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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre

101 replies

JackyHolyoake · 28/05/2019 17:45

Watch this video

www.facebook.com/MyGenderation/videos/601908816953900/

OP posts:
LtGreggs · 28/05/2019 19:10

This would be my local rape crisis centre.

I don't think that you can take from the film that Mridul is achieving sexual gratification from the role, as OP states above (unless I've really missed something). However, I think it's appalling that she didn't reveal she was not female when applying for the role, and to her colleagues initially. And I also think it's an odd choice of role - plenty of opportunities to work with minorities, vulnerable groups etc without needing to focus on such an intimate experience of sexual abuse.

The centre is not just for women, though I assume the vast majority of people needing its services are women.

Their website does state that it is 'women lead'.

I sincerely hope that Mridul wasn't involved in direct support or counselling of vulnerable women without it being very clear that she was not a natal woman.

JackyHolyoake · 28/05/2019 19:48

Transcript:

Fox Fisher: I'm here in Stirling to meet Mridal Wadwha, who is a trans woman who also runs a rape crisis centre. Let's go say hello.

Mridul Wadwha: I am Mridul Wadwha. I am trans and a Piscean. A mother. A wife. Half zoroastrian, half Hindu. I'm an immigrant. I run a rape crisis centre. I'm a feminist. I'm a boss. And I speak my mind even when I shouldn't.

FF: Mridul, tell me a bit about where we are and how you came about to work here.

MW: This is the Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre and I am the Manager. So the centre works with anyone over the age of thirteen who has experienced sexual violence. And anyone who is affected by it. The centre is part of the rape crisis movement. We are a woman only space in the sense that only women work in the centre. Although we work with anyone who's been affected respective of gender identity. I think one of the key things that I'm proud of that has happened in this movement is the increased awareness about forced marriage in Scotland. And how we worked pretty hard to make sure that the law was implemented effectively. Most of our services, violence against women services, largely cater to white, cis women. But there are others that do naturally come to our spaces. You can't expect people to know that you are inclusive if you're not explicit of your inclusion. So, I think our journey around inclusion as a violence against women movement is ... we are getting there, but I think there are some key things that we have to do. And consistently, because equality is too fragile. I spend most of my life thinking about the status of minority ethnic women and migrant women in particular. Any minority who experiences oppression, you expect to be treated badly wherever you go. So you steel yourself up for that. So when you say: "We are inclusive" .. well. you have to show what you are doing not to treat people badly. Can you connect with people's humanity? For me it is an investment in attitude. We need to expose ourselves to difference so that difference is normal. We just dare not to think of ourselves as different.

FF: Is there a personal reason for getting into this line of work?

MW: Staying on has been personal because it is pretty clear to me that I was the only transwoman in the women's aid movement. And I wasn't even sure that if I had been hired, if they had known that I was trans. When I came out individually to various colleagues, there was this disbelief: "Oh, you can't be trans". You know, what does a trans person look like? What does a cis woman look like? How do we know? Over a period of time it became more and more important within my work in this movement to be a transwoman. My activism wasn't around trans activism because really what mattered to me more was my status as an immigrant woman and the women I worked with who came from immigrant backgrounds. It means I've had the opportunity to deliver training across this country and so invariably I would come out in all of my training, not just for people to change their perception of what an immigrant woman looks like or who she is, but also what a transperson looks like. So I think staying in it has become a personal thing.

FF: So tell me what it was like growing up for you and who was the first transperson you met?

