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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Revealed: the hidden crime of sibling sexual abuse - Sunday Times

58 replies

IwantToRetire · 18/03/2024 17:26

I am aware this article, even the title, may be upsetting for some, but hope you dont mind that I have posted to make others aware of the seriousness of this. Flowers

Siblings are responsible for more sexual abuse of children than any other family member; the studies indicate that a child is three to five times more likely to be abused by an older sibling than by a father or stepfather. Victims are usually younger than children abused by adults — typically five to seven years old — and abused for longer, on average for five years. The world’s largest study, conducted over two years by Rape Crisis, concluded in 2022 that up to 5 per cent of children in Britain have sexually abused a sibling.

SSA is very different from normal developmental curiosity, or what might be called “playing doctors and nurses”. Definitions vary, but a widely used one, by John Caffaro, an American psychology professor, is “sexual acts initiated by one sibling without the other’s consent, by use of force or coercion, or where there is a power differential between the siblings”. The majority of victims are girls, though the older sibling can sometimes be a sister. The abuse does not necessarily involve penetration, but the most common form of SSA recorded by the police in 2022 was rape.

Dynamics in the families where it occurs often include parental absence or lack of supervision, a family crisis such as parental illness, or parents asking their older child to babysit, oblivious to the risk. Poor sexual boundaries within the family, or exposure to pornography or domestic violence, increase the risk, reports the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, a charity that works to prevent child sexual abuse. Jealousy and resentment within step-families can also lead to SSA, and autism features disproportionately among siblings who sexually abuse. But it can and does occur in any kind of home. Most of the adult survivors interviewed for this piece told me if I had lived next door, I’d have thought theirs was a loving, happy family.

Public lack of awareness of something so common has several explanations. The average age at which a victim first discloses the abuse is 40 — and many never do. Fear of destroying their family silences children; so does fear of being disbelieved. When a child does disclose, parents often find it so unthinkable that they accuse their child of lying, or so unbearable that they — in the jargon — “minimise” and dismiss it as exaggeration.

NB this is a very long article with some distressing detail https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/revealed-the-hidden-crime-of-sibling-sexual-abuse-z05cf0l8r

I should have said it is written by Decca Aitkenhead. Can also be read at https://archive.ph/RjuYi

Revealed: the hidden crime of sibling sexual abuse

The family member most likely to sexually abuse a child in Britain is their brother or sister. Decca Aitkenhead meets the survivors speaking out after decades of silence. Contains graphic descriptions

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/revealed-the-hidden-crime-of-sibling-sexual-abuse-z05cf0l8r

OP posts:
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IcakethereforeIam · 18/03/2024 20:18

I read this. Absolutely horrifying.

App13 · 18/03/2024 20:20

I read a bit of it as I found it too distressing

LaLoba · 18/03/2024 20:37

I’m not likely to read the article, as it’s far too close to home for me, but your last paragraph exactly describes my experience - I never even disclosed as the campaign of ‘LaLoba is over sensitive and unstable’ had been going on my whole life and I knew how it would go.
There is some comfort in seeing it’s a recognised pattern.

IwantToRetire · 18/03/2024 20:58

I'm so sorry for everyone who has experienced this and not felt able to talk about it.

Have to admit I skipped over the life experience paragraphs (which is shameful for those revealing their trauma have been so brave) and just read the more factual ones.

Sad
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NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 18/03/2024 21:01

I'm really glad the Times has reported on this. I first realised it could happen when I met a young woman who'd been abused by her older brother. She'd managed to disclose what was happening, and as a consequence, she ended up in care, because her parents picked supporting her brother over her. It was psychologically easier for them to decide she had to be lying about it, so she lost her entire family.

Britinme · 18/03/2024 22:47

It happened to me when I was 5-6 and my (half) brother was 15. No penetration that I recall but coerced fellatio. I never told my parents but I didn't have much to do with my brother as an adult. We got closer after our mother died and when my first husband died at the age of 54 my brother flew home from holiday and looked after all of us for a couple of weeks. He and I had a long conversation at that time and I told him I'd never forgotten. He apologized sincerely and I forgave him. My childhood was much easier than his (his disrupted by WW2, abuse from his own father, instability in relationships) apart from that.

After I remarried and moved to the US I went into therapy for a couple of years and we covered the issues arising for me from that. My brother died at the age of 69, 15 years ago. I loved him and I miss him.

IcakethereforeIam · 18/03/2024 22:58

@Britinme that's what I got from some of the stories in the article. Such a complex mix of relationships and emotions. It's simpler to have a villain. Someone to punish. But when the punishment will also hurt the victim?

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.

IwantToRetire · 19/03/2024 00:47

@Britinme - so sorry this happened to you. I hope the therapy helped even after such a length of time. Flowers

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Britinme · 19/03/2024 00:53

@IwantToRetire - it did thanks but the main reason I went was to deal with grieving for the loss of my first husband while being happily married to my second 18 months after he died. Honestly the CSA was a lesser part of it. I'm not saying these things aren't very destructive in our lives but as @IcakethereforeIam pointed out it can also be very nuanced. I think I was less affected than many, possibly because of having two very happy and solid marriages.

IwantToRetire · 19/03/2024 00:54

she ended up in care, because her parents picked supporting her brother over her

That must have been so disheartening for her. Bad enough to have been abused, but then not to be support and pushed out of the family.

Sounds a bit like what happened to Amber Gibson, her brother was allowed to stay with the foster family while she was sent to a hostel. And then her horrible death.

I wonder if that is still true in families that the boy will always be believed or supported and the girl shunned. Although given the attitude of juries in rape trials probably.

