Reasons not to cut hair of four year old girl?

[Phunny]

My four year old hates having her hair brushed. It’s currently just past her shoulders. I’m posting on feminism because I can’t think of a reason I am keeping her hair long, other than her being female and that being the societal norm. Not a good reason. She doesn’t seem bothered either way. It feels wrong to say she has to go through hair brushing, when she wouldn’t need to if she were a boy. Yet, I have resisted cutting her hair. I’m posting here hoping you’ll tell me to cut it, I think! What would you do?

Ask her, even at 4 she will probably have an opinion. DD doesn't like having her hair brushed but when I suggested a hair cut she flat out refused. Her hair, her choice.

I would get it cut into a nice manageable bob.

What does she want?

If you showed her pictures of, say, cropped hair, a bob and much the same as she has now, would she pick one?

I hated my mum brushing my hair as a child because she dragged the brush on my scalp every time and pulled the tangles out quite violently.

Have you tried brushing from the bottom up - that is, you brush the bottom few inches first, then add a few inches above that to the brushing and work up to the scalp that way. With something like a tangle teezer. Makes a huge difference.

I cut my now five year olds hair up into a chin length bob last summer. It's really grown and she has actually asked me now to cut it again as she knows it's easier to brush and manage when it's shorter. I think she also has my hair which is a bit thin and straggly and looks way better snd healthier shorter (unlike her sister who has a glorious head of thick hair). It's only hair and it will grow again should she want to let it grow.

Not sure why cutting her hair shorter would make her less of a girl. Thats your perception, not hers.

If she's happy to have it cut then go ahead. A bob looks cute on little girls.

Ask her, most girls I see that age have long hair which is in a ponytail etc. so brushed once and out of their way.

What does she want? I would avoid a bob if she hates having her hair brushed because it will be difficult to put up so generally needs more brushing.

Either have it long enough for a ponytail etc of short enough not to be annoying her. What is her hair texture like ? Because that may help people suggest a more suitable solution.

Do you use detangler, start from the bottom of hair up etc? I had hair I could sit on until 30, now it's at bra strap length. I always found short hair took more brushing and care than long .

At 4 I would ask her & I wouldn't go straight for a very short cut as it can be a bit of a surprise & when you're 4 the time for it to grow back is unimaginably long.

(same advice for girl or boy - I have both with waist length hair!)

Having king hair brushed can hurt! Have you tried a different brush like a tangle teaser if that's the issue?

This. A quick google brings up lots of bobs or pixie cuts on girls that look great and certainly don't reflect on whether they are girls or not! For instance, this one looks adorable and would definitely not require much brushing.

At 4 Dad wanted a Bob just below her ears so that's what she got. Now she's 10, insists on having waist length hair and moans A LOT when I make her brush it, she also does the most half arsed job possible.

Cut it if she's happy to have it cut.

Having long hair can be very high maintenance. I have a girl with long hair and we do a weekly treatment and use detangling spray each morning. I also have to keep her hair in plaits so the knots stay at bay. She doesn’t want her hair cut so this is how we manage it.

Has your DD had a haircut before? Even a trim can make a difference with how smoothly the brush goes through. If DD isn’t bothered either way, perhaps show her some pictures and let her pick what she likes. Even if she decides she likes it longer, it’ll grow x

That hair looks like the kid cut it herself... Cute kid, badly executed haircut!

Long hair isn't a "societal norm", what are you on about?

I'm 60 now but when I was five I had hair down to my waist. I too hated it being brushed so my DM took me to Selfridges of all places and had it cut into a very short layered style. I wasn't given a choice. My grandad was horrified. I wish she'd found some other way to make it easier to brush because I've never been able to grow it long since.

If your DD wants it cut then by all means do so, but personally I'd keep it just long enough to plait or tie back. When nits are doing the rounds in school it will help keep your DDs hair out of the way.

When did haircuts become so regressive to stereotypes. My, my brother and sisters all had the same hair cut in early 80 - like a very short bob. I have had pixie crops over the years. One of my sons has much longer hair than me now. But I always said if then did not wash and brush it then it would have to stair short. Their choice!

So many spelling mistakes 🤦‍♀️

I'm not a fan of young children with long hair. It's not nice having your hair brushed particularly when it is a bit fine and flyaway. I also don't like the idea that a little child is having their time taken up with beauty /style considerations. I much prefer shorter hair on children and, apart from anything else , it is easier when nits move in.

My mum wouldn't let me have long hair when I was little. I have very tangled curly hair which I expect was a nightmare to brush so she made me look like a boy. I always wanted long hair plaits and pony tails. Just a rant sorry. 🤣🙈

Most girls her age had chin-length bobs at my DC’s school. Long hair was a thing around age seven. Then the bobs again at about age nine. Then long hair onwards.

@PeonySeasons thank you for being braver than me. It definitely looks like a home hair cut, the Covid flashback was strong🤣

The one thing I would say, having had long hair and also very short hair myself, is that very short hair requires frequent haircuts to stay looking good (like every 6 weeks at most) - how would you and your daughter feel about that? I personally now find mid- length to long hair much easier to look after as it can be left for ages before looking like it needs a cut.

I had a pixie cut age 4/5 in the late 80s and I did look like a boy, partly because children’s clothes then were much less gendered too. I wasn’t allowed to grow it until my mum felt I was old enough to look after it myself. I don’t think I minded that much at the time to be honest though.

I now have a 5 year old of my own with wild fine, curly hair but I’m letting it grow so it can be tied back, although lots of it is only just long enough and tends to spring out of any hairstyle pretty quickly (doing a ‘neat bun’ for ballet exams is er… fun!). I couldn’t afford the constant haircuts if it was short though, and DD is keen on it being long.

My daughter has always had a sensory issue with brushing her hair. When she was 5 I told her if she wouldn’t have it brushed she would have to have it cut short. She agreed and had a short bob, which really suited her.

she has since grown her long hair back and we are still struggling with hair brushing. The short hair was much easier to manage as it just didn’t get into such a tangle.

My dd had a chin length bob until she understood that regular brushing was a requirement of longer hair. Short hair can be feminine and there’s plenty of accessories that can be worn too.

Bobs are way better. My DD had a pageboy cut at that age, it was very cute.

Conditioner helps make brushing easier. If putting it on is hard, you can dilute with water in a spray bottle to make detangling spray.

This is why my mum got my shoulder length hair cut when I was 5.
I was 24 before I grew it long again.

I wasn’t asked if I wanted it cut and I’d have said no!
And you’re absolutely right about the brushing!
I CANNOT stand when hairdressers COMB out your hair ffs 🤬 I swear I can hear my hair breaking.
I take my own brush and I do it myself.