MW: So I grew up in India. To me now I would say it was like living in a war zone. And it really came home to me, I really understood when people started speaking about the civil war in Syria and the use of snipers. That's the analogy I use. A sniper would hit me every day, multiple times. From name calling to sexual violence, all of that happened, all the time. When I became an adult, when I began to think a lot more practically and seriously about my transition it was empowering to have grown up in a country where there is a recognition of the third gender or the non-binary in a sense. A transperson I identified with? I don't think I ever met one. I didn't have any resources, I didn't know where to go. And then I remember that I chanced upon this article. A journalist had written an article about how they had set up a helpline for transpeople. So I went to meet this journalist and they put
me in touch with the local hospital's psychiatric unit. It was a complete nightmare, where this guy essentially told me "I don't believe you're trans because you would have insisted on going to a girls' school. Why did you go to a boys' school?" And all that sort of shit. It was like 'I am trans I'm not stupid'. But eventually I found some doctors elsewhere in a different city, but it was so expensive and trying to find a job and keep a job was a challenge. So when I was 17-18 and I made a decision after a failed suicide attempt. I wanted to thrive. I just didn't want to ... manage. So I think coming to that decision was very transformative. I just said to people: "This is who I am, take it or leave it." I got two gifts. One was that I grew up in a household where my parents, not in any every day way ever told me not to be who I was, this effeminate child. But I also grew up to a spiritual outlook that doesn't have a concept of guilt in the same way. I think that has been the biggest gift. I don't know what it feels like to be guilty or ashamed of who you are. I have been lucky somehow to find myself in places where I was able to influence. And I think it is therefore important if you have been given this opportunity by fate to use that effectively. It's a responsibility to be your honest and true self at all times. I have the gift of being the eternal minority. From growing up in a mixed faith background to being a transwoman; to being a person of colour here, and a migrant. What is important for me therefore in doing this work is to try and do something to make sure that others who come after me can come on their own merit. But I think what is most important right now is for more diverse voices to be heard. Whether it is the survivors of sexual violence, or my colleagues who do a lot better work than I do. I need to make sure that my colleagues who I manage here, that their ideas really come to fruition. That is the most important reason why I do this work. What I am really interested in is to make sure everyone that goes through here feels that they have a opportunity to express what is really going on for them. That's why it is important, because this movement, particularly the feminist women's movement that is built on the history of so many women who have transformed. One of the dangers of being in this movement sometimes is that we don't know when to let more people sit around the table. And I think I do know the importance of it. Because I just don't want to be the token trans BAME woman in Scotland for many things in many spaces. Hopefully that will not be forever, and hopefully people won't call me to speak at events anymore. Because I think that is important too. We have to become redundant. That's why it's important.

[A film by Fox Fisher and Owl]

OP posts:
Ereshkigal · 28/05/2019 20:06

Life is too short to watch Fox and Owl films. Thanks for the transcript Wine

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/05/2019 20:09

She's in Scotland. All women-only services are trans-inclusive in Scotland. I think if she applied now and mentioned her status, she'd still get the job. She's very open and indeed celebrated in the Scottish movement, at least outwardly.

JackyHolyoake · 28/05/2019 20:09

LtGreggs

Have a read of this and learn something about autogynephilic men:

4thwavenow.com/2017/12/07/gender-dysphoria-is-not-one-thing/

OP posts:
JackyHolyoake · 28/05/2019 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/05/2019 20:12

I did. The woke-aid has been well and truly drunk here.

TemporaryPermanent · 28/05/2019 20:15

I love the transcript and I love the sound of Mridul as a person.

I can imagine transmen and transwomen who have been raped finding Mridul a particularly sympathetic person to be supported by. And plenty of others too; I believe in transition as a cultural/ social way of escaping trauma, and I can see huge common ground with rape survivors. Mridul alludes to experiencing sexual violence.

As long as Mridul is open about who they are, and doesn't promote the lie that they are female and running an all-female team.

JackyHolyoake · 28/05/2019 20:23

TemporaryPermanent

Maybe you should read the transcript very carefully?

OP posts:
AlwaysComingHome · 28/05/2019 20:33

I believe in transition as a cultural/ social way of escaping trauma

I’ve never seen this admitted so explicitly.

AlwaysComingHome · 28/05/2019 20:36

Many of us have suggested that gender dysphoria may be a symptom of abuse but I’ve never seen transitioning promoted as an escape before.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 28/05/2019 20:57

Nothing in that transcript showed any real commitment to helping survivors of sexual violence!!!! FFS. Am sure this person is great and their focus on inclusion is terribly important - but that’s not what this role is about.

Ereshkigal · 28/05/2019 21:13

I've said in other threads, they should not be using this role to push an unrelated political agenda which is harmful to the rights of women, especially vulnerable women like the ones receiving support after DV or rape.

howonearthdidwegethere · 28/05/2019 21:43

This person denies they are male.

www.studentnewspaper.org/an-insight-with-mridul-wadhwa-into-working-in-a-rape-crisis-centre/

DodoPatrol · 28/05/2019 21:44

I have to say, it was obvious that Mridul was male from very early on that video (my sound has failed so I could only see, not hear it). That would be pretty disconcerting at the least to someone expecting a female-only environment, however kind/lovely/etc etc Mridul is.

