One third of domestic abuse victims are male

[NImumconfused]

Domestic and sexual abuse strategy launched

Glad to see the launch of this strategy following some really harsh funding cuts in the sector in the last few years, including to the only charity providing counselling to children who have been sexually abused, but I was really surprised by this statistic. Is it reflected in the rest of the UK or is NI unusual in this regard?

No one is denying that female to male intimate partner domestic abuse occurs.

The OP was asking are a third of DA victims male and those of us who have been around this some time are trying to provide context that DA is more complex than these stats suggest

Female upon male domestic violence does exist.

I don't think anybody is disputing it. The discussion is about whether the scale and impact is such that it merits parity of funding and support services.

ETA: xd with Justasmallgless

Remember that counter allegations are counted as incidents of domestic abuse.

''One of the more common challenges for those coming in to contact with domestic abuse is counter-allegations, where both parties allege that the other is abusive. For those less experienced in working with domestic abuse it can be easy to fall in to the trap of believing this is so, and that they are ‘both as bad as each other’.
''...if professionals dedicated time and had a good understanding of the dynamics of abuse they would almost always identify a primary victim and primary perpetrator and that in fact bi-directional violence was at the least very rare if it exists at all.''

archive.fo/Pe0pI

Yes someone I know, her very violent and abusive ex husband made counter allegations. It's not my story to tell so I won't give details but he was very manipulative including when police got involved. He admitted at a later stage that he knew he couldn't get out of trouble due to the evidence but he was hoping to go for the "both as bad as each other" angle.

She was lucky in that she had strong evidence proving he was the perpetrator (obviously not lucky that she experienced the DV or his attempted counter allegations). Unfortunately some victims don't have as much evidence as my friend did.

I could well believe the levels of domestic abuse men experience is that high, but maybe not violence. I don’t think it helps the wider issue to dismiss male experience of domestic abuse, it does a dis service to highlighting the wider issue generally. There should be state funding to support services in this area as well as state funding female services

Of course it exists, no one is denying that. But since the dawn of time women have been suffering disproportionately at the hands of men, and we're just gaining momentum now with the much needed focus on VAWG.... Why do we always have to swing it back around from where the spotlight should rightfully be, to make sure we include men.

I don’t doubt this, esp having seen the recent TV programme ‘my wife the abuser’, but in your experience is the abuse as severe/violent as when men abuse their female partners? I may have phrased that wrongly but am interested in whether there is a qualitative difference in the nature of the DV?

Male abusers very often make counter accusations as a defence strategy to silence their victims.

Ah it's okay I know what you mean! Only based on my own experience I'd say it's less explosive violence and more calculated and enjoyed if that makes sense when it comes from a woman however I'm not sure which is worse. I think men seem to have explosive fits of rage where they lose it and do real damage, especially when they're a jealous character already ( by lose it I don't mean they can't stop it if they want to but to a certain degree they just give in to their jealousy ) and they genuinely do feel some remorse after because they are basically man children but sometimes women are more spiteful and demeaning, lots of reminding them what people will think if they make anything of their violence and also citing 'reactive' violence more as a way to gaslight the victim so victim may have stayed out at a pub longer than discussed - returns home and receives a beating but its a 'reaction' caused by previous boyfriends treating them badly or something similar that evokes feelings of guilt if the victim doesn't forgive. It's problematic that society still see nothing wrong with a woman hitting a man. Quite often a woman will even admit it to friends friends family, whereas men generally never will but that's not because women don't think it's wrong and men do- its because they know realistically most people won't judge in the same way but they should. All very tricky and not one size fits all unfortunately. Really sad though, children shouldn't have to see their mum hitting their dad anymore than their dad hitting their mum.

Thank you - the impression I got from the documentary is that women will go for the psychological/coercive control mode first, whereas men tend to be violent with a side helping of the coercive stuff. Am inferring this is because of the physical power imbalance. Am reading a book on DV (Jane Monkton Smith’s In Control) and interested in gender differences. Am a creative writing/lit PhD student looking at feminist perspectives of Crime fiction (maternal blame, all psychopaths have shit mothers etc) and might explore the way women can be abusive at some point in a future bit of research. My own life experience showed me that my mother was just as capable of physical and mental viciousness, but tended to direct it at her children which, in turn, became a way of manipulating and abusing my step dad (who was a nasty piece of work when riled but mainly directed it at her). Am just at the point where I can read about this stuff as I found/find it quite triggering so struggle to maintain detachment!

There are those so ashamed that men are "the baddies" that they are desperate to prove that women are "no angels". they'll do everything to refuse to acknowledge that when it comes to violence or abuse there is a clear statistical distinction between male and female patterns of behaviour.

