Sexist and dangerous Samaritans ad

[Meadowbird]

https://twitter.com/samaritans/status/1760599123923722266

A really bizarre ad - encouraging lone women to approach disturbed men on deserted train station platforms and ask them out for a coffee. What could possibly go wrong? They also will become sexier if they do apparently.

Well that’s good that Samaritans are acknowledging it. Maybe next time they can address women helping women then we have balance.

"When does coffee mean coffee?" asked Dr Carly Jones MBE at a seminar I went to about autistic women.

Yes, this, my bet would be that the statistics would back up that this approach is more likely to end up with creepy behaviour / harm to the woman than any benefit to the man.

Also agree with the way they've totally ignored other people's lived realities and things like picking up children. If I put myself in a position where I'm even going to be delayed my kids won't get picked up or my elderly parents won't get to a vital medical appointment. Why am I putting some random stranger over those people I'm actually responsible for?

It reminds me a lot of something I read - somewhere not sure where - that when planners plan for things like local traffic schemes they assume a single point to point commute, not the myriad school / childcare drop offs / pick ups that women typically have.

This ad has made me very angry and has made me a lot less likely to talk to some random distressed man from having to think through possible consequences!

I agree with you.

It's a crazy set up. "Hello, you look like you're about to jump. Just before you do, I'm gasping for a coffee. Do you know where I can get one? Just, you know, not the best time, I see that, but there's literally no one else to ask. Otherwise, I'll be forced to get crisps. Ok, tnx, bye".

FFS "coffee" was code for a shag in Brassed Off back in the nineties. It's irresponsible to encourage women to use that term towards strange men.

Well, you guys can feel free to ask random men about coffee.

The rest of us won't and are a lot less likely to intervene as a result of this ad. We're not service humans.

And yes agree with PP it's racist as well as sexist.

How many times do people have to point out that coffee has a coded sexual meaning?

In your case, a man approached a woman. Can you see how there's a considerable difference in terms of personal safety and perceived intent?

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia - yeah, as I said above to someone else that wasn't exactly my point. A bunch of people seemed to be saying earlier on that these kind of interventions aren't even useful/the Samaritans should be campaigning for better MH services/you can't stop someone who wants to kill themselves etx and I disagree with that.

Small interventions are super effective. And, of course, if you don't feel safe, then don't do it. Much as you don't jump into the river to save someone drowning if you can't swim. I'm just saying that doesn't meant you should then say nobody should ever jump in the river because that's never going to work and the focus should be on providing swimming lessons because if someone doesn't teach themselves to swim they can never be saved.

How many times do people have to point out that coffee has a coded sexual meaning?

Exactly. I cannot imagine a scenario in which a young woman on a station platform, presumably waiting for a train, decides she needs to leave the station for a coffee - because that's more important than catching the train, right - and that the best way to find a place she can get a coffee is to ask a lone man. No sane woman would do this. The only reason a woman would go up to a lone man and ask about where to get a coffee is if she's attempting to pick him up.

And so now we have a man thinking, "An attractive young woman is asking me where to get a coffee." Seriously, where does the conversation go from here? Does he say "Sorry, no idea" or "Yes, I'll come with you" or "Yes, there's one down the road?" In which case presumably she buggers off and he gets on with the business of throwing himself under the train.

I wonder how many possible scenarios the ad's makers went through:

1. Suicidal man, helpful woman
2. Suicidal man, helpful man
3. Suicidal woman, helpful woman
4. Suicidal woman, helpful man

The dynamic would have been different in each. Incidentally, number 4 would have been a particular challenge, because the suicidal woman would probably have been creeped out by the man asking about where to get a coffee.

We're going to ignore this and continue discussing the advert through a white lens.

It's shit to use a woman as an emotional support for a man, whatever colour she is.

On a British forum, you're going to have majority of posters being white, so we aren't exactly going to feel qualified to unpack the racial aspect of this.

Hmmm. Alone with a man who could be suicidal, certainly looks in a bad mood, also it tends to be men who like pushing people off train platforms, if I was the lone female in this situation and there was no staff around personally I'd let the man jump in front of the train.

I didn’t address the issue of the woman’s race in my OP because I hadn’t registered it (awaits people saying of course I had). I saw a woman in a risky situation and that’s what annoyed me. I’m don’t feel qualified to comment on the further implications of the fact that the producers decided to cast a Black woman, it should be discussed by people who know more than me.

The guy in the advert had the kind of facial expression I associate with "angry" not "miserable". There's no fricking way I'd go anywhere near a strange male with that frown on.

For instance they could have more staff at railway lines to look out for this sort of thing but it’s much cheaper instead to rope women into talking random men at train stations.

Exactly. They’d need many more women if they had gone ahead with the plans to close all the railway station ticket offices.

If it had been the other way round you would be moaning that they were encouraging men to speak to lone women who were clearly having a tough time

Oh I missed it was a man's voice.

so a random man is telling a woman to ignore the Fear she's got in this situation

agree the ad would have been better the orange jacket man approaching him to show that men can and should talk

They could show women approaching women. They could show men approaching men. They should show men approaching men.

Also @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia I don’t agree that just because MN is a British forum, that you can assume the majority of posters are white. Plus, there are many global contributors to MN. The pp’s comment noting her race was an insightful comment. Whilst there were disputes as to the significance of her makeup vs no makeup selves, I don’t think there ought to be or is any disagreement on the implications of her not only being a young woman, but also being a young black woman being guilt tripped (by the Samaritan’s via the male monologue) into feeling responsible for an older white male. The ad is wrong on multiple accounts. [edited to acknowledge the monologue is actually a male voice].

I'm really sorry to hear your story, and I'm really glad someone was able to help you in that moment. I hope you're well these days.

FWIW I'm a teacher and I've done hours (and hours!) of Outdoor Ed first aid training. The official advice is absolutely NOT to enter a body of open water in the hopes of saving someone else.

Can you imagine a coastguard ad where the woman was saying/thinking "I'm scared to jump into the river, what if I do it wrong?" and her cool, relaxed, confident, red-lipped alterego was encouraging her to give it a go, even at significant personal risk to herself?!

One of the reasons why someone might be concerned someone is suicidal is because they’re hovering too close to the edge of the platform, otherwise how would a person even come to the conclusion a stranger on the platform is suicidal? I’m not going anywhere near him in case he takes me with him!

Wow.

I don't expect neurotypical people to feel qualified to discuss the implications of this advert for autistic women, but I can discuss this because I'm autistic.

Don't mistake me staying in my lane about race for me not caring about race.

I'm also autistic and really appreciate when NT people are allies, advocates, and make the effort to educate themselves.