re not going to accept this like denial of biology by the trans cults or whatever they say. The reality, I think, is that actually you find quite a lot of women on parenting forums who have lost their identity or feeling quite unsupported, often whether they have a partner or not. There’s even these studies that show that men think they’re doing 50% and they’re not.

And so, so, a lot of of women who have young children are on these parenting forums and perhaps I argue for and quite resentful, resentful, it may be suppressed resentment of their own partner and resentful - like, the fact that society does this bait and switch with motherhood where like there’s a lot of pressure on women to do it and then when they do, it is kind of like, well, get on with it. And if you’re a bad mother, that’s your fault. And if you fuck your kids up that's your fault.

Andrea Dworkin, this radical second wave feminist, kind of said that, like, women often can’t express their resentment against the men closest to them, so they deflect it. Right wing women will deflect it onto people of color or lesbians in the 70s, and I think that’s a good example of like how motherhood is used. Like lots of black motherhood was so used in Trump’s recent campaign. Yeah, because it’s this idea, particularly white motherhood, right? It’s like we’ve got to protect white children from the threat. Whatever the threat is at any given generation.'

Nish Kumar In this instance, the threat is specifically in various forms. The three people currently go kill.

Coco Khan Yeah.

Shon Faye Yeah. I was going to say, when I said in every generation I was like, but it’s using it. It doesn’t it doesn’t feel abstract. As we said this time, it doesn’t feel too abstract to I mean, yeah, very fair observation. But it’s clever, right?

Because anyone who’s a parent, you know, the protection of young people is a sort of noble aim. And a lot of parents will have a very real fear, fear of like, children being harmed is like a is a very natural fear, but it’s also one that’s easily manipulated. Yeah. And with far right movements, you know, it has a long history of like, it’s good for, you know, recruiting women and it’s also good for recruiting other men. But like the idealization of a certain kind of puritanical motherhood. I mean, I’m really loathe to invoke Nazi Germany like fascistic regimes have always known that a particular idea of the mother is quite a potent idea in that imaginary. And, you know, that’s not me saying that motherhood or motherly love is always this right wing reactionary idea. It’s not. But yeah, I think it can be weaponized in that regard.'

Shon Faye has, inexplicably, just published a book of presumably this sort of deep insight and wisdom.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 23/02/2025 13:36

Why do these two blokes think they know anything about motherhood?

The arrogance is astounding.

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 13:36

'Teaching us to love without boundaries, this new memoir looks at how relationships can expand far beyond the narrow ideals many of us have been taught to chase ― ELLE’s ‘Cult Books We Can’t Wait to Read in 2025’'

Loving 'without boundaries', eh? 'Cult book'. Right-ho.

OP posts:
Apollo441 · 23/02/2025 13:40

'Loving without boundaries' has a bit of a pedophile overtone. No?

Fargo79 · 23/02/2025 13:40

Isn't Mumsnet predominantly left wing? But according to this apparently also a hotbed of far right anti-trans rhetoric 🤔

DworkinWasRight · 23/02/2025 13:42

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:34

I remember when @terryleather said that she'd be very disappointed if the cover of Shon's book didn't have a picture of a randy budgie pecking a mirror Grin

The Guardian ran an excerpt of his new book and - I know you’ll all be surprised at this - it’s very me me me:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jan/25/shon-faye-on-dating-love-and-heartbreak-as-a-trans-woman

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:43

Loving 'without boundaries', eh? 'Cult book'. Right-ho.

Say what you see, Elle! Grin

letsallchant · 23/02/2025 13:45

Hang on, so Shon is arguing that we're all here idealising mothers and motherhood? Has Shon ever read here? 🤣

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:46

Some voices around him said cruel and stigmatising things about him choosing a trans woman

Just speculating, but I imagine these "stigmatising" things were that he was gay or bisexual.

PeachCrow · 23/02/2025 13:48

There is a grain of truth in it though. As a GC mother of a trans child (yes, perfectly possible to be both - people are not always how we wish them to be, our families are not always how we might want them to be however much we love them), I have been chased off these boards many times in past years - the faux-incredulous questioning, the spelling out of obvious facts with a HTH, the open criticism. And of course if I ever posted with a spag error then the strongly implied link with being stupid and ill-educated as per the opening posts. This is the first time I've posted here in probably 5 years.

I remain as GC as ever, probably more so. I observed some of the FWS SC case and Fife tribunal, I read widely, I garden, I volunteer with a relevant group. But I also have lived experience with my child (which at times has been horrendously difficult as a mother).

So whilst I would always always argue that sex is unchangeable and safeguarding, privacy and dignity is paramount (and did on multiple school trips, cubs, scouts etc) sometimes life is not always as conveniently black and white as we might like. My child is 26 now and a little of what Shon says resonates.

How I would cope if my child was full-on TRA I'm really not sure but in that much-mocked phrase, he really does just want to get on with his life. And I am proud of him.

SidewaysOtter · 23/02/2025 13:50

Why does it not surprise me that Nish Kumar was involved, the very epitome of woke bros?

And it clearly hasn’t occurred to these halfwits that not every women on Mumsnet is actually a mother. Plenty of us don’t have kids at all!

