How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

[NancyDrawed]

I have been out of the workforce for a very long time but finally have an in-person interview later this week.

The confirmation email is signed by a name followed by (he/him/his). I need to get a job. But I am trying to get my head around what I would say if I was directly asked what my preferred pronouns are.

On principle I would like to say 'I'm not a follower of that ideology so use whichever you see fit' or something along those lines, but is that likely to mean I have no chance of getting the job?

I am clearly female, so a small part of me would want to say he/him/his just to see the reaction!

It might not even come up at all, but I'd like to be prepared.

Again with my recruiter's hat on, we record diversity data of applicants (including that terrible "is the gender you identify with the same as your sex registered at birth?" question), but that definitely isn't shared with the interview panel except if there's a very specific reason - the only obvious one I can think of is if it's a disabled candidate who needs a reasonable adjustment.

It would be really bad practice for the panel to ask anything about protected characteristics unless it's directly relevant to the role. Generally if PCs need to be mentioned, it would be one of those things the candidate raises in the "do you have any questions for us?" bit at the end, where you could say "I'm Muslim, would the team have an issue with me nipping off for a few minutes at prayer time?" or "I'm Jewish and keep kosher, what are the vegetarian options like in your canteen?"

I really see no utility at all in asking about pronouns. It's not as if anyone in the room is going to be in any doubt about my sex.

I'm happy to engage with anyone who wants to have a discussion in good faith.

Of course non GC views are welcome - but they can expect to be robustly challenged.

Challenging a point of view is not the same as saying it should not have been posted in the first place.

Would you like to share a non GC perspective on the topic at hand - what to do when asked for preferred pronouns in a job interview, if you don't subscribe to gender ideology (or more broadly, preparing oneself for potential interview questions)? Of course, that will involve placing yourself in someone else's shoes for the purpose of this thought experiment.

I think the veiled implication is I’m unable to put myself in someone else’s shoes, which is nonsense.

I’ve expressed before my view that there is no reason at all to expect that the question will be asked.

While interview prepping is sensible, putting myself in the position of prepping for an interview I’d be trying not to tilt at windmills because it has the potential to put you in a bad frame of mind for the interview.

I interview people. I have my pronouns in my sign off and elsewhere publicly available. The reason I do that is so that people know that if they want to share their pronouns with me, then that’s fine to do. I’ve never asked that question in an interview. If it was asked by someone else and the interviewee respectfully said ‘I’d prefer not to answer’ I’d have no issue. I would however have concerns about some of the responses that have been suggested on this thread, aimed at highlighting that the interviewee wants to wear their GC creds on their sleeve.

I doubt anyone would seriously answer with some of the responses in the thread, if they were actually put in that situation, which I agree is highly unlikely.

That said, I have seen people introduce themselves with "I'm (name) and my pronouns are he and him", which may have the effect of making the other person feel obliged to respond in kind, though of course they wouldn't be compelled to do so.

I don't understand. Do you think I look like a man?

Yes that's a good one 👏

I think the veiled implication is I’m unable to put myself in someone else’s shoes, which is nonsense.
I’ve expressed before my view that there is no reason at all to expect that the question will be asked.

You were offended at the implication but your answer shows that you literally cannot put yourself in the shoes of a gender critical/sex realist who does not subscribe to gender ideology and who is faced with a question about preferred pronouns. You address the hypothetical situation as if you were on the interview panel, not an interviewee.
You dismiss it as a possible question for no obvious reason even though it has been asked, as pps have attested.

Of course it's hypothetical, by the way. All questions in possible interviews the OP may get are hypothetical.

And I cannot believe you believe this:
While interview prepping is sensible, putting myself in the position of prepping for an interview I’d be trying not to tilt at windmills because it has the potential to put you in a bad frame of mind for the interview.

Really?

Edited for grammar

I absolutely believe that @Snowypeaks. Tilting at windmills is exactly what’s happening here and the risk is it puts the OP in a shitty frame of mind with the interviewer which blows the whole interview of course notwithstanding the question never actually gets asked.

I regularly get asked about interview prep irl and this is exactly the kind of thing I’d always advise against doing.

‘Gosh, that’s a bit personal. Is it ok to ask that these days?’

