Smear appointment reminder with a Mx

[catin8oots]

Have a routine smear booked at my local surgery and just received a reminder text saying it will be with Mx Firstname Surname.

I have no idea if this person is a biological woman or a biological man.

Can I call and ask?

Re the comments about “Dr” being gender neutral : at our large GP practice the Doctors all have “male” or “female” after their name to clarify for patients as many of the names are Hindi, Urdu or Sri Lankan so the pats weren’t instinctively sure who was what.

But I suppose a trans doctor would note the gender they now identify with, so that wouldn’t have helped the OP.

All the practice nurses are noted Miss, Ms or Mrs (but again if they were biologically male identifying as female they would just select whatever title they liked).

But that isn’t really the point is it? Having a male doctor examine you, secure in the knowledge that you can request the presence of a female chaperone if you feel uncomfortable in any way, without anyone questioning it or taking it amiss, is one thing. Being intimately examined by someone who is pretending to be something they aren’t is another thing entirely. How would you know whether they were a post-op transsexual or an AGP chancer who was getting a cheap thrill out of having a crafty fiddle with you? No woman should ever be expected to validate any man’s sexual fetish and I’d go completely batshit crazy if I ever thought that there was any attempt to deceive or gaslight!

I do know Keri and I can assure you that she is female

This is very conclusive of the receptionist. At this point, you're making an issue out of nothing. Fair enough to check in the first place but now you're overwblowing this.

Age maybe but not gender surely? Unless youre looking for jobs like bricklayers or IT

@phial, no, nothing like deadnaming. The OP is not calling the nurse by their dead name (if the nurse was trans); the OP is checking whether a nurse is female. She has the right to do this under the EA2010.

Yes, I am.

@Oldcroneandthreewitches

My OBGYN (I'm not in the UK and have private healthcare) is male and excellent. Very caring, capable and with lots of experience.

It's a very interesting part of medicine and he gets to help people have families. He was a wall of photos of the babies he has delivered and he seems like he's very chuffed with it. He has 3 kids himself.

Yes. It's very silly to try to say Mx or Ms to 'try to hide your marital status.'

Do you think people won't find out when you are interviewed (if you are applying for a job?)

Or are you going to lie to them and say you're single when you're married?

So weird. Not wanting people to know whether you're single or married.

Yes. It's very silly to try to say Mx or Ms to 'try to hide your marital status.

I've known Ms to be used as an alternative to Miss or Mrs for absolute years though by people not wanting their marital status shown. I've known it be around from like the 80s!
Mr doesn't, so why are women supposed to show theirs?
I'm Mrs but can completely understand that others think "why does it matter?"
Nobody needs to know your marital status if you're applying for a job or whatever 😕

How would someone work out my marital status at interview?! "And, our next question, are you married?" Nah!

There are many reasons. A 30 year old married woman is statistically more likely to take maternity leave in the next 3 years than an unmarried woman is just one small example.

Mx would be to hide your gender, not just marital status.

Dare I ask, earlier you said you don't care if it's male or female practitioner.... so why all the fuss?

Thank you to each and every one of you that has taken the time to type out a reply. I would say that I am GC and have been for a number of years now (I work with women in the criminal justice system)

I just don't have the education and eloquence of many PPs on here around the subject.

There was someone unthread who used the example of her mum being a GP receptionist, and probably clueless about what I was going on about. Not that that's an excuse but I do understand.

I think my plan is to attend on Thursday. If Keri is 'clearly' a man I will not have the procedure and I will be explaining to the practice why. If it's not clear, I think I will ask her why the practice used the title Mx in their correspondence to me and explain why it caused me some concern. Is it something she requested? Could she understand my/other patients anxiety over it?

Yes of course they look at your sex.
When I got engaged I was downgraded because ‘ as one of my bosses said’ you’ll have kids soon.
When I got married another downgrade.
When I got pregnant with twins 🤯 end of career working in practice for others. My work life was literally made hell until I left and had to set up on my own.

Getting a job in my profession as an architect ( and many others ) was bloody impossible once you reached a certain age and even at 50 no one really wants you because they assume you’re the go to if the kids have a problem.

Its all so crap!
Dont even start me on salary differences !

When I got engaged I was downgraded because ‘ as one of my bosses said’ you’ll have kids soon

Well there's laws in place against that now.

There were laws in place then too but if you want another job in your lifetime you don’t take action.
It’s a small world

Good point - if you're fine with either a male or female but not trans "because of smoke and mirrors" that's clear discrimination.
It's people who are trans you say yourself you are uncomfortable with.

you mean that if you asked if a group is female only. You will be told that you are transphobic, bigoted and need better educated..

thank god for JKR who stepped up and set up her own centre for victims of rape.

I am willing to bet my house that if you asked that you would be treated with care and consideration. I will bet my children they would respond by telling you you're transphobic.

Go and do your own research.

@beach

^^Good point - if you're fine with either a male or female but not trans "because of smoke and mirrors" that's clear discrimination.
It's people who are trans you say yourself you are uncomfortable with^^*

Please don't conflate transphobia with my desire to know the sex of my HCP*

@BeachParty

Sorry I mangled the edits there

It’s all gone quite anti-“patient first”

I support a young adult with complex needs, learning difficulties. Cannot live independently.
CAMHS set up a big, “get to know you and support you” meeting. The CAMHS person talked and talked And then she asked him- do you have any questions?
He said - I would like to talk to a male when I visit.
Golly, was the CAMHS person/woman (no idea persons pronouns or status) was very very ruffled. She could barely speak to reply only to blather about no difference men - women dr. But then said no, not many men at CAMHS … completely lost this young man’s trust

I thought nothing wrong with this vulnerable young person saying how he felt, clearly in no way does he know about gender/trans etc.

I really resented that she got uncomfortable - and I know this young man was never going to open up, about whatever to a woman. CAMHS really missed an opportunity to help someone.

For obvious reasons, the Edinburgh Rape Crisis Centre use Stonewall’s erroneous interpretation of equality law, rather than the law as it actually is, which is why the Tribunal found in favour of the employee who asked a perfectly reasonable question. Every time we are confronted with this trans shit, we have a duty to ourselves and others to call it out - just because the bastards are waving their cocks in our faces, it doesn’t mean we have to suck ‘em!

That was my experience, had smear done by female which as a survivor of SA and abuse is much better for me. I loathe the whole thing tbh. I had to have treatment for Grade 3 abnormalities and all the extra tests and treatment was done by a male which I was really distressed about but so generally upset and anxious about the diagnosis I didn't have the energy or assertive skills to insist on a female which I would have much preferred. Same when I had a breast cancer scare, I saw a male and ditto with a bladder cancer scare. With the latter I asked for a female and explained why, they assured me it would be a female but when I got there it was a male. I was in tears and just endured the very invasive tests which are especially horrible if you have a past like mine. I did complain and they did apologise.

You said it doesn't matter to you if they're male or female though.
That's what I was meaning