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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Mridul Wadhwa, transwoman CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis Centre

56 replies

ArabellaScott · 21/01/2024 22:30

Mridul Wadhwa is in the news again.

For those of us in Scotland this has been ongoing for the past few years, but it seems we could use a thread to gather the history:

Current threads on the ET here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4985570-another-gc-employment-tribunal-adams-vs-edinburgh-rape-crsis

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4985570-another-gc-employment-tribunal-adams-vs-edinburgh-rape-crsis?page=38&reply=132347125

Article:

https://www.scotsman.com/news/opinion/columnists/scotlands-rape-crisis-centres-in-turmoil-as-gender-ideology-threatens-female-only-service-susan-dalgety-4485282

(It's paywalled, but readable on archive dot ph if you copy and paste in the link.)

'Roz Adams, a support counsellor, is claiming constructive dismissal after she was subjected to a nine-month disciplinary process where she was accused of being “transphobic”. She had suggested that the centre tell a woman survivor that one of its advice workers was “a woman at birth that now identifies as non-binary”.'
...
'... evidence at this week’s tribunal further revealed Wadhwa’s strong views, including a suggestion at a public meeting in Edinburgh University last year that firing staff can be as important as hiring them when creating “inclusive” workplaces.

A witness, who had attended the event, said that when asked how best to bring staff on board if they were not sure about trans-inclusive policies, <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/HrIeD/twitter.com/tribunaltweets/status/1748005894032409083?s=20" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Wadhwa replied: “Fire them.” But perhaps the most harrowing evidence to emerge from the tribunal, which is expected to end next week, was on the first day, when Roz Adams told of a woman who was refused support from ERCC because she asked if the service was women-only. <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/HrIeD/twitter.com/tribunaltweets/status/1746920470769709129?s=20" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">She explained that the woman, in her 60s, had wanted a female-only group therapy context. On being told the ERCC was “trans inclusive”, the woman asked “is that women-only?” and later received an email saying she was not suitable to use its service.

It also emerged that the Edinburgh centre refuses to refer women to <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/HrIeD/beirasplace.org.uk/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Beira’s Place, the female-only sexual support service set up by author <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/HrIeD/twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/1747234409336447039?s=20" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">JK Rowling a year ago, even though they have <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/HrIeD/www.ercc.scot/who-we-support-and-our-services/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">closed the waiting list for their advocacy services. Adams, who now works at Beira’s Place, told the tribunal that ERCC “have made it very clear they won't refer people on to our services”.'

Page 38 | Another GC employment tribunal. Adam's vs Edinburgh Rape Crsis | Mumsnet

https://x.com/tribunaltweets/status/1746830866020442400?s=46&amp;t=AjtjSItRj-kgZwRzL-pdyQ Claiming constructive dismissal for GC beliefs. ERC CEO i...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4985570-another-gc-employment-tribunal-adams-vs-edinburgh-rape-crsis?page=38&reply=132347125

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
ArabellaScott · 21/01/2024 22:35

https://thecritic.co.uk/unclean/

Article from 2021:

'On Tuesday 14 September, Mridul Wadhwa, the CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis, appeared at a virtual meeting in Sheffield titled, “Building Intersectional Inclusion in Rape Crisis Services”.

Quotes follow:

"ERCC [Edinburgh Rape Crisis Centre] has been a trans inclusive space for a really long time.. so it had to really wash and clean its history of the perception of rape crisis centres not being inclusive of trans people.'" [MW]

"You have large groups of survivors, some are not using our services because they see us as trans inclusive and feeling that they may be exposed to… er… to an issue that they are not prepared to deal with." [MW]

"We have to learn to be not transphobic, because our society is transphobic." [MW]

"Wadhwa smeared and attacked women who had organised a peaceful protest in Scotland against attacks on women’s rights by the Scottish Parliament. Wadhwa insisted:
But more and more of them exposing themselves as being on the right and being very comfortable associating with fascists." [MW]