@NancyDrawed how did it go? I hope you found it useful practice, even if the job didn’t turn out to be suitable.

I quite like this one

ElleWoods15

You'll forgive me if I can't see how anticipating a question about "preferred pronouns" in today's culture and in response to an interviewer who has put their pronouns in an email is "tilting at windmills".

I don't believe many interviewers would ask it. But I can imagine there may be a few who would consider it nice and inclusive to do so, given that pronoun-wielding is so widespread in many places.

I agree. Tilting at windmills is an odd way of describing the preparation for a question that might well appear at an interview given the non-neutral statement of pronouns in the interviewer's sign-off. I've interviewed many candidates over my 30-plus years as a manager and I've never once alluded to any belief system that I have - and I wouldn't allow anyone on my panel to.

As I said, @SirChenjins I personally wouldn’t ask the question either.

I don’t think that having your pronouns in an email sign off, however, is ‘alluding to a belief system’, and it certainly doesn’t suggest to me that the interviewer is going to ask for pronouns at the beginning of an interview.

However, as an interviewee, if I felt my pronouns were not obvious, the interviewer’s sign off would make me feel comfortable that I could give my pronouns (unprompted) in the interview. And that’s important.

Pedantic but nobody will ever be "addressing" you by your pronouns because the whole point is that they are third party. Address you = talking to you, pronouns are used when you are talking about someone.

They might talk about you using them but 99% of the time you won't be present to care- it would be very rude, particularly in an interview situation if two other participants referred to you as she/he/they while you were still in front of them.

Would there be reason to give your pronouns in the interview? Nobody is likely to be referring to you in the third person, so I'm not sure why it would be important in that context.

It is alluding to a belief system - pronouns are just that as (according to Stonewall) they can be an important way to express your gender identity. Gender identify is a belief, and compelling others to use pronouns based on gender identify require others to adhere to that belief system, whether or they do or not. Of course, no-one should refer to you in the third person in an interview so they're not required.

On forms I always say ‘Mrs’. Or you could try Ms . I enjoy deliberately misunderstanding the question.

Well, you can assume that your interviewer(s) will need to do so outside of the interview room. Very few interviews are decided by one person who does all the follow up paperwork themselves.

So wouldn’t it be fair enough if someone felt they wanted to express their pronouns in the interview so people knew how to refer to them afterwards.

I still don’t think it’s a question that’s actually going to be asked!

Being shy about demanding "preferred pronouns" - what a novelty that would be.

It most definitely is part of a belief system - and the belief that third-person pronouns should align with an identity is a new concept that is being forced on the general public, all the while claiming that it has always been thus, or it's only a little thing. Both these claims are untrue. Third-person pronouns in English are a part of speech and agree with the sex of the person being referred to. Mandating pronouns based on declared gender identity serves no useful purpose to society in general, but does primarily serve the interests of males who want to invade and colonise women's spaces and language. This is not a little thing, or a courtesy.

You already know how to refer to a male or female person who isn't in the room. He/him or she/her depending on their sex.

So much of the ill-will in this debate could be avoided if genderists would a) stop gaslighting and b) develop their own language instead of trying to artificially repurpose words and concepts which already have an established, commonly understood and (usually) opposite meaning. Like, you know, woman.

In your question about gender identity, do you cater for those of us without one? I just don’t get why these questions can’t be more inclusive (how ironic!) and, if they must ask, to ask something like “do you have a gender ID” Y/N and then allow space for those with something they want to share to add it, but the rest of us can tick no and move on?

I make it my personal policy not to answer this question if I can help it, as it implies I have a gender ID.

About time also the gender pay gap stuff was also amended IMO

There's always a "prefer not to say" option.

Not in some forms I've seen.

Also this is in person face to face.

If there isn't there should be.

And the whole point of collecting diversity data is for statistical monitoring and analysis, so you can say things like "we had x% ethnic minority applicants and only y% got through to interview, can we think about why that is".

There's no way, in a professional organisation, than anyone should be asked their diversity characteristics face to face. That's the second reason I disagree with asking pronouns in interviews - not only do I disagree with the whole idea of declaring your pronouns, but it's also sneaking in the bad practice of asking someone about their personal characteristics in a setting where you should only be asking about their skills.