White, middle aged men telling us to be kind...

[MsMarch]

argh. So tedious. Just a rant really. BIL - your classic, middle aged, middle class, white male - has been posting all over social media about the importance of being kind. Lots of emotive posts about children/young teens in transition and why would anyone insist they use the male bathrooms if they don't feel comfortable etc. Patronising responses to women responding. I particularly enjoyed (not really) his faux "I'm still thinking but this is a concern but I'm sure we can come up with a solution" response to someone asking about men in women's sport.

Argh.

Never ceases to amaze me how men like BIL are so often the ones who have th most to say, and are the most insistent that us women must be "kind" because these poor boys/men need our sympathy.

No response necessary. Just wanted to rant.

Oh god a relative? Commiserations (but also thank Goddess he's not your partner!)

I'd be tempted to take this one of 2 ways. Either come out as NB in due course, with a very straight face. Or, as his belief that one can identify out of one's sex class is misogynist, I'd refuse to spend a single scrap of unpaid female labour on anything that benefits him. I'd also consider applying postmodern thinking around other nouns if and when it suits you.

Why should we women accommodate everyone if these men don't lead by example?

Exactly, tell him men need to be kind by expanding what it means to be masculine, by embracing gender nonconforming men in their spaces and to stop trying to make this women's problem to solve.

Pay no attention to him, he sounds like a complete and utter wet wipe. Cannon fodder for when there is an uprising.

Aaah, but of course, he is HAPPY to have gender-non-conforming males in the bathroom but he totally understands that they might not feel comfortable. So why can't we be as magnanimous as he is and let them into our spaces, where they will be more comfortable?

It's exhausting.

Try the Staniland Question on him. Ask what his foolproof method for separating out the wrong 'uns from the nice ones before a girl is harassed or harmed is. When he admits he hasn't got one, ask for a ballpark figure of how many girls harmed is unacceptable collateral damage in the interests of not making men sad.

The ones who haven't already blocked me usually shut up at about this point.

I have a DSS like this. luckily my DP is very much on the gender critical end of the spectrum, so I haven't had to divorce him. Due to having a difficult relationship with DSS in the past and some serious mental health issues he had, we just cannot risk upsetting this particular applecart. But this is a white, straight 33 year old man, with no wife or daughters, and very little in the way of empathy. This issue is just a no risk way (to himself) of signalling what a liberal right on chap he is, without having anything affect him personally or having to think too deeply. It fair boils my piss.

Rant away! It's infuriating.
Men, as well as being bigger, stronger and faster than women, commit over 90% of violent crime and 98% of sexual crime. That doesn't mean that I think that all men are dreadful and dangerous (I like men!) but at population level there is a social issue that has to be dealt with, and has to date been dealt with by sex-based rules and rights.
The social issue doesn't go away just because of a group of men being, or claiming to be, trans.
People like your BIL need to engage their brains.

I have a friend, (a father to daughters!), who also doesn’t seem to have thought too hard about the inherent issues in parroting the TWAW mantra.

He’s generally a pretty intelligent guy but I think he’s had one too many EDI / two-minutes-hate sessions at work, mixed with having a friend whose teenage daughter has decided she’s trans (and has been bullying her folks into obtaining PBs for her online, on threat of suicide if they won’t).

He was “very disappointed” in me when he realised I strongly disagreed with him. I didn’t care.

Yeah of course he says he's comfortable with it whilst foisting the problem onto women, sounds like a big fat liar to me.
Maybe he should work on changing the mindset of the men that make them uncomfortable rather than telling women to budge up. They're not ours and we don't want them.

Exactly, tell him men need to be kind by expanding what it means to be masculine, by embracing gender nonconforming men in their spaces and to stop trying to make this women's problem to solve.

this x1000

and if he thinks TW might not feel comfortable, then the men just need to try harder at being kind

What's your problem with white middle aged men?
Isn't the whole essence of racism/hatred based on making assumptions about people based on your perceived prejudices?
Would you be so offended if it was a young black lesbian, or a jew or an islamist

NAWMAMCMALT

but the ones spouting this nonsense often fit this profile

get back to us when a black lesbian is enabling male sex offenders

I always assume these "be kind" men have a dodgy search history tbh. Can you go low contact with him?

Twitter is full of these misogynistic mansplaining twats. Look at any tweet by a GC feminist on the subject of woman’s rights and the chances are you’ll see a string of replies from these men. The optics are terrible, but they are oblivious.

I used to get annoyed, but now I just remember the saying about how you should never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Lead by example!

Such a good response. 👍🏻

The last person who did this in my circle of acquaintances (middle class middle age married white man with kids) publicly transitioned a year later. Just saying.

Ask him if he would have sex with a woman with a penis/man with a vagina.

Twitter is full of these misogynistic mansplaining twats. Look at any tweet by a GC feminist on the subject of woman’s rights and the chances are you’ll see a string of replies from these men. The optics are terrible, but they are oblivious.

YY. They are ten a penny all over the internet. They haven't a fucking clue about being a woman but they're going to speak their paternalistic brainz anyway. The rock hard certainty that you have something worth saying is such a male privilege.

No, there does need to be a response, if you don't respond it will be taken that you accept his view.

Kindness is not the prerequisite of a female, not is daintiness, nor neatness and tidiness.

i absolutely agree with the view that you suggest that males make accommodations, and move their prejudices to one side.

Seconding anyone who questions why these men handing out admonitions don't pledge to #BeKind to transwomen using appropriate facilities and be ready to Ma-a-a-a-te any man who looks askance when they use them.

Men, normalise #BeKind to your own sex. Police the behaviour you don't want to see in your own sex.

Fix the system, not the women.

Hint: the system at fault here would be the men who are perceived as threats and policing the use of their facilities.

"They shouldn't be looking at other people's genitals" is the usual response I get to this online, sadly. Didn't used to be.

What, the biological males who’ve muscled into a space where there are vulnerable, naked teenage girls? Well, you’d think that would be a given, wouldn’t you, but these days….

That was a suggested response to catduckgoose’s experience with these twunts.

For me, I feel especially irritated about him right now as I have a DD who is 9. She's at that age where she's starting to feel conscious of her body. So she doesn't just strip down anywhere, any time anymore. At the swimming pool, if someone lets their older male child into the woman's bathrooms, she's uncomfortable etc etc. But BIL thinks that we should let the trans girl into the change room because "she" understandably feels uncomfortable in the men's changing room. But what about my DD? she doesn't want to be changing with a boy in the room!?

I've done the "what about predators" on him in the past. His view is it's so rare as to be irrelevant.... Also, he's a big believer in "not penalising all for the mistakes of a few" type mindset.

I asked him about the having sex with a woman with a penis once. He said that he "falls in love with the person"....

I think the most annoying part of this most recent social media posting is the patronising response he's been using on people who challenge him. Although he hasn't responded to my comment. Probably too scared!