Why doesn't Mridul get that?

ICJump · 28/05/2019 22:32

Does Miridul really compare name calling to being shot by a sniper? Being trans to living in a war zone? So fucking self absorbed

bettybeans · 28/05/2019 22:44

Sorry, Mridul might be nice as pie but if I was to engage with some sort of intimate service which claims to be "woman lead" and bare either my body or my story, and later find out that I had actually been with a male I would feel pretty bloody furious about it. It's a complete violation of trust.

Daughterofmabel · 28/05/2019 22:49

it was obvious that Mridul was male from very early on
This

Alicethroughtheblackmirror · 28/05/2019 22:56

Mridul admitting to laughing during Meghan Murphy's presentation at Parliament. According to those present Wadwha eye-rolled and sniggered when they discussed detransitioners and how a psychiatrist reported that he gave more counselling to a child who hated his nose than he'd be allowed to do if child hated his penis.

Justifying by claiming it was all about MW, when apparently no one mentioned MW and they never said anything.

twitter.com/mridul_wadhwa/status/1131305475046367232?s=20

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 28/05/2019 22:59

Q

pombear · 28/05/2019 23:01

That interview in the Student Newspaper. Confused

"I don’t think men are ready to go out and set up services of this nature. Women’s aid organisations and rape crisis centres have been set up with the blood, sweat, and tears of women. It’s about the women’s experience of sexual violence. Our workforce is reserved for women only.”

I don't think Mridul's definition of a woman is the same as my definition of woman here. (In the video Mridul recognises that his parents supported him as 'an effeminate child'. That may be a 'boy who expresses stereotypes associated with femininity' but that is not the same as a being a girl. Therefore not someone who had had 'women's experiences')

In our conversation, Wadhwa mentioned the lack of control survivors experience, even after the traumatic event: “It is a very disempowering experience when you report to the police because it is a big shift in the understanding of being a victim. They are actually powerless in it. There are some areas where they might be able to influence but it’s very, very minute.”

That comment about power and influence feels very, very pertinent right now to the current situation.

"The rape crisis centre is there to listen to those who wanna talk about it and to recover from it. I mean what does one gain from lying about it." Quite the statement Mridul, quite the statement.

pombear · 28/05/2019 23:05

Missed out an important context-setting for the paragraph where Mridul states 'I don't think men are ready to go out and set up services of this nature'. The question was:
The Student asked Wadhwa if she believes a man could be a successful rape crisis centre manager

So the question wasn't whether a man could set up a service, but whether they could be a successful centre manager. Deflection of the question - Mridul didn't set up the service, Mridul applied for the manager job without disclosing that they were male.

"for me what I do in terms of self-care is a lot of avoidance."
Maybe eye-rolling on hearing other people's perspectives is a form of self-care and avoidance of other's truths?

ALittleBitofVitriol · 28/05/2019 23:15

I am trans and a Piscean. A mother. A wife. Half zoroastrian, half Hindu. I'm an immigrant. I run a rape crisis centre. I'm a feminist. I'm a boss. And I speak my mind even when I shouldn't.

Ugh. They sound exhausting. And insulting. Fuck off.

(Isnt Mridul a Hindu boys name? I thought the feminine was Mridula)

stillathing · 28/05/2019 23:20

I believe in transition as a cultural/ social way of escaping trauma, and I can see huge common ground with rape survivors

It is of course very transphobic to think this, these days. Perhaps it is true for some though. But, rape survivors seeking specific services to be specifically female lead are seeking psychic & physical safety before common ground. Psychic safety means no grooming, no gaslighting, no deception, no abuse of power differentials, to be allowed to be in control. Physical safety means no dicks.

Society refuses to give women psychic or physical safety. Society isn't even outraged enough to take action at the shockingly low rape convictions or at the sheer number of women who experience sexual assaults. We don't even merit hate crime status.

A woman coming to a refuge or a rape crisis centre is fleeing more than just the experience of the crime. They are not supposed to replicate the patriarchal structures and indifference to womens' experiences found everywhere else.

pombear · 28/05/2019 23:28

Stillathing

What a powerful statement, do you mind if I repeat it in bold:

A woman coming to a refuge or a rape crisis centre is fleeing more than just the experience of the crime. They are not supposed to replicate the patriarchal structures and indifference to womens' experiences found everywhere else.