Public letter signed by 200 men in France: * *
To all the men for whom the Pelicot trial is a turning point, essayist Morgan N. Lucas proposes a roadmap to put an end to boys clubs.
More than 200 male celebrities have signed up, including Gaël Faye, Guillaume Meurice, Waly Dia and Gilles Lellouche. Many say that the trial of the 51 rapists is in fact the trial of masculinity. Many take offence at this, finding it fashionable to be indignant because they are lumped together rather than to be outraged at the atrocities orchestrated by Dominique Pelicot and condoned by so many other men. But the question remains: seven years after the start of #MeToo, where do we stand? What have we learned? How have we positioned ourselves? Where are we when our mates, our colleagues, our brothers behave in a sexist way or say sexist things? Where are we when women are attacked? No doubt busy questioning the credibility of the victim, while claiming that ‘not all men’, least of all us.
And yet, as the Pelicot case proved, male violence is not a matter for monsters, it's a matter for men, for the average man.
To say ‘all men’ is to talk about systemic violence perpetrated by all men, because all men, without exception, benefit from a system that dominates women. And since we are all the problem, we can all be part of the solution.
So where do we start when we realise that patriarchy is running out of steam, that the old world is dying?
First and foremost, we stop believing ourselves to be indispensable. We realise that women don't need us, and even less so when it comes to feminist liberation. Above all, they need us to stop putting obstacles in their way. Understand that our big egos prevent them from moving forward, that the ‘not all men’ only serve to reassure you, not them. It's not enough to say ‘I'm not like all men’, here words have no value in the face of the scale of the violence. They have no value unless they are followed by concrete action on a daily basis.
So here's to those for whom the Pelicot trial is the tipping point. To those who refuse to continue to participate in a system that, in order to exist, needs to dominate half the population. It's a little late, but there's still time. However, don't think that the mission is to play the hero, don't liberate them, they've been doing it for centuries.
A few months ago, in an interview, an actor said he was ready to get involved but asked for a roadmap.
Here it is, given by a man to other men, because we're going to have to stop asking women to do our work for us.
Let's stop thinking of women's bodies as disposable. Let's always make sure we have the consent of our partners, let's stop seeing it as an obstacle but rather as the necessary foundation for all our relationships.
Let's take charge of our emotions, stop navel-gazing, stop reversing the burden of victimhood, and agree to question ourselves.
Let's unlearn what we've been taught and told about masculinity, let's stop thinking that there is a masculine nature that justifies our behaviour. There is no dominant nature, just a desire to dominate.
Let's examine our many privileges and put them to work for the common good, and then, in the long term, agree to lose them altogether. As a reminder, the ultimate goal is to put an end to this gendered organisation that induces ‘a hierarchical division of humanity into two unequal halves’.
Let's educate ourselves continuously and thoroughly, and stop thinking that because we've read a feminist book we can now tell women the ins and outs of their struggle.
Let's learn to take feminist words seriously, and not just when they come out of a man's mouth. We are simply repeating what feminists have been saying for centuries. It would be a good idea to start believing the people behind these theories directly, without waiting for the messenger's face to come back to us because it looks like us.
Let's stop perpetuating boys' clubs and protecting our male counterparts. Let's show solidarity with the victims, not the aggressors.
Let's understand that if no woman in our circle confides in us about the violence she has suffered, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. For example, just because you don't have any shells in your living room doesn't mean there isn't a war going on. Male violence is a systemic reality. We urgently need to move away from our own experiences to forge a more adjusted vision of the world. There is also an urgent need to show ourselves worthy enough of trust so that women can finally tell us about their realities without fearing our reactions.
Let's really listen to women when they tell us about their needs and their limits. If we stopped being defensive for two seconds, we'd probably be surprised at what we can learn when we're not busy justifying ourselves. Let's not just listen to them when their tone is pleasant. They are sad and angry for good reason, so let them tell us so.
Let's not wait for a woman to tell us what to do before getting down to work. We have two eyes to see and analyse our environment, so we know what needs to be done. Because it's also a mental burden to have to tell us what to do.
And finally: let's do all this in silence, without shouting it from the rooftops, without expecting applause or congratulations.
We can never say it enough: ‘ally’ is not a self-assigned status, it's a noun and a verb. It's not just something we say, but something we do, 365 days a year. It's a role that should cost us, at the very least, a little of our personal comfort. And if you want to get involved right away alongside women in the fight against sexual violence, you can take part in the Women's Foundation's #NotAllMen campaign.
So there you have it, your roadmap. From now on, none of us will be able to say we don't know what to do.
P.S. It's highly likely that other men will criticise you for undermining your virility. If that's the case, it's a sign that you're on the right track. Keep up the good work.
Written by Morgan N Lucas (who is biologically female and trans.. but nevertheless, I thought the words and the sentiments worth sharing, despite them not coming from a biological male. (Yes - in this case, I think it matters!)
https://www.liberation.fr/idees-et-debats/tribunes/proces-des-viols-de-mazan-plus-de-200-hommes-signent-une-feuille-de-route-contre-la-domination-masculine-20240921_TXUFM4QHOVAD7BOALPIKBKD6HE/
Among the contributors: Guillaume Meurice Humorist Ouissem Belgacem Writer Gaël Faye Writer Gilles Lellouche Actor Eddy de Pretto Singer Bruno Sanchès Actor Grégory Montel Actor Alexis Michalik Playwright Alex Ramirès Humorist Julien Ménielle Youtubeur Martin Winckler Doctor Kevin Razy Humorist Waly Dia Humorist Cyril Dion Director Juan Arbelaez Chef Marco Prince Musician Waxx Musician Mehdi Kerkouche Dancer Pierre de Maere Singer Mathieu Palain Journalist Jérôme Niel Humorist Maxence Lapérouse Musician Eloi Spinnler Chef Arnaud Gallais Co-founder of the M'endors pas movement and Mouv'Enfants Emmanuel Noblet Actor and director...