Should I be worried about how 'girly' my DD is?

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She's only 4, and is the stereotypical 'girly girl'. She loves pink, princesses, 'pretty' dresses, the lot.
The problem I have, and I don't know where she's got this from as I haven't encouraged it, is that she says things like 'pink is for girls', 'i don't like football, that's for boys', things like that. I've tried telling her that girls can play football if they like etc etc but she's absolutely adamant.

Is this just a phase? I support her choices in clothes, activities etc because I can't force her to wear certain colours or whatever but it does concern me that her whole world is being a pretty pink princess...

Thoughts?

She is growing up in a massively gendered society, in which grown adults will kick up a fuss if shops start selling unisex children's clothes. You're fighting a losing battle. The UK is incredibly backwards when it comes to gender equality.

I was equally worried about my DD, she's growing up to be a successful woman .

She did extremely well in science subjects
Elle from legally blonde was a heroine for a while. It's possible to be good at maths and science and hold your own whilst dressed like Barbie.
I think one thing that helped was going to an all girls senior school, although I realised not everyone can access single sex schools.

I would keep gently correcting her. Eg "football is for anyone. Some girls like and some boys dont everyone is different"

Message will get through eventually. It is normal. My son was like this at 4 and grew out of it.

Totally misread, apologies

Yes normal my 4 year old is the same. Hasn’t got it from me so much have got it from nursery and other children etc. I just correct her if she says it.

Is she picking this up from a nursery or playgroup, I wonder?

Even in my granddaughter's junior school, many staff still come out with really backward, gendered ideas and stereotypes. For example, at Christmas the girls got angel and heart stickers, whilst the boys got planets and spacecraft stickers. There is also a less than subliminal suggestion that only boys like gaming - whereas my granddaughter is more into it, and better at gaming, than most of the boys.

I'm sure you don't. but be very conscious not to go for pretty pink party dresses and so on - try to go for something more stylish and individualistic. Don't give her a choice. She's too young for choosing her own clothes in my view. Buy clothes yourself and then present them to her.

Do you have a son too? How does her father interact with her?

She's getting it from pretty much everything she sees around her, as we are still perpetuating these ideas in our society.

Just keep correcting her that these things are for everyone, you could show her the international women's football for example. And the men's rugby teams that wear pink, or the plenty of other teams that do so too. You could check that you're not unconsciously promoting such stereotypes at home too.

Girls will get praised for what they look like often by teachers and other adults. Make sure you praise her for what she does rather than her appearance.

As she grows up she will likely adjust what her preferences are, and in the meantime pink should be treated as any other colour. It's just her favourite, for now. No big significance should be attached to it.

Unfortunately, she's picking it up from the world around her.

There's a lot of "you can't be what you can't see". so, just keep correcting her gently and make sure she sees plenty of women in stereotypical "men's" roles such as sports, emergency services, leadership roles and men in "women's" roles such as ballet, nursing, etc.

I was at a men's rugby match the other week and the referee was a young woman. Little girl behind us said to her mum, "I want to do that" and I was thrilled. If it had been a male referee, she would have been much less likely to say it

DD was like this. She's got 3 brothers as well. I used to swap hand-me-downs with another family who had an older girl and younger boy - the sea of pink stopped at about 8, which seemed bonkers to me at the time as DD was so entrenched. But when she hit 8-9 she also went right off the pink, and then off skirts and dresses. She's 16 now and sometimes wears pink to be "ironic" and would only wear a skirt for school. Her hand-me-downs now come from her larger brothers!

Nothing wrong with being a pretty pink princess in and of itself, it's no more vacuous than an obsession with a spherical bit of plastic filled with air. I don't think we should denigrate stereotypically "girly" interests while holding male ones in higher esteem just because they are male. It's about the context.

For example, an interest in princesses could be used to develop her imagination and story-telling by envisaging a fantasy world in which she is the main character. She could go on adventures with dragons or design her own castle all in a sparkly dress. The problem is that Disney feeds her a caricature of a princess whose primary qualities are good looks and kindness, and whose life revolves around meeting Prince Charming. Passive, objectifying and male-centred.

That's a long-winded way of saying that alongside reinforcing that there are no "boy" and "girl" activities, you can work with her "feminine" interests to bring out the positive in them. Anything that promotes agency and doesn't put men on a pedestal.

I'm not sure why this is an issue. She's only 4 - she will pick up all sorts of ideas from other kids her age or TV programmes etc.

There's nothing inherently wrong with her liking these stereotypes - you're doing the right thing by gently reminding her that boys can like pink too and girls can play football etc. She will understand as she gets older. Young children tend to have fixed ideas about the world.

My dad was a fitness nut when I was young and he once told my mum at the dinner table that he didn't want to eat potatoes. The next time I was with the babysitter, I refused to eat the potatoes she served me, and I lectured her that potatoes are bad for your health and make you fat.

I'm sure she will grow out of it, unless you make things awkward or force her to like or do things she doesn't want to - it doesn't sound like you are. I'd be more concerned if a 15 year old were saying things like only boys play football.

On one hand people argue that pink, princesses, and 'pretty' dresses are for girls and boys equally, but on the other hand they get worried when a girl seems to like them. Would it be valid for a boy to like these things but not a girl? It doesn’t make sense to me to police and pass judgment on what girls enjoy.

My daughter was the same. Was also hugely reinforced by everyone around her as she was a blonde, big eyed, fancy dressed little girl skipping and dancing around and would attract so much reinforcing attention. She was absolute about girls stuff and boys stuff and had almost boxed herself into just being one way.

