It's an IWD one

[sankacoolrunnings]

So a member of my team is organising an International Women's Day event. It's a public event. It has selected women involved as a panel type thing.I found out today one of the women is a trans woman. I asked do the other women know and it may make them uncomfortable / they may not have wished to participate. I was told "they shouldn't even have those thoughts and I will tell them!"

Speechless. We are policing thoughts now it seems.

We are captured as an organisation though so I can't really do anything. If I say any more than this I will be the one in trouble when actually I am looking at this from a reputation point of view and damage it could do. FFS.

I think some of the PPs have the right suggestion in getting ahead of this by putting your own complaint in to your HR team.

This idiot has clearly got his way before through bullying and shouting the loudest and it sounds like his manager is running a bit, if not scared, at least wary of him.

Fight fire with fire or the dickhead will think he’s got the green light to run the place.

Per PP upthread, why TF is a man organising the events for IWD? How many women in the firm were passed over for the opportunity? It would be great exposure within the firm.

My concern with HR is that they are full on rainbow at my place and influenced by the senior leadership to be so.
It's all very well knowing the law is on your side but I don't want to become public enemy number 1 to leadership if I can help it. They would I have no doubt be sympathetic to his POV regardless of what would be correct legally. That's why I am absolutely treading on eggshells here. I do want to leave for this and several other reasons but unfortunately that isn't happening right now and I can't afford to lose my job.

As to why it's a man organising, think someone actually in an event management role however they definitely are using it for personal agenda which is not aligned with the objectives of what the event should be about.

I'd write an email to him to say you did not intend to hurt his feelings and wish him well with the event. Afterwards, copy it to the manager and say you didn't want him to misunderstand so you've emailed him for now to take the pressure off both of you.
Then I'd keep a step back from the want-to-be witch hunters who cannot face reality.

But it doesn't sound like you've even said anything overtly gender critical? Literally just asked whether the other speakers are aware that one of the speakers is a trans woman?

Given what has already occurred I would absolutely fight fire with fire and make a pre-emptive complaint about him. You don't even have to really touch on the trans aspect. You can focus on the following:

• This person (a man) was put in charge of organising an International Women's Day event, and when you (a woman) asked him a simple question about the speakers he had chosen, he was rude, aggressive, insulting, and suggested that women shouldn't be allowed to have certain opinions or think certain things. This calls into question his suitability to organise an International Women's Day event in particular, and his professionalism in general.
• To make matters worse, he then made a spurious complaint about you, a senior colleague, accusing you of things which are completely untrue (being non-inclusive etc). These statements are defamatory. He then claimed that you hurt his feelings in order to reframe himself as the victim, rather than the aggressor.
• You have asked his manager to deal with the matter in the proper manner (speaking to him about his inappropriate behaviour and getting him to apologise to you) but unfortunately this approach has so far been unsuccessful.
• You now feel the need to flag this up with HR because if he is attempting to victimise/harass/bully you in this manner, the likelihood is that he is doing/will do the same thing to other female members of staff. You need HR's reassurance that his behaviour will be taken seriously and dealt with.
• Your comment to him was made, not in order to be non-inclusive, but in the knowledge of the fact that other organisations which have put men in prominent roles which many people think should be given to a women (period dignity officer, anyone?) and who have given significant prominence to trans women on International Women's Day (when there are numerous other days and months in the year dedicated to trans visibility and only one day of the year for women) have attracted serious criticism and suffered reputational damage. Your concern is that by entrusting a man with the task of organising this event and choosing the speakers, who then chooses a trans woman as one of only four speakers, that's pretty much a double whammy in terms of the kind of criticism this event may attract. But the event is outside the scope of your role, so you do not intend to comment further. Ultimately it is up to the organisation to judge whether this is a good idea or not. Your concern at this point in time is therefore this man's behaviour towards you in the workplace, which was aggressive, unprofessional and not in accordance with the terms of his employment contract. As their employer, they have a responsibility to protect you from this sort of behaviour and endure that it does not happen again.

Oh and you could also add that in mentioning this to him, you were attempting to do him a favour. Because you thought that he might not be completely up to speed on recent developments in either employment law or public opinion on this matter, and you wanted to help him avoid the kind of shit storm that has unfolded when other people (no doubt well meaning) have taken similar controversial decisions. But given his response, you now have serious concerns about him as a employee.