BreadInCaptivity · 23/02/2025 13:51

Whenever Shon is mentioned my brain goes back to a thread many years ago where a MN poster described him as being like an aggressive budgie trying to assert its dominance by pecking at itself in a mirror.

Absolutely no self awareness of how his words/actions reflect back on himself.

Looks like much hasn't changed.

BreadInCaptivity · 23/02/2025 13:52

SidewaysOtter · 23/02/2025 13:50

Why does it not surprise me that Nish Kumar was involved, the very epitome of woke bros?

And it clearly hasn’t occurred to these halfwits that not every women on Mumsnet is actually a mother. Plenty of us don’t have kids at all!

Mr Menno's take down. Of Nish re: Gervais is well worth a watch.

LeavesOnTrees · 23/02/2025 13:56

Yeah, like these mums, basically like, don't have repsect,like once there was a feminist like, basically, they're all right wing, like.

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 13:57

PeachCrow · 23/02/2025 13:48

There is a grain of truth in it though. As a GC mother of a trans child (yes, perfectly possible to be both - people are not always how we wish them to be, our families are not always how we might want them to be however much we love them), I have been chased off these boards many times in past years - the faux-incredulous questioning, the spelling out of obvious facts with a HTH, the open criticism. And of course if I ever posted with a spag error then the strongly implied link with being stupid and ill-educated as per the opening posts. This is the first time I've posted here in probably 5 years.

I remain as GC as ever, probably more so. I observed some of the FWS SC case and Fife tribunal, I read widely, I garden, I volunteer with a relevant group. But I also have lived experience with my child (which at times has been horrendously difficult as a mother).

So whilst I would always always argue that sex is unchangeable and safeguarding, privacy and dignity is paramount (and did on multiple school trips, cubs, scouts etc) sometimes life is not always as conveniently black and white as we might like. My child is 26 now and a little of what Shon says resonates.

How I would cope if my child was full-on TRA I'm really not sure but in that much-mocked phrase, he really does just want to get on with his life. And I am proud of him.

What grain of truth? That we're all nazi far righters, as well as stupid? Or just generally 'nasty'?

'if I ever posted with a spag error then the strongly implied link with being stupid and ill-educated as per the opening posts.'

What posts?

OP posts:
maltravers · 23/02/2025 13:58

“Pampered pricks”. A perfect description. Some of us are capable of being “left wing”, but also don’t want kids chopping their bits off and messing up their bodies with CSH. And we don’t want to see women terrorised/sacked for not wanting penises in their changing rooms/loos/prisons. Does that fry your tiny brains Nish and Shon?

Theeyeballsinthesky · 23/02/2025 13:58

SidewaysOtter · 23/02/2025 13:50

Why does it not surprise me that Nish Kumar was involved, the very epitome of woke bros?

And it clearly hasn’t occurred to these halfwits that not every women on Mumsnet is actually a mother. Plenty of us don’t have kids at all!

Well quite sideways

I was just wondering how non mothers fit into shon’s special thinky thoughts on women

RoyalCorgi · 23/02/2025 14:06

Theeyeballsinthesky · 23/02/2025 13:58

Well quite sideways

I was just wondering how non mothers fit into shon’s special thinky thoughts on women

I think that "mothers" is a synonym for "women". Shon and Nish believe that women are stupid, but because it's not quite acceptable to say so, they talk about mothers instead. For some reason it's still considered OK to portray mothers as a little bit ditsy, a little bit feather-brained because we can't concentrate on doing our mummy tasks (wiping bums, singing The Wheels on the Bus, pureeing vegetables) and think at the same time.

BettyFilous · 23/02/2025 14:09

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:34

I remember when @terryleather said that she'd be very disappointed if the cover of Shon's book didn't have a picture of a randy budgie pecking a mirror Grin

You beat me to it Erish. Shon’s clearly still smarting from the randy budgie comment. You naughty mean soft brained mummies! 🤣

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 14:09

What @RoyalCorgi said.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 23/02/2025 14:09

I thought that poor old Shon spoke quite insightfully about adolescence & teenage boys and growing up. Talked about hatred and vilification of single mums and then splurged their teenage level analysis / vitriol about women, mothers and mumsnet with the weaponising of motherhood as a right wing fascistic practice.

Missing so many points - but there you go.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 23/02/2025 14:10

RoyalCorgi · 23/02/2025 14:06

I think that "mothers" is a synonym for "women". Shon and Nish believe that women are stupid, but because it's not quite acceptable to say so, they talk about mothers instead. For some reason it's still considered OK to portray mothers as a little bit ditsy, a little bit feather-brained because we can't concentrate on doing our mummy tasks (wiping bums, singing The Wheels on the Bus, pureeing vegetables) and think at the same time.

I think you’re right on that - I bet they’d really love to be able to just say women

its something a lot of TRA have struggled with here - not understanding that mumsnet is not your actual mum and so we don’t have to listen or pander to them

Crafting1Queen · 23/02/2025 14:11

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Crafting1Queen · 23/02/2025 14:15

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Helleofabore · 23/02/2025 14:18

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:34

I remember when @terryleather said that she'd be very disappointed if the cover of Shon's book didn't have a picture of a randy budgie pecking a mirror Grin

Classic! I didn't see that, but I would have loved to have been reading that thread live.