Reasons not to cut hair of four year old girl?

[Phunny]

My four year old hates having her hair brushed. It’s currently just past her shoulders. I’m posting on feminism because I can’t think of a reason I am keeping her hair long, other than her being female and that being the societal norm. Not a good reason. She doesn’t seem bothered either way. It feels wrong to say she has to go through hair brushing, when she wouldn’t need to if she were a boy. Yet, I have resisted cutting her hair. I’m posting here hoping you’ll tell me to cut it, I think! What would you do?

When I was about 3 or 4, I took a pair of scissors to my hair and hacked off both bunches! That determined a rather short haircut for 6 months. DD had thin curly hair as a youngster that was really slow to grow. She wasn't the only girl with a chin-length bob (probably a good 1/3 of the school). I think the short v long-hair styles is more of a secondary school thing.

I'd say that shoulder-length (no fringe), that you can still tie back is most practical.

I also remember that we were forever on the lookout for nits in Reception/yr1. Use hair slides on short hair if you can't tie it back.

One company (Wella?) used to do an anti nit shampoo and detangler.

Have it bobbed. This was the fashion for little girls when I was a child - 50s - and most girls had it.

My sister had a curly pixie all the way until she was about 11. It was very cute. My DD also hates brushing her hair so we did a Bob but she still hated it so went with a Pixie. Age 6. Loves it. I gave her a prepared answer for if people said she looked like a boy. But she doesn't, and no one has said anything, and she only really wears dresses anyway. She wears nice Alice bands and loves no hairbrushing. Has all been great.

Freshly trimmed hair is much easier to keep tangle free so, whatever length you go for, get it trimmed regularly, every 3-4 months, to get rid of the damaged ends.

DGD (6) has very long hair (nearly down to her bottom) and it tangles badly as is quite fine. She hates having it brushed too. Not sure what DD does about it but when it is me having to do it I use a tangle teaser and Frizz Ease as gently as possible and she still screams. It is a bit of a nightmare. When DD was young her hair wouldn't grow past half way down her back so was easier to manage and she chose to have it in a bob about age 9 anyway. I definitely think shorter would be easier but DGD wouldn't like that either - not sure what the answer is!

Would you say the same if she chose to only eat biscuits / want a tattoo / refuse to have a bath?

Our girl and boy both had short hair at various stages: still needs brushing.

Also, hold the hair just above the knot, so any tugging on the knot isn't transferred up and cause a painful pull on the scalp. I wish my stepmother had known this instead of pulling at the knots as a sort of punishment (60s upbringing, when hairdressers would hit a child on the head with the comb if they wriggled and the parent would tell the child off for wriggling, never mind the pain!)

I absolutely love the way a nest of vipers segues seamlessly into giving helpful advice on a daughter's hair.

A choice between having a hair cut or putting up with hair brushing isn't going to result in any permanent or negative outcome, so not really comparable to any of the above. Why would you let a child make that choice?

^^Sorry meant to put

why wouldn't you let a child make that choice?

”I also don't like the idea that a little child is having their time taken up with beauty /style considerations.” Is bang on right, and why I think it must be cut!

Agree with this! My granddaughter is 3 and I hate the way her hair is always either in her eyes or interfering with what she’s trying to do. When I look after her it goes straight into a pony tail. My own DDs both had shortish bobs until they were about 9, when they said they wanted to grow it.

Hair is so much easier to deal with when short.

I’d just cut it. My 9yo has had various haircuts from pixie to longer like now. If she doesn’t like getting it brushed a bob will be low maintenance.

I love this - the hair and the dress too! Fabulous style.

Just to add again that I know girls shouldn’t have to worry about hair or have long hair in any way different to boys - that was the point I was fumbling towards and why I can’t understand why I don’t just cut it. I’m more stuck in gendered rubbish than I hoped.

The DD herself is ambivalent it seems - I did show her some pictures today and she wasn’t keen short, mid or long really!

Thanks again for all the advice and the tips - really appreciated.

Plait down the back. Keeps it tidy and will not tangle. Can be plaited at night as well, for same reason (this is how women have always dealt with long hair btw).

This is nothing about gender.

You have a drive to make your child neat and tidy so you have an urge to cut her hair. Tidy hair is a societal norm.

Perhaps you have difficulty coping with your kid's hair being untidy. That's the issue. What society thinks of you as a mother of a child with untidy hair.

Her hair isn't even long. It's just past her shoulders.

You hold a strand of hair to 'cut off' the pain the brush under your tightly held fist. Use a decent silicone conditioner in her hair - like Pantene.

If you get a pink satin pillowcase from Boots the hair stays much smoother at night.

If she needs convincing to cut her hair short, show her pictures of the luminous new Miss France 😍 😊.

It may take a few more conversations for you to be sure that she understands the options. If she's still uninterested/noncommittal, I'd put your own vote in for something middling like a bob, and go ahead with that unless she objects. If she doesn't like it it'll grow out soon enough, and maybe she'll love it. DD had her hair super short at 4, her request, for similar reasons of not liking brushing; she was pleased with it at the time though grew it out again in primary school.

I used to give choices-tied up, brushed daily at least, or cut shorter. No alternatives! I think she was 5 or 6, though.