The subtext here is that you thought he was just a clueless idiot who has no idea that this subject is even slightly controversial because he only reads the Guardian and talks to people with the same opinions as him, but it turns out he's actually a nasty misogynistic bully. And every time employers have taken the side of someone like him over a woman with the wrong opinion, it's ended badly for them in court.

I think as long as you stick to the lines that some people believe that TWANW and that as you understand it these beliefs are protected in law. You did not feel it was safe to assume that other panelists would be of the TWAW persuasion, and that being asked to share a platform with a TW in IWD could be seen as offensive by some.

Isn't this precisely why women have problems in the workplace, they speak up and a man takes centre stage and makes it all about them?

It would not be good optics to get into a NHS Fife situation where a woman is being screamed at by a man, for pointing out that women are a distinct and seperate category of human and if the company wants to support something on International Women's Day, a man running it and making it all about him is exactly the display of how far women have yet to go in the workplace.

He knew that putting it in writing gives him a paper trail.

Go to your manager and leave him out of it.

If your job is about /includes risk management the risk is now a political issue as the various Scottish parties are being asked about men in changing rooms.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5277296-in-quite-the-turnaround-scottish-labour-say-the-support-sandie-peggie-and-would-not-support-the-grr-bill-knowing-what-they-know-now

Your job is to ask the question.
No employee can be allowed to creat a hostile work environment when there is a possible negitave outcome for the organisation.

The event is to promote your organisation as a whole.
Positive media is not that there was disagreement within the panel.
Or generally about what is/was the matrix used to select the man and the other women.

Your issue now is a junior member of the team is unable to understand that the organisation must look at a whole range of issues which arise and must have the difficult conversations.

No matter what the personal views an employee may have it is a public facing event so the 'good' and the 'bad' views are equally valid as the public hold both.

This is now a learning experience for the senior staff on how to manage PR conflict (reputation risk) and how a staff need to be able to raise issues without a 'correctness' value being attached. Its about having the ability to hold an open discussion with pros and cons assessed on their own merit.

So dont go at him directly on this.
Go with I need my managers to formally say I am allowed to limit my job if I can not raise an unpopular topic as I dont have whistleblower protection.

You too are now very sad
It made you sad to hear that your professional obligation of highlighing a risk factor in professional setting resulted in an employee to have an emotional reaction.

You are slightly perplexed as to why the employee reacted so emotionally, as you had not and would not critisice him personally, but you are still very sad.

This is a very politically sensitive issue and I’m disappointed Fred has misunderstood my concerns about the risks involved. Perhaps he doesn’t have the experience for this type of event?

sankacoolrunnings Check your HR policy you are in the informal disciplinary process.

imo you are out of options he decided to powerplay and has set you up for any future time your role crosses his. As MissScarletInTheBallroom clearly outlines he has gone to his manager and others plus he emailed you.

MissScarletInTheBallroom iam fangirling 🎯❤❤❤❤

This is a very good reply.
Personally, I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have a trans woman on the panel, just like I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have a man who presents as a man on the panel. IF they're talking about women's issues and do so in a sensible and sensitive way. BUT there is serious potential for this to blow up and be confrontational due to the external political context. You were absolutely right to draw attention to this risk.

Is the invited TW external to the org or someone internal?

I’d be tempted to tell them your feelings are very hurt, seeing as you are trans and he’s not listening to your lived experience. You didn’t feel comfortable in outing yourself at work yet, and you are upset he’s forced your hand before you were ready. Of course you still look and dress the same, it’s transphobic to expect trans people to change their appearance.

See how they like them apples, and how their minds spin like whirling dervishes as they try to compute the various hierarchies of oppression and who to listen to.

Less fun but more sensible would be to go with @myplace ’s suggestion.

Sorry you’re dealing with this. There was a time when junior staff members were very wary of making complaints about more senior staff, but it seems these days they’re so puffed up with a misplaced sense of self-righteousness and bumptiousness that they forget to think about any blowback on themselves down the line. The old adage of being careful who you cross on the way up, in case you encounter them on the way down, springs to mind. But then we all know the hierarchy are so often completely captured and cowed by this nonsense.

What @MissScarletInTheBallroom said at 7.06 is exactly what you should email to HR and copy in his manager.

Good luck. X