"When the dialogue moved on to how raped women must refer to their rapist, Wadhwa was again confusing in expression, saying:
If you have a trans person on your case load or if somebody has experienced sexual violence from someone with a protected characteristic and they are talking about them in a stereotypical way, um… as perpetrators and then stereotyping the community." [MW]

Unclean | Jean Hatchet | The Critic Magazine

On Tuesday 14 September, Mridul Wadhwa, the CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis, appeared at a virtual meeting in Sheffield titled, “Building Intersectional Inclusion in Rape Crisis Services”.

https://thecritic.co.uk/unclean

OP posts:
PriOn1 · 21/01/2024 22:48

Susan Dalgety is great on this topic - always clear and incisive as well as very readable.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 21/01/2024 22:49

Interview with MW, published April 5, 2019, in the Student newspaper.

extract

Rape crisis centres are just one way a survivor can seek help after experiencing sexual violence of any kind. Mridul Wadhwa is a manager at the Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre, dedicated to helping individuals overcome trauma. The Student had the opportunity to speak to Wadhwa about her experiences working with rape and sexual assault survivors.

“I think the biggest myth [of sexual violence] is ‘stranger danger,’” Wadhwa commented. “All messages are usually about being safe when you’re outside – and yes there is a minor risk for women to experience sexual assault from strangers – but the reality is that most of the time it comes from someone they know, including their acquaintance. The other myth is that your body may react in a physical way to sexual violence including an orgasm but that does not mean that it’s not rape because that’s a physical response. You can’t control how your body responds to violence.”

The work is incredibly emotionally draining, so Wadhwa has to be balanced and mindful of her own emotional state. The Student asked her what she does to take care of herself: “Well I don’t deal with individual survivors every day, so for me what I do in terms of self-care is a lot of avoidance. I do see survivors – four a week usually – who help me stay connected to the cause…but it’s important to keep it fun. We should be able to laugh and use humour at work. In terms of my team, I try to cook for them once a week or every other week.”

Beyond that, she recommends debriefing: “By talking about what it’s like for you, you are creating that distance and also you remind yourself that the survivors who come to our centre have other lives outside of the centre.

Most importantly, rape crisis centres are spaces for those affected by sexual violence, most of whom are women. The Student asked Wadhwa if she believes a man could be a successful rape crisis centre manager. She does not: “I don’t think men are ready to go out and set up services of this nature. Women’s aid organisations and rape crisis centres have been set up with the blood, sweat, and tears of women. It’s about the women’s experience of sexual violence. Our workforce is reserved for women only.

Recognising that it is not only women who are affected by sexual violence, Wadhwa’s centre is a feminist organisation with adhering values. To Wadhwa that means “ensuring that inequalities are highlighted and when people are in our centre they’re experiencing equality service that is focused on their needs as they describe them. Also, it’s focused on putting into context the violence women and girls experience in the wider inequalities of their lives. If there are male survivors, they need to be acknowledged as survivors. The patriarchy impacts their experience as well.”

“It’s about thinking of equality at all times and obviously a part of it is about women’s equality because women are always grappling with gender inequality whether it is in the workforce or in their experience of gender based violence or violence against women and girls it’s not just what happens in terms of the abuse but also what happens afterwards. How do they experience the system particularity if they’re engaging in the criminal justice system and the inequalities that surface there.

“As a service provider there are some intersections that we need to consider. We offer a person-centred service which means we look at the individual and their needs. But the reality is that we are working in an environment where people are not thinking about minorities. As a manager, I need to think like do we have to hire an interpreter. Or just yesterday we were having a conversation if our space is welcoming to people with autism and what we can do to make that space more welcoming. Who they are as people also comes up in support sessions and can be a barrier to not accessing our service.”

In our conversation, Wadhwa mentioned the lack of control survivors experience, even after the traumatic event: “It is a very disempowering experience when you report to the police because it is a big shift in the understanding of being a victim. They are actually powerless in it. There are some areas where they might be able to influence but it’s very, very minute.”