But we let her express herself the way she wanted while also clearly sharing our own values at home. She adores gymnastics and one day in the park whispered to me that actually she might like a pair of leggings to make it easier to cartwheel. Then she met her best friend who was more of a tomboy. Then she started wearing shorts and really expanded what she wears and dropped the princess/very girly interests. She's 9 now and very much about her own style, comfort, is very aware of how all the women on the media don't really look or act like real women and girls, is fiercely pointing out sexism where she sees it, etc.

I think letting her be the girl she wants to be in the moment while always keeping the door open for her to be someone else, and being true to your own values, she'll find her own way (which may still be very 'girly' but she'll know she has a choice).

My daughter used to be mad about putting make up on with me in the morning before work, now she looks at me and tells me that I don't have to wear make up if I don't want to, I shouldn't just wear it because I think I'm supposed to.

There' nothing wrong with a girl liking pretty pink dresses. That's not what the OP is saying (if that's what she thought she would just not buy any!). The problem is the child is picking up stereotype she says things like 'pink is for girls', 'i don't like football, that's for boys',

The only way to counteract that is to rebut it (with as much gentleness or bluntness as is apt for your individual child ... mine would have been ok with a 'don't be daft' ) and to make sure there are examples in evidence that show up the inaccuracy.

It's just a phase. I let my DD go through that phase (approx 3-7) and didn't comment. Sadly she also wanted to look like Barbie, though she's Asian. At about 7/8 she decided grey and black was the thing, which I kind of hated on a child too but that was that. At 13 she wanted a pale blush bedroom and now wears plenty of colour, has impeccable taste in clothes (quite classic/ trendy) and loves her brown skin. She likes to look nice but is not overly worried about it (got her first concealer at 15!). I've always complimented her looking nice because my mum never did and I've grown up not caring what I look like, which is also not great. She is very ambitious and hard working but has a positive body image. Not sure how much credit I can take but anyway... I'd just chill out about her bit can day things like, "Some girls like football too" and "Some boys like pink, it's just a nice colour." I currently have 2 boys at work (aged 3/4) who have to wash their hands standing on the pink stool not the orange one!

She's trying to learn the 'rules' of how the world works. Part of the learning process is testing her understanding of a rule by doing or saying something she thinks fits, and seeing if that is accepted or corrected. Just keep providing exceptions and counterexamples. And if you find it's coming from nursery/school, challenge them directly.

My niece was full-on pink princess at that age, and a by 15 was a committed metalhead who wouldn't be seen dead in anything other than black.

For those that don't see the issue, I think that for girls this can become such a self-reinforcing expression that girls can feel boxed into the identity. People exclaim about pretty girls in Princess dresses and they can feel like it's the only choice they have. My son and daughter's birthday are a week apart. For the first couple of years I would keep track of the birthday cards- his were always multicoloured and hers were all pink. One year every single birthday present was pink. I can see how a little girl doesn't think she had any other choice. Then when she goes out in her pink princess dress she gets so much positive attention. I think the worry is not that they are actively choosing this way to express themselves, but that they're feeling boxed into this being the only way they can be. It takes a lot of parental effort to present alternative choices.

It’s a really common phase. I read a psychology article once on why children go through this, I’ll have to search for it, but it was all about learning to understand the world, categorising things is part of that.

I just gently rebut it. “I don’t play with girls” “well you like playing with Sophie, she’s your best friend”. Or “no, pink is a girl colour” “really? Ok, let’s read this book together, oh look what colour is that boy’s shirt?”. Provide lots of evidence to the contrary of whatever stereotypes keep coming up.

I wouldn't worry. My girls are the same. Eldest won't play football because she thinks it's for boys. I've corrected her on this but still not interested. They are more interested in stereotypically girl toys. I leave them to it, it's their choice what they want to play with. We have cars, trains.....she likes dolls and princess dresses. She also likes Lego.

I've had plenty of parents tell me how they do their best to provide their sons and daughters with a balanced approach to toys and clothing - they make sure not to inadvertently push stereotypes onto them etc... and their kids still gravitate towards the whole blue for boys, pink and princesses for girls thing.

I don't think it's healthy for adults to be overly critical about what young children like - in my view, it's just as bad making a big deal about a girl liking princess stuff as it is about making a big deal if she doesn't like it. Kids pick up on the feeling that they might be 'bad' in some way for the things they like or don't like.

Lead by example, show them they have choices and can freely change their preferences if they wish and let them figure out for themselves what they like. Seems plenty of children grow out of these rigid ideas as they mature and meet people different from them.

My DD was like this, and frequently went out like she was going to a wedding.

She is 14 and now lives in trackie bottoms.

There will be many phases...

The worst thing is when they walk into their pink bedroom, open the wardrobe filled with pink clothes and say I don't like pink anymore.

What needs correcting? If she's happy, be happy she's happy.
If she's four hopefully she has a long life ahead of her to explore all sorts of stuff. She may go through phases, maybe many phases.

Whenever I see some adult Munchausening by proxy their child into a trans accessory social credit score child it sends a shivver of fear for the child down my spine. Don't do a similar thing to your daughter. She is only four years old, let her be a girly girl if it makes her happy.

Why not put the football on next time there's a televised womens game so you can show her it's not just for boys?

There's no point getting worried about this stuff. Just calmly go through life showing her the possibilities, reading good books and she'll change so much by the time she's a teenager.
And if she still loves pink and pretty dresses, so what?

My dd was very girly from a young age (total opposite of me). All I did when she was growing up was reiterate that she could do whatever she wanted to do, and be whoever she wanted to be.

FWIW she grew up to be a very strong minded independent young woman who's forging ahead in a great career but she still likes her make up