I'm going to add a personal note to this thread. I have a difficult day ahead of me tomorrow (meeting in school... related to the wider subject of gender identity) and I need to vent.
Why do I specifically need to vent today on this thread?
I'm so fucking angry. Partly about my meeting tomorrow but that's by the by. My meeting is about safety and fairness in relation to mixed sex sports in school. I mentioned on a previous thread that my daughter had been injured by a spiked volleyball that was hit by a boy. She's lucky that the net took most of the impact (she was playing at the front of the court, right by the net) and that all she was left with was a black eye, broken glasses and a cut to the eye from the broken glasses arm. It could have been a lot worse. Anyway. That's not why I'm really angry right now.
My specific anger today is because I came as close to losing my temper as I have so far, but I managed to rein it in. If I can't control my anger, I'll be "proving" that I'm a threat to my daughter, such is the well trodden playbook that so many parents will be familiar with.
My daughter desperately needs counselling. Not for gender identity issues, she's no longer actively gender questioning. She needs counselling because she's really struggling with adolesence. She's autistic and struggling with friendships. She's hurting because friendships go wrong. She gets overwhelmed and sometimes this can lead to a meltdown, especially if her anxiety is already high (which it is because she's baffled by how friendships work) and there is a trigger at just the wrong moment.
Previously she resisted counselling but now she's ready. Annoyingly, she's very specific about which counselling service she wants to go to, but we're working with that as it's better than complete refusal.
I've been trying to speak to the counselling service for a couple of months now to talk about her safeguarding needs around gender identity and autism conflation. They finally contacted me by email on Friday. Telling me that they had a space for her this week on Monday. Obviously we can't take that space until we know that the counsellor who will work with her understands that when my daughter talks about hating her breasts, and that she finds sex based stereotypes confusing and unnecessary, and that there's lots of stuff in school and online about this kind of thing, the counselling is not "neutral" if the counsellor isn't aware of the Cass Report. My daughter will mostly want to talk about friendships, but as she builds a rapport with her counsellor, I have no doubt that she'll share some of the things she still talks to me about regarding breasts, periods and how she hates how puberty has changed everything. She was happy as she was.
They phoned me today. I've been told we risk losing the place if we don't take the counselling now. But what made me really angry is that the lady I spoke to told me that they have lots of experience talking to autistic girls about their feelings (confidentially of course), that the Cass Report has no relevance to their counselling service and had I considered that my concerns were actually related to my own anxiety about my daughter growing up and finding her own identity. They offered me counselling to help with this.
For fuck's sake.
I shouldn't have to work this hard to safeguard my daughter and to get her the care that she needs to help her navigate the twists and turns of being an adolescent autistic girl.
Butterfly, I think you got some of my anger because of what you said about how we already know what the results of the trial will be. You didn't deserve all my anger, so that's why I added the edit. If you genuinely have experienced debilitating feelings of gender dysphoria (I'll take it at face value that you have) that must be awful. But that doesn't mean your experience invalidates the concerns of parents like me. Or of women who don't want TW identifying into women's sports, spaces and services and other similar things that I've seen you comment on.