Perhaps the largest source of power survivors can claim is their ability to come forward and relate their story if they so choose. Yet many times they are not believed. The Student asked Wadhwa why it is important to believe a survivor: “Think about how much time is wasted arguing about whether we should believe sexual assault survivors but if you look at what a survivor who has come forward is setting themselves up to, why would they come forward and report it if it was not true? There might be a small percentage of false allegations but they’re nowhere near what our society thinks where they are.

“Just because somebody was not proven guilty doesn’t mean that they are not guilty because it’s about the quality of the evidence presented. The burden of proof is really hard, and it probably should be. I’m not going to debate that here but…we must stay away from doubting people.

“There might be a narrative in the disclosure of that experience that does not always add up because usually how we experience trauma is that we don’t always remember what happened to you and it’s not about the facts of the case. The rape crisis centre is there to listen to those who wanna talk about it and to recover from it. I mean what does one gain from lying about it.”

Having sexual violence disclosed to you can certainly be a challenging experience. Dealing with sensitive matters is just that – sensitive – and requires much thought and attention. The Student asked Wadhwa how she would recommend a friend or loved one reacted if violence was disclosed to them: “Try not to dig holes in people’s stories. This is not a logical narrative of an experience – it is the emotional narrative of an experience. People might not always remember what happened.

“Try to stay away from the idea of what they could have done to stay safe or even what you could have done as a friend to keep your friend safe. It is my belief that we don’t put ourselves in these positions. It is the perpetrator who decided to be violent. It is not a choice that we made. The message that we should be telling our friends who have disclosed this to us is that it is never their fault.

“Another thing that we should be thinking about is what happened after the disclosure. The whole decision as to what happens after the disclosure is up to the survivor. They should remain in complete control of that experience and as a friend I would recommend that you enable that control. Whether they report to the police or not is their decision.

“Sometimes a disclosure from a friend can be triggering for you in case you had those experiences. My advice would be to use rape crisis centres because they are not just for survivors. They are also for friends and family of those who have had a traumatic experience because it does take a lot of your to support someone who has gone through trauma. There is often guilt associated with wanting to ask for help when your friend is in greater need but for them to support them appropriately and effectively you have to be in a good place yourself. That’s why rape crisis centres support you.”

Rape crisis centres also offer sexual violence prevention education programs. Wadhwa’s centre is part of a national prevention program through education scheme. They offer a series of workshops hoping that young people become educated on different topics like gender and pornography.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 21/01/2024 23:10

This is a link to a previous thread in 2021 which was very enlightening: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4321939-2nd-thread-AIBU-to-be-asked-to-reframe-my-trauma-by-the-trans-CEO-of-Scottish-Rape-Crisis

One of the many things that came up was an interview with MW on this podcast www.buzzsprout.com%2F1219151%2F4569950-provokecast-episode-1-mridul-wadhwa

Mumsnetter @helleofabore painstakingly wrote out a transcript on that thread, which I will supply in the next post.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 21/01/2024 23:18

From @Helleofabore in a previous thread.

At 5.12 in the You're Kiddin', Right video, MW says this.

transcript

"It was the first time I experienced power. It was a call centre job where we were the customer service for the benefit card that was being rolled out in the United States, in certain States. Where people who were receiving food stamps and cash benefits from the local state governments were now receiving it on an electronic card."

So they were transitioning from whatever system was there before to the electronic card. And I was responsible for whatever the person had phoned me about, you know I could do whatever they asked me to and I experienced this complete powerfulness. This idea that I was in charge and it wasn't me, it was Louise who was in charge. And this is how I discovered Louise."

"When I was shocked with fear about anything, I would call on Louise. And Louise could do whatever. So, in my most difficult moments I spoke as Louise. And Louise (the western woman's name they chose to convince Americans' they were also American') could do whatever. She could do anything. In my most difficult moments, I spoke as Louise. And Louise had a very Southern drawl. I have lost it. But I was very good at it."

