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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Shon Faye has theories about women, mums, and Mumsnet.

128 replies

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 12:50

https://crooked.com/podcast/trumps-plan-for-peace-in-ukraine-only-pleases-putin-the-politics-of-modern-love/

Shon Faye '... for most of the 20 tens, one of the kind of online hubs of transphobia, really big mobilization of anti-trans groups and some of the most prominent, taking to the streets, anti-trans campaigners and actually kind of got radicalized on a website called Mumsnet. It’s a parenting forum and, like, I think it serves a, you know, a function for a lot of parents, but it’s I think it’s something like 90% women. So mostly mums. But yeah, like on certain corners of that it became like this hub and like basically any pro trans point was shut down for mums of trans kids, basically bullied off the website and it basically became this now. Is that coincidence? And what I was interested in and it’s kind of a - for me, like, a microcosm of the general problem you’re talking about, because in America, there’s a lot of right wing groups that use moms in the title of Moms for Liberty.

Coco Khan Yeah, right.

Shon Faye Yeah, 1 Million Moms. And they’re like these, like, potentially far right groups. And yeah. Is that is there a link? Why Mumsnet? I guess what they would say is that motherhood is a point where you radicalized and they like, well, we’re not going to accept this like denial of biology by the trans cults or whatever they say. The reality, I think, is that actually you find quite a lot of women on parenting forums who have lost their identity or feeling quite unsupported, often whether they have a partner or not. There’s even these studies that show that men think they’re doing 50% and they’re not.

And so, so, a lot of of women who have young children are on these parenting forums and perhaps I argue for and quite resentful, resentful, it may be suppressed resentment of their own partner and resentful - like, the fact that society does this bait and switch with motherhood where like there’s a lot of pressure on women to do it and then when they do, it is kind of like, well, get on with it. And if you’re a bad mother, that’s your fault. And if you fuck your kids up that's your fault.

Andrea Dworkin, this radical second wave feminist, kind of said that, like, women often can’t express their resentment against the men closest to them, so they deflect it. Right wing women will deflect it onto people of color or lesbians in the 70s, and I think that’s a good example of like how motherhood is used. Like lots of black motherhood was so used in Trump’s recent campaign. Yeah, because it’s this idea, particularly white motherhood, right? It’s like we’ve got to protect white children from the threat. Whatever the threat is at any given generation.'

Nish Kumar In this instance, the threat is specifically in various forms. The three people currently go kill.

Coco Khan Yeah.

Shon Faye Yeah. I was going to say, when I said in every generation I was like, but it’s using it. It doesn’t it doesn’t feel abstract. As we said this time, it doesn’t feel too abstract to I mean, yeah, very fair observation. But it’s clever, right?

Because anyone who’s a parent, you know, the protection of young people is a sort of noble aim. And a lot of parents will have a very real fear, fear of like, children being harmed is like a is a very natural fear, but it’s also one that’s easily manipulated. Yeah. And with far right movements, you know, it has a long history of like, it’s good for, you know, recruiting women and it’s also good for recruiting other men. But like the idealization of a certain kind of puritanical motherhood. I mean, I’m really loathe to invoke Nazi Germany like fascistic regimes have always known that a particular idea of the mother is quite a potent idea in that imaginary. And, you know, that’s not me saying that motherhood or motherly love is always this right wing reactionary idea. It’s not. But yeah, I think it can be weaponized in that regard.'

Shon Faye has, inexplicably, just published a book of presumably this sort of deep insight and wisdom.

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Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 12:53

Haha was just talking about that on another thread! Shon has always seethed at Mumsnet and I think did some lame stand up about us once.

Thank you for the transcript Wine

RoyalCorgi · 23/02/2025 12:57

Thanks for sharing this transcript - there was a clip of this on Twitter, which has now been deleted, presumably because people were taking the piss.

It makes me laugh that the two men are doing all the talking, and the one woman in the conversation is just saying "yeah".

