Reasons not to cut hair of four year old girl?

[Phunny]

My four year old hates having her hair brushed. It’s currently just past her shoulders. I’m posting on feminism because I can’t think of a reason I am keeping her hair long, other than her being female and that being the societal norm. Not a good reason. She doesn’t seem bothered either way. It feels wrong to say she has to go through hair brushing, when she wouldn’t need to if she were a boy. Yet, I have resisted cutting her hair. I’m posting here hoping you’ll tell me to cut it, I think! What would you do?

My dd has had a chin length bob and fringe ever since it was long enough to cut - we just find it more practical and it looks chic. She's nearly 4 now and happy not to have it longer as she hates the feeling of having it put up into a plait or ponytail.

Same. I had short hair for years because of the curly

I also had (and still have) short hair because of fine curls.

But in the 70s there was only one girl at school with long hair. The rest of us had bobs or shoulder length.

I tried growing mine in my 20s and with great sadness had to admit my mum was right. Stayed short ever since.

My DD had a short crop from 4 - 8 years old. A number 4 buzz cut at 9. Her choice as she hated washing and brushing it. It's a bob now.

Seriously? She is four. Cut it long, cut it short, cut it with a knife and fork. It doesn't matter! Cut it for her comfort and your convenience. She has the rest of her life to express herself through the length of her hair.

I cannot understand the (almost) fetishisation of girls having long hair. It’s creepy!
Cut it shorter, let her try that for a while. It’ll grow if she decides she doesn’t like it.

Why is this on the FWR board?

Thank you so much all for the comments. Really helpful.

i didn’t express myself very well at the start: I absolutely know that girls can have any kind of hair (or none) and still be girls, that’s why I couldn’t understand what was stopping me from just cutting it. This was the angle I was concerned about and why I put it on the feminism board.

this comment: “I also don't like the idea that a little child is having their time taken up with beauty /style considerations.” Is bang on right, and why I think it must be cut!

i reckon a short bob is the way. I do worry we won’t be about to put it back and forget about it, but we can give it a try.

we do use a tangle teaser but no products so I will try the watered down conditioner. She has quite fine very straight hair which does get terribly tangled. Thank you for the brushing tips!

oh and she has had it cut twice but only by me. I will try to get her to the hairdresser because this is obviously more of a skilled job !

The actual detangle spray works way better then waterd down conditioner. I've used both and still use waterd conditioner for a few days if we run out of detangler before I get to the shop. It dose the job OK, but DD's hair is noticeablely easyer to brush with the proper spray. Asda do an own brand one for £1/2, which works well.

Short hair is far easier to look after.

Definitely use the detangler spray game changer. Takes two minutes start from bottom job done, try that first because at least you know managing the longer hair can be easier.

The bobs drove my SIl and DNs nuts,. They are all back to past shoulder length and french braid for school. I appreciate short hair may be easier to brush but that's a tiny part of the day .

I think what your DD wants is important. I'm not really understanding why it wouldn't be an issue is she was a boy, boys should still get to have opinions on their hair length.
My son is 4 and his hair is long and gets tangled, he hates having it brushed but he likes his hair at current length and doesn't want it cut. He may do at some point but at the moment we just use detangler and a small amount of leave in conditioner.

DD’s bob got all sweaty around her face and annoyed her so now she has longer hair that we can tie back. I second using conditioner, total game changer and wish my mum had used it on me as I had short but very tangled hair as a kid. Dd is now reluctant to get her hair cut but I think it’s more to do with fear of change. Although saying that, in her Year 2 class all the girls have long hair except for 1 ☹️

My mum used to cut my hair short (in a short back and sides style) when I was little.

Everyone thought I was a boy. Or they’d have to ask.

It’s one of my worst memories of childhood. Feeling so embarrassed because I wasn’t a boy nor did I want to look like one.

I don’t know if not liking having her hair brushed equals her wanting short hair.

Although my son had long hair for years. His first hair cut as at 4. So I guess that’s the same thing. I think people did mistake him for a girl once or twice.

Sorry not the most helpful. But just my thoughts.

I had hair of every length when I was a kid. My choice, I found shoulder-length easiest by the time I could brush my hair, because it didn't need frequent cuts and I could tie it back when I needed to and it wasn't too bad to brush.

My DS1 keeps his hair short but is lazy about cuts because he can't be bothered. My DS2 keeps his long (and curly :S ) and hates having it brushed but also refuses to have it cut. On his head be it.

At 4, I think getting it cut helps her understand that she does get to choose how her hair is, that it really doesn't matter, it'll grow back, and she can choose whatever is working for her right now. Although obviously at a 4 year old's level of understanding

My youngest is assumed to be a girl all the time because of his hair. He doesn't care - only even bothers correcting them if it's going to matter - eg. shop assistants doesn't matter, guest PE teacher, he'll correct.

And TBH, even having him, there's another little boy at his school with long blonde hair, and I assumed he was a girl too until someone corrected me. Societal norms are norms.

If DD is happy go for a chin length bob first.

DD decided to go from that to a pixie cut and she loved it BUT did get some low level teasing and was often mistaken for a boy which bothered her a little. She grew it out for a while and then went short again aged 8, grew it out to start Secondary and short again by that Easter. She was mistaken for a boy until she hit secondary school as she obviously wasn't one at that age. Just be aware of that and prepare DD that people might get confused because people don't look properly and when they see short hair think someone's a boy. I also showed her lots of women through time with short hair or an androgenous look.

For her it's a sensory thing, she doesn't like feeling her hair on her neck and can't be bothered putting it in a bun everyday. It's super easy to care for and we are never late because she's faffing with it.

Just to add in case it's helpful - I recently got a bamboo hairbrush (with bamboo bristles) and was astonished how much easier it glided through my hair instead of getting stuck in tangles like the plastic brushes I've used all my life. Immediately recommended to all friends with long-haired children!

I hated long hair as a girl but for some reason the thought of having it cut it short never occurred to me! I guess I didn't know it was allowed/societal norms?? Like having to wear a school uniform.

Ordered! x

If you don't already have one a Tangel Teezer is also a good shout.

Fine to cut it short.

But either way I massively recommend the Olivia Garden Fingerbrush which was kind of life changing for brushing my daughter's hair. Hers is fine and will just matt and she HATED it being brushed. Also recommend plaiting at night if you keep it longer.

Ask her what she wants? her decision, not yours. and why wouldn't it be an issue if she were a boy who has chosen to have longer hair? have a serious think about your ingrained gender assumptions.

I think it depends on hair type more than anything you’re worried about- if she has frizzy or curly hair you might want to consider how easy it will be to keep eg out of eyes or looking messy (I have a mixture and as a child my mum cut it quite short and I couldn’t tuck it behind my ears or tie back and I HATED it! Since even back then I have my hair tied back more than down and have always appreciated length!!!