"It was so racist as well, because most of my colleagues sounded Indian, no matter how hard they tried and whenever I came on the phone you could hear, um, (indistinguishable) who would say 'finally a white American'."

Ellysetta · 21/01/2024 23:19

Man takes over rape centre and makes it all about him.

What a surprise.

inkjet · 22/01/2024 00:05

I am even more cross that Deborah Frances White championed him on the guilty feminist. He’s even worse than I thought and I didn’t have a good opinion of him in the first place.

RhannionKPSS · 22/01/2024 00:15

Thank you for starting this thread.
You are spot on about many women in Scotland knowing about this sick shit show , but not enough people were listening. Hopefully they will now.

Grimchmas · 22/01/2024 00:23

Women who want an all female support group are being turned away because "trans inclusive values" are more important than delivery of the service the organisation was set up to provide.

I despair.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 22/01/2024 00:29

inkjet · 22/01/2024 00:05

I am even more cross that Deborah Frances White championed him on the guilty feminist. He’s even worse than I thought and I didn’t have a good opinion of him in the first place.

Agreed.

For those who missed that episode in this sorry saga, this is FWS's summary and reaction to MW's comments on the Guilty Feminist podcast.

The Real Crisis at Rape Crisis Scotland - For Women Scotland

The Real Crisis at Rape Crisis Scotland - For Women Scotland

But I think the other thing is that sexual violence happens to bigoted people as well. And so, you know, it is not discerning crime. But these spaces are also for you. But if you bring unacceptable beliefs that are discriminatory in nature, we will beg...

https://forwomen.scot/10/08/2021/the-real-crisis-at-rape-crisis-scotland/

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/01/2024 00:29

The Student asked Wadhwa if she believes a man could be a successful rape crisis centre manager. She does not: “I don’t think men are ready to go out and set up services of this nature. Women’s aid organisations and rape crisis centres have been set up with the blood, sweat, and tears of women. It’s about the women’s experience of sexual violence. Our workforce is reserved for women only.”

I'm totally bewildered. Does he actually believe himself or is he having everyone on and laughing into his sleeve?

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/01/2024 00:31

This is so much more insidious than that male period dignity officer, who everyone was rightly up in arms about. At least that guy tried to argue that a man could legitimately do the job.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 22/01/2024 00:44

This may help to make some issues clearer. It is a transcript from a Fox and Owl film, supplied by @JackyHolyoake in another thread: Page 2 | Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre | Mumsnet

Transcript:

Fox Fisher: I'm here in Stirling to meet Mridal Wadwha, who is a trans woman who also runs a rape crisis centre. Let's go say hello.

Mridul Wadwha: I am Mridul Wadwha. I am trans and a Piscean. A mother. A wife. Half zoroastrian, half Hindu. I'm an immigrant. I run a rape crisis centre. I'm a feminist. I'm a boss. And I speak my mind even when I shouldn't.

FF: Mridul, tell me a bit about where we are and how you came about to work here.

MW: This is the Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre and I am the Manager. So the centre works with anyone over the age of thirteen who has experienced sexual violence. And anyone who is affected by it. The centre is part of the rape crisis movement. We are a woman only space in the sense that only women work in the centre. Although we work with anyone who's been affected respective of gender identity. I think one of the key things that I'm proud of that has happened in this movement is the increased awareness about forced marriage in Scotland. And how we worked pretty hard to make sure that the law was implemented effectively. Most of our services, violence against women services, largely cater to white, cis women. But there are others that do naturally come to our spaces. You can't expect people to know that you are inclusive if you're not explicit of your inclusion. So, I think our journey around inclusion as a violence against women movement is ... we are getting there, but I think there are some key things that we have to do. And consistently, because equality is too fragile. I spend most of my life thinking about the status of minority ethnic women and migrant women in particular. Any minority who experiences oppression, you expect to be treated badly wherever you go. So you steel yourself up for that. So when you say: "We are inclusive" .. well. you have to show what you are doing not to treat people badly. Can you connect with people's humanity? For me it is an investment in attitude. We need to expose ourselves to difference so that difference is normal. We just dare not to think of ourselves as different.