As the article says The majority of victims are girls

Sad
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TempestTost · 19/03/2024 01:27

I suppose this isn't really surprising. There is a lot of opportunity opportunity, and the coercing sibling is often young enough that the kind of normal adult discipline, or even understanding of consequences, will not yet be fully developed.

I can see also why premature sexualization would make that much more likely too, or other conditions that impacted the ability to understand what behaviours are ok, or general understanding of self or others, or for that matter the ability to control behaviour.

Serious sibling violence is also more common than many realize, for similar reasons I suspect.

I think we (we as a culture I suppose) tend to assume it's just natural to be disgusted by the idea of incentuous sexual contact. But I am not sure that it is as ubiquitous, especially in younger males, as we think, it doesn't always arise naturally in the very young. And then we tend as a society to shy away from associating sexual desire with shame, which is frankly a very powerful tool in shaping behaviour.

Dontbeme · 19/03/2024 02:03

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 18/03/2024 21:01

I'm really glad the Times has reported on this. I first realised it could happen when I met a young woman who'd been abused by her older brother. She'd managed to disclose what was happening, and as a consequence, she ended up in care, because her parents picked supporting her brother over her. It was psychologically easier for them to decide she had to be lying about it, so she lost her entire family.

This is why I never disclosed what my older brother did to me, he was a biological child and I was adopted. Growing up I was often threatened with being "sent back" and grew up terrified to do anything wrong. I'm in my 40's now and in trauma therapy with complex PTSD. Sending a handhold to others who have also survived.

IwantToRetire · 19/03/2024 02:14

@Dontbeme - so very sorry it happened and that you are still living with the consequences and how the family treated you. Flowers

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ApocalipstickNow · 19/03/2024 06:51

I worked with a boy once (and only briefly) who had been released from a YOI for sexually assaulting his younger sister. Obviously I wasn’t given any further details but she must have been fairly young at the time, so incredibly brave to have disclosed and got a conviction.

HorribleNecktie · 19/03/2024 08:40

I suspect this happened within my mum’s family between her two youngest siblings. It’s really sad, my mum’s youngest sister had had a lot of mental health issues in her life.

DualPower · 19/03/2024 10:38

Is there a way to read the article without subscribing/free trial?

IcakethereforeIam · 19/03/2024 10:40

You can click the archive link at the bottom of the OP.

DualPower · 19/03/2024 11:24

🙏@IcakethereforeIam

MattDamon · 19/03/2024 11:45

There was a case that made headlines a few years ago about a woman and her brother involved in an incestuous relationship who killed their teen sons and attempted to kill the rest of their kids.

Obviously huge fucked up back story in their history. But a year or so later, the case report was released and it was even more horrific. The two teens had been sexually abusing their younger siblings, as well as classmates at school. The mother (for all her faults) had repeatedly asked authorities for help to stop it. The boys were given therapy but weren't removed from the house and it was left to the mother to constantly monitor them (which, of course, she couldn't).

Everyone (rightly) condemned the parents for creating the situation. But the mother was literally begging for help to stop the cycle of abuse (the report repeatedly praised her for her efforts) and none of the agencies involved seemed to take the child on child abuse seriously.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 19/03/2024 16:09

There was an article published yesterday about genetic analysis showing the proportion of people out there whose parents were related in the first degree. Unsurprisingly, the data backs up the investigation in the Times.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, Moore told me, the parents are a father and a daughter or an older brother and a younger sister, meaning a child’s existence was likely evidence of sexual abuse.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2024/03/dna-tests-incest/677791/

DNA Tests Are Uncovering the True Prevalence of Incest

People are discovering the truth about their biological parents with DNA—and learning that incest is far more common than many think.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2024/03/dna-tests-incest/677791

gastontheeladybird · 19/03/2024 16:14

concluded in 2022 that up to 5 per cent of children in Britain have sexually abused a sibling.

Whoa that’s shocking and seriously depressing, 1 in 20 children in the UK 😳 That is more than one child in every primary class.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 19/03/2024 16:16

Dontbeme I am so so sorry for what your family did to you. Flowers That was abuse piled upon abuse. I hope the trauma therapy can go some way to help.

WelcomeMarch · 19/03/2024 16:28

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 18/03/2024 21:01

I'm really glad the Times has reported on this. I first realised it could happen when I met a young woman who'd been abused by her older brother. She'd managed to disclose what was happening, and as a consequence, she ended up in care, because her parents picked supporting her brother over her. It was psychologically easier for them to decide she had to be lying about it, so she lost her entire family.

In the one case I know of for sure (because their shell-shocked mother told me about it -- I knew her through an autism support group), when the abuse came to light, social services suggested they remove the younger sister 'as the family weren't keeping her safe', rather than the older brother who had done it.

DeanElderberry · 19/03/2024 16:50

Huge sympathy and respect to anyone who has suffered abuse from a sibling, but is it really a hidden crime that needed a revelation? I've been hearing about it all my life - never about actual people known to me, always about how often it happened and the importance (recognised for at least a century) of social housing always providing enough bedrooms to enable separating girls and boys (not that that would stop deliberate abuse).

Looking back, one girl at secondary school in Norfolk talked about stuff that with hindsight was abuse by her father and her brother, and a teacher at another secondary school in Ireland talked about situations that I didn't really understand at the time, but with hindsight was a message that any girl suffering abuse would have recognised as an offer of support and help.

gastontheeladybird · 19/03/2024 16:54

Reminded me of that huge Christian family the Duggars. They knew the brother was doing it but only went to the church not the police.

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