Dear Shon does indeed have a book out, and it's made this week's Sunday Times bestseller list - quite a surprise, because past experience shows that these trans memoirs very rarely trouble the bestseller charts.

sunbum · 23/02/2025 12:58

We live rent free in his head, it's hilarious!

The desperate cope as he realises that he won't pass even the small amount he did in his twenties for much longer, middle age is advancing and he's fucked his dating pool for anything meaningful or long term. All mummy's fault, clearly!

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 12:58

IDK, maybe Shon would like to come and do a webchat with all the mums. I'm sure we couldn't wait to hear his analysis of our motivations, politics, and feelings.

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ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 12:59

I shall come clean and note that there is a transcript on the podcast page, which is where I lifted this from. There are many transcription errors, so I corrected a few, but in the end, I'm not sure it really makes that much difference tbh.

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Datun · 23/02/2025 13:02

Haha!!

Yeah motherhood makes women resentful of all and sundry, and then turns them into Nazis.

Nothing to do with Shon's disgruntlement because women weren't impressed when Shon told them to enjoy their erasure, and advised youngsters to 'suck dick, get tits early'.

But yeah, like on certain corners of that it became like this hub and like basically any pro trans point was shut down for mums of trans kids, basically bullied off the website

I must be imagining the two Mumsnet boards devoted entirely to LGBT parents and kids!!!

RoyalCorgi · 23/02/2025 13:02

It reminds me of the time Laurie Penny turned up to harangue everyone on here for not being sufficiently sympathetic to gender ideology. They have this narrative that goes: "When women have children, they become a bit protective, and a bit shut out from the world, and their tiny little brains become very susceptible to manipulation and brainwashing by nasty right-wing forces. Their protective urges become focused on blaming vulnerable minorities, because they can't think properly.'

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:03

It's worth watching them all pontificating about Mumsnet on the video. They posted a clip on Twitter but they appear to have taken it down, because they didn't like the response it got. They tried closing comments first.

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 13:03

Oh, it's on youtube, too.

Should take you to the right time stamp.

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BeyondHumanKenDoll · 23/02/2025 13:04

Classic, absolutely classic, double bind.

The double bind women are put in:

Be kind and communal (and therefore lose out as you place your needs secondary to others at all times)

Don't be kind and communal but centre your own needs (and therefore be stigmatised as 'mean' and be judged far more harshly than a man would when he centres his own needs)

And of course mums who are not permanently being kind to everyone get an extra special dose of judgemental condescension, including the particularly bonkers stuff about 'suppressed resentment' and the far right.

Honestly once you learn about the double bind you will see it everywhere.

sunbum · 23/02/2025 13:05

They've deleted it, the silly cowards. Do these lefty dude bros really have no awareness of how this misogynistic twaddle comes across - to both men and women? They betray themselves and their self centeredness with every wrong footed move like this smug podcast.

Meanwhile actual mothers are worrying about bringing up kids and protecting them from social contagion, where the money is coming from, juggling work and childcare, dying relatives, medical issues ignored etc etc etc. I really couldn't give a fuk about right wing or left wing these days, its a luxury of pampered pricks like these two.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:06

It reminds me of the time Laurie Penny turned up to harangue everyone on here for not being sufficiently sympathetic to gender ideology. They have this narrative that goes: "When women have children, they become a bit protective, and a bit shut out from the world, and their tiny little brains become very susceptible to manipulation and brainwashing by nasty right-wing forces. Their protective urges become focused on blaming vulnerable minorities, because they can't think properly.'

That was a brilliant thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3244928-Laurie-Pennys-Mirror-World

sunbum · 23/02/2025 13:09

Funny, I dont feel like im in much of a mothering bubble when I'm on the train to work, like everyone else, after doing the school run. Most mother I know are capable of other pursuits and other thoughts, as well as being good parents.

Silly clowns these two. And the lapdog nodding woman, whoever she is.