FF: Is there a personal reason for getting into this line of work?

MW: Staying on has been personal because it is pretty clear to me that I was the only transwoman in the women's aid movement. And I wasn't even sure that if I had been hired, if they had known that I was trans. When I came out individually to various colleagues, there was this disbelief: "Oh, you can't be trans". You know, what does a trans person look like? What does a cis woman look like? How do we know? Over a period of time it became more and more important within my work in this movement to be a transwoman. My activism wasn't around trans activism because really what mattered to me more was my status as an immigrant woman and the women I worked with who came from immigrant backgrounds. It means I've had the opportunity to deliver training across this country and so invariably I would come out in all of my training, not just for people to change their perception of what an immigrant woman looks like or who she is, but also what a transperson looks like. So I think staying in it has become a personal thing.

FF: So tell me what it was like growing up for you and who was the first transperson you met?

MW: So I grew up in India. To me now I would say it was like living in a war zone. And it really came home to me, I really understood when people started speaking about the civil war in Syria and the use of snipers. That's the analogy I use. A sniper would hit me every day, multiple times. From name calling to sexual violence, all of that happened, all the time. When I became an adult, when I began to think a lot more practically and seriously about my transition it was empowering to have grown up in a country where there is a recognition of the third gender or the non-binary in a sense. A transperson I identified with? I don't think I ever met one. I didn't have any resources, I didn't know where to go. And then I remember that I chanced upon this article. A journalist had written an article about how they had set up a helpline for transpeople. So I went to meet this journalist and they put me in touch with the local hospital's psychiatric unit. It was a complete nightmare, where this guy essentially told me "I don't believe you're trans because you would have insisted on going to a girls' school. Why did you go to a boys' school?" And all that sort of shit. It was like 'I am trans I'm not stupid'. But eventually I found some doctors elsewhere in a different city, but it was so expensive and trying to find a job and keep a job was a challenge. So when I was 17-18 and I made a decision after a failed suicide attempt. I wanted to thrive. I just didn't want to ... manage. So I think coming to that decision was very transformative. I just said to people: "This is who I am, take it or leave it." I got two gifts. One was that I grew up in a household where my parents, not in any every day way ever told me not to be who I was, this effeminate child. But I also grew up to a spiritual outlook that doesn't have a concept of guilt in the same way. I think that has been the biggest gift. I don't know what it feels like to be guilty or ashamed of who you are. I have been lucky somehow to find myself in places where I was able to influence. And I think it is therefore important if you have been given this opportunity by fate to use that effectively. It's a responsibility to be your honest and true self at all times. I have the gift of being the eternal minority. From growing up in a mixed faith background to being a transwoman; to being a person of colour here, and a migrant. What is important for me therefore in doing this work is to try and do something to make sure that others who come after me can come on their own merit. But I think what is most important right now is for more diverse voices to be heard. Whether it is the survivors of sexual violence, or my colleagues who do a lot better work than I do. I need to make sure that my colleagues who I manage here, that their ideas really come to fruition. That is the most important reason why I do this work. What I am really interested in is to make sure everyone that goes through here feels that they have a opportunity to express what is really going on for them. That's why it is important, because this movement, particularly the feminist women's movement that is built on the history of so many women who have transformed. One of the dangers of being in this movement sometimes is that we don't know when to let more people sit around the table. And I think I do know the importance of it. Because I just don't want to be the token trans BAME woman in Scotland for many things in many spaces. Hopefully that will not be forever, and hopefully people won't call me to speak at events anymore. Because I think that is important too. We have to become redundant. That's why it's important.