The world does not have only 1 dimension and we are not in a goodie vs baddie Holywood movie.

Yes some women can be perpetrators of abuse. This does not negate that women make up the largest proportion of victims of domestic abuse and violence. Yes men and children can suffer abuse at the hands of women. I personally know a few. This does not negate that men make up the overwhelming proportion of perpetrators of domestic abuse and violence.

Adopting up an equality-based strategy to target a sex based behavioural difference should be questioned.

I don't think anyone's posted a link yet to Karen Ingala Smith's blog that unpicks this kareningalasmith.com/2013/04/29/this-thing-about-male-victims/ - basically saying some of the things that have been highlighted on this thread about different levels of violence, women's retaliation being counted, whether or not it's repeated, and the impact that the violence has.

As usual domestic violence against men is diminished. Even police don't take it seriously. Even posters on here are excusing it. Oh it's ok as long as women are being attacked less.

No-one has said anything of the sort.

Another point I can't help thinking of is that if my 6 foot 2, 16 stone ex who enjoyed street fighting had chosen to, he could have very easily killed me.

The reverse was absolutely not true.

Statistically men are bigger, have greater muscle strength, and are capable of doing far more damage.

That still doesn't excuse domestic violence against men

Of course not. There is no excuse for domestic violence. It needs to be very clear that there is huge disparity between the sexes, in order to tackle the problem effectively.

I work in the domestic abuse sector and have supported both men and women. I do believe this, but think that domestic abuse perpetrated against women is very different and often much more extreme than domestic abuse against men. Men tend to leave much more easily and very rarely fear that they are going to be murdered. I've worked with very few men who I would class as high risk enough to warrant a refuge place. It doesn't make it OK, however I do think it is 'different'.

My ex would shout from the rooftops that he was being abused by me.

In truth, he felt victimized because I wouldn't bow to his abusive demands - I wanted to have access to our joint account, to be allowed out of the house with a key of my own, to meet a friend or my mum. He perceived that as me asserting financial control over him, that I wanted to be out of the house to meet other men for tawdry sex sessions and my friend and my mum were plotting against him.

Meanwhile I didn't shout about the actual financial abuse (no access to my own money), being locked in the house every day and being cut off from my friends and family.

Too many female victims of abuse do not make official complaints - it takes 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship so if the ratio for actual abuse vs recorded abuse is similar, that suggests a much higher disparity between female and male victims.

The CSEW (BCS) where these stats comes from for England and Wales have used the same methodology since 2015.

Here we go - a perfect example of men and their supporters twisting the words and twisting the facts to put men centre stage in discussions of abuse and violence. There are people - men, and a large number of women supporters - who just cannot tolerate the idea of the facts about male violence against women being made public, and being used to shape public policy.

No amount of careful phrasing 'Of course women can be abusive/abuse and violence are always wrong/men deserve support too...' will ward off statements like this post by cuckooooooo.

Here in Ireland it reached the stage where any discussion in the media about male violence against women and girls was immediately challenged with 'What about violence against men?' 'Where are the men's refuges?' etc.

To be honest, it sounds very childish, like a child jealous of the attention that a sibling is getting, even if that attention is because the sibling has just fallen and broken their arm, or something equally serious.

And I always wonder why men - who are at least as numerous as women - didn't get their act together years ago to set up these apparently essential men's refuges and men's rape crisis centres, as we women did. On our own, no funding, and often in the face of opprobrium and even violence.
Nope - they complain about women having our own facilities, demand access to them [and not just transwomen - men have been using RCCs in Ireland for decades now] and demand matched public funding.

A well-researched, fact-based campaign, led by well-informed and fair-minded men, to establish the need for services for male victims of violence and abuse - most of which is of course inflicted on them by other males, but of course including men who experience abuse from women - would be a welcome alternative to the irrational approach exemplified by cuckooooooo.

@LaerealSilverhand the stats I was quoting earlier in the thread are from the Office of National statistics which use crime data which I linked to.

Yes and note also that the 2023 figures seemed to have some issue/failing so that they are not being used as official data/figures.

This is my experience too.

There does need to be different approaches.
For example lockdown saw the use of remote therapy which more men accessed and research shows they prefer it, certainly for first sessions.

Women prefer face to face therapy in general.

I am not saying all women, nor am I saying all men.

But system needs to understand risk and lumping all DA in together simply doesn't allow the system to develop to different requirements

I was about to post this, so thank you for doing so. Am re-posting purely to amplify it because it should, in my view, end a lot of the arguments.