DrudgeJedd · 23/02/2025 13:09

Couldn't be less interested in what these blokes have to say.
They should start their own website, could call it IHateMyMumsnet.com, let the market decide 😁

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 13:10

Actually he whangs on for bloody ages before getting to the Mumsnet bit.

This timestamp should be closer to it:

Coco Khan ... Right wing groups are obsessed with the mother and they use it to be a weapon of oppression. Yeah. What did you observe in your book around that?

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RoyalCorgi · 23/02/2025 13:12

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:06

It reminds me of the time Laurie Penny turned up to harangue everyone on here for not being sufficiently sympathetic to gender ideology. They have this narrative that goes: "When women have children, they become a bit protective, and a bit shut out from the world, and their tiny little brains become very susceptible to manipulation and brainwashing by nasty right-wing forces. Their protective urges become focused on blaming vulnerable minorities, because they can't think properly.'

That was a brilliant thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3244928-Laurie-Pennys-Mirror-World

Yes, it was a fantastic thread, and I've always hoped she'd come back so we can have another go. Because these people's cherished fantasy that we're all a bit stupid and soft-brained because we're mums doesn't survive contact with the hard reality. It genuinely doesn't seem to occur to these people that many of the women posting on this forum are high-achievers and intellectual heavy-hitters: lawyers, consultants, university lecturers, scientists and so on. Most of these people are much sharper than people like Penny and Faye.

And that isn't to denigrate the women on here who aren't those things, just to point out that these activists seem to have a mental image of a Venn diagram in which you have "mums" in one circle and "clever people" in another circle, and no overlap between the two.

RedToothBrush · 23/02/2025 13:17

Gosh.

Imagine doing Bewilderness's rule nine so perfectly.

9. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.

I also think we cover in this extract

1. Women are responsible for what men do.

2. Women saying no to men is a hate crime.

3. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.

5. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.

8. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.

15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others.

16. Everyone owns and controls women’s bodies except the women themselves.

Good demonstration. Thanks Shon.

RoyalCorgi · 23/02/2025 13:21

The Bewilderness's rules of misogyny are so utterly brilliant. I see examples of them at play every day.

She has come out under her real name, which is Rose Grant (https://x.com/tehbewilderness?lang=en). If you're reading, Rose, have a big thank you from me.

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 13:21

I'm happy to speak up on behalf of the soft-brained.

I may be a bit stupid, and not a high-achiever, but I'm also right.

😊

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RoyalCorgi · 23/02/2025 13:22

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 13:21

I'm happy to speak up on behalf of the soft-brained.

I may be a bit stupid, and not a high-achiever, but I'm also right.

😊

You may not be a high-achiever, but you're very definitely not stupid! Whip-smart, I'd say, and with more brains in your little finger than Nish Kumar has in his great big fat head.

ArabellaScott · 23/02/2025 13:27

Thanks, I wasn't fishing! What I mean is that it doesn't really matter what background women on here have or don't have. Doesn't matter if we spell badly or don't know feminist history.

A man cannot ever be a woman. There are only two sexes. Women need rights.

A child can grasp these issues.

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Helleofabore · 23/02/2025 13:29

Thanks Arabella. Enlightening that was.

Daleksatemyshed · 23/02/2025 13:30

And in addition to all their twaddle, I really can't take anyone seriously who can't complete any sentence without using the word "like" at least 3 times, it just makes it so hard to follow what they're actually trying to say. It's old school of me but it just makes me stop listening

Kucinghitam · 23/02/2025 13:32

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:03

It's worth watching them all pontificating about Mumsnet on the video. They posted a clip on Twitter but they appear to have taken it down, because they didn't like the response it got. They tried closing comments first.

How Brave and Stunning of them. The Right Side of History will be very disappointed. Grin

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/02/2025 13:34

I remember when @terryleather said that she'd be very disappointed if the cover of Shon's book didn't have a picture of a randy budgie pecking a mirror Grin