[A film by Fox Fisher and Owl]

Page 2 | Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre | Mumsnet

Watch this video [[https://www.facebook.com/MyGenderation/videos/601908816953900/]]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3597742-Forth-Valley-Rape-Crisis-Centre?page=2

Codlingmoths · 22/01/2024 03:39

I think this thread needs to be up on this from overnight. Surely it’s a fireable offence and the charity should be sanctioned for allowing it?? https://x.com/suzanne_moore/status/1749143776830845117?s=46&t=-14LOzq-_bsjEdbZ5Y7CuQ

https://x.com/suzanne_moore/status/1749143776830845117?s=46&t=-14LOzq-_bsjEdbZ5Y7CuQ

NecessaryScene · 22/01/2024 06:26

Found a couple more from the archive.

The police being sent around to check the thinking of someone disapproving of Wadwha in 2022:

Ms Murray runs Brodie’s Trust, a charity that provides help to women who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy through domestic violence or a forced termination. In September, in the wake of Wadhwa’s comments, she said Brodie’s Trust ‘cannot in all conscience send vulnerable women to [the ERCC]’. She made the perfectly reasonable point that it is not for sexual-violence charities to police vulnerable women’s thoughts. ‘We have no interest in our clients’ religion, sexuality [or] political views’, she said. And so she said she would no longer ‘signpost’ vulnerable women to a centre whose CEO was openly threatening to police and correct vulnerable women’s beliefs.

The police didn’t see it as reasonable, though. In November, detectives from Edinburgh knocked on Ms Murray’s door. They had in their possession screenshots of her tweets and a printout of the statement made by Brodie’s Trust. Get your head around that – actual police officers printed out a statement made by a charity and went around to the charity founder’s home to talk to her about it. This is banana republic stuff. The officers confirmed to Ms Murray that she hadn’t said anything ‘hateful’ – ‘there isn’t a crime here’. So why were they in her home waving around printouts of her comments, she asked? ‘Because we need to speak to you to ascertain what your thinking was behind your statement’, they said.

https://www.spiked-online.com/2022/02/01/the-thought-police-are-here/

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4471645-mridul-wadwha-and-the-thought-police

The Thought Police are here

Criticise the trans lobby and you can expect the cops to come round to ‘check your thinking’.

https://www.spiked-online.com/2022/02/01/the-thought-police-are-here

NecessaryScene · 22/01/2024 06:28

Wadwha getting performatively upset at women attending Parliament in 2019:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womensrights/3592927-Meghan-Murphy-in-the-Scottish-Parliament

Blog by Wings Over Scotland from when Wadwha was standing as an SNP candidate in 2020, doing a review of the situation:

https://wingsoverscotland.com/waiting-for-the-men/

NecessaryScene · 22/01/2024 06:33

And a blog by someone remembering an encounter with Wadwha at a party.

https://virginiasroom.co.uk/f/on-validation-and-tolerance

(found on this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womensrights/4318605-I-think-Ive-figured-out-why-the-Guilty-Feminists-feel-guilty?page=12&reply=109837976 )


On Validation and Tolerance
6 November 2020

A ---- without Gender Recognition Certificate, MW, is currently running as a candidate for a Scottish constituency, as a woman. MW is someone who many years ago applied to run a rape crisis centre without disclosing trans status.... and got the job. I met MW at that time, in a friendly context and this is what happened. It might sound pedestrian to some but I am sharing this story because I believe it sheds light on the main driving force behind this person's actions and why women must resist this encroachment. I use she/her in this text because that is how I addressed MW 14 years ago and it reflects my state of mind at the time. Now, knowing what I know, I wouldn't.

. . .

About 14 y ago, at a party organised by a friend and colleague, I met MW, a friendly hijra. She was introduced to me as a woman but I could not fail to notice the Adam apple and the low voice. I instantly thought that M was trans and that knowledge occupied my thoughts for the best part of 5 seconds. She was fun, interesting and well, we were all having nice drinks and food with lots of people we liked. Everything was great and felt "familial" and relaxed.

Suddenly, my friend demanded our attention and asked us all, out of nowhere: "Is M a man or a woman?"

I looked immediately at M expecting that this question would seem impolite and intrusive to her, but I saw that she was welcoming it. I now realise that she had asked my friend, our host, to question us about how we perceived her.

