So there's' this

[MultiPolarista]

Over five years I was the victim of a stalker, it was one of the worst experiences I have ever had.
The police I can honestly say, were worse than useless. They did nothing for me and my family, becoming openly contemptuous by the end.

I had always refrained from complaining, basically they told me it would make zero difference.
After one horrendous visit by the cops I did start to fill in the complaints form.
Then I got to the question about gender identity being different from sex at birth.
I was so distraught about what I was being forced to live with that I lied and said I was trans.
Within an hour I was phoned by a guy who was grovelingly apologizing and asking what i wanted him to do in the case. It was amazing the change in attitude, it was completely nuts.
I did feel very guilty about it but also it really highlighted the difference in attitude to women being abused by men and men being abused by men.

Most people are in a house where they control who moves in. Your situation does sound a bit unusual.

What world are you living in?

Are you not aware there is a housing crisis?

Are you not aware that women are most at risk because of this?

Are you not aware that even main stream newspapers report on this?

There are thousands who have had to effectively prostitute themselves (it even has a name "sex for rent") to have somewhere to live. There are women who even though accepted as homeless have been forced into insecure mixed hostel accommodation. There are women who think they have a secure tenancy with a private landlord and then find he keep intruding into their home. Let alone the horrors of women with children having to make do with a one bed flat even though they have 2 or more children.

And absolutely anyone who is luck enough to have secured a social housing tenancy would never give it up. And I suspect both council, HA or Coop management would be equally unaware and unsympathetic to issues of women's safety.

Of all the really stand out out to lunch comments I have ever seen of FWR this probably beats them all.

Meanwhile back of topic:

Lying about being trans to get safe housing is probably way down the list of lies or embroidered stories that people have told to get rehoused.

I am sure trans identified people would say it is the worst sin in the world, but in reality is just one of the many duplicities by any number of people desparate for safe (re)housing.

As to whether any police force would act in response to a threat to a trans person quicker that to a woman. Can totally believe it. Every week there are stories of ingrained sexism in the Met. They admit it themselves.

https://news.sky.com/story/met-police-will-train-officers-to-identify-and-call-out-sexism-and-misogyny-13030301

I have to say the polices attitude was truly horrendous. We had pages of evidence and witnesses, but they told me they were not going to do anything and seemed almost angry that I was not accepting that this was my fate.
It was nuts

Well until I told them I was a man in a dress, then they were amazing, absolutely lovely.

Except the OP said she lived in a 7 bed house, and she asked this man to move in when her turned up with his bike. It makes absolutely no sense. He wasn’t a tenant, he was some random bloke so I’m not clear as to why the police wouldn’t have told him to move out if she’d complained about his behaviour. Also, I’m not sure how a single parent could have afforded the rent for a 7 bed property in London. It must have cost £1000s a month in rent alone! If she was on benefits, that certainly wouldn’t have covered such a huge rent, let alone council tax.

he was in the co-op but not housed by them. his family has a house in the co-op and he was immediately given a tenancy
but this thread was not really supposed to be about housing.
but if people want to talk about that aspect thats fine

the rent was peanuts.
the place was falling apart

Ignore the posters trying to get you to give more details. You don't owe them anything. They might be trying to out you or gather details to put your story on another forum.

It's extremely clear to some of us that the police have always been unconcerned about women's safety. It wasn't that long ago that they didn't attend incidents of domestic violence. A man beating his wife was seen as a private matter.
Meanwhile they've been indoctrinated by Stonewall, who have taught them that trans people are the most vulnerable in society.
Stonewall have also promoted "people are who they say they are" and "acceptance without exception". So if you say you're trans, you are. If you say tomorrow you're no longer trans, that's true as well. So you did nothing wrong whatsoever. Well done SW!

er and not on benifts not sure where you got that from

@Soontobe60 It was a house share. OP wasn't paying the rent for the entire house.

yes, thats what i told myself.
if you say your trans then you are. and then if you change your mind after, well your just gender fluid.
I did feel bad though as generally I would very much disapprove of taking resources meant for a disadvantaged group, which I do think many trans identifying people are

My friend’s DS had applied for about 70 graduate jobs without success. Many of those job application ask about eg sex/ethnicity/gender identity. For some reason he decided to claim a trans identity for the next application - and got the job.

Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

I don’t see any issue with claiming a trans identity if it ends up with you being treated as you should have been to start with OP. I would certainly consider it now if I needed to

I'm not sure that admitting you lied to the police on a public forum such as Mumsnet is sensible. If you are female and said you were a transwoman then that's easy to prove and you've already given plenty of information that could identify you, if someone has access to police records.

but I identified as having been male at birth at that time

That’s not what she says.
ok, so for about 20 years I lived with my kids in a communal house. not my first choice but it was v cheap and in a good area ect.
after about 17 years everyone else had moved on except me and the kids.
Not long after everyone else left an acquaintance, text me saying could he leave his bike at my house. He showed up at the door and anyway after half an hour he said he had been evicted and could he move in.
Now this place was a seven bed house so I (really really stupidly) said of course.
As soon as the first set of bills arrived and I asked him to contribute he turned in to a psychopath.

I knew a lad who wanted to be a copper. But Greater Manchester police wouldn't hire him at the time because he was a straight white male and they had enough of them. So he lied and said he was gay and got the job.

Haven't spoken to him in years but after seeing him first hand do that, it really opened my eyes to the fact that people really do lie about their identity to get what they want.

Lad also had a massive gambling problem and racked up thousands in debt. His mum remortgaged her house to 'save' him.

At the time I liked him. I think in hindsight, I'd think differently of him now. I have to wonder whether he sorted his shit out before he got married (and how he managed to explain that to his bosses).

Now MN won't believe you because you have poor peoples problems.
The whole of Mumsnet?? Many people here, me included, believe @MultiPolarista , however you seem to have some issues with believing her but you certainly don't speak for the site!

I was paying for the rooms we used only
it was v cheap

Anyway back on topic: I applaud you for doing what it took to get you and your kids to a place of safety, and it really does highlight that women are at the bottom of the list for being believed and supported, so you did what you had to, to be safe, after exhausting, and being exhausted by, the 'proper' avenues for support (which are plainly failing women)

thanks

It's just typical that a woman being harassed is just brushed off by the police, whereas a man in a dress being harassed is suddenly a hate crime. Men are taken more seriously than women, even when they are pretending to be women.
I hope everything is okay for you and your family now @MultiPolarista?