This question completely ruined the good-natured, warm and carefree ambiance of the party (and really, the party itself). Everyone stopped eating, looked uncomfortable. The trust and acceptance, the openness with which we had all interacted until then were gone. I'm sure most guests knew she was trans but it did not appear to be an issue. However, the demand to categorically validate or invalidate M as female or male felt like an encroachment to all of us. Rapidly though, I brushed aside my discomfort, attributing it to some failing in the "tolerance department" on my part.

Some of the guests were older, high caste Indians. I stupidly believed at the time that their unease was caused by their rejection of trans people, by intolerance, which surprised and shocked me as I knew them and liked them dearly. So, in order to support M, I instinctively answered "woman" while others looked at the floor.

Later on that evening, the party split and we went out, M, my friend and I. They quickly both started to cast disparagingly the ones who avoided answering The Question as bigots, boring old farts, intolerant idiots...

I was not one of them, and I was glad.

But something felt "off", I felt slightly dirty. I felt I was betraying something in me, something called truth and something called self-respect. And I was betraying my other friends who refused to play the validation game.

I now understand better what happened that night. Some friends were having a good evening, men, women, trans or not, all together. There was acceptance and mutual respect. Then someone asked us to lie, or prove that we were willing to forgo truth and self-respect in order to validate someone else's identity. And people became torn between their desire to be kind and their need to be truthful. This was entirely unnecessary. There was already acceptance and validation: we all liked M, none of us were made uncomfortable by who she was.

It is the lie people objected to, not the person, not the person's choice or expression. It was the demand that our moral purity and values (kindness vs. truth) must be put on display, weighed and judged, that people objected to.

. . .

Today, in response to criticisms of his encroachment and disrespect for women's boundaries and consent, MW asked us to be kind, said that kindness will win, all the while telling us that his critics should be destroyed as evil. It is as evident now as it was when I first met him that, for MW, kindness must flow only one way.

Dear MW, it wasn't kind 14 years ago to ask us to lie, and I am truly sorry that I did, in the name of kindness.

AlphariusOmegron · 22/01/2024 09:16

None of this is on Mridul Wadhwa's wikipedia entry. The page is rewritten by TRAs every time anyone adds any critical information, it is truly biased and misrepresentative - as well as being the first thing people see when they google the name. If you can spare time to edit the page and keep it edited please do - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MridulWadhwa - They are very keen on reputable sources, though if you look at the talk page, that means "people who agree with us". It needs more than me rewriting it once an hour to make a difference.

BlessedKali · 22/01/2024 09:39

is he going to be examined in the tribunal?

Rightsraptor · 22/01/2024 09:46

The police visited Ms Murray of Brodie's Trust when she made it public that the wouldn't be referring women to ERCC.

So I'm sure the police have visited Wadhwa at home about ERCC refusing to refer to Beira's Place.

Haven't they?

Ellysetta · 22/01/2024 09:47

Grimchmas · 22/01/2024 00:23

Women who want an all female support group are being turned away because "trans inclusive values" are more important than delivery of the service the organisation was set up to provide.

I despair.

It doesn’t feel legal, does it. If I donate money to a women’s rape centre I expect that money to be used to help female victims of rape, not spent validating the egotistical delusions of a man.

ArabellaScott · 22/01/2024 09:57

This article, detailing how a contract was withdrawn from a women's rape crisis centre and awarded to the company run by Wadhwa's partner, is really crucial reading.

'N Lanarkshire removes funding from 3 (single-sex) women's aid groups - the contract (for mixed sex) aid was won by SACRO in Feb 2021 - Mridul's partner was a director of SACRO until March 2021'

I will post more later - please keep in mind this issue is not just about one person and his failings, but involves Rape Crisis Scotland and the Scottish Government, too.

How a man without a GRC got a job reserved for a woman, and - it seems - ran a counselling service without any counselling qualifications - yet was put in place running one of Scotland's largest survivor